Friendly Visiting among the Poor Part 9

It ought to be unnecessary to add that the winter is not the only time for charitable work. Our poor friends need us quite as much in summer, though many charities are less active then. When we are away in summer we can {185} write, and when we are in town for a short while we can often find time for a visit. Charitable work suffers from the tradition that the only time to be charitable is when it is cold.

Next to uninterrupted visiting as a means of getting acquainted, comes the power of taking our own interests with us when we visit. "In our contact with poor people we do not always give ourselves as generously as we might. Intent upon finding out about them, we forget that they might be interested to hear about us. Would it not be well if, instead of always giving sympathy, we sometimes asked it? It is often striking, if we tell them about the joys and sorrows of our friends, to note how they respond, often inquiring about them afterward. Such mutual relationship broadens their meagre lives, and makes our contact with them more human. A visitor, who has undertaken during the summer the families of another too far away to visit, wrote: 'I want to tell you what a matter of interest and pleasure it has been to me, in visiting your families, to find that what they {186} really seemed to value was your personal friendship for them, and how they treasured any little incident you had told them of yourself and your travels.'" [3]

One who visits in this spirit always wins more of pleasure and of profit from the work. In fact, it is never the visited only that are benefited.

2. In getting acquainted, the visitor has the definite object of trying to improve the condition of the family. This is impossible unless he has a fairly accurate knowledge of the main facts of the family history. Charity workers often come to me for advice about individual families, and reveal in a few minutes' conversation that they have no knowledge of the condition of those they would help. The head of the family is sick, it may be, and they expect prompt advice as to the best way to help him; but they have not taken the trouble to see the dispensary doctor who attends him, or to find out in some other way the nature of his disease; or perhaps the boy is out of work, but they have not seen his {187} former employer and know nothing of his earning capacity or references. Charitable skill is not a sort of benevolent magic; it is based on common sense, and must work in close contact with the facts of life. In other friendly relations we recognize this, and in our charity work too, whether by investigation of a trained agent or by our own inquiries, we must have the facts before we can find out the best way to help. One advantage of visiting under the guidance of a charity organization society is that a thorough investigation has been made of the family circ.u.mstances before the visitor is sent.

The following is a brief outline of the facts that should be known, if a plan is to be made for the family's benefit:

(a) _Social History._--Names; ages; birthplaces; marriage; number of rooms occupied; education; children's school; names, addresses, and condition of relatives and friends; church; previous residences.

(b) _Physical History._--Health of each member of the family; name of doctor; habits.

(c) _Work History._--Occupations; names {188} and addresses of present and former employers; how long and at what seasons usually in work; how long out of work now; earning capacity of each worker.

(d) _Financial History._--Rent; landlord; debts, including instalment purchases; beneficial societies; trade-union; life insurance; p.a.w.n tickets; has family ever saved and how much?; present savings; income; present means of subsistence other than wages; pensions; relief, sources, and amount; charities interested.

In addition to these detached facts, there is also needed whatever other facts will make a fairly complete brief biography of the heads of the family, including a knowledge of their hopes and plans. The statements of relatives and friends, their theory as to the best method of aiding, together with some definite promise as to what they themselves will do; the statements of pastor or Sunday-school teacher, of doctor, former employers, and former landlords; and the statements and experiences also of others charitably interested may be needed before an effective plan can be made.

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Inquiries of present employers and landlords should be made with extreme care, if at all, as they might create prejudice against those we would help.

The outline here given of the facts needed is best filled in by a competent trained agent, rather than by the friendly visitor, whose relations with the family render searching inquiry difficult and often undesirable. But the mercifulness of a thorough investigation is that, once well done, it need not be repeated, and by saving endless blundering it also saves a family from much charitable meddling. Its seemingly inquisitorial features are justified by the fact that it is not made with any purpose of finding people out, but with the sole purpose of finding out how to help them.

