Friends Or Lovers Part 2

Penny, Which? Wear a summer dress, walk on my hands or lose my knickers?

John x Ha! Hed added a kiss! What was he trying to say? I started to wonder whether hed really asked his wife about me or whether it was just a trick to put me off my guard. Every time a voice inside me warned me to be cautious another told me to be daring.

John, Ill come if you wear a kilt. We can shock some genteel country folk by doing handstands together....

Penny x Not much chance of him accepting on those terms, but at least I get to kiss him back. This time he replied quickly.

Penny, Hmm! Tempting, very tempting. But unfortunately I dont have a kilt. I think my wife has one from her Scottish dancing days, but shes pet.i.te and it wont fit me. Do you have any that would fit me?

John x The cheeky b.u.g.g.e.r! Hed mentioned his wife again. Better back off for now.

John, Im a big girl, but not that big..... Looks like we are going to have to postpone that drink for the time being.

Penny x I hoped that Id not pushed him away too quickly. After 30 minutes, the joy Id been feeling drained away. After 45 minutes, I felt a mixture of annoyance and regret. What was I playing at? Were we flirting or joking? I was not sure. Whatever my thoughts, they had to be put on hold because Phil entered the office and sat down with a large sigh. Hed clearly had an eventful meeting with Mike.

"Okay, hit me with it," was my starter for ten.

Phil was a good lad. He was young and hard working, bright but inexperienced. He had good grasp of psychology (always useful in this line of work) and had recently graduated with a good degree. He was personable too, the pick of an excellent bunch, and with careful guidance I could see him going far. For now, however, he had to learn how to do the donkeywork and that meant devising and running the administrative systems I needed.

"Do you want the good news or bad news?" he asked.

"Good news first, please," I replied.

"I think Ive found the people to fill the vacant positions in the marketing team."

"Thats good. So what is the bad news?"

"Youve got three vacancies in Mikes old team."

"s.h.i.t!" I exclaimed. "Whats he playing at?"

Phil settled back in his chair.

"Not sure. Not sure hes playing at all. The moment I arrived in his department I was collared by three of his sales reps. They were p.i.s.sed as h.e.l.l at Mike being moved.

"Well, they would be, wouldnt they? The old boy network will naturally stick up for him. Dont worry about it."

"Its not the men its three of the women. They want to move with him."

How weird, I thought! Perhaps he weaves a magic spell that I dont know about yet. I nodded to Phil to carry on.

"It overlaps their territories so theyre confident theyll build sales quickly. They all fit our desired profile. Their sales records are pretty good. Two have school age children and the other has grandchildren. All have contacts from previous sales jobs. They want to work with Mike."

"Hmm. What about Mikes money concerns? Did he raise that?" I asked.

"Well, he said that h.e.l.l accept the temporary drop if these three can join him. I get the feeling that h.e.l.l quieten down if he gets his way on this, or prepare for battle if he doesnt. What dyou want to do?"

"Leave it with me. Ill check with Dave. Sounds okay to me. Anything else?"

"Nope."

"Okay. Ill keep you posted. Thanks. Are you off now?" I asked.

"Not yet. Few things to round off."

Phil was good. He had no problem working for a woman and we got along well. He was fresh out of college, part of a new generation that accepts the way the workplace is changing.

I sought out Dave to confer on the latest developments. He did not immediately jump at the idea and rubbed his chin in thought. Something was disturbing him. He asked if recruiting three salespeople for Mikes old team would be any more difficult than recruiting for the new one? I thought not. The job information we sent out would be slightly misleading, but I could explain the changes at interview. The differences were not so great that we needed to worry. The starting salary would be the same. Dave finally agreed but as I left he said something that set off alarm bells.

"Mike may become a problem. Find out more about him - it may come in handy."

Chapter 5.

Back at my desk I started to wind down for the night. I locked away sensitive information and tidied my desk. Before logging off, I retrieved my e-mails to see whether there were any final issues to deal with. Id forgotten about John, so it was a surprise when another e-mail from him appeared in my inbox.

Penny, Thanks for playtime. It was fun. I hope we can enjoy more banter in the weeks to come. Before that resumes, however, I want to give you the chance to walk away if you wish. You are an attractive woman. I like you. In saying that I dont want you to read more into these comments than is in them. I love my wife. I love my kids. I have women friends and Id like you to be one of them. If I flirt it is because I think you find it fun too. But enjoying a mutual attraction does not mean Im going to make a pa.s.s at you (that will have to remain a fantasy).

If you are okay with this, then we will become friends. If you are not, then I still have a pleasant memory of meeting a smart and s.e.xy woman. That is a lovely thought to keep in my head if that is all you want to give. My wife does not usually interfere in my personal friendships (unless she feels threatened) and we have become much more relaxed in recent years. Our relationship is a strong one.

