Fall From Grace Part 9

"As long as it's awesome. You DO remember I haven't forgiven you yet," I say as I break free from his hand and lop down the front steps. I've got to get some control here and I can't just let him think that he can touch me whenever he wants. I need to exercise my woman's lib and all that c.r.a.p. As I stand before the bike with my hands on my hips I start to sweat a little. Not that I'm scared, well maybe a little, but this is exactly where he wants me and I know it. I can't let my hormones do the talking tonight, I need to figure out what the h.e.l.l is really up with him and whether he's just too damaged for me. I won't deny that we share an amazing chemistry, but it can't be all about that. Time to cut the c.r.a.p.

"Well, what do you think?" He comes up behind me leaning over my shoulder.

"It's Shiny. Let's go." I grab the spare helmet and pop it on my head trying to look like I know what I'm doing. I see Ash suppressing a laugh, but doesn't offer his a.s.sistance which I'm grateful for.

"Ok, so whatever you do, don't let go and try not to lean with me, just go with the flow of the bike, don't try to overcompensate in the turns a got it?" He flips his leg over the seat and pulls his own helmet on as he kicks up the stand and fiddles with the switches. The bike roars to life as he looks back at me. "You coming?"

"Ok, ok, give me a minute Grey." I zip up my cropped leather jacket to my neck and tuck the dangling strands of my hair into the helmet. As I flip my leg over the seat, I try to adjust myself with minimal touching to him, but it's a little difficult as the seat slops down towards him. Clever design. I loop my arms around his waist casually and knot my fingers together for stability. "Ok ready."

"You know you're going to have to squeeze a little closer then that. You do realize how these things work," he says as he turns his head a little to the left to peer back at me. His voice is coming from inside the helmet though, it doesn't surprise me that he would have the latest tech for his bike.

"Just drive, I got it."

"Don't say I didn't warn you."

I have to admit that the bike is super hot; the sound is smooth and seemingly gentle, but with a hidden power that can be unleashed at any time. As he starts to make his way down my driveway we go fairly slow due to the gravel but once we hit the highway, a totally different story. He punches the gas immediately, leaving me no choice but to vice grip his waist and hang on for dear life.

"Told ya," he laughs into the mic.

Now I totally get it; I completely understand the pull of chicks to guys on bikes. It was fantastic. I have no idea how fast he was going (sorry Dad), but the ride was so exhilarating, it left me speechless. Feeling the wind pushing against us, the speed, Ash's body pressed so close to mine, the confidence he was exuding manipulating this powerful machine, I am a total a bike wh.o.r.e!

We were quiet for a bit, mainly because I couldn't stop my goofy smiling and I think Ash wanted to just drive fast. Finally he broke the silence.

"So, what do you think? Am I winning some brownie points? Are you being wooed?"

"You're doing ok. Pretty slick I must say though, does this work on all the girls?"

"I've actually never taken a girl on my bike before. I like to ride alone, driving fast helps me think."

"So what changed your mind with me? What do I owe this display of favouritism?" I questioned with a bit of sarcasm mixed in with a smile.

"In case you haven't noticed Stella, you aren't exactly like all the other girls." Which of corse leaves my heart hammering in my chest. On that note he accelerated even faster and we enjoyed the rest of the ride in silence. We really didn't need to say anything more, our body language spoke volumes. I pulled myself a little closer to him, tucking my hands into his leather jacket pockets for some extra warmth, feeling his abs through the thin liner fabric as I wrapped my arms tighter around his waist. I could feel his pulse quicken as I did this. My body seems to have some sort of spidey sense around Ash. If it weren't humanly possibly I would swear that I could feel things with him that I can't in anyone else; like there's a pull drawing us into a little bubble where I'm sensitive to the most minute details of his body, his temperature rising and falling, his heartbeat quickening, his smell even. I know this is strange but sometimes I can tell when he's near before I see him, my heart beats faster, my skin p.r.i.c.kles and then magically he appears. This happened a few times the other week, but I just chalked it up to my attraction for him. Now I'm not so sure.

