Forgiving Hearts: For Better or Worse Part 9

"Nope. I wonder how long it took some marketing person to dream that name up." He stood up and took his plate to the sink. "I'm going to take a shower."

"Try not to use all the hot water this time."

He made a sound that sounded suspiciously like a snort. "It's hard to do that when I'm only in there five minutes."

Hannah stood up and pushed in her chair. "Five minutes? Try fifteen."

Jackson looked back over his shoulder. "The only reason I'd ever spend fifteen minutes in the shower is if I wasn't alone." Grinning at her shocked expression, he continued on his way to his room.

Three weeks later Hannah met him at the door of the house. "I was just getting ready to text you. You didn't forget about cla.s.s tonight, did you?"

"Of course not. I'm loving these childbirth cla.s.ses."

"That's obvious. If I didn't know you were incapable of it, I'd accuse you of flirting with the teacher."

Jackson followed her inside. "Incapable of flirting? Every man can flirt."

"You don't flirt with me," she accused.

"Do you want me to?"

A shy smile touched her mouth. "Yes, I think I would."

He hung his coat on the rack. "Note to self. Commence flirting with Hannah. Immediately."

She slapped him on the arm. "Not immediately. We need to eat first."

"I agree. It's hard to flirt when my stomach is growling."

"I made chicken fettuccini."

Jackson scratched his cheek thoughtfully. "That's the pasta with the white sauce and broccoli, right?"

"Yes. When I made it before, I had to bribe you with brownies to get you to try it."

"What were you going to use as a bribe today?" His eyes slowly dropped to her mouth.

Hannah felt a quiver of feeling go through her. What was going on? "Nothing; you told me you liked it."

"I do like it, but I know something I'd like more."

This time she couldn't stop the color that rose in her cheeks. Moving away from him, she asked in a strained voice, "What can I get you to drink?"

Jackson grabbed the mail off the table. "Whatever is easiest."

Glad he hadn't noticed her reaction, she reached into the cabinet for a gla.s.s and took her time filling it with ice. She needed a minute to catch her breath and regain her composure. Who would have thought Jackson would be so good at flirting? Or that she'd find it so disturbing?

As she sat beside him and pretended to eat, she tried to downplay what happened. It was inevitable that her feelings for Jackson would evolve. What she hadn't considered was how conflicted she would be about it. There was a part of her that wanted to open her heart to him, to be a wife to him in every sense. His gentleness and understanding merited a response that she was finding more and more difficult to withhold from him. What stopped her wasn't the fear that Jackson would hurt her; it was the very real possibility that she would hurt him. He ought to have someone who could love him wholeheartedly, not someone who offered so little in return.

As they walked down the long hallway of the medical building, Jackson glanced at the woman at his side. He'd been speaking nothing but the truth when he admitted his enjoyment of the childbirth cla.s.ses. These weekly meetings had done more to draw him and Hannah together than all the other hours spent at home. Jackson didn't know whether it was the atmosphere of the cla.s.s itself or the various activities they partic.i.p.ated in, but their relationship was changing.

His dreamy musings were interrupted by the arrival of the instructor. In her hands, she carried two life-size baby dolls. Jackson's suspicions quickly became a certainty. Tonight he would be exposed, and everyone would know that he'd never been anywhere near a baby. He vaguely knew diapers and bottles were involved, but he couldn't contain his surprise when the cla.s.s was shown the proper use of a rectal thermometer. There was no way he was going to do that!

Hannah's whisper reached his ears. "How do you like the cla.s.s now, Jackson?"

He gave her short ponytail a gentle tug. "Whatever you do, don't volunteer us to go first."

Her eyes danced with mirth as she acted as if she was going to raise her hand. He reached forward and captured her hand, bringing it down on his thigh. Before he could enjoy this small triumph, she pinched him. Giving her a look that promised retribution, he released her hand to rub his leg.

When Baby Lucy finally found her way to them, Hannah did everything on the list without once looking at the instructions.

"How do you know all that?" Jackson asked.

"I took a childcare cla.s.s to get certified for working at a daycare."

He sighed with relief. "That's great; you can teach me what to do."

"Are you going to be one of those dads who disappear when it's time to change a diaper?"

"I'll do diaper duty if you take care of that." He pointed to the thermometer.

She giggled. "You should have seen your face. You turned as white as your shirt."

"You're not going to let me live that down, are you?"

"No way. Do you know how hard it is to find something to tease you about?"

"It appears I'm going to find out."

She slid her fingers down his bare arm. "I won't do it too often. Just enough to keep you on your toes."

One eyebrow lifted. "I don't know whether to be scared or excited."

This comment produced another pinch on his leg.

In the end, all the breathing exercises were unnecessary. Much to Hannah's disappointment, the baby she'd hoped to deliver naturally stubbornly refused to move from the breech position. Three days before her due date, Jackson drove her to the hospital for a C-section and less than two hours later, Sophia Lynn Steadman was born.

Jackson stood at the window in the maternity ward. Was that tiny person wrapped in a blanket going home with them? His chest felt tight and tears pooled in his eyes. How could something so little inspire such immense feelings? He hadn't cried since his father's funeral. Why was he crying now?

Impatiently wiping his eyes, he took one last look at his daughter before returning to the room where Hannah lay sleeping. The nurse had told him they would be waking her soon so she could feed the baby. Jackson planned to get something to eat during that time. He didn't want to embarra.s.s Hannah by being present when she nursed the baby.

She opened her eyes as he approached the bed. He couldn't resist bending down to kiss her cheek. As he did so, she touched his face.

"How do you feel?" he asked softly.

"Just a little sleepy. Jackson, isn't she beautiful?"

