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The days weren't so much the problem. His job kept him swamped and stuck in his office. It was the evenings, when the three of them sat down to dinner-as if they were a typical family, or when they walked the beach or went to the park so Livy could play. Their current arrangement was too much like the dreams she used to weave on lonely nights. In the moments when his smile made her heart beat too fast or his sweet, humorous ways made their daughter laugh, Alexa would remember the frigid night in February not so long ago.
But recalling painful memories didn't always help. Although four years had changed Jack, so many pieces of him remained the same. He was still kind and funny and everything she had ever wanted, but admitting so was foolish and one step down a road she could never travel again. She wouldn't be letting her guard down around Jack anytime soon.
He frowned. "You guess so?"
She shrugged and gave him an apologetic smile. "I don't think I'll be very good company today. Are you sure you don't want to give Evelyn a call? Perhaps she'll reconsider." Guilt still plagued her, knowing she'd caused Jack unhappiness.
"Alex, we've already been through this-several times."
"I know, but I feel terrible."
"You shouldn't."
"But I do. Why don't I call her? I'll explain that I have no intentions of trying to steal you away. Livy and I can stay at a hotel close by. You still might be able to work this out."
"It's done."
"I-"
"Done, Alex." His firm tone left no room for argument. His moody eyes brightened as he peered in to look at Livy. "Who's that pretty girl with the curls in her hair?"
Smiling, Livy stopped her spinning and grabbed hold of the edge of the bed, struggling to keep her balance. "Mommy curled it with the iron. Don't touch it. It's hot."
He grinned. "Check, don't touch the curling iron. Are you ready to play with Kylee?"
"Yes." She beamed. "Can we bring Mutt?"
"Wouldn't leave home without him. I want our shoes and my furniture in one piece when we get back."
"Are you sure Sarah won't mind?" Alexa checked the battery on the flip phone, then she dropped it in her purse. She kept it close at all times, hopeful it would ring, praying she would hear her sister's voice once again.
"Nah, Mutt can hang with Bear and Reece while Austin and Hailey say their 'I dos.' Maybe they can teach him some manners."
Mutt ran out of Jack's room carrying a gym sock in his mouth.
"Speak of the devil." Jack crouched down for the sweet puppy. "And I do mean devil." He ruffled the pup behind the ears. "Come on, let's get out of the house for awhile. It'll be good to be around some great people for an afternoon." He stared at her as he scooped down and picked up Livy.
The Cooke grounds were spectacular. The endless yard and rambling house with a view of the Pacific and city beyond-perfect. Alexa had been oblivious to the beauty the last time she was here, but she appreciated it now. She breathed in the warm summer breeze blowing through the open windows, carrying hints of the sea. Even from this height, the water could be heard thundering against the rocks far below. She stared in awe. What would it be like to wake to the rush of waves every morning? How amazing would it be to look out at the buildings of Los Angeles lit up in the dark? "Ethan and Sarah have their own little piece of paradise."
Jack smiled as he rolled to a stop behind two gorgeous sports convertibles-a red honey and a silver Mercedes. "Yeah. I've offered to trade houses, but Ethan's so d.a.m.n selfish."
She grinned.
"Mommy, can I unbuckle?"
"Yes, sweetie, go ahead, but don't get out until we have a handle on Mutt."
"Okay."
Alexa stepped from the car and opened Livy's door once she was certain Jack had Mutt secured in the crook of his arm. She glanced around, taking in the spectacular transformation of the west lawn. A ma.s.sive tent ate up much of the lush, green gra.s.s. Huge cascades of blue, purple, and white blooms decorated the s.p.a.ce in pretty concrete pots. The effect was elegant and fun.
"I'm ready, mommy." Livy danced about, bursting with excitement. "I want to play with Kylee." Livy had been unable to talk of much else since she sprang out of bed at five in the morning.
"I know, sweetie. I know you do." She crouched next to her little girl, smiling, attempting to smooth one of her flyaway curls.
"Mooommeee, come on." Livy spun in a circle, then another, sending Mutt into a fit of yipping puppy barks.