3. Gathering facts about the poor without making any effort to use these facts for their good has been compared to harrowing the ground without sowing the seed. The facts should be made the basis of a well-considered plan. It may be necessary to modify our plans often, as circ.u.mstances change or new facts are discovered; but a plan of treatment {190} is as indispensable to the charity worker as to the physician. Our plans must not ignore the family resources for self-help. The best charity work develops these resources. If outside help is needed, it should be made conditional upon renewed efforts at work or in school, upon willingness to receive training, upon cleanliness, or upon some other development within the family that will aid in their uplifting. All this is suggested, not with a view to making the conditions of relief difficult, but with a view to using relief as a lever; or, as some one has put it, we should make our help a ladder rather than a crutch, and every sensible, reasonable condition is a round in the ladder.

Our plans for the benefit of one family must not ignore the possible effects of our action upon other families. This is a hard lesson to learn, but a plan that might be kind and effective, if there were only one poor family in the city, is often unfair and even cruel, because it rouses hopes in others which can never be fulfilled. In other words, we must be just as well as merciful. A {191} knowledge of the neighborhood and of the circ.u.mstances of other poor families is necessary in judging of the justice of a plan, and here the criticism and advice of an experienced charity worker will be very helpful.

It is necessary also to guard against making our plans with reference to nothing but the present emergency. We must have a view to the future of the family, and must think not only of what will put them out of immediate need, but of what is most likely to make them permanently self-supporting, if this be possible. There are, of course, families that can never be made entirely self-supporting. These, if we consider only the cases for which it is thought best to provide outside of inst.i.tutions, will be the exceptions; but in making plans for the welfare of such families we must try to organize help that shall be as regular and systematic as possible. Next to having to depend upon charitable resources at all, the most demoralizing thing is to be dependent upon uncertain and spasmodic charity.

4. In plans looking to the removal of the causes of distress, the greatest patience is {192} needed, and we must learn also, if we would succeed, to win the cooperation of others charitably interested. If our plan with regard to a family is likely to prove permanently helpful, and we are able to persuade others to work with us in carrying it out, we are not only helping the family, but we are educating others in common-sense methods. In persuading to an important step, the value of cooperation is ill.u.s.trated by an instance taken from the Fourteenth Report of the Boston a.s.sociated Charities:[4] "A respectable woman, who had struggled for a year to keep her insane husband with her and the little girls, at great risk to them and the neighborhood, was persuaded in but a few days to let him go to the lunatic hospital. Of course, as strangers, our opinions were ent.i.tled to little weight; but by collecting the doctor's opinions and those of her own friends, all of which she had heard singly, she was sufficiently impressed to take the long necessary step."

5. Though we must make plans looking toward self-support, these are not the only plans {193} within the scope of friendly visiting. Some of the best visiting can be done after families are no longer in need.

The entry "dismissed--self-sustaining" on charitable records has a very unsatisfactory sound to those who realize the further possibilities of friendly help. After a family has learned to live without charitable aid, there is a better chance of introducing its members to thrifty ways of spending and saving, to better recreations, and to healthier and more cleanly surroundings.

6. Our work as friendly visitors is an intensely personal work, and, unlike other charity, it is best done alone. We cannot visit in companies of two or three, nor can we talk very much about our poor friends, except to those charitably interested, without spoiling our relations with them. The district system of visiting among the poor, which is still the system of German towns and of English parishes, a.s.signs a certain geographical boundary to each visitor. It has been called the "s.p.a.ce system" in contrast to the "case system" of friendly visiting. The main objection to it is that it is not personal enough.

{194} One who is a friend to a whole street is not felt by the members of any particular family to belong peculiarly to them, and there is danger, moreover, of more official relations and of small jealousies and neighborhood entanglements that are avoided by the friendly visiting plan.

