Fifty Contemporary One-Act Plays Part 45

FIRST POLICEMAN. Sure, it's against the law. Why shouldn't it be?

SECOND POLICEMAN [_shaking their heads_]. This is no place for us.

[_Exit Left._]

ARTIST [_to the Young Man_]. Does it begin to dawn on you that true love of one's neighbor would not only be monotonous but unbearable as well.

YOUNG MAN. Out there a man is drowning--and you stand there moralizing.

ARTIST. Why not? We read a dozen suicides every day. [_x to Chair Left._] Yet we go home and eat our dinner with undiminished relish. Why then sentimentalize over a drowning beggar? I wouldn't rescue a man who had fallen into the water much less one who had jumped in.

YOUNG MAN [_pa.s.sionately_]. Sir--I despise you! [_Goes into the crowd._]

[_A man has succeeded in prying up the life buoy, now he throws it into the water with the warning cry "Look out."_]

ARTIST. Love of one's neighbor is a mask. A mask that people wear to hide from themselves their real faces.

AMERICAN [_x to Artist Left_]. No, I don't agree with you. I am strong for love of one's neighbor. Indeed, the Bible tells us to love our neighbor as ourselves. Oh, I am very strong for it. I go to Church on Sundays in the U. S. A. I never touch a drop--in the U. S. A.

VOICE. The life buoy is sinking.

ANOTHER VOICE. That's why they call it a _life buoy_. [_Laughter._]

COCOTTE [_sympathetically_]. How interestingly you talk. I love Americans.

AMERICAN. We have two kinds of neighborly love back home. Neighborly love that makes for entertaining and dancing, and neighborly love that you read about next day in the newspapers.

OMNES [_Workingman who has just entered._] [_Right._] What's the matter here? [_Elbows his way through the crowd._] Make way there! Let me through! [_Throws off coat, tightens his belt, spits in his hand and jumps into the water._] [_Great excitement._]

YOUNG MAN [_center_]. [_Ecstatically._] A hero! A hero!

AMERICAN [_loudly but indifferently_]. I'll bet sixty dollars that both of them drown!--Seventy! Seventy-five! [_Contemptuously._] I can't get a bet around here. I'm going back to America.

[_The Artist goes into the crowd._]

COCOTTE [_at table Left, alone with American_]. Going back so soon?

AMERICAN. As soon as I have seen Paris. Wouldn't you like to show me the town? I'll meet you to-morrow at four in front of the Opera House.

COCOTTE. I'll be there. I like Americans.

THE MOB [_cheering_]. He's got him! Hurrah! [_The pole is outstretched._]

AMERICAN. I'd like to know how much longer that waiter means to keep my dog waiting for her order of liver. [_x to table Right._]

YOUNG MAN [_comes down to table, joyfully_]. He is saved; thank G.o.d he is saved. Weren't you sorry at all when that poor wretch jumped into the river?

AMERICAN. Young man, is it my river?

THE MOB [_cheering again_]. Hurrah! [_Great excitement._]

[_The Workingman and the Beggar are dragged dripping out of the water. They help the Beggar to a chair._]

WORKINGMAN [_center_]. [_Shaking himself._] That was no easy job.

A WOMAN [_left, center_]. Take care what you are doing. You are wetting my whole dress.

BEGGAR. [_Left._] [_Whimpering._] Oh!--Oh!--Oh!--

YOUNG MAN [_left_]. [_Shaking the Workingman's hand._] You are a n.o.ble fellow. I saw how brave you were.

WORKINGMAN [_business like_]. Did you? Then give me your name and address.

YOUNG MAN [_gives him a card_]. Jules Leboeof, Rue d'Hauteville.

WORKINGMAN. Who else saw it?

BEGGAR. Oh! Oh! Oh!

WORKINGMAN. Shut your mouth. Your turn comes next. Who else saw me save him?

TOWNSMAN. [_R. C._] Aristide Beaurepard, Rue de Lagny, a14.

TOWNSMAN. Must you mix in everything? This is nothing to you. Do you want to get in trouble? You didn't see a thing. Why you just want to get in trouble? You didn't see a thing. Why you just this moment came. What do you want the address for, eh?

WORKINGMAN. Do you think I am taking cold baths for my health? I want to get a medal for life saving.

A MAN. You have a chance to get an award from the Carnegie fund for life saving.

WORKINGMAN. Don't I know it. I read all about it in "Humanitie"

yesterday. Do you think I'd have jumped in the water otherwise?

[_A crowd has collected around the Beggar._]

BEGGAR. O G.o.d! O G.o.d! I'm soaking wet.

AMERICAN [_cold bloodedly._] Isn't that surprising?

BEGGAR. I am freezing. I am freezing to death.

COCOTTE. Waiter, bring him a gla.s.s of brandy and charge it to me.

[_Waiter exit Right._]

CHILD [_whimpering_]. I am freezing too, Mama, I'm cold.

TOWNSWOMAN. My poor little Phillip. [_To her husband._] You never think of bringing a coat for the child. There, my darling, you shall have a cup of hot coffee right away.

CHILD. Coffee is pfui. I want brandy!