Friends Or Lovers Part 26

Dave

x

I sat for 30 minutes while thoughts burned my mind, crashing and spinning out of control. Beads of sweat formed over my body and face. With every pa.s.sing minute, my heart sank slowly into the quicksand of despair, and the clarity I had brought to work evaporated as my mind felt like it was turning to treacle. Where on earth had this come from? As I tried to find answers to impossible questions, the high spirits that had kept me aloft all day dissolved. By 4.30pm Phil found me slumped at my desk.

"Whats up, Penny?"

I swivelled my screen around so he could read the e-mail. After a few moments, just two words sprang forth from his lips.

"Oh f.u.c.k!"

Chapter 40.

Instead of going home, I returned to Mikes flat. I think he expected me to jump him as I walked through the door, but after receiving Daves e-mail, my mind was preoccupied. Now I had a personal problem it dawned on me that I hardly knew him. Could I talk to him? What if I scared him off by mentioning it? What if he asked questions? Did I really want to explain that Id told Dave about testing out the SHARE experience? Whichever way my mind went, I could see a potential for disaster.

I gave him a hug, but the promise to explore the love-making potential of the flat was a distant thought. He seemed to take it in his stride and did not press me. He made me a cup of coffee, sat with me, watched the television and held my hand. To others we looked like a regular couple but inside I was full of questions about how far I could trust him. He went out for bottle of wine and came back with two. He joked that the second was "just in case".

"Just in case what?" I asked.

"Just in case we finish the first one," he answered.

I could tell he was nervous too but he poured us both a gla.s.s of wine and we pa.s.sed the time watching Channel Four News. He sat at one end of the sofa and I put my head on his lap. Even though we were not speaking, we communicated a lot. His right hand lay on the side of my face, stroking me. My right hand rested on his knee and every few moments I would caress it and sometimes rub the inside of his knee. Intermittently, his left hand would stroke the back of mine and I would move my head and nestle it even more deeply in his lap. Sometimes, he would slide his fingers between mine and hold my hand more tightly - I would respond by tightening my grip to catch and squeeze his fingers.

As I lay there, a line from a film entered my head.

"The little things. Theres nothing bigger is there?"

"Little what?" he answered.

"I remember this film. Theres a man standing with a woman and shes talking about her husband who has just died. She says to him 'I miss the little things and the man replies 'ah!....the little things, theres nothing bigger is there? Dont you think thats a great line?"

He smiled and stroked my head again.

"Wheres this coming from, Penny?" he asked.

"Well I was just lying here and our hands are touching, Im stroking you, you are stroking me, and these little things mean a lot, dont they?"

"I hope so," he said.

I sipped the wine as the TV programme played in the background. I was not really watching it so I started to ask Mike questions.

"Are you going to tell me about your wife?" I asked.

"Not yet," he said. "Plenty of time for that!"

It was a small remark, but it gave me confidence that he looked upon me as more than a fling.

"When did you know?" I asked.

"Know what?" he replied.

"Know how you felt about me?" I answered.

"When I insulted you!"

I sat up and looked at him.

"What do you mean?"

"When we were arguing and I called you a 'stupid woman and I asked you if youd ever made a pa.s.s at a man. Do you remember that?"

"Yes," I answered. "Wont forget that in a hurry!"

"Well there I was shouting at you. I cant remember ever standing up to my wife like that. At work, maybe, but at home Ive always been quite pa.s.sive. And there I was challenging you on whether you had ever made a pa.s.s at a man."

"Go on," I encouraged.

"I was thinking how nice it would be if you made a pa.s.s at me."

I laughed out loud because at that moment I would have fed him to the sharks.

"You thought of that while we were arguing?"

"Well, yes, I did. I remember being really angry, then looking at you intently thinking that a woman as confident and smart as you would surely have made a pa.s.s at a man, so the thought came into my head."

I was not sure how to react. Before I had time to think, hed asked me the same question.

"When did you know?" he asked.

I thought and went back over my mind.

"Well, I think there were two moments. Firstly, when you asked why women let men think they rule the world. Id always pegged you as old fashioned and that completely took me back. Secondly, when you held my gaze and would not look away. Thats my trick and you stole it from me! You made me go funny inside and I couldnt hide from myself that you excited me."

"Do you remember when we first met?" he asked.

I tried to recollect but I couldnt.

"Tell me," I commanded.

"I was with Dave. Hed been b.i.t.c.hing about Harry insisting on your appointment. He told me to watch out for you because you were a 'ball breaker"

"He said that!" I exclaimed.

"He didnt want you in the company. He preferred the other candidate, but Harry insisted on you."

This came as a surprise. Dave had successfully hidden this from me for nine months.

"Go on," I directed.

"Dave and I were chatting and I was about to tell him a s.e.xual joke. He said to be careful because of you. Anyway, I started the joke then stopped when I saw you walking toward us."

"My G.o.d! I remember now," I interjected.

"I annoyed you, didnt I?" commented Mike.

I thought back.

"Yes. Yes, you did. I pegged you as a paternalistic anti-feminist old git."

Mike laughed.

"Why are you laughing?" I demanded.

"John," he replied.

"What about him?" I asked.

"I was thinking what John would say," he replied. "Hed say that I censored myself because I was afraid of you."

"Is that true?"

It was Mikes turn to reflect.

"Yes," he said, after a moment.

"Why would you be afraid of me when you dont even know me?"

Mike looked me in the eye.

"I dont know any male manager today whos not afraid of s.e.xual accusations."

"Are you serious?"

Mike frowned.

"My G.o.d, you are!" I responded.

"I didnt want your first impression of me to be a bad one."

"Well, it was, Im afraid," I said.

"Why?" he asked.

"Because you didnt tell me the joke."

"Thats the problem," he said.

"Whats the problem?" I asked.

"d.a.m.ned if you do, d.a.m.ned if you dont."

"What do you mean?" I queried "If I tell the joke, Im s.e.xist because I turn women into s.e.x objects. If I dont tell the joke, Im s.e.xist because Im excluding you."

"Was it a good joke?" I said trying to lighten the mood.

"It was brilliant. One of Johns best."

I thought back to my e-mail exchanges with John.

"I can imagine," I replied. "Tell me the joke," I said sinking into his lap.

"No," he replied.

Without any further words he pulled my face closer. His mouth met mine and we got properly reacquainted. We soon finished the first bottle of wine and opened the second. If he had been John, a witty remark would have been forthcoming as he popped the cork, but Mike was quieter and calmer. While he had charm and s.e.x appeal, he did not routinely crack jokes or flirt when he was alone with me. It was strangely rea.s.suring.

"I had a shock today," I blurted out.

Mike felt no need to press me to explain myself. His body was relaxed and I felt comfortable opening up to him.

"Dave sent me an e-mail that was s.e.xually suggestive," I said.

"And?"

"Thats it," I said.

"Youre concerned?" he asked.

"Well, yes, I am. Hes never done that before."

"Too repressed for his own good," he answered.

"Too repressed?"