Falling In Love: Why We Choose The Lovers We Choose Part 19

5. This point was made by many leading couple therapists, among them Bowen (1978); d.i.c.ks (1967); Framo (1980); Givelber (1990); Meissner (1978).

6. As noted in chapter ten, when these dynamics were first mentioned, most people didn't see their partners the way they really were because old family ghosts obscured their views.

References Ainsworth, M.D.S. (1989). Attachment beyond infancy. American Psychologist, American Psychologist, 44, 709716. 44, 709716.

Ainsworth, M.D.S., Blehar, M., Waters, E., & Wall, S. (1978). Patterns of Patterns of Attachment. Attachment. Hillsdale, NJ: Erlbaum. Hillsdale, NJ: Erlbaum.

Alberoni, F. (1983). Falling in Love. Falling in Love. New York: Random House. New York: Random House.

Alicke, M.D., Smith, R.H., & Klotz, M.L. (1986). Judgments of physical attractiveness: The roles of faces and bodies. Personality and Social Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, Psychology Bulletin, 12, 381389. 12, 381389.

Allen, J.B., Kenrick, D.T., Linder, D.E., McCall, M.A. (1989). Arousal and Attribution: A response facilitation alternative to misattribution and negative reinforcement models. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 57, 261270. 57, 261270.

Amabille, T. (1983). Brilliant but cruel: Perceptions of negative evaluaters.

Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, Experimental Social Psychology, 19, 146156. 19, 146156.

Anderson, N.H. (1981). Foundations of Information Integration Theory. Foundations of Information Integration Theory. New York: Academic Press. New York: Academic Press.

Archer, R.P., & Cash, T.F. (1985). Physical attractiveness and maladjustment among psychiatric inpatients. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 3, 170180. Aron, A., & Aron, E.N. (1986). 3, 170180. Aron, A., & Aron, E.N. (1986). Love and the Expansion of Self. Love and the Expansion of Self.

New York: Hemisphere.

Aron, A., & Aron, E.N. (1989). The Heart of Social Psychology. The Heart of Social Psychology. Lexington, MA: Lexington Books. Lexington, MA: Lexington Books.

Aron, A., Dutton, D.G., Aron, E.A., & Iverson, A. (1989). Experiences of falling in love. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 6 6 , , 243257. 243257.

Aron, A., Paris, M., & Aron, E.N. (1995). Falling in love: Prospective studies of self-concept change. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 69, 11021112. 69, 11021112.

Aronson, E. (1998). The Social Animal. The Social Animal. (7th Ed.) San Francisco: Freeman. (7th Ed.) San Francisco: Freeman.

Aronson, E., & Linder, D. (1965). Gain and loss of esteem as determinants of interpersonal attractiveness. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 1, 156171. 1, 156171.

Aronson, E., & Mills, J. (1972). The effect of severity of initiation on liking for a group. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 59, 177181. 59, 177181.

Backman, C.W. (1981). Attraction in interpersonal relationships. In R.Turner and M. Rosenberg (Eds.) Sociological Perspective in Social Psychology. Sociological Perspective in Social Psychology. New York: Basic Books, 235268. New York: Basic Books, 235268.

Bader, E., & Pearson, P.T. (1988). In Quest of the Mythical Mate. In Quest of the Mythical Mate. New York: Brunner/Mazel. New York: Brunner/Mazel.

Banner, L.W. (1983). American Beauty. American Beauty. New York: Knopf. New York: Knopf.

Barclay, A.M., & Haber, R.N., (1965). The relation of aggressive to s.e.xual motivation. Journal of Personality, Journal of Personality, 33, 462475. 33, 462475.

Barnett, R. (1993). Multiple roles, gender, and psychological distress. In L.Goldberger and S.Breznitz (Eds.) Handbook of Stress. Handbook of Stress. (2nd Ed.) New York: Free Press. (2nd Ed.) New York: Free Press.

253.

254.

REFERENCES.

Bartholomew, K. (1990). Avoidance of intimacy: An attachment perspective.

Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, Social and Personal Relationships, 7, 147178. 7, 147178.

