Farmer George Volume I Part 12

An amusing incident has also been related by Colonel Landmann when George III was at Weymouth. "The King had taken off one of his military white gloves, and in dropping the ends of his sash, he also at the same time dropped the glove, upon which, not only General Garth, but several others nearest to the King, scrambled for the glove on the ground, in order to mark their zeal and attention to his Majesty; but the King, desirous of recovering his fallen glove without having to thank any one for it, or perhaps wishing to display his activity, also attempted to seize it, in which he succeeded. On rising, the King's cane slipped from his hold, and again the King was the successful candidate for the prize.

Now the sensation which the scrambling for the glove and then for the stick had created amongst the vast concourse of spectators was increased to an uncontrollable degree by the falling off of the King's hat, for the capture of which an increased number of compet.i.tors presented themselves, whose ambition to serve his Majesty greatly r.e.t.a.r.ded its rest.i.tution.

"Colonel Campbell, at length, had the good fortune to rescue this from the hands of two members of the King's household, who were struggling with each other for victory; whilst the King, holding out his hands for his property, his face, in consequence of his stooping, as red as his coat, exclaimed: 'Never mind about the honour of the thing, never mind, never mind; give me my hat, give me my hat; there,' as the King received his hat, 'thank you--thank you all alike--you all picked it up--yes, yes,--all, all, all--you all picked it up.'

"The King, during the latter part of this contest, laughed most heartily, in which the whole of the _cortege_ surrounding his Majesty immediately joined, throwing off all restraint."[196]

[196] Percy Fitzgerald: _The Family of George III_.

One of the best stories concerning George III has since been told in many forms of other persons. The King and his eldest son a.s.sisted a countryman whose cart had stuck in a rut near Windsor, and, after literally putting their shoulders to the wheel, they gave him respectively half-a-guinea and a guinea. The driver was puzzled to receive a larger coin from the Prince of Wales than from the monarch, who heard of the man's perplexity, and, meeting him again some time after, explained the matter: "Friend, I find you cannot account for my son being more generous than I; but you should consider I have a large family to provide for; he is but a single man, and has n.o.body to provide for but himself."

Even better than this was his remark after his recovery in 1789, when he heard that "Old Q." had gone over to the Opposition: "For once the old jockey has run on the wrong side of the post." This occasional sense of humour was rarely carried into the domain of affairs of state, but one instance when humour and justice combined has been preserved.

Picking a pocket was not a capital felony, but in those days taking anything privily from the person, of the value of one shilling, was punishable with death. George abolished for all practical purposes this absurd distinction, for when the warrant for the execution of a pickpocket was brought for his signature, he refused to sign it, declaring there was no difference between the offences. "I had always understood," said he, "that the very essence of picking a pocket was, that it should be done as much as possible without the knowledge of the party."[197]

[197] _Percy Anecdotes._

The King had a great sense of regal dignity, and, when outraged, could administer a rebuke with an air that rendered it crushing. When Lord Kingsale, in the exercise of the privilege bestowed by King John to wear his hat in the royal presence, remained covered, not for an instant, but throughout a Court, in the presence of the King and Queen, "My Lord Kingsale," said the monarch, "you are ent.i.tled to remain covered in the presence of your sovereign, but not in the presence of a lady." Again, when Addington quarrelled with Pitt, he went to surrender the key of the Council box that he held as Lord President of the Council, but the King declined angrily to receive it: "You must not give it to me, but to Lord Hawkesbury"; and when the retiring minister begged to be excused on the ground that Lord Hawkesbury and he were not on speaking terms, "that,"

said George, "was no concern of his."

George III took himself with the greatest seriousness, not only in matters of importance, but also in the most trivial details of ceremony, and when any change in etiquette was mooted, met the suggestion with the stereotyped reply, "I will have no innovations in my time." He could not bring himself ever to unbend even with ministers who were brought into daily contact with him, and during the interview, however long it might be, he would stand, and so prevent the minister from taking a seat.

Indeed, on one occasion when Pitt was suffering from gout, George kept him standing for two hours, though well aware of the statesman's infirmity, for two days later he said to him he hoped he had not suffered by standing so long on Monday. And Pitt was overcome by this gracious inquiry and told his friends, "His Majesty is the greatest courtier in the country".[198]

[198] The humble manner and language that Lord Chatham always adopted in the closet formed a fertile source of ridicule to his contemporaries.

