Firefly. Part 10

She got up, came around the table, squirmed onto his lap, put her arms around his shoulders and neck, and drew his head in to hers. She put her lips to his, then paused. "Open your mouth," she said.

Surprised, he did so. She put her open mouth to his and pressed hard. Her tongue came through and touched his.

Astonished, Geode froze, not in horror but for fear that anything he might do would disrupt the experience. For the first time, with a woman, he felt the tug of a reaction.

She withdrew. "Did I go too far?"

"I think I started to get hard," he said, awed.

"You did? Oh, Geode, I'm so pleased!" She let go, grabbed his head, and pressed it to her bosom.

He felt the warm resilience of her two b.r.e.a.s.t.s, his chin at the decolletage of her low negligee, his mouth and nose across the cleavage formed by the pressure of his face. Her left nipple pressed against his right cheek. He felt another tug. He was reacting to a woman!

In a moment she realized this. "Yes! Definitely!" she exclaimed. "Let's go to the bedroom-no, that's too far away. Here." She lifted her negligee, spread her legs, and sat on him, face to face. She reached down, opened his fly, and squirmed closer to make the connection.

But it didn't work. His nascent erection fled, and no penetration was possible. none collapsed against him, her head beside his. "It got to be too much like s.e.x," she said. "The spontaneity was gone."

"But I wanted it!" he protested.

"Yes, but your unconscious censor doesn't. When I kissed you, when I hugged you, that was emotion, not s.e.x. That was all right. Then I got too physical, and turned you off."

"But I really liked what you did! You were so-so expressive. You liked me."

She lifted her head. "I forgot the act, I was myself," she said. "I showed real emotion, and you picked up on that."

"You-it wasn't real?"

She stared into his eyes. "Oh, Geode, I told you last night. I don't want to be thrown out on the street. I'm trying to please you, I'm trying very hard. I'm not usually like this. I never threw myself at my husband like this! But you're not used to this, you want what's real, and I'm not giving you that." Her eyes overflowed. "Geode, I'm sorry. I'm toying with your emotions and hurting you."

"But-but when I complimented you, weren't you pleased?"

"Yes! I was thrilled! You liked what wasn't part of the show-" Her eyes widened. "I kissed you with real pa.s.sion, the way I wanted to. And then I hugged you, so happy. Geode, those things were real"

"And if you loved me, for real-"

Her streaked face froze. "I never said love! I stayed well clear of that word. I can't-there was never love in my marriage, it was for convenience-and now I need a place to stay-I never deceived you in that!"

He continued to look at her, feeling a lump in his throat. She had told him. She had been fair.

"And there's the key," she said, her tears still forming. "You are physically impotent. I am emotionally impotent. If I could give you what you truly want, you could be potent with me. Your unconscious understood better than I did."

"But you must like me a little," he said.

"And you reacted a little. Geode, that's a very long way to go, and it is no proper course."

"I want to go there!"

"But, Geode, consider the future! Once they catch the monster, I won't have to hide, and I won't be able to stay here with you. I am poison, Geode! You don't want to love me. You want to use me, to have experience, and forget me after. That's the male way."

"I read somewhere-it's better to love and lose than never to love at all."

"You would love and lose, Geode. I don't want to do that to you."

"But otherwise I don't have anything!"

"I think you still don't understand. When I leave here, I expect to be dead. There is no life for me out there, and perhaps there never was. I shut out the past and have no future. There is only now. Touch my body as you will, but keep your emotion clear, or you will be left with nothing, with less than nothing."

He knew she was trying to spare him, but he couldn't let it go. "You said-you said I shouldn't love you. But you could love me."

Her mouth dropped open. "That's right! I have it backwards. As long as you don't love me, it doesn't matter how I feel. That is, I could love without hurting you. I can't be hurt, because I'll be dead."

"Just talk to me," he said, not liking her conclusion.

"Geode, I fear you mean to cheat. You want to be loved-and to love."

She had him dead to rights.

She leaned against him, thinking about it. He put his arms around her, so glad for the feeling of holding her close.

After a time she lifted her head again. "I would like to love before I die."

"I think I-I was lost when you first talked to me."

"About twelve hours ago," she said with a rueful smile. "You loved anyone who was willing to be close to you."

"Yes."

"But you still couldn't make love. For that you need mine, mismatched though we must be."

"Yes."

"Shall we seek love, then?"

"Yes!"

She laid her head on his shoulder again. He felt the shudder of her sobbing, and felt the heat of her tears. Once more he felt the tug of a reaction. The pretense had been abandoned; now they were going to try it for real.