Bartholomew, K., & Horowitz, L.M. (1991). Attachment styles among young adults: A test of a four-category model. Journal of Personality and Social Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Psychology, 61, 226244. 61, 226244.

Basow, S. (1992). Gender stereotypes and roles. Gender stereotypes and roles. Pacific Grove, CA: Brooks/ Pacific Grove, CA: Brooks/ Cole.

Beall, A.E., & Sternberg, R.J. (1995). The social construction of love . . Journal Journal of Social of Social and Personal Relationships, and Personal Relationships, 12, 417438. 12, 417438.

Becker, E. (1973). The Denial of Death. The Denial of Death. New York: Free Press. New York: Free Press.

Benjamin, J. (1998). How was it for you? How intersubjective is s.e.x. Keynote address presented at the American Psychological a.s.sociation convention.

Boston: August.

Benton, C., Hernandez, A., Schmidt, A., Schmitz, M., Stone, A., & Weiner, B. (1983). Is hostility linked with affiliation among males and with achievement among females? A critique of Pollak and Gilligan. Journal Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, of Personality and Social Psychology, 45, 11671171. 45, 11671171.

Berkowitz, L., & Frodi, N. (1979). Reactions to a child's mistake as affected by his/her looks. Psychiatry Psychiatry 42, 420425. 42, 420425.

Berscheid, E., & Hartfield-Walster, E. (1978). Interpersonal Attraction. Interpersonal Attraction. (2nd Ed.) New York: Random House. (2nd Ed.) New York: Random House.

Berscheid, E., & Reis, H.T. (1998). Attraction and close relationships. In D.T.Gilbert et al., (Eds.) The Handbook of Social Psychology, The Handbook of Social Psychology, 2, 193281. 2, 193281.

New York: McGraw-Hill.

Blatt, S.J., & Bla.s.s, R.B. (1996). Relatedness and self definition: A dialectic model of personality development. In G.G.Noam & K.W.Fischer (Eds.) Development and Development and Vulnerabilities in Close Relationships. Vulnerabilities in Close Relationships. Hillsdale, NJ: Elbaum. Hillsdale, NJ: Elbaum.

Bornstein, R.F., Leone, D.R., & Galley, D.J. (1987). The generalizability of subliminal mere exposure effects: Influence of stimuli perceived without awareness on social behavior. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 53, 10701079. 53, 10701079.

Bossard, J.H.S. (1932). Residential propinquity as a factor in mate selection.

American Journal of Sociology. 38, 219224. 38, 219224.

Boszormeny-Nagy, I., & Ulrich, D. (1980). Contextual family therapy. In A.S. Gurman and D.P.Kniskern (Eds.) Handbook of Family Therapy. Handbook of Family Therapy. New York: Brunner/Mazel, 159186. New York: Brunner/Mazel, 159186.

Bowen, M. (1978). Family Therapy in Clinical Practice. Family Therapy in Clinical Practice. New York: Jason Aronson. New York: Jason Aronson.

Bowlby, J. (1982). Attachment and loss: Attachment and loss: Vol. I. Attachment (2nd Ed.) New York: Basic Books. Vol. I. Attachment (2nd Ed.) New York: Basic Books.

Brehm, S. (1992). Intimate Relationships. Intimate Relationships. New York: McGraw-Hill. New York: McGraw-Hill.

Brehm, S.S., & Brehm, J.W. (1981). Psychological Reactance: A Theory of Freedom Psychological Reactance: A Theory of Freedom and and Control. Control. New York: Academic Press. New York: Academic Press.

Brennan, K.A., & Shaver, P.R. (1995). Dimensions of adult attachment, affect regulation, and romantic relationship functioning. Personality and Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, Social Psychology Bulletin, 21, 267283. 21, 267283.

Brickman, P., Redfield, J.Harrison, A.A., & Crandall, R. (1972). Drive and predisposition in the att.i.tudinal effects of mere exposure. Experimental Experimental Social Psychology, Social Psychology, 8, 3144. 8, 3144.

REFERENCES.

