Friar Tuck Part 18

"You just land Eugene," sez I, "an' that'll be sport enough for one while."

"I got shaved twice to-day," sez the ol' man feelin' his chin, "'cause we got into a discussion about comets; but I reckon I can stand another to-morrow."

The next day the old man asked Eugene what all kind o' game grew in Africa. "Elephants, hippopotamusses an' guinea-pigs," sez Eugene.

"Guinea-pigs?" sez the ol' man.

"Yes, they're the most curious animals the' is in existence," sez Eugene.

"How big are they?" asked ol' man Dort. He hadn't an idea in the world, an' was beginnin' to think that if they sized up with elephants an' hippopotamusses, he didn't want to have to lift one by the tail to win his bet.

"They ain't any bigger 'n young rabbits," sez Eugene, stroppin' his razor; "but the curious part of 'em is that if you hold up one by the tail, his eyes'll drop out."

"I'll bet a hundred dollars they wouldn't do it," sez the ol' man.

"That's a safe enough bet," sez Eugene, calm an' easy. "They're worth all the way up to five hundred dollars a pair, an' it ain't likely that a man would invest that amount in something, just to win a hundred-dollar bet."

They sparred back an' forth for a couple o' days until finally Eugene bet nine hundred in cash-all he had in the world-an' his shop an'

fixin's, again' eleven hundred dollars, that the old man couldn't lift a guinea-pig by the tail without his eyes fallin' out. If the ol' man didn't lift one by the tail, he lost the bet. They set the date for a week ahead, an' the ol' man bet Eugene three hundred dollars that he'd win the bet, takin' Eugene's promissory agreement for his end of it.

We brought in the freak the day before the contest an' the ol' man's eyes lit up when he see the tail. It wasn't much of a tail at that; but it was a sure enough tail an' plenty long enough to lift him by, an' strong enough too, an' the' was regular bones in it, just like any tail.

The' was only a fair sized crowd of us on hand to see the test; but Eugene went through all the preliminaries, an' then took the cover off his box an' pointed to the guinea-pigs. He had shaved the parts of 'em where tails naturally belong, an' when the boys see that they didn't have no tails, they howled with laughter an' began to hoot ol' man Dort; an' Eugene confided to 'em the plans he had for spendin' the money he'd won.

Ol' man Dort, he walked calmly up to the box, examined the guinea-pigs, an' sez: "These here is not the full-blooded guinea-pigs.

The full-blooded ones live in a mountainous? country an' use their tails to steer with when they jump from rock to rock; while this kind live in swamps an' the young alligators keep on eatin' off their tails until they don't have any. I'll go get a thoroughbred an' do my liftin' on him."

Well this set 'em back a good ways; an' as the ol' man was walkin' off to get his own speciment, a good many bets was put up, but Eugene didn't take any.

Purty soon, back come the ol' man; an' hanged if he hadn't clipped the hair off o' his one's tail too. He reached in his hand an' stroked the long-faced little duffer, an' sez: "Gently, George the Third, gently."

Then he put on an anxious look an' picked up the guinea-pig by the tail, holdin' his other hand underneath to catch any eyes what happened to spill out. They didn't none drop out, an' the crowd give a cheer; but Eugene was all in.

He was a bad loser was Eugene, an' he didn't join in the festivities any. He just took up his two guineas an' went back to his shop, while the rest of us celebrated a few. After a time me an' Spider went to console with him a little. He was so infernally down in the mouth that I began to get a little conscience-struck. Eugene said he had been savin' up his money to pay off the mortgage on his birthplace; an' he made a purty sad story out of it. Fact was, that he made so sad a story out of it that I decided to get him back his tools and give him a new start.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

THEMIS IN THE ROCKIES

"How much money you got, Spider?" I sez.

"I reckon I got sixty dollars," sez Spider.

"I don't mean just what you got with ya, I mean how much cash do you possess in the world."

"I suppose I could raise a hundred an' fifteen," sez Spider, after thinkin' a while. "What do you want to know for?"

"We got to give Eugene a start," sez I.

Spider looked at me until he saw I was in earnest, an' then he talked out loud. "What's the matter with you?" he yells. "We haven't adopted Eugene, have we? Why-for do we have to give him a start? Didn't he lose at his own game. Great Snakes! You make me tired!"

"That was a low-down trick we played," sez I.

"It wasn't no lower down 'n him ringin' in a woodchuck on the old man; and all we did it for was to square things up."

"Yes," sez I; "but it took us some several years to square it up, and I don't intend to have Eugene's moanful voice surgin' through my ears until I'm able to think up a come-back for him. I'm goin' to give him a start, and if you don't feel like riskin' your money, I'll do it alone."

"Do you mean 'at you're just goin' to pay over the price of his tools, an' let it go at that?" sez Spider.

"That wouldn't be any fun," sez I. "I'm goin' to get the tools; but I intend to get 'em for as little expense as possible, and if I can have a little fun out of it, I don't intend to pa.s.s it up."

Spider studied it over a while. "Well, I'll risk fifty," he sez after a bit; so we went back to Eugene's.

"Would you be willin' to do a stunt to get back your tools?" sez I.

He raised a pair o' weepy eyes to me an' sez: "Aw, the' ain't no show.

I've a good mind to kill myself."

"Please don't do that," sez Spider, who never could stand a bad loser.

"When you lose your money, you allus stand a chance to win more money; but when you lose your life, why, the' ain't nothin' left except to go up an' find out what reward it earned for you."

"Aw h.e.l.l," muttered Eugene.

"Ye-es," agreed Spider, talkin' through his nose, like a missionary preacher, "I reckon that is about what you'd draw, if you was to cash in now; but if you stick around an' do your duty, you run the risk o'

havin' better luck later on."

After Spider had insulted Eugene until he began to sa.s.s back a little, I broke in and sez that if Eugene will agree to do what I tell him, I'll agree to get him back his outfit; so then he wants to know what I have in mind.

"Are you willin' to disguise yourself as a genuwine mountain trapper?"

sez I.

When I sez this, Spider exploded a laugh which would 'a' hurt the feelin's of a sheep, and Eugene tied into us as wordy as a fox terrier; but I soothed him down an' told him I was in earnest. "I'm willin' to do most anything to get my tools back," sez Eugene; "but I don't see how I can make myself look like a genuwine trapper."

"Have you got any false wigs and beards?" sez I.

"No, I haven't," sez he; "but I saved up the stuff I reaped off o' ol'

man Dort, and I reckon I could make some."

"The very thing!" sez I. "You fix up a rig that'll make you look to be a hundred years old; and we'll hunt up clothes for ya. All you'll have to do will be to guide a green Eastener out to shoot a bear, and we'll have the bear and everything ready for ya."

"No, ya don't," sez Eugene. "I don't fool around no bears."

"I thought you was tired o' life," sez Spider.

"Well, I'm not so tired of it that I'm willin' to have it squeezed out o' me by a bear," sez Eugene.