He felt moisture on his own cheeks. That was odd, because he could not remember when he had cried before.

At last she lifted her head again. "We must start over," she announced. "We've been going at it all wrong. The seduction must wait."

He nodded.

She climbed off him and drew the hem of her negligee down. He put himself back together and zipped his fly. "I will change," she said. "What will you do?"

"I have to wait for May Flowers to come. Then I will go out to check the property."

"May I come with you?"

"I don't think you could keep up."

"Please, Geode, is there some way? I don't want to be apart from you."

This time she hadn't pleaded fear of being alone. He could not deny the present phrasing. "Maybe I could run and you ride the bike."

"Oh, yes, I rode a bicycle when I was a girl! It's much easier than running."

"Yes."

"I'll wear jeans. But for May Flowers, a dress, I think. Do we care if she knows?"

He hadn't thought of that. "I'd rather no one knew."

"Exactly. When we exchanged our real names, we entered a private world. The princess and the prince."

"Prince?"

"In our world. When we make it. It is no business of any other person."

"Yes." How well she understood!

"Geode, in antic.i.p.ation of this disaster, may I kiss you again?" But she didn't wait for his answer. She stepped up to him, leaned down, and kissed him chastely but infinitely sweetly on the lips. Then she broke and headed for the stairs.

He sat there, bemused. Every kiss was more effective than the last, no matter how she did it!

Then he got up and went to brush his teeth. He normally did this after every meal, but had never thought of it last night.

When May Flowers arrived, Geode was checking the lawn around the house. It would need mowing soon; he had to pick out the sticks that inevitably fell from the surrounding trees, so that they didn't get hurled around when the mower pa.s.sed. none was secluded in her room.

"How did you two get along?" May inquired briskly. She had another bag of groceries.

Geode shrugged. "Okay."

"You are about as communicative as a gopher tortoise. Is the house open?"

"Yes."

She went in, carrying her bag. After a moment he followed. It was, after all, his business to keep an eye on any strangers in the house. none came down the stairs. She wore a green dress, with a matching bow in her hair, and green slippers. She was so lovely that Geode blinked.

May paused. "My dear, you are transformed!"

"Thank you." none proceeded to the bottom. "I can take that. Thank you so much."

"I can put these away for you."

"No, please." none took the bag from her, almost by force. Geode knew why: May Flowers would surely notice that twice as much food had been used as seemed appropriate, if she opened the refrigerator or looked in the cupboards.

"Well, then," May said. "'It certainly is an improvement! You must have had a good night."

"A wonderful night," none agreed. "This is a beautiful house. I'm used to sweating in my sleep."

May smiled. "Air conditioning is addictive."

"Yes, I was very comfortable." none carried the groceries to the kitchen and began putting them efficiently away.

"Well, then," May repeated. "Since everything is in good order here, I'll just depart, and check again tomorrow morning." She turned to Geode. "You have to go out on your rounds?"

"Yes. I waited for you."

"And you will lock the house?"

"Yes. Mid requires it."

"But won't the internal motion sensors be set off by her presence in the house?"

"I will cut them out."

She nodded. "Then no one can intrude from outside, and she will not want to go out herself."

He shrugged.

May stepped back out and walked to her car. But as she did so, there was an eight-beat chime. She paused as Geode hurried to press the signal to open the distant gate.

They waited. Evidently Flowers was not about to depart until she knew who was coming. It was probably Frank Tishner.

none quickly completed her ch.o.r.e of putting groceries away and hurried upstairs, with a fleeting glimpse at Geode that make his heartbeat flicker; they had a secret. She would hide in her room until the visitor was gone, knowing that Geode would not leave without her.

What a joy it was to have that secret! It made his rather dull life bright. none had been ten times what he might ever have hoped for.

Geode closed the door and waited on the front portico. "She's hidden?" May asked from the car.

"Yes."

Then the vehicle arrived. It was a battered black van with shaded windows. May looked at Geode questioningly, and he shook his head; he had never seen this one before.

It pulled to a stop behind May's car. A small, middle-aged man got out. His outfit most resembled old army fatigues, but they were quite clean and neat. "I am the exterminator," he said. "You are?"

"May Flowers, the journalist," May said. "I sent for you. This is George Demerit, the caretaker."

"For whom do you work?"

"For whom do you work?" she returned evenly.

"Mid. And you?"

"Mid," she said. "You came to rid the house of termites?"