Chase Price said, "that at the _levee_ he used to bow so low, you could see the tip of his hooked nose between his legs."--Albemarle: _Memoirs of Rockingham_.

It was not only ministers, however, who suffered in this way, for on one occasion Mrs. Siddons, who was summoned to read a play before their Majesties, was kept on her feet until she nearly fell from fatigue.

"Ready to drop to earth, she must have sunk, But for a child that at the hardship shrunk-- A little _prince_, who marked her situation, Thus, pitying, pour'd a tender exclamation: 'La! Mrs. Siddons is quite faint indeed, How pale! I'm sure she cannot read: She somewhat wants, her spirits to repair, And would, I'm sure, be happy in a _chair_.'

What follow'd? Why, the r-y-l pair arose Surly enough, one fairly may suppose!

And to a room adjoining made retreat, To let her, for one moment, _steal_ a seat."[199]

[199] Peter Pindar: "_Ode upon Ode; or, A Peep at St. James's_."

When George III "put on the King," Beckford said, "he was the personification of dignity," and "no man could stand before him";[200]

while the impression he made on Johnson is well known. "Sir, they may talk of the King as they will, but he is the finest gentleman I have ever seen," the doctor said to Barnard, the librarian; and supplemented this to Langton: "Sir, his manners are those of as fine a gentleman as we may suppose Louis the Fourteenth or Charles the Second."[201] This regal dignity was, however, not always sustained in private. "The oscillations of his body, the precipitations of his questions, none of which, it was said, would wait for an answer, and the hurry of his articulation"[202] were so many faults; and the famous "What? what?"

with which he concluded his sentences were irritating to a degree. "His Majesty is multifarious in his questions," said Johnson, "but thank G.o.d he answers them all himself." The King was no fool, however, and, as Wraxall was at pains to point out, "his understanding, solid and sedate, qualified him admirably for business," though it was neither of a brilliant nor imposing description; but he had in him a great vein of folly.

[200] _Conversations with Mr. Beckford._

[201] Boswell: _Life of Samuel Johnson_.

[202] Wraxall: _Historical Memoirs of My Own Times_.

Now, the dignity of a foolish man usually furnishes fit subject for mirth, and the King's reputation for stupidity, which originated in his early years, grew confirmed as time went on. No story, however seemingly absurd, was rejected as untrue by his loyal subjects, who, perhaps, found their greatest pleasure in this direction, in the well-known anecdote of the King and the apple dumpling.

"Once upon a time, a monarch, tired with whooping, Whipping and spurring, Happy in worrying A poor defenceless, harmless buck (The horse and rider wet as muck), From his high consequence and wisdom stooping, Enter'd, through curiosity, a cot.

Where sat a poor old woman and her pot.

"The wrinkled, blear-ey'd, good, old granny, In this same cot, illum'd by many a cranny, Had finish'd apple dumplings for her pot: In tempting row the naked dumplings lay, When, lo! the monarch, in his usual way, Like lightning spoke, 'What's this? what's this? what? what?'

"Then taking up a dumpling in his hand, His eyes with admiration did expand-- And oft did Majesty the dumpling grapple: ''Tis monstrous, monstrous hard, indeed,' he cried: 'What makes it, pray, so hard?'--The dame reply'd, Low curtseying, 'Please, your Majesty, the apple.'

"'Very astonishing, indeed! strange thing!'

(Turning the dumpling round, rejoin'd the King).

''Tis most extraordinary then, all this is, It beats Piretti's conjuring all to pieces, Strange I should never of a dumpling dream, But, goody, tell me where, where, where's the seam?'

"'Sir, there's no seam,' quoth she, 'I never knew That folks did apple dumplings _sew_'-- 'No,' cry'd the staring monarch with a grin, 'How, how the devil got the apple in?'

"On which the dame the curious scheme revealed By which the apple lay so sly concealed; Which made the Solomon of Britain start: Who to the Palace with full steam repaired, And Queen and Princesses so beauteous scared, All with the wonders of the Dumpling Art.

"There did he labour one whole week, to show The wisdom of an Apple-Dumpling maker: And, lo! so deep was Majesty in dough, The Palace seemed the lodging of a Baker."[203]

[203] Peter Pindar: _Ode upon Ode; or, A Peep at St. James's_.