The district visitor is the ancestor of the friendly visitor. Brewing a bit of broth for an aged cottager, reading beside some sick-bed, sewing a warm garment for Peggy or Nancy--it is thus that our ancestors lightly skimmed the surface of social conditions. It would ill become us to speak slightingly of the work of those who have handed down to us a precious freight of human sympathy and tenderness. If heavier burdens of responsibility, more serious problems and more strenuous ideals are now imposed upon us, we have also many advantages that were undreamed of a hundred years ago. Now, if we would be charitable, and possess any power of using the forces at our command, there are hundreds of avenues of usefulness open to us where formerly there was only one, and there are hundreds of {195} agencies ready to help. We must know how to work with others, and we must know how to work with the forces that make for progress; friendly visiting, rightly understood, turns all these forces to account, working with the democratic spirit of the age to forward the advance of the plain and common people into a better and larger life.

Collateral Readings: "Friendly or Volunteer Visiting," Miss Zilpha D.

Smith in Proceedings of Eleventh National Conference of Charities, pp.

69 _sq_. "Friendly Visiting," Mrs. Marian C. Putnam in Proceedings of Fourteenth National Conference of Charities, pp. 149 _sq_. "Cla.s.s for the Study of Friendly Visiting," Mrs. S. E. Tenney in Proceedings of Nineteenth National Conference of Charities, pp. 455 _sq_. "The Education of the Friendly Visitor," Miss Z. D. Smith in Proceedings of Nineteenth National Conference of Charities, pp. 445 _sq_. "Friendly Visiting," Mrs. Roger Wolcott in Proceedings of International Congress of Charities, 1893, volume on "Organization of Charities," pp. 108 _sq_. Also Miss F. C. Prideaux in same volume, pp. 369 _sq_. and discussion, pp. 15 _sq_. "Continued Care of Families," Frances A.

Smith in Proceedings of Twenty-second National Conference of Charities, pp. 87 _sq_. "Friendly Visiting as a Social Force," Charles F. Weller in Proceedings of Twenty-fourth National Conference of Charities, pp.

199 _sq_. "Company Manners," Florence Converse in "Atlantic," January, 1898. (This story is not a fair picture of a.s.sociated charity methods, but points out one of the dangers of spasmodic visiting.)

[1] Proceedings of Twenty-second Conference of Charities, 1895, p. 88.

[2] Proceedings of International Congress of Charities, volume on "Organization of Charities," p. 21.

[3] Eleventh Report of Boston a.s.sociated Charities, p. 31.

[4] p. 27.

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APPENDIX

The ill.u.s.trations of friendly visiting in the preceding pages have been given with a view to elucidating some particular part of visiting work.

Some of the following instances show the possibilities and discouragements of continuous visiting, and the last ill.u.s.tration emphasizes an important fact in the life of poor neighborhoods; namely, the unconscious but restraining and uplifting influence of good neighbors. On this same phase of the subject, see Charles Booth's "Life and Labor of the People," Vol. I, p. 159.

_Home Libraries and the Visitor._--A visitor reports that "a library has been established in the room of Mrs. ----, where the boys of the tenement house meet every Sat.u.r.day afternoon to receive or exchange their books, discuss with the visitor the books they have read, listen to stories as they are read or narrated, and to play games. This little gathering seems to have improved the moral and social atmosphere of the entire tenement house."

The woman who has charge of the library first became known to this same visitor over four years ago, {198} when she was struggling upon the verge of starvation, and almost giving up in despair from the effort to support herself and her two children. Through the efforts of the visitor she is now comfortable and practically self-supporting. She has been made librarian for the tenement house by the visitor, and is proud of the distinction. The following are the exact words of the visitor: "She welcomes the children into her room, made scrupulously clean and attractive; and as she sits at her work and listens to their games and readings, in which she frequently partic.i.p.ates, her depressed spirits rise, and she seems to gain courage, and to feel that there is after all something bright in her life."--Sixteenth Report of Cincinnati a.s.sociated Charities, p. 13.

