Forgiving Hearts: For Better or Worse Part 7

Jackson whistled. "An 87? That's great, Hannah."

"I couldn't believe it when the teacher handed it to me."

"Your hard work paid off."

"Don't you mean our hard work? I couldn't have done it without you."

"I'm glad I was able to help. I'm even happier that you made me a pie. Can I try it now or are you going to torture me by making me stare at it for the rest of the day?"

"No torture was intended. Go for it."

Jackson took a bite and a big grin settled on his face. "Wow, this is fantastic!"

The faintest tinge of pink entered her cheeks. "Thank you."

He finished his piece in three quick bites. "I'm going to have another slice."

"Have as much as you like."

"Is everything else going okay?" he asked when he returned with the pie.

She shrugged. "Work and school are fine. My personal life is another story. I'm pregnant, Jackson." At the shocked look on his face, she went on hurriedly. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to blurt it out like that."

He wondered how she meant to tell him and then realized it didn't matter. He also knew she was waiting for some kind of response, but he couldn't think of anything remotely appropriate. "That was the last thing I was expecting you to say."

"It was the last thing Mitch.e.l.l was expecting me to say, too. He couldn't speak for five minutes and when he did, I wished he'd stayed silent. Part of me actually believed this might be the catalyst that would give me what I've dreamed about for so long, but I was wrong." Her lips started to tremble. "He wanted me to get an abortion. Can you believe that? When I refused, he accused me of doing this on purpose." She covered her face with her hands. "How could he think that about me? Doesn't he know me at all?"

The hurt in her voice was his undoing. Jackson put down his plate and drew her into his arms. The wetness of her tears on his shirt sent a flame of rage and resentment through him. How could Mitch.e.l.l do this to Hannah and his own child? Swallowing the words he wanted to say, he ran his fingers gently through her hair.

"I don't know Mitch.e.l.l's reasons, but I imagine your news took him by surprise. Once he's had time to think about it, he might change his mind."

"Do you really think so?" she asked in a m.u.f.fled voice.

What Jackson really thought had to remain unsaid. "If I was in his shoes, no power on earth would keep me from marrying you."

She laughed weakly. "You wouldn't get yourself in this mess to begin with. You would never compromise your beliefs the way I did. I rationalized all kinds of things by telling myself I was going to marry Mitch.e.l.l anyway. We loved each other. Why should we have to wait for a church ceremony to fully express it? Once I started down that path, there was no going back. Well, my sins have finally caught up with me."

"Sin catches up with everyone, Hannah. The important thing is that you acknowledge them and ask G.o.d to forgive you. He doesn't expect perfection, but He does expect us to repent and turn away from sin. We can't just say 'forgive me, Lord' and then go right back to the behavior that got us into trouble in the first place."

She drew back the few inches necessary to look at him. "You're strong, Jackson and not just in a physical sense. You're emotionally and spiritually strong."

His arms momentarily tightened in response to her words and then he released her. "You can be, too, if you let G.o.d help you. None of us are strong enough to resist temptation on our own."

She rubbed her hands up and down her arms as if she was cold. "I've been going in the wrong direction for too long. I feel as if I need to fix myself before I come back to G.o.d."

Jackson shook his head. "You can't fix yourself. Only G.o.d can do that."

Hannah sighed heavily. "I know you're right. I just have to do it."

"There's nothing to be afraid of, Hannah. Do you want me to pray with you?"

"Would you?"

"I'd love to." He took her small hands into his and bowed his head. "Father, I thank You for loving us no matter what we do. I pray that You'll speak to Hannah's heart. She's hurting right now and needs Your wisdom and strength. Help her as a child of G.o.d to return to You. I also ask that You watch over the baby she carries. In Jesus' name, amen."

When he opened his eyes, Hannah had tears in her eyes. "Thank you, Jackson."

"Any time you need to talk or pray together, I'm here for you."

"I've already been doing the talking part. I tell you things I won't even admit to myself. I guess it's because you care. There's nothing more comforting than being able to talk to someone who not only listens, but takes an interest in what is being said."