We headed into a small outskirt of Alessa, a little town that pretty much has nothing but a general store, post office included, and a few houses littering the main drag. Ash started to slow down and turned north. We drove a few miles before I could see our destination in the distance. It was a place easy to miss, an old building nestled back into the woods that has definitely seen better days. There were actually a few cars in the small dirt parking lot, but it was not someplace I would ever venture on my own. I see a little neon sign in the window, that you would probably miss if you weren't paying attention, stating this place as 'The Devil's Pit', charming. It almost looks like Merlotte's from 'True Blood'. First off it's in the middle of nowhere, there are skeezy guys on Harley's in the parking lot, most of the windows are blacked out, and I imagine many a fight breaks out in the parking lot accompanied by broken bottles and drunk guys proving their manhood. What the h.e.l.l are we doing here? Two high school kids are going to get slaughtered in a place like this. Let alone the fact that we are both underage.

"Um, Ash, why are we stopping here? Was the ponderosa too lacking in knifings?" I say as he cuts the engine and I pull my helmet off, wary to remove myself from the bike.

"Time for some adventure Stella, aren't you curious to see what will happen in a place like this?" He pulls off his helmet and gestures to the area around us.

"I think I know what will happen. We'll go in, be denied a drink cause we clearly aren't 21, get thrown out on our a.s.ses, accidentally knock down a bike which will domino the others onto the ground, get beaten up by a bunch of thugs who value their bikes over human life. They'll bury us, with no evidence, in a swamp, burn our belongings and then go back in and finish their drinks. I watch CSI, I'm not naive."

Ash laughs at my a.n.a.logy, but still rests his helmet on the bike, ruffling his hair into that messy look that I love. d.a.m.n him.

"I'd say you watch too much TV," he says as he motions for me to get off the bike. I flip my leg over and fiddle with my hair in a lame attempt at fixing hat head. "Where's your sense of adventure Stells?"

"I think it left town when I saw that guy over there hock a giant loogie in the gra.s.s while giving me the evil eye." I shudder.

'C'mon, it'll be fun, I promise," he says grabbing my hand and leading me into what I feel is certain death.

I don't think I'm really wrong in that statement. I mean the dingy bar was exactly that. A dank, dark hole in the wall with some very scary patrons scattered throughout. There was a long wooden bar to the left which you can tell is permanently sticky with spilled beer, filthy elbows and years of neglect. There's a jukebox on the far north wall playing some old tune from the 70's, and no I'm not talking disco either, it sounds a little like Black Sabbath? There are some old wooden tables scattered in the middle with mismatched chairs and stools rounding out the seating arrangements. To the right is a little dance floor and rickety stage, G.o.d I hope there is no entertainment tonight. Behind that are two doors that lead to 'gents' and 'fillys'. I suppose I am a filly, but I'll have to double check with Ash before I attempt to use the washroom never to be seen again.

"So, what makes you think they will serve a bunch of snot nosed teenagers booze? You do realize we are underage?" I whisper this statement, even though it appears that not one person has looked up or noticed us come in. I guess the local folk like to keep a low profile.

"Stop worrying Stella. Let's sit at the bar." He ushers me to the counter and we take a seat on some high stools that were worn down to the perfect a.s.s shape. I see the barman at the far end wiping some gla.s.ses as he looks up to Ash. He doesn't acknowledge a smile, or utter a word. I see Ash hold up two fingers as the barman gives a slight nod and finishes up his task.

"What was that?" I ask.

"Sorry, did you want a shirley temple? I thought perhaps you would be up for a real drink," he says with a smile tugging at his lips.

"Ok, ok, you got me. Are we being punked?"

"Oh ye have little faith." Ash pops a large bill on the bar as the mute barman slides down a few drinks. It appears to be a rich honey coloured liquid a brandy?

"I hate to break it to you Mr. Sinatra, but I prefer my beverages to have c.o.ke, or 7-up included. Besides, you shouldn't be drinking, you're driving."

"Lighten up Stella, it's one drink. It's the house specialty, c'mon try it, you'll like it." He grabs his and takes a long haul never leaving eye contact with me; his green eyes gleaming.

"Alright, but just so you know, I'm not a big fan of cognac unless it's a vintage '56." I grab the gla.s.s and take a little sip but it's like nothing I've ever tasted before, it doesn't even taste like hard liquor. More like warm liquid velvet as it rolls down my throat and a heat fills my entire body making my extremities tingle as if all my nerve endings have just woken up from a long sleep .

"Whoa, what is that stuff?" I ask as I take another sip.

"Just something they make locally for their 'special' clientele," he says as he watches me carefully, judging my reaction.