_After Five Years._--The C. family--father, mother, and eight children--were in a very depressed condition when I first made their acquaintance, five years ago. The father, who was a consumptive, had lost his position of travelling postman; the mother was ill; and the only source of income was a monthly pension of $8.00 and about $8.00 a week earned by the three eldest girls, who were saleswomen. The rent was $15.00 a month, and the family heavily in debt. I succeeded in finding them a house for $9.00 a month, and found a.s.sistance in flour, coal, and clothing. An unknown friend undertook to add $1.00 a month to {199} Mr.

C.'s pension, and this paid the rent. Twice, when the girls were ill, the Golden Book Fund came to the rescue and made up the temporary deficiency. I tried to represent to them the dignity of keeping a roof over their heads by their own efforts. First, it became possible to dispense with the monthly gift of $1.00. Later, when the girls' wages were raised, Mrs. C. told me I need not provide fuel,--they would now try to do that themselves. One summer, whilst I was away, the youngest child died, and the funeral expenses were paid by the family, through much self-denial. Every year the girls have been sent to their friends in the country by the Fresh Air Fund of the Y.W.C.A., and once the younger children were sent to the Children's Country Home. The parents continued in wretched health; but as the girls' wages gradually increased, I was asked by Mrs. C. not to provide further aid, except in case of sickness.

In 1891, Mr. C.'s pension was more than doubled, but they continued in their poor and unattractive neighborhood until every debt was paid, not forgetting the doctor. Last summer they moved into a larger house on a pleasant street, and have enough lodgers to pay more than half the rent.

Mr. C.'s health has improved, and he has a light position at $25.00 a month and his meals. The oldest girl has married well, the two other girls are good workers, and my old friends sure now well on their feet.

During absence we have {200} corresponded regularly. Mrs. C. has learned to come to me in every difficulty, and knows how gladly I share her encouragements.--"Charities Record," Baltimore, Vol. I, No. 1.

_Persevering under Difficulties._--We are each year more strongly impressed with the importance and value of patient and careful visiting, even in the face of great discouragement, believing that sincere and judicious friendliness is invariably helpful, although it may be long before any apparent result is produced. Proofs of this are constantly coming to us, as in a German family which has been for the last six years under the care of one of our visitors. The family consists of father, mother, and five children, and, when first visited, they were found almost dest.i.tute,--the woman earning a little by picking berries in the summer and selling them, and the man by picking coal,--though they were well able to work. The visitor was received very ungraciously at first, and it was only after finding some work for the man, and showing a real interest in the children, that she gained any hold upon them. No really marked improvement took place until the children went to the Industrial School. Then the girls taught their mother how her work should be done, and it was with great pride that they showed the visitor how neat they had made their rooms. Work was obtained for the man as {201} night-watchman at $12.00 a week, and, after a while, he was able to pay off all his back debts. He is now always glad to see the visitor. Three of the girls are at work, and they seem a happy and prosperous family.--Tenth Report of Boston a.s.sociated Charities, p. 55.

_Widow with Children._--A typical case of chronic dependence is that of a widow with six children. When she was referred to us, nearly four years ago, her children were very young, and she, though well-meaning, was stupid and inefficient. The problem was not whether aid should be given,--that was clearly necessary, for the woman could not earn anything with her little children to care for,--but if the aid could be given in such a way as to really benefit them. Relief was procured from the proper sources,--$20.00 a quarter from the "Shaw Fund for Mariners'