255.

Brinberg, D., & Castel, P.A. (1982). A resource theory approach to interpersonal interactions: A test of Foa's theory. Journal of Experimental Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, Social Psychology, 43, 260269. 43, 260269.

Burgess, R.L., & Huston, T.L. (1979). Social Exchange in Developing Social Exchange in Developing Relationships. Relationships. New York: Academic Press. New York: Academic Press.

Burleson, B.R., & Denton, W.H. (1992). A new look at similarity and attraction in marriage: Similarities in social-cognitive and communication skills as predictors of attraction and satisfaction. Communication Monographs, Communication Monographs, 59, 268287. 59, 268287.

Burleson B.R., Kunkel, A.W., & Szolwinski, J.B. (1997). Similarity in cognitive complexity and attraction to friends and lovers. Journal of Journal of Constructivist Psychology, Constructivist Psychology, 10, 221248. 10, 221248.

Buss, D.M. (1994). The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating. The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating. New York: Basic Books. New York: Basic Books.

Buss, D. (1985). Human mate selection. American Scientist, American Scientist, 73, 4751. 73, 4751.

Buss, D.M., Abbott, M., Angleitner, A., & Asherian, A. (1990). International preferences in mate selection: Evolutionary hypothesis tested in 37 cultures. Behavioral Behavioral and Brain Sciences, and Brain Sciences, 12, 149. 12, 149.

Buss, D.M., & Angleitner, A. (1988). Mate selection preferences in Germany and the United States. Personality and Individual Differences, Personality and Individual Differences, 10, 1269 10, 1269 1280.

Buss, D. & Barnes, M. (1986). Preference in human mate selection . . Journal Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, of Personality and Social Psychology, 50, 559570. 50, 559570.

Buss, D.M., & Schmitt, D.P. (1993). s.e.xual strategies theory: An evolutionary perspective on human mating. Psychological Review, Psychological Review, 100, 204232. 100, 204232.

Byrne, D. (1971). The Attraction Paradigm. The Attraction Paradigm. New York: Academic Press. New York: Academic Press.

Byrne, D. (1997). An overview (and underview) of research and theory within the attraction paradigm. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 14, 417431. 14, 417431.

Byrne, D., & Blaylock, B. (1963). Similarity and a.s.sumed similarity of att.i.tudes between husbands and wives. Journal of Abnormal and Social Journal of Abnormal and Social Psychology, Psychology, 67, 636640. 67, 636640.

Byrne, D., Ervin, C.E., & Lamberth, J. (1970). Continuity between the experimental study of attraction and real life computer dating. Journal of Journal of Personality and Social Personality and Social Psychology, Psychology, 16, 157165. 16, 157165.

Calvert, J.D. (1988). Physical attractiveness: A review and reevaluation of its role in social skill research. Behavioral a.s.sessment, Behavioral a.s.sessment, 10, 2942. 10, 2942.

Campbell, W., Sedikides, C., & Bosson, J. (1994). Romantic involvement, self discrepancy and psychological well-being. Personal Relationships, Personal Relationships, 1, 399404. 1, 399404.

Carnegie, D. (1982). How to Win Friends and Influence People. How to Win Friends and Influence People. New York: Pocket Books. New York: Pocket Books.

Cash, T.F., & Duncan, N.C. (1984). Physical attractiveness stereotyping among black American college students . . Journal of Social Psychology, Journal of Social Psychology, 122, 7177. 122, 7177.

Cashdan, E. (1993). Attracting mates: Effects of parental investment on mate attraction strategies. Ethology and Sociobiology, Ethology and Sociobiology, 14, 123. 14, 123.

Caspi, A., & Harbener, E.S. (1990). Continuity and change: a.s.sortive marriage and the consistency of personality in adulthood. Journal of Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Personality and Social Psychology, 58, 250258. 58, 250258.

Chafetz, J.S. (1975). Masculine/Feminine or Human? Masculine/Feminine or Human? Itasca, IL: Peac.o.c.k. Itasca, IL: Peac.o.c.k.

256.