The King's folly was most clearly seen in his p.r.o.nouncements upon scientific questions. He had some liking for mechanics, and, it is said, directed the construction of some interesting clocks; but certainly, apart from mechanics, he was wofully ignorant, and as obstinate as he was ignorant. "Well, I suppose all your chickens are dead," he said to Beckford, alluding to the fact that his house was roofed with copper, an experiment which the King had declared must infallibly kill everything under the roof with verdigris.[204] George took an active part in the question which arose about 1778, whether lightning conductors, which at this time were ordered to be placed near all the powder magazines, should have blunted or pointed ends. A great dispute was raging: Sir John Pringle, President of the Royal Society, Dr. Franklin, and many men of light and leading advocating points, a view controverted by Sir Joseph Banks and some others. It was obviously a question for scientific experts, but the King, as a wit put it, "being rather _partial_ to blunt conductors," thought to put an end to the matter by giving his peremptory decision, and announcing to the world the superiority of n.o.bs. Not content with carrying out his theory in the lightning conductors at Buckingham House, he desired Sir John Pringle to publish his belief as the opinion of the Royal Society! Of course to this amazing demand, there could be but one answer, and Sir John regretted "it was not in his power to reverse the order of nature."

[204] _Conversations with the late Mr. Beckford._

[Ill.u.s.tration: _Caricature by R. Newton_

LEARNING TO MAKE APPLE DUMPLINGS]

For art George had some liking, thus forming an agreeable contrast to his two predecessors who detested "bainting and boetry," but unfortunately his taste was quite uninformed and his critical faculties negligible: he preferred Benjamin West to Reynolds, and Peter Pindar "wept over the hard fate of Prince Octavius and Prince Augustus, children of our Most Glorious Sovereign," whose portraits had, by royal command, been painted by West.

"Ghost of Octavius! tell the bard, And thou, Augustus, us'd so _hard_, Why West hath murdered you, my tender lambs?

You bring to mind vile Richard's deed, Who bid your royal cousins bleed, For which the world the tyrant's mem'ry d.a.m.ns.

"West, I must own thou dost inherit Some portion of the painting spirit; But trust me--not extraordinary things-- _Some_ merit thou must surely own By getting up so near the throne, And gaining whispers from the best of Kings."[205]

[205] _Lyric Odes to Royal Academicians._

The King also delighted in Beattie, who was his and his consort's favourite poet.

"... Sweet Poesy exalts her voice, MacOssian sings, and Homer's halls rejoice, One lazy tenor Beattie's bag-pipe keeps, And tragic Home most lamentably weeps.

The Monarch's favourites, and the Muses' too!

'Whawr, Bratons, whawr's yore _Woolly Shockspare noo_!'"[206]

[206] _An Heroic Epistle to an Unfortunate Monarch._

"Peregrine the Elder," the author of the _Heroic Epistle_, a.s.sures his readers that the question asked in the last line was asked by a Scotchman at the first performance of Home's "Douglas."

However, to the best of his ability, George admired, and if when shown some of Blake's drawings he cried, "What--what--what! Take them away, take them away!" and if he thought Shakespeare "sad stuff," on the other hand it is to his credit that he took much interest in the foundation of the Royal Academy, and, though he did not desire that Reynolds should be President, yet he sanctioned the appointment and knighted the painter.

In his respect for letters he conceived the idea to establish an Order of Minerva for eminent writers and scientists. "The knights were to take rank after the Knights of the Bath, and to sport a straw-coloured ribbon and a star of sixteen points. But there was such a row among the _literati_ as to the persons who should be appointed, that the plan was given up, and Minerva and her star never came down amongst us."[207] He acc.u.mulated a fine library that George IV, when he found he might not sell it, gave to the British Museum; but he was probably entirely ignorant of his acquisitions, though he had a fondness for the exterior of books, and it is to his credit that he instructed his librarian "never to bid a farthing against a scholar, or professor, or against any person of moderate means, desiring a particular volume for his own use."[208]

[207] Thackeray: _The Four Georges_.

George III created one order of Knighthood, that of St. Patrick in 1783, in the hope to conciliate the Irish, who, however, treated it with ridicule.

"George sends his stars and garters to our land, We send him ropes to hang his pensioned band, And, having made the crew disgorge their pelf, He then may, if he pleases, hang himself."