"It's pretty great, they really should market this stuff," I say as a sudden revelation dawns on me, "Is this legal Ash? Oh G.o.d, is this drugged?!"

"Relax Stella, it's not drugged. It just contains some ingredients that probably wouldn't pa.s.s the FDA. It's perfectly harmless, trust me."

"Can I ask how you know about this place then? It doesn't seem like the kind of hangout even sketchy you would frequent? It seems a little too bad a.s.s if you ask me. More like gross a.s.s with a bit of dank and dreary mixed in," I say taking another gulp.

"I like it here. People don't bug you when you want to be alone, and the Zeppelin cover band is kick a.s.s."

I can't help but laugh picturing what kind of characters this place draws on a Sat.u.r.day night. I'm trying to be all tough and hard to get, but it's becoming moot. The way he's staring at me, this amber drink that's making me feel all warm and fuzzy and now all I can think of when I look at him is that kiss in my kitchen. I can feel myself start to blush so I avert my eyes and start a new topic. One that won't lead to s.e.xy talk.

"So, tell me about your Mom."

At first his expression goes dark as he avoids my eye contact and plays with his gla.s.s; his shoulders stiffen to the bouncing quarters off them state. I guess the question was a little out in left field. I see his jaw muscles clench and retract, wrestling with whatever demons he has hidden. After a few moments he softens a wee bit and turns his head to meet my eyes.

"I never knew my Mom actually. She died while giving birth to me," he paused. "My Dad took it really hard though. He went mad afterwards, it's a wonder I made it out to be so sane. Well mostly," he says with a smile that never quite reaches his eyes.

"I know she was special, a strong independent woman who always stood up for what she believed in. Relatives have told me that she was a force to be reckoned with, a real s.h.i.t disturber. I wonder where I got THAT from." He raises his eye brows and looks back down at his hands, rolling his large silver ring around his finger.

"I know she was over the moon to be pregnant with me, couldn't wait to see what I'd look like, act like. She wasn't sure she was ever going to be able to conceive, and when she did, she was so excited. But I guess it was just never meant to be. There were some complications that she just couldn't be brought back from. I really think my Dad blamed me for it. I mean he never came out and said it, but he was a tough father, still is, and I know that she was the light of his life, so I sort of understand why he would've hated me."

He goes silent, reliving a memory that is dark and painful. I know exactly how he feels. I place my hand on his shoulder which immediately feels warm.

"Ash, I am so sorry. In my lame quest to understand who you are and where you came from, I'm afraid I crossed the line, I am so so sorry I asked you about her."

He looks up at me and gazes into my eyes for a few seconds, making my heart skip a beat.

"Don't be Stella. I've worked through my issues long ago. It took me a long time, but I realized that we are all on this earth alone, and no one can or should be able to make you feel a certain way. I am not responsible for my Mom's death, I know that, but I understand why he would resent the thing that killed the love of his life. I actually do get it."

Grabbing his arm I say, "Ash, he couldn't possibly still think that? I mean grief makes us crazy but we all pull ourselves out of it eventually."

"Really Stella, is that why your Dad never remarried? Tell me. Where is your mother?" he says this with no malice, but it still cuts through me like a knife. I can feel the blood drain from my face and my mouth go dry. Don't deal it if you can't take it Stella.

"My mother left us when I was a few weeks old. She couldn't handle the pressure and skipped town." I shrug and take deep breath, it's been awhile since I had to tell this story. I thought time was supposed to make it better. It's supposed to heal all wounds, nope.

"My Dad was devastated too, but I never felt like he blamed me for it. He loved me the best way he knew how, and did as much as he could for me."

"Except move on with his life and find a new partner. Why do you think that is?" asks Ash.

"Who knows," I shrug, "maybe he never found that 'special someone'. I don't talk about my dad's love life with him you know." I'm starting to get a little peeved. He's turning his twisted views onto me and it isn't fair. I take a big swig of liquid courage and keep going.

"Look Ash, I'm sorry about your mom, I really am. I didn't ask you these questions to get your back up. I asked you so that I could get to know the whole story about you, figure out what this is between us," I say gesturing back and forth. "I don't think it's fair that you're turning your blame game onto some deep seated issues my Dad does or does not have." I turn my body forward so I'm facing the bar and staring at all the half drunk liquor bottles sitting on the shelf behind it. I can tell he's still staring at me, but I refuse to let him win.