Alexa sighed as she watched her quick repair job vanish with Livy's busy movements.
"I'm thinking you might want to give up on that."
Alexa rolled her eyes up to Jack as she stood. "I officially give up."
He chuckled and set Mutt down. "Liv, should we find Kylee?"
"Yes!" She jumped up and down, beside herself with antic.i.p.ation.
"Are you sure?" Grinning, he lifted Livy under the arms until they were eye to eye.
"Yes!"
"Are you really sure?" He poked his finger into her belly, sending their daughter into a fit of wild giggles.
"Yes! Yes!"
"Let's do this." He started toward the house.
Alexa stayed where she was, watching Jack take exaggerated steps that had Livy bouncing about in delight. It melted her heart to see them this way. Livy had lost out on so much.
He stopped at the door and turned. "You coming?"
"Uh, yes." She looked around and discovered Mutt watering a shrub. "Come on Mutt." She gathered him up and took the steps to the entrance.
Jack didn't bother to knock; instead he opened the door and they stepped into chaos. Kylee screamed her delight down the hall when she spotted Livy. The two friends grabbed hands and squealed all the way to the playroom.
"Good Christ," Jack winced as he rubbed at his ear. "I'm going to need a hearing aid by the time this day is over."
She smiled at Jack. "They're little girls-busy, excited little girls at that. Better make that appointment right away."
He shrugged. "At least they'll sleep good tonight."
"I'm coming right now. I have the veil in my hand," a pet.i.te, gorgeous, and quite pregnant woman with huge green eyes said into her cell phone as she hurried to the stairs in her strapless, blue, thigh-length dress. "Hey, Jackson. h.e.l.lo." She smiled at Alexa. "Welcome to pandemonium," she called behind her.
"That's Morgan. She's Hunter's wife. He and I work together."
"Oh. I wonder if I could be doing something to help?"
"Let's find out."
Mutt squirmed to get down.
"Hold that thought." He scratched Mutt behind the ears, then he opened a door, set the puppy on the floor, and closed it. "We'll let Bear and Reece run the show for a couple hours."
Alexa bit her lip, worrying. "Do you think he'll be okay? Bear and Reece are so big."
Jack smiled. "They're beasts, but they're sweet-unless you're a bad guy. They're going to help me train Mutt. Minus the shoe incident, the chewed up boxers and socks, and the p.i.s.s on the living room rug, he's a great dog. We might be able to use him for security."
"Oh." She couldn't picture the small bundle of fur barking and snarling at a criminal.
"Let's go meet everyone." He took her hand, but she hesitated. Jack held her gaze, challenging, she knew. She'd been careful to keep her distance since the night he comforted her. Touching Jack brought back too many memories, too many raw emotions, but it didn't have to. This was the perfect opportunity to show them both-but mostly herself-that a simple gesture didn't have to be anything more than that.
"Let's go." She pulled him toward the laughter and commotion in the living room. They stopped in the doorway, and Alexa blinked. She'd never seen so many gorgeous, muscular men in one s.p.a.ce.
"Matthews, glad you could make it." The groom grinned.
"Congratulations, man." Jack let go of her hand and gave the tall, muscled giant with kind, dark green eyes a 'guy' hug, rough back slaps and all. Stepping away, Jack captured her hand again. "Everyone, this is Alex," he shook his head. "Alexa Harris. Alex, that jerk over there is Hunter. You've already met Ethan. And the guy getting himself hitched is Austin."
She smiled. "Nice to meet-"
Olivia rushed into the room. "Perfect timing." Jack snagged her up. "And this is Olivia, our daughter."
Alexa studied each of the men, holding her breath, waiting to see the scolding judgment in their eyes. Surely word had made it down the grapevine that Jackson's long-lost college girlfriend was back with the child she'd kept from him. She relaxed when Hunter, the golden G.o.d with the s.e.xy dimple in his chin, stepped forward and tugged gently on one of Livy's curls.
"Nice to meet you, squirt."
