Fruits of Culture Part 31

she says; "these people may be infected, and they are let into the kitchen!" ... She is terribly afraid of this infection.

Enter Gregory.

THEODORE IVaNITCH. Gregory, you go and help Jacob. I'll stay here. He can't manage alone.

GREGORY. He's awkward, that's why he can't manage. [Exit].

FIRST FOOTMAN. And what is this new mania they have got? This infection!... So yours also is afraid of it?

THEODORE IVaNITCH. She fears it worse than fire! Our chief business, nowadays, is fumigating, washing, and sprinkling.

FIRST FOOTMAN. I see. That's why there is such a stuffy smell here.

[With animation] I don't know what we're coming to with these infection notions. It's just detestable! They seem to have forgotten the Lord.

There's our master's sister, Princess Mosolova, her daughter was dying and, will you believe it, neither father nor mother would come near her!

So she died without their having taken leave of her. And the daughter cried, and called them to say good-bye--but they didn't go! The doctor had discovered some infection or other! And yet their own maid and a trained nurse were with her, and nothing happened to them; they're still alive!

Enter Vasily Leoniditch and Petristchef from Vasily Leoniditch's room, smoking cigarettes.

PETRiSTCHEF. Come along then, only I must take Koko--Cocoanut, with me.

VASiLY LEONiDITCH. Your Koko is a regular dolt; I can't bear him. A hare-brained fellow, a regular gad-about! Without any kind of occupation, eternally loafing around! Eh, what?

PETRiSTCHEF. Well, anyhow, wait a bit, I must say good-bye.

VASiLY LEONiDITCH. All right. And I will go and look at my dogs in the coachman's room. I've got a dog there that's so savage, the coachman said, he nearly ate him.

PETRiSTCHEF. Who ate whom? Did the coachman really eat the dog?

VASiLY LEONiDITCH. You are always at it! [Puts on outdoor things and goes out].

PETRiSTCHEF [thoughtfully] Ma-kin-tosh, Co-co-tin.... Let's see. [Goes upstairs].

Jacob runs across the stage.

THEODORE IVaNITCH. What's the matter?

JACOB. There is no more thin bread and b.u.t.ter. I said ... [Exit].

SECOND FOOTMAN. And then our master's little son fell ill, and they sent him at once to an hotel with his nurse, and there he died without his mother.

FIRST FOOTMAN. They don't seem to fear sin! _I_ think you cannot escape from G.o.d anywhere.

THEODORE IVaNITCH. That's what I think.

Jacob runs upstairs with bread and b.u.t.ter.

FIRST FOOTMAN. One should consider too, that if we are to be afraid of everybody like that, we'd better shut ourselves up within four walls, as in a prison, and stick there!

Enter Tanya; she bows to the Footmen.

TaNYA. Good afternoon.

Footmen bow.

TaNYA. Theodore Ivanitch, I have a word to say to you.

THEODORE IVaNITCH. Well, what?

TaNYA. The peasants have come again, Theodore Ivanitch ...

THEODORE IVaNITCH. Well? I gave the paper to Simon.

TaNYA. I have given them the paper. They were that grateful! I can't say how! Now they only ask you to take the money.

THEODORE IVaNITCH. But where are they?

TaNYA. Here, by the porch.

THEODORE IVaNITCH. All right, I'll tell the master.

TaNYA. I have another request to you, dear Theodore Ivanitch.

THEODORE IVaNITCH. What now?

TaNYA. Why, don't you see, Theodore Ivanitch, I can't remain here any longer. Ask them to let me go.

Enter Jacob, running.

THEODORE IVaNITCH [to Jacob] What d'you want?

JACOB. Another samovar, and oranges.

THEODORE IVaNITCH. Ask the housekeeper.

Exit Jacob.

THEODORE IVaNITCH [to Tanya] How is that?

TaNYA. Why, don't you see, my position is such ...

JACOB [runs in] There are not enough oranges.

THEODORE IVaNITCH. Serve up as many as you've got [Exit Jacob]. Now's not the time! Just see what a bustle we are in.

TaNYA. But you know yourself, Theodore Ivanitch, there is no end to this bustle; one might wait for ever--you know yourself--and my affair is for life.... Dear Theodore Ivanitch, you have done me a good turn, be a father to me now, choose the right moment and tell her, or else she'll get angry and won't let me have my pa.s.sport.[19]

[19] Employers have charge of the servants' pa.s.sports, and in this way have a hold on them in case of misconduct.

THEODORE IVaNITCH. Where's the hurry?