Hope to hear from you soon.

John x Who was this guy? His arrogance p.i.s.sed me off. f.u.c.k him.

That evening I settled down with my Bernice Rubbens again. Try as I might, I could not concentrate. Mixed in with my anger was a spine-chilling excitement that I could not shake off. What had he called me? "Smart and s.e.xy." "A Fantasy." Why does he tell me he wont make a pa.s.s at me? Why not? b.a.s.t.a.r.d. No guy has ever talked to me like this.

The hours pa.s.sed and still I could not read my book. I put on music, but I did not listen to it. I tried to watch a film but the moving images were just a backdrop. Slowly it dawned on me why Im angry at him he dares to resist me. He dares to resist me. And that realisation had a strange effect. My thoughts kept returning to our e-mail exchanges. He makes me laugh, no denying it. Hes fun. Hes intelligent. Hes s.e.xy. I must stop thinking like this. Hes too old for me. Hes married. Hes got kids. Hes got "ups and downs" in his life. Maybe he is just after a fling. Dont trust him, Penny. Play it cool.

The word 'danger keeps forcing its way into my thoughts but my mind wanders back to his eyes. The prospect of looking into them thrills me. Why do I want to trust him? I never trust men. As I lay in bed, the minutes ticked and questions invaded my thoughts, circling around like vultures gnawing at old wounds. Why does this hurt? Dont let him in, Penny. Dont let him in. By 2am, my eyes finally got so heavy that I dropped asleep. For a few hours I was free of the conflict raging in my soul.

Chapter 6.

Following my conversation with Dave, I asked Phil to find out more about Mike. I told him not to be too obvious - to start by finding out what he could from members of his former team as un.o.btrusively as possible. Naturally, he quizzed me.

"Im still concerned about Elonas complaint," I said. "I want to be sure that there is not a pattern to his behaviour."

"If I start asking about him, wont they start wondering why?"

"Just spend time with them in the canteen, get to know them, see if they talk about him. If they do, then join in the conversation. Just take an interest."

Phil looked awkward. His eyes looked at the table while he rubbed his chin. As he looked up, he scratched his nose.

"What am I looking for?" he asked.

"Nothing in particular. Just see if you can find out about him. Im trying to build a picture, not find out dark secrets."

He rubbed his hands together, and his brow still showed a frown. I remembered the first time that my manager asked me to keep my ears and eyes open. I too felt awkward because I had initially imagined that work was conducted in the way described in study texts. When you experience the real world, of course, you find there is this whole other world that no-one talks about. Much as I wanted to focus on recruiting the best people and developing them to their full potential, we have to work within management objectives and commercial constraints. Whether I like it or not, we are part of the management team and that means we bend to their wishes.

"Phil, I understand how you must feel. Sometimes we have to do things that are not pleasant. The worst thing you might have to do one day is make people decent people redundant. If you stay in this profession, youll learn how awful that can be. At other times, you may suspect that someone is acting more in their own interests than those of the business. When that happens, we sometimes need to be circ.u.mspect in finding out what we can. It is a very difficult job and we can only find out so much by asking people directly. Im not asking you to spy, just keep your ear to the ground and mix in certain circles when the opportunities arise."

He looked at me briefly and smiled, but the lines on his forehead never totally disappeared.

"Okay. Ill see what I can find out."

"Good man," I said and I felt my body relax. I smiled strongly at him, got up and walked towards the door. Phil got up slowly and made to leave. As he pa.s.sed me, I put my hand on his shoulder and rea.s.sured him. "Youll be fine. If youre not, come and talk to me."

With Phil gone, my mind turned back to the task Id been putting off. I knew that I must reply to John, but did not relish the task. Even though Id thought about it all the previous evening, I was still not sure what to say. One thing I am sure about - I want to keep in touch with him. The problem is how to do that without ending up in a "situation" where I get hurt.

Words and phrases keep going around and around in my head but no concrete sentences form. It is just a drink, I keep telling myself, but I cannot forget that nearly every relationship Ive had with a man gets complicated. One that I lived with, despite having a lovely side to his character, ended up taking me for granted. I dont want to mother my partner; I want him to look after me. There have been others that I adored for a short while (and who adored me) but as soon as they started talking about their goals in life, I felt them threaten my own. One wanted me to move with him to London just after Id started this job. I wouldnt go and the relationship ended. Why am I thinking like this? It is just a drink, after all.

As much as I keep trying to convince myself that he only wants friendship, I cannot shake off the idea that going drinking with a married man will lead to problems. If I get close to him, will he make a pa.s.s at me? Why will this one be any different? And if he did, would I be able to resist him? Perhaps this is why I am so nervous. I dont want to be a mistress. I have to write something so I create an e-mail and stare at the screen. My fingers start to type: John, Tell me about your marriage. How strong is it?