Smiling, Olivia shied and turned her face into Jack's neck.
"Way to go, Matthews. She looks just like you." Another slap to the back.
"Morgan and Hunter are expecting their first baby in August-a little boy," Jackson supplied.
"Congratulations." Alexa gave Hunter another smile. "We just watched your wife zoom upstairs. She's stunning."
Hunter grinned, his eyes bright with pride. "She's not bad. I'll keep her around."
Alexa chuckled. "That's very kind of you."
"Oh, good. Another set of hands." Sarah rushed into the room, flushed and beautiful in her bold blue dress, identical to Morgan's, holding a pretty, cooing infant. "Alexa, would you mind taking Emma?"
"I can take her." Ethan stepped forward.
"No, you can't. You're due for pictures in-now. All of you, out on the deck. The photographer's waiting." She took two steps, shooing them out the door with her free hand.
Alexa walked over and took Emma from her frazzled mother. "h.e.l.lo, sweet girl."
Emma grinned and drooled.
"Shoot, I forgot her burp cloth." Sarah pressed her fingers to her temple.
"It's okay. I'll find one." Alexa snuggled Emma close, breathing in baby powder. "Oh, she's so perfect."
"And she's due to eat soon. She's going to get fussy. I put some breast milk in the fridge. I hate to do this to you."
"I've done it before." Smiling, Alexa nudged her head toward Livy, who was still giggling in Jack's arms.
"Of course you have. I'm sorry." She shook her head. "Things are a little hectic right now. We're thirty minutes from the official 'I-dos.'"
"Come on, Olivia," Kylee called from the hall. "I'm getting my dress on."
Livy's eyes widened, and she scrambled out of her father's arms. "Kylee's princess wedding dress!" She dashed off.
"I need to help with that." Sarah hurried from the room.
"Is Livy in the way?" Alexa called.
Sarah stopped and whirled. "No, she's actually a help. I might keep Kylee in one place with Olivia here." Sarah disappeared around the corner.
On cue, Emma's grins turned to tears as soon as Sarah vanished.
"Are you hungry, honey? Should we get you a bottle? Kitchen's that way, right?"
"Yeah. I'll show you." Jack started to follow.
"Oh, you don't have to. I'm pretty sure I remember. Emma's going to have a little snack, maybe a little nap." She kissed the baby's soft forehead.
"I don't mind."
She'd done everything in her power to avoid spending time alone with him. Over the last two weeks, she'd made sure Livy was never far away. When Livy went to bed at night, Alexa stayed in the guest room with her, perched at the small writing desk, typing away on her laptop, researching missing person's cases similar to her sister's. Perhaps her retreat was cowardly, but she would do what she had to do to make it out of this situation whole.
They stepped in the kitchen as Emma's fussing turned in to l.u.s.ty cries. "It's okay, sweetie." At ease with the baby in her arm, she filled a bowl with hot water, pulled the bottle from the fridge, and set it in the water to heat.
"Why don't you just put it in the microwave? It'll be faster."
"Because the microwave destroys the nutrients in the milk." Alexa smiled down at Emma, cooing to the pretty baby with the black hair and soft blue eyes.
"Ah, well, you learn something new every day."
Alexa pulled the bottle from the bowl, shook the liquid, and tested it on her wrist. "Just right. Here you go, beautiful girl."
Emma's cries turned to noisy swallows.
"Much better, huh, sweetie?" She played with Emma's tiny fingers. "I miss this. I miss this so much. Livy used to..." Her smile vanished, and her gaze whipped to Jack's as she realized her mistake. "I'm sorry."
He stared into her eyes as he brushed his fingers over Emma's hair. "Let's bring her up to the nursery."
She nodded and cursed herself a thousand times for being so careless as she followed Jack up the stairs to Emma's gorgeous room. Pale greens and pinks accented sweet little chicks and beautiful pine furniture. "Look at this. It's amazing."
"Wren, Ethan's sister, decorated it. She fixed up my house too. h.e.l.l, she's played with all of our places. She's an interior designer."