If she only knew how much he cared. "I know the issue with Mitch.e.l.l makes this a delicate subject, but how do you feel about having a baby?"

"At first I was terrified, and I still am a little, but I'm also okay with it."

"No matter what happens with Mitch.e.l.l, you're not alone, Hannah. Uncle Jackson is only a phone call away."

"Uncle Jackson?" she asked with a grin. "I like the sound of that."

Gathering their plates, she went into the kitchen. Jackson didn't immediately follow her. He was again dealing with the un-Christian-like desire to shake some sense into Mitch.e.l.l.

Just when Hannah decided Mitch.e.l.l wasn't going to respond to her numerous text messages, he called her. Hating that her hands wouldn't stop shaking, she hoped she didn't sound as uncertain and abandoned as she felt.

"h.e.l.lo, Mitch.e.l.l."

"I don't know what else you want me to say, Hannah. I've already told you that I won't be forced into marriage because you decided to stop taking birth control pills."

"Is that all this means to you? This is a child we're talking about. Your child, Mitch.e.l.l."

"I only have your word for that."

As the meaning of his words became clear, she gasped. Did he have so little faith in her? "A paternity test would prove it beyond all doubt."

"Is that a threat?"

Her voice broke. "Do you hear yourself? I can't believe you really believe all these things you're saying. You've known me since ninth grade. In your heart, you know I didn't trick you into anything."

Mitch.e.l.l sighed heavily into the phone. "I said that in anger, but it doesn't alter my decision. I'm not ready to get married."

She laughed scornfully. "I know that. What I did hope was that you might want to be involved in some aspect of your child's life."

"I can't be involved. I've met someone. I know this isn't the best time to tell you, but I can't compromise my chance of happiness over something that could easily have been prevented. Given our history, it's understandable that I would a.s.sume you'd taken measures to avoid getting pregnant. I'm sorry if that sounds callous and unfeeling, but these are the facts as I see them."

"In that case, you're right, Mitch.e.l.l. There is nothing else you can say."

At her sudden capitulation, he said, "I know you think I'm the worst person on earth, but I told you a long time ago that I didn't want children. I made no secret about my feelings. It didn't bother you at the time, and you've never brought up the subject since."

"I hadn't forgotten, but I believed, however foolishly, that you loved me enough to change your mind."

"And I trusted you to respect my decision on the subject of children. A few words from you would have averted this entire situation."

"Yeah, but we both know I didn't want to prevent it. This was my evil plan. Luckily for you, you were smart enough to see through it."

"Being sarcastic isn't going to help. Have you thought about what this baby is going to mean for your own life? Being a single mom is no picnic. If you won't consider an abortion, you might want to seriously think about adoption."

"Wow, Mitch.e.l.l. You almost sound as if you care about me. Thanks for the advice. I wish you well with the new woman in your life."

Before he could reply, she ended the call and threw the phone at the wall. It was too bad it couldn't have been Mitch.e.l.l's head. He refused to compromise his chance of happiness! That said it all. If that was how he felt, she didn't want him around. She didn't need someone so uncaring and self-centered anywhere near her baby.

Mitch.e.l.l might find the thought of a child an inconvenience to be avoided at all costs, but Hannah felt the opposite. Since the moment she watched the blinking light on the ultrasound screen and been told it was her baby's heartbeat, she'd felt an almost primitive urge to protect the life growing inside her.

Chapter Four.

Jackson sat back in the chair and rubbed his stiff neck. He and Hannah had been studying for a statistics test for at least three hours. "I think we've covered everything that could possibly be on the exam."

She closed the book and couldn't suppress a yawn. "I just want it to be over."

"By tomorrow at this time, it will be. When will you know your grade?"

"They'll be posted online by the end of the week."

As she stood up, his glance went to the small b.u.mp just visible beneath her shirt. "You're starting to look like a mother."

"I know; I can't hide it any longer."

"Have you been given an official due date?"