REFERENCES.

Chodorow, N. (1978). The Reproduction of Mothering. The Reproduction of Mothering. Berkeley, CA: University of California Press. Berkeley, CA: University of California Press.

Clarke, A.C. (1952). An examination of the operation of propinquity as a factor in mate selection. American Sociological Review, American Sociological Review, 27, 1722. 27, 1722.

Clark, R.D., & Hatfield, E. (1989). Gender differences in receptivity to s.e.xual offers. Journal of Psychology and Human s.e.xuality, Journal of Psychology and Human s.e.xuality, 2, 3955. 2, 3955.

Clark, L.A., & Watson, D. (1988). Mood and the mundane: Relations between daily life events and self-reported mood. Journal of Personality and Social Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Psychology, 54, 296308. 54, 296308.

Clore, G.L., & Byrne (1974). A reinforcement-affect model of attraction.

In T.L. Houston (Ed.) Foundations of Interpersonal Attraction Foundations of Interpersonal Attraction (143170). (143170).

New York: Academic Press.

Cochran, S.D., & Peplau, L.A., (1985). Value orientation in heteros.e.xual relationships. Psychology of Women Quarterly, Psychology of Women Quarterly, 9, 477488. 9, 477488.

Cohen, L.L., & Shotland, R.L. (1996). Timing of the first s.e.xual intercourse in a relationship: Expectations, experiences and perceptions of others.

Journal of s.e.x Research, 33, 291299. 33, 291299.

Cohen, B., Waugh, G., & Place, K. (1989). At the movies: An un.o.btrusive study of arousal attraction. Journal of Social Psychology. Journal of Social Psychology. 129, 691693. 129, 691693.

Collins, N.L., & Read, S.J. (1990). Adult attachment: Working models and relationship quality in dating couples. Journal of Personality and Social Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Psychology, 58, 644663. 58, 644663.

Cramer, R.E., Cupp, R.G., Kuhn, J.A. (1993). Male attractiveness: Masculinity with a feminine touch. Current Psychology Development, Current Psychology Development, Learning, Personality, Social, Learning, Personality, Social, 12, 142150. 12, 142150.

Cunningham, M.R. (1986). Measuring the physical in physical attractiveness: Quazi experiments in sociobiology of female facial beauty . . Journal of Journal of Personality and Social Personality and Social Psychology, Psychology, 50, 925935. 50, 925935.

Curran, J.P., & Lippold, S. (1975). The effects of physical attraction and att.i.tude similarity on attraction in dating dyads. Journal of Personality, Journal of Personality, 43, 528539. 43, 528539.

Curtis, R.C., & Miller, K. (1986). Believing another likes or dislikes you: Behaviors making the beliefs come true. Journal of Personality and Social Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Psychology, 51, 284290. 51, 284290.

Cyranowski, J.M., & Andersen, B. (1998). Schemas, s.e.xuality and romantic attachment. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 74, 13641379. 74, 13641379.

Darley, J.M., & Berscheid, E. (1967). Increased liking as a result of the antic.i.p.ation of personal contact. Human Relations, Human Relations, 20, 2940. 20, 2940.

Darwin, C. (1871). The Descent of Man and Selection in Relation to s.e.x. The Descent of Man and Selection in Relation to s.e.x. New York: D. Appleton. New York: D. Appleton.

Darwin, C. (1910). The Expression of Emotion in Man and Animals. The Expression of Emotion in Man and Animals. New York: Appleton. New York: Appleton.

Davis, S. (1990). Men as success objects and women as s.e.x objects: A study of personal advertis.e.m.e.nts . s.e.x Roles, s.e.x Roles, 23, 4350. 23, 4350.

Deaux, K. (1972). To err is humanizing: but s.e.x makes a difference.

Representative Research in Social Psychology, 3, 2028. 3, 2028.

DeLamater, J.D., & Hyde, J.S. (1998). Essentialsim vs. social constructionism in the study of human s.e.xuality. Journal of s.e.x Research, Journal of s.e.x Research, 35, 1018. 35, 1018.

REFERENCES.