He pulled a chair next to the bed and took her hand into his. "Yes, she is. I love her already."

She chuckled. "That didn't take long."

"What did you expect? I love her mother. How could I not love her?"

"Her mother is very fond of you, too."

He smiled. "I'll take that."

They were interrupted by the arrival of a nurse holding Sophia. "Mrs. Steadman, I'm the lactation specialist. I'm here to help you feed this adorable little girl. Will you hold your daughter for a minute, Mr. Steadman?" She handed Sophia to Jackson. "I need to help your wife get positioned correctly."

As casually as he could, Jackson turned away from the bed, determined to give Hannah privacy. He heard the nurse giving instructions, and Hannah's infectious laugh. He wondered what in the world could be so funny.

"Okay, Mr. Steadman; we're ready for Sophia."

Jackson froze. He couldn't turn around; if he did, he would see her...her...well, he was bound to see something he'd never seen before. At his hesitation, the nurse took matters into her own hands.

"I'll take her now, Mr. Steadman."

After handing Sophia to the nurse, Jackson walked swiftly toward the door.

"Where are you going?" Hannah asked.

More embarra.s.sed than he ever thought possible, Jackson stared straight ahead. "To get a sandwich," he answered quickly.

"Oh, okay. But don't be gone too long. My parents will be here soon."

As he stood in the elevator and watched the digital floor number change, Jackson let out the breath he'd been holding. It surprised him that Hannah expected him to stay. How could she feel comfortable with him being there?

As Hannah watched the car disappear down the street, she sighed deeply. She supposed it was ungrateful to feel so relieved by her parents' departure. After all, they'd taken a week's vacation to help with the baby. The only problem was their att.i.tude of goodwill hadn't extended to Jackson. It pained her to see how rude and inconsiderate they were to him. They acted as if Hannah had done Jackson a favor by marrying him instead of the other way around.

Reentering the house, she took a moment to savor the peaceful atmosphere that had been conspicuously absent since her parents' arrival. Curiosity took her to the bedroom where she left Jackson with the baby. He'd made a teasing comment about making up for lost time. The fact that he'd noticed the efforts to isolate him from Sophia made her feel even worse.

Jackson lay so still that she thought he was asleep. More twinges of guilt a.s.sailed her. At a time when a husband and wife should be the closest, he'd been effectively shut out. What if he started having second thoughts about everything? He was getting so little out of their marriage.

As she stood poised on the threshold, she saw him gently touch Sophia's tiny hands and then he leaned down to kiss the top of her head. A curious sensation ran through her. Feeling like an intruder, she turned to leave.

"Don't go, Hannah," he said softly. "I want to show you something." She slowly came across the room to stand next to him. "I didn't notice this before, but did you see the dimple in her chin? It's exactly like the one you have."

She laughed. "She'll have to learn to live with it."

"It's adorable on both of you."

Her eyes left the sleeping baby and rested on Jackson. In a rush of unusual sentiment, she wished Sophia was truly his daughter. Such a thought didn't strike her at the time as being strange given that she still had lingering feelings for Mitch.e.l.l.

"I want to apologize for my parents. They seem to have conveniently forgotten the true circ.u.mstances of our marriage."

"Speaking as a new father, I can understand why they think no man is good enough for their daughter."

Hannah frowned. "I get all that, but I still didn't like it. Don't they see how hypocritical they're being?"

"Let it go. It's not important." He brought her fingers to his lips. "You look tired; go into my room and take a nap. I'll come get you when she wakes up."

Her eyes went to Sophia. "She'll sleep for at least another hour. I'll be back before that."

Someone was singing, but Jackson couldn't make out the words. Was he dreaming? Puzzled, he opened his eyes. As his vision cleared, he saw Hannah sitting up in bed next to him. It took a few more seconds for him to realize she was feeding the baby. A faint flush entered his face as he realized he was staring. He rolled over and sat up.

"Why didn't you wake me?" he asked softly.

"You looked so peaceful. I couldn't do it."

Still not looking in her direction, he said, "I shouldn't be in here when you're doing that."

Her laugh was amused. "Jackson, you've seen as much or more on television or walking on the beach."

"I haven't seen you," he returned in a low voice. He almost reached the door before she spoke.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to tease you."

He stopped, but didn't turn around. "Don't worry about it. I need to check on Freya."

As he watched Freya attack her food with her usual gusto, he thought over the scene in the bedroom. Hannah didn't understand what he'd been trying to say. It wasn't something that was easy to talk about. How could he explain that for his own sanity, he needed to keep his thoughts about her pure? This situation would become unbearable if he added reality to his already tortured imagination. The fact that he never acted on the pa.s.sion in his heart didn't make it any less real or difficult to deal with.

A disgusted grunt brought Freya's sharp eyes to his face. "It's nothing, girl. Just me feeling sorry for myself." He disappeared into the garage, emerging a few minutes later with a broom. As he swept the remains of muddy dog prints and leaves from the deck, he said to himself, "I wouldn't do anything differently, but sometimes I feel as if I've painted myself into a corner. I wonder how long it will take for the paint to dry so I can get out."

Chapter Five.

Hannah heard the truck pull into the driveway and a smile touched her lips. Jackson was home! The doubts and uncertainties that preyed on her mind during the day disappeared into thin air when she heard his key in the lock. Under the influence of his loving and gentle nature, the heart she'd thought broken beyond repair was slowly beginning to heal.

As he opened the door, a wave of late summer heat came in with him. Sophia's face broke into a smile, and she squealed with delight when Jackson lifted her out of the walker and blew kisses on her tummy.

"How's my baby girl today?"

Sophia babbled an unintelligible answer and patted his cheeks with her hands.