"Valentine's Day."

Jackson smiled. "Well, a baby is better than flowers or candy."

Hannah laughed so hard tears formed in her eyes. "That's one way to look at it."

"Your life is going to change in new and exciting ways."

"It seems unreal like it's happening to someone else."

"Are you going to find out what the s.e.x is?"

"I haven't decided yet; it would be nice to know so I could do the nursery in an appropriate theme. On the other hand, I like the idea of being surprised."

"You have lots of decisions to make."

"Decisions I have to make alone." She sighed deeply. "All of this is my own fault. As my mother would say, I'm reaping what I sowed. I trusted someone to be there for me and when I needed him, he looked the other way."

"There are ways to force Mitch.e.l.l's cooperation."

"I don't want to force someone to do things for me or the baby." She sat back down and drummed her fingers on the table. "Jackson, I've been thinking. I know this sounds crazy, but would you consider marrying me?"

Was he hearing things? Had she just asked him to marry her? The phone in his hand dropped to the floor. "Where did that come from?"

Her eyes fell away from his. "I want my baby to grow up with a father, and I can't think of anyone better than you."

"Your baby has a father," he pointed out gently.

"He doesn't want any part of me or his child. He's made that very clear."

Jackson shifted in his chair. She's overwhelmed and scared. That's the only reason she's willing to marry you. "Marrying me would solve one problem only to create others. A father isn't the only important male influence in a child's life."

Hannah looked up at him. "Do you know the statistics for children who grow up in a home without a father?"

He looked past her to a picture on the wall. "Marriage works best when the two people involved love each other."

"Putting aside the love aspect, would you have any hesitation about marrying me if this baby was yours?"

Playing for time, Jackson bent down to retrieve his phone. "Of course not, but even in that scenario, we would have a relationship that would lend itself more easily to marriage."

"We like and respect each other. Isn't that a good basis on which to start a marriage?"

What was he supposed to say to that? While he appreciated the fact that she was willing to marry him for the sake of her baby, he knew she hadn't thought through all the ramifications of such a decision. "You have to think of yourself as well as the baby. What happens if in a few months or years down the road Mitch.e.l.l changes his mind? I'd rather not be the first Steadman to get a divorce."

Her lips twisted bitterly. "It won't come to that. He's seeing someone else."

His heart ached for the hurt he knew Hannah must be feeling. She'd been rejected at her most vulnerable moment. No wonder she was so upset, so worried. "I'm sorry about Mitch.e.l.l, but marriage isn't something to be entered into lightly. It's a sacred bond between a man and a woman created by G.o.d."

She reached over and touched his arm. "You're right. I'm only thinking of myself. I'm not the kind of woman you would choose to marry and definitely not the wife you deserve."

His eyes narrowed. "That's not what I meant, Hannah."

"It's okay, Jackson. I understand. You would never marry someone like me. Up until eight months ago, I was living with someone and if that isn't bad enough, I'm pregnant with his child. It was a stupid idea."

He put his hand over hers. "None of those things would stop me from marrying you if we loved each other. You aren't the first Christian to make mistakes. If G.o.d can forgive you, I certainly can."

"I know we don't love each other, but that doesn't mean we never would. I feel safe with you, Jackson. You can't imagine how wonderful that is. I've never had that with anyone else. It was your acceptance that made me believe I could make a change. It was your faith in G.o.d that inspired me to return to the beliefs I abandoned. Is it any surprise that I want to keep you in my life? That I want you to be a part of my baby's life?"

Her words touched him deeply. They gave him hope for something he'd never thought to experience. Was it wrong to marry when only one of the partners loved? His hesitation wasn't for himself; it was for her. Hannah still loved Mitch.e.l.l. In marrying her, he would be the means of separating her from him. Would that be something she would later regret and possibly resent?

He realized he'd been silent for too long. "I'm glad you feel safe with me. I want it to always be that way. As for us marrying, this isn't something to be decided in a hurry or without prayer."

"I've already prayed about it. If you change your mind, let me know."