Children," $2.00 a month in groceries from the city, and at times $1.00 a week from the St. Vincent de Paul Society. The visitor who first interested himself in the family, and who has been their friend and counsellor ever since, received the quarterly $20.00 for them, paid the rent with $13.00 of it, and gave the rest to the woman, who knew just what she had to depend upon, and learned to use it properly. As the children grew older, the boy went into a district telegraph office; and the girl, wishing to go into a store, asked the visitor to find her a place. He thought, however, {202} that it was wiser to teach her how to find one, and, after suggesting some good establishments to which to apply, told her to get references from her schoolteacher and others, and go herself to ask for work. This she did with some difficulty, and got a place; and when, after a time, she gave it up, she knew what to do, and had no difficulty in finding another. The boy refused to be apprenticed to a joiner, as the visitor wished, but is working hard in a place he found himself. The second boy goes to school, and sells papers. In summer, the visitor, with the consent of the Conference, has sent the younger children into the country to board for a month. He has taken pains to have the family live in a healthy tenement, and in many ways has insured their well-being. They are now partially self-supporting; and the older children are respectable and industrious, which we feel is greatly due to the influence that the visitor has exerted over them and their mother for four years.--Fourth Report of Boston a.s.sociated Charities, p. 40.

_A Failure._--Gamma made his first application to the Charity Organization Society seven years ago, at a time when it was even more difficult than now to find volunteer visitors who were intelligent and faithful enough to make a careful study of the needs of families placed under their charge, or courageous enough to carry out any thorough plan of treatment in these {203} families. The man was a German cobbler who had married an American domestic, and at that time there were three children, one of them an imbecile with destructive tendencies. The man said he was discouraged, that he got work with difficulty and had no tools with which to do it. Materials were furnished and members of the Society found work for him, but, this form of a.s.sistance not being very much to his mind, they soon lost sight of him, and it was not till several years later that the Society again encountered the family in a different part of the city, and a friendly visitor was secured to study their condition and try and improve it.

The visitor reported that the man was "discouraged," the house filthy beyond description, and that the life of the fourth child, then nine months old, was endangered by the imbecile boy, who was violent at times.

Aid was given, and, the man's own theory being that he could do better in another neighborhood, the family was moved and otherwise aided by money secured from benevolent individuals. It soon became apparent that the man lacked energy. He was given to pious phrases, and was a good talker, but all efforts to inculcate industry or cleanliness were met both by man and wife with the excuse that the imbecile boy interfered with all their efforts.

At the family's own solicitation, the Society tried to find a home for the boy; after months of negotiations {204} he was placed in the School for Feeble-minded at Owing's Mills. This burden removed, the visitor redoubled her efforts to make the home a decent one for the remaining children, but without success. The beds were not made until they were to be slept in, the dishes not washed until they must be used again, and soiled clothing was allowed to stand in soak a week at a time in hot weather, until a heavy sc.u.m gathered on the top and the air was poisoned by the stench. The remaining children were unkempt and untrained, and the woman quite indifferent about their condition. The imbecile had improved at Owing's Mills, but, owing to a half-expressed wish of the mother's to see the boy, Gamma brought him home and refused to take him back again. The man's good intentions always seemed to evaporate in fine phrases. He was reported by the neighbors to be drinking, though not heavily, and one morning the visitor received a letter from him saying that she must take care of his family--he could stand it no longer and had left them.

One thing greatly handicapped the visitor at this time and later: the squalor of this family strongly appealed to chance charitable visitors, who helped them liberally because they looked miserable--helped them without knowledge and without plan. It used to be said that every American thinks he can make an after-dinner speech, and it might have been added that every American, or nearly every American, thinks {205} he can administer his own charities judiciously. When we are mistaken in our speech-making ability, we ourselves are the sufferers, but the saddest thing about our charitable blunders is that not we but the poor people are the sufferers. The friendly visitor to the Gammas was a woman of unusual intelligence and devotion. Her failure may be traced to two causes: to the fact that she was not called in earlier, and to the willingness of many good church people to help quite indiscriminately for the asking. They went and looked at the home, saw that it was wretched indeed, and called this "an investigation." "Yes, I've helped the Gammas," they used to say. "I've investigated their condition myself."

The way in which Gamma was in the habit of talking about the Bible as his best friend made a great impression on them.