"You're right Stella. You're right. It does appear as if I'm always looking for that hidden agenda. I guess I'm more then a little jaded but I shouldn't be pushing that on you. I'm sure your Dad is just fine and happy and over your Mom."

But as he says this, I know I'm lying. There is no way my Dad is over my mother. No way he can't blame me just a little for what happened. The thought crushes me with an overwhelming sense of sadness. I think about that far away look he always has on his face, his inability to date anyone, that strange look he gives me when he tells me how much I look like her. Cla.s.sic case of denial. What is it about this guy that makes me so uncertain about myself and my life? First the melt down at The Grind, then the strange make out session, now this. Maybe I'm the one who's too damaged. Suddenly I don't want to be here anymore, I'm ready to go home.

Ash breaks the weird silence. "I'm an a.s.s Stella. Can you understand now why my dating life is so weak? What kind of a guy does this to a girl. I am utterly, hopelessly, failing at wooing you. I don't suppose I could have yet another do-over?"

I look over at him and his expression is pleading. He REALLY sucks at this. I can't help but laugh at this situation. Two broken kids, sitting in a scary bar, drinking some weird booze and telling horror stories about their sucky parents. I'd say we both blow at dating. I start to giggle at the absurdity of this whole night.

"Let's just say that we have some things to work through, but not tonight ok?" I say holding up my drink to toast a new beginning.

"Deal." He smiles and clinks back.

A whip of wind comes in from the front door and blows my hair up over my shoulder. I turn slightly to see our new patron. Or should I say patrons plural. Really scary, tattooed, perhaps former prison inmate m.o.f.o patrons. Great.

The noise level in the bar increased substantially when our new 'friends' make their appearance. I turn back to Ash sensing him tense, but trying to remain aloof and calm on the exterior.

"Maybe we should head home now?"

"Sure," he says, "let's get moving, it seems to have gotten a little crowded in here." He smiles but the sentiment never really reaches his eyes; he's not even looking at me, instead he's scanning the group over my shoulder. As I stand up and turn to leave, a huge burly guy with snake tattoos slithering up every inch of his arms and neck, shaved head and way too many piercings to count, appears right before me. Every thing about this guy screams bad a.s.s. It's such a cliche but I can't think of another descriptive expression. He's wearing worn black leather biker boots, scruffy jeans, an old black t-shirt that stretches tight against his ginormous chest and I already mentioned the plethora of tattoos. He even has a snakey moustache that goatees into a scraggly beard on his chin.

"Well, well, well. Look at what we have here. I guess it's getting close to bedtime, gotta get the 'kids' home to mommy," he sneers with a laugh as his gang behind him a.s.semble in a bit of a tough guy formation. Their intense stares are enough to get my knees rattling.

"Just heading out gentlemen, if you'll please step aside, we'll be on our way," Ash says with no intimidation showing, but steps in front of me as I gratefully slink up behind him and peer over his shoulder.

"Aww, isn't that sweet. Young love. Makes me go all fuzzy inside." He eyes me up and down with a look that makes my skin crawl. "A nice, young one at that too. Perhaps just finished the change? All fresh and new. Makes me want to take her out for a little test drive. What do you think boys, it's shaping up to be a much more interesting night then we thought." I hear some throaty laughs coming from behind him; the kind of voices you expect from years of drinking, smoking and nasty vices.

"Look guy, we don't want any trouble. Although if what you're looking for is a hot piece of a.s.s, I have to admit I'm flattered, but I do prefer my dates to be of the female variety." This garners a few laughs from the back up gang which is silenced by burly guy as he shoots his hand up in a warning to shut the h.e.l.l up; he is clearly NOT amused.

I look up at Ash with my mouth gaping open. He must be on drugs to challenge THIS guy. Burly dude stares at Ash with a burning glare, the bar is utterly silent now aside from the crackly jukebox tune in the background. This can't end well. The group starts to shift their positions to that they are now surrounding us in a bit of a 'u' formation with two guys flanking each side of the 'leader'. Time seems to go on at a snails pace, but I'm sure no more then 10 seconds have pa.s.sed. I feel like I can hear the condensation dripping down the other patrons gla.s.ses, like I have some sort of super sonic hearing aid on.