Penny I hit the Send key before I realise that he might take this question the wrong way. While contemplating my gaff, a message appears in my inbox.

Penny, Strong enough for you not to worry about it.

John I had hoped for a fuller explanation than that. No kiss today, I notice. Perhaps my question irritated him. At times like this, I tell myself to follow my head. What does my head say today? I listen carefully to my thoughts; there is danger here, to myself, to his marriage and children. But there is potential too. What if he is how I hope he is? It will be a pleasure to know him. Could he become a friend I can trust and talk to like my father? But what if he turns out to be a creep? What will happen if I start to love him? I cant deny my desire to meet him or the thought that if I turn this opportunity down Ill always ask have the question "what if.." I will never answer any of my questions if I dont get to know him. As one of my school friends used to say to me "life is not a dress rehearsal".

John, I accept. When would you like to meet?

Penny x In for a pound. Later that day, he e-mailed me back to ask if Id meet him in Leamington the following Wednesday. He could stop by as he was working in Birmingham then staying with friends in Warwick. With that out of the way, I relaxed and focussed better on my work.

Chapter 7.

With the week coming to an end, I finalise arrangements with interviewees and then decide to check on Elona. She is quite young, in her mid-twenties, and works within sales administration. Shes been with the company since leaving school and is well-known about the place. Ive only met her half a dozen times or so since joining, twice due to her recent complaint. I want to check that she is happy with the way we have dealt with it so I decide to read over her file and recent appraisals.

She is a single child, the daughter of local shopkeepers. When she was in her teens, she worked in the shop with her parents and saved enough money to go to college for two years. She lives in Kenilworth, a small town about 7 miles away. Nice place. In her interview notes it says that she led a relatively sheltered upbringing due to her parents ties to the shop. Holidays have been few but she does have good friends in the local community. She has a boyfriend her fiance - who she provided as a second emergency contact. They hope to buy a house together soon but each live with their parents at the moment.

Her career at IC has progressed fairly smoothly. She started in a typing pool seven years earlier. When it was disbanded she took on a series of clerical jobs, including a stint in customer services, but eventually felt her attention to paperwork and maintaining filing systems was being under utilised. In short, she wanted something more challenging than a continual stream of phone calls. The move to sales administration, therefore, was a good one for both her and the company. Her knowledge of order processing together with customer skills equipped her for a trouble-shooter role in which she dealt with customer complaints.

By all accounts, she appears to be a reliable hardworking employee. So I called her and asked her to drop by. Fifteen minutes later, we were sitting together in my office having a cup of tea.

"Hi. Glad you could come. Do you take sugar?" I asked.

"No. Thanks. Hmmmm. Thats very welcome," she said taking her first sip.

"I wont take much of your time Im sure you want to get away like me. I want to check that you are happy with the way we have dealt with your complaint."

Elona looked slightly puzzled, but smiled and settled back in her chair a bit.

"Yes. Very. Its the first time Ive seen anyone in this company take a complaint like this seriously," she commented.

"Good. Im glad Im making a difference. The directors want this company to follow best practice and Im here to make sure that happens."

Elonas comment made me feel good on the inside. I continued boldly and directly.

"Elona. One of the directors wants to be sure that Mikes behaviour is not part of a pattern. Had you ever been concerned about his behaviour before you made the complaint?"

"Me? Well..." she hesitated, "...sometimes I felt uncomfortable around him. Hes very friendly too friendly if you ask me and he does seem to be very attentive to some of the women reps."

Elona stopped for a moment to gather her thoughts. She rubbed the back of her neck and crossed her legs.

"They didnt seem pleased with me when they came in for a meeting yesterday. I heard later that they were leaving my section to stay with Mike. They always speak highly of him and hes always joking with them. I find it embarra.s.sing sometimes. He treats them almost like they are his daughters. They seem to like it, but I dont. I dont like it when men are too familiar with me, put their arm round me and things."

"Things?" I asked.

"Well, you know..." she said.

"No, Elona, I dont know. Tell me?" I said firmly.

"Well sometimes, especially if were down the pub after work, they go too far."

"How?" I asked.

"They put their arm round me like they would their girlfriend or something. I dont like it."

"Does Mike do this?"

"Not often. Sometimes. The younger lads are worse."

"How exactly?"

"Well sometimes their hands go down my back, and sort of rub it. Its too familiar, but I feel stupid if I say 'no because everybody seems to be okay with it. One of them sometimes puts his hand on my bottom and squeezes it. I dont know what to do, so I do nothing."

This seemed like 'normal behaviour in most companies that Id worked in but that did not make it okay. Clearly Elona was more shy than most. Others would have to be sensitive. I decided to dig a little more deeply; I adopted a more woman-to-woman style.