Fifty Contemporary One-Act Plays Part 247

TSUMU. He would die for you.

HELENA [_relieved_]. Ah! Do you think so, Tsumu?

TSUMU. All Sparta knows that His Majesty is a lover of peace, and yet he would rush into battle to save you.

HELENA. I should love to have men fighting for me.

TSUMU [_in high alarm_]. May Zeus turn a deaf ear to your voice.

HELENA. Don't be impertinent, Tsumu. I've got to have some sort of amus.e.m.e.nt.

TSUMU. You've only to wait till next week, and you can see another of the priestesses sacrificed to Diana.

HELENA. That doesn't interest me any longer. The girls are positively beginning to like it. No! My mind is set on war.

TSUMU [_terrified_]. I have five fathers of my children to lose.

HELENA. War, or--or--

TSUMU [_hopefully_]. Have I been so long your slave that I no longer know your wish?

HELENA [_very simply_]. Well, I should like to have a lover.

TSUMU [_springs up and rushes over in horror to draw the curtains across the door of the library. All of a tremble_]. G.o.ds grant they didn't hear you.

HELENA. Don't be alarmed, Tsumu. a.n.a.lytikos is over eighty.

[_She bursts into a loud peal of laughter and Menelaus rushes into the room._]

MENELAUS [_in high irritation_]. I wish you wouldn't make so much noise in here. A King might at least expect quiet in his own palace.

HELENA. Tsumu, see if my bath is ready. [_Tsumu exits._] You used not speak like that to me, Moo Moo.

MENELAUS [_in a temper_]. How many times must I tell you that my name is Menelaus and that it isn't "Moo Moo"?

HELENA [_sweetly_]. I'll never do it again, Moo Moo. [_She giggles._]

MENELAUS. Your laugh gets on my nerves. It's louder than it used to be.

HELENA. If you wish it, I'll never, never laugh again.

MENELAUS. You've promised that too often.

HELENA [_sadly_]. Things are not as they used to be.

MENELAUS. Are you going to start that again?

HELENA [_with a tinge of melancholy_]. I suppose you'd like me to be still and sad.

MENELAUS [_bitterly_]. Is it too much to hope that you might be still and happy?

HELENA [_speaking very quickly and tragically_]. Don't treat me cruelly, Moo Moo. You don't understand me. No man ever really understands a woman. There are terrible depths to my nature. I had a long talk with Dr. aesculapius only last week, and he told me I'm too introspective.

It's the curse of us emotional women. I'm really quite worried, but much you care, much you care. [_A note of tears comes into her voice._] I'm sure you don't love me any more, Moo Moo. No! No! Don't answer me! If you did you couldn't speak to me the way you do. I've never wronged you in deed or in thought. No, never--never. I've given up my hopes and aspirations, because I knew you wanted me around you. And now, NOW--[_She can contain the tears no longer._] Because I have neglected my beauty and because I am old and ugly, you regret that Ulysses or Agamemnon didn't marry me when you all wanted me, and I know you curse the day you ever saw me.

[_She is breathless._]

MENELAUS [_fuming_]. Well! Have you done?

HELENA. No. I could say a great deal more, but I'm not a talkative woman.

[_a.n.a.lytikos comes in from the library._]

a.n.a.lYTIKOS. Your Majesty, are we to read no longer to-day?

HELENA. I have something to say to the King.

[_a.n.a.lytikos goes toward the library. Menelaus anxiously stops him._]

MENELAUS. No. Stay here. You are a wise man and well understand the wisdom of the Queen.

a.n.a.lYTIKOS [_bowing to Helena_]. Helena is wise as she is beautiful.

MENELAUS. She is attempting to prove to me in a thousand words that she's a silent woman.

a.n.a.lYTIKOS. Women are seldom silent. [_Helen resents this._] Their beauty is forever speaking for them.

HELENA. The years have, indeed, taught you wisdom.

[_Tsumu enters._]

TSUMU. The almond water awaits your majesty.

HELENA. I hope you haven't forgotten the chiropodist.

TSUMU. He has been commanded but he's always late. He's so busy.

HELENA [_in a purring tone to Menelaus_]. Moo Moo.

[_Menelaus, bored, turns away._]

HELENA [_to Tsumu_]. I think after all I'll wear my Sicily blue.

[_She and Tsumu go into the Queen's apartment._]

a.n.a.lYTIKOS. Shall we go back to the library?

MENELAUS. My mind is unhinged again--that woman with her endless protestations.