"You might be new to this area, but I'd say you need some help minding your mouth, demon. This is MY territory you've crossed into, and I would appreciate some respect and a.s.s kissing from a little s.h.i.t like yourself." His stare at Ash is terrifying, my whole body is alive with fear. Adrenaline must be starting to kick in. The boss starts in again, never breaking eye contact with Ash.

"I think I'll start by teaching you a lesson in respecting your elders. Let's see, what would serve the trick? Perhaps we take off a few fingers? Maim that pretty face just a little? What do you think boys?" He crosses his arms, mentally creating a list of evil unmentionables, before settling his dark eyes onto me; taking in every inch and making my skin crawl in disgust. "She is a pretty one though. Looks like a good time. Yeah I think that's it, we need to prepare this little one for the real world. I'm pretty sure that would teach you some respect. Perhaps we take her out for a spin, make you watch as each one of us breaks her in, letting her feel what a real man can do for her. Would that be enough? Her skin looks pretty soft and easy to - tear," he spits out, showing all of his sharp teeth in a macabre sneer.

He says this like he's thinking of a great steak dinner. I start to shiver uncontrollably.

"Perhaps not as easy to heal back though. Maybe it'll leave a few reminders of tonight for good measure. It might be just enough to make you think twice before you come into my bar and insult me." He's licking his thick, fat lips, my stomach churning at the thought of his hands on my skin. I can sense Ash's body tighten, ready to lash out to protect my virtue, which I can say I appreciate, but there's no way in h.e.l.l we can win, not a chance. I try to lighten the mood.

"C'mon guys, let's just chill for a sec. We were just leaving, and really had no intentions of p.i.s.sing anyone off. I mean we're just some dumb teenagers ok. Really not worth your time, trust me." My lame attempt at diffusing the bomb didn't work, no one even looks my way but continues to remain in a tense stare down. Ash is as rigid as a steel bar, while my confidence is crumbling swiftly away. Everyone is staring at us, waiting for something, and then I get it, they're waiting for a cue.

I then see the slightest nod of the main dude and suddenly the bar erupts in chaos.

It happened so fast, like a blurry hot mess. Suddenly gigantic rough hands grab my arms from behind and hold them in an iron vice. My feeble attempt to kick and escape my captor is futile, he is just SO strong. I start to feel my arms bruising already from the pressure. I opened my mouth to scream as loud as I could but with one hand he is able to hold me in place and with the other he clamped his fat fingers over my mouth; apparently not a fan of screaming chicks.

I continued to squirm without as much as an inch gained, scanning the crowd for Ash. My vision is skewed from the huge hand as my whole body fills with dread, desperate to see him, to know if he's ok, which of corse he couldn't be a who am I kidding? I see a flash of movement in front of me, but it's just too fast, chairs are flying, bodies are flailing about, bottles are being smashed and yet I think I can still make out the other patrons that were here when we arrived, sitting in the corner still enjoying a drink?

For an instant I spot Ash crouched in the corner by the jukebox, squaring off with the main snake tattoo guy, doing that circle dance you see in movies. Then I spy two of the other guys actually lying limp on top of each other, on the ground beside the stage, faces bruised and bloodied. Did Ash do that? Impossible. It feels like we are in the middle of a hurricane, my hair is whipping around my face obscuring my view, did someone leave the door open? I see flashes of light fly from Ash's hands and the sound of crackling thunder deafens my hearing as the main big dude flies back hitting a group of tables. I finally get a better look at him as he emerges from the heap of broken and splintered wood; he has taken on a humped shape, with his ears going up in points and gigantic fangs emerging from his mouth. His hands are now like giant talons ready to slash Ash apart. What was IN that drink? Definitely drugs.

As I continue to squirm, I can feel the grip loosening on my back arms. An odd thrum begins to course through my body and I start to feel a little strange. I'm finally able to open my mouth for a second attempt at a scream and instead have the sudden urge to clamp my mouth as hard as I can on this guys hand. Such a chick thing to do but whatever works. As my teeth sink into his index and middle fingers, I feel my incisors bore into his flesh like it's ice cream. I can taste the metallic tinge of blood as he rips his hand away from my mouth. Before he yanks his hand back in reflex, I can see that I've made a gash that cut straight through his fingers. What the? I have no time to react, I take that bizarre turn of events into my favour, turn around, and lift my leg up to give him a kick with all the force I can muster. I hit him with all the strength I have, which really should have moved him about a centimetre, but instead he's flying back into the bar, hitting the counter and flipping up over it and into the back shelves of booze bottles. He falls down behind the bar as they all crash onto his head. Ok that was weird.

As I turn back towards where I think Ash is, big guy number five jumps up in front of me as instinct takes over and I pull my arm back into a swing. It doesn't get a chance to make impact though as I see a flash of light and he just melts in front of me like he's been hit by a taser. Ash is standing behind him as he falls, breathing heavily with sweat beading his temples but seemingly unharmed. I can't see the big burly head honcho guy, and really I don't care, we need to get the h.e.l.l out of here.

"Feel like making it an early night?" asks Ash.

"Ya, this place is sorta boring me." I quip as he grabs my hands and we tear out of the bar. We run to the bike and grab our helmets hustling to get some distance from this place. Ash rips up the gravel and dirt as he spins the back wheel and wields the full power of the bike; it can go a lot faster then he demonstrated before. It only takes a few minutes but we are now miles away and I think the shock of the situation finally hit me like a ton of bricks. I think Ash can sense I'm breaking up and pulls off onto an old dirt road. It's mostly dark out and the only light we have is from the front head lamp. I start to hyperventilate as he slows to a stop and shuts off the bike. I scramble for the helmet but my hands are shaking so hard, I can't seem to unhook the strap. Ash jumps off first, hurling his own helmet into the dirt and turns to help me. He pulls it off and drops it to the ground as I half fall, half stumble off the bike. He envelops me in a stronghold hug that I cling to as if I am about to faint. He murmurs some soothing words into my ears trying to get me to calm down. After a few minutes I try to push myself away from him. I need some answers.

"Ok, did I dream that whole thing back there, what the eff happened? How are we still alive and how did you kick all that a.s.s?" I frantically blurt out at him.

"What did you see Stella?" asks Ash.

"What did I SEE?! What I saw wasn't real. I saw you kick four guys a.s.ses without a single hand lifted. I saw some guy change into a horrific monster before my eyes. I single handedly kicked one huge guys b.u.t.t and sunk my teeth into his hand like it was a ham sandwich! What I SAW doesn't make sense!" I am frantic, screaming at Ash with my fists balled tight at my sides trying desperately to stand my ground and make sense of the situation.

"I'm not going to lie to you Stella, but I'm also not sure you're ready to hear the truth."

"What kind of cryptic c.r.a.p is that?!"

"I really wanted to do this differently, it was so stupid of me to take you there tonight..." He starts to pace the road, running his fingers through his hair looking really worried. Panic is starting to boil up into my chest as my heart is banging like sledgehammer. I can feel my anxiety ready to take over my body any second as my hands are shaking like leaves.

"I think you need to sit down for this Stella." He stops pacing and is looking back at me with an intensity that means business.

I stumble back to lean on the bike and barely ekk out a whisper, "What is wrong with me Ash? What happened back there? Am I hallucinating?"

"Ok before I start, you have to try to remain calm and hear me out fully, don't go all chick freak out ok?"

"Ok, SO not the time to be making fun of my gender." I fold my arms across my chest to ward off the chill that's running up and down my spine.

Ash takes a deep breath, "Ok here goes. What you saw was an altercation between two members of our world. That, back there, was a pack of lycanthropes with a real bone to pick. Bad joke I know."

What did he just say? He folds one arm across his chest while chewing on the other hands' nails. He looks really nervous. He has got to be kidding me, right?

"Werewolves? Ok, now I know I'm being punked..." I stand up and look around the darkness, searching for vindication. "I know you're out there, you can come out now!" I yell at the dark. "Very funny Gabs!" I give a few nervous giggles thinking I have not really lost it and it was just an elaborate prank. The serious look on Ash's face says otherwise. He physically looks exhausted, drained of all energy. My momentary relief disappears as I can feel my legs start to wobble underneath me and I grab hold of the bike for stability. Ash rushes to my side and helps me to the ground to sit. He sits across from me in the dirt and takes my hands, searching my face for my reaction.

"You're not kidding are you? Please tell me you're kidding?" He's shaking his head slowly, but never loses eye contact with me. My senses are in hyper-drive, I can feel the pebbles digging into my jeans and like my brain is about to implode. I drop his hands and place my palms on the dirt, digging my nails into the gravel until I can feel my hands starting to bleed.