Fall From Grace Part 13

"When you came back and we went on our second date to that bar, you told me the most unreal story of who you were and then of who I actually was. It was then and only then that everything just clicked for me. Everything came into perfect clarity like all of a sudden I had 20/20 vision after being half blind my whole life. So when you say that you caused me trouble and wonder if you should have just walked away and let me figure it out, I have to tell you how grateful I am for what you did. You've given answers as to who my mother might have been and why I've been walking through life like I wasn't apart of it. I was coasting through someone else's existance, not my own. So what you've given me is actually an amazing gift that I will be forever in debt to you for."

I pulled my eyes back up to meet his, feeling very raw in my honesty but glad I just got it all out on the table.

"So you're indebted to me eh? How much so?"

We both started to giggle.

"Perhaps I could have used a less desperate word to describe it."

"Oh I don't know, I like it actually. I like holding one over you," he said with a catch in his voice. Meeting his eyes, our giggling tapered off and it felt like the world just stopped spinning for that few seconds. We were completely alone out here, knowing full well what the other was thinking. Before my anxiety took over, he pulled me in for a kiss.

One moment I'm in front of him, leaning into his chest, the next, I'm sitting on top of his lap, on my knees, straddling him in an embrace that makes me burn from my head to toes. His hands are pulling at me with an intense need to touch my skin. Roaming every inch of my back and neck pulling my hair out of its bun and letting the loose waves float around us. Tugging on the back of my hair he pulls me even closer, as if were even possible.

My hands have ravenously weaved their way around his neck and through his messy hair, searching and exploring all the inches of him I've wanted to touch for weeks now. All self control seems to be blown right out the window which is just fine by me - it's about time really. He runs his mouth down my neck and into my neckline as waves of pleasure consume my body. Pulling his lips back to mine, my hands begin to snake their way down his chest unb.u.t.toning his shirt, feeling my way down to his tight muscles. I feel overwhelmed with the need to remove all that extra fabric that's separating the skin to skin contact that we are both craving. A strange sense of deja vu comes over me, but I push it aside and live completely in the moment. He leans backward as I peel back his shirt and trembles at my touch on his flat stomach. I take in every inch of his amazing skin, making it impossible for him to slow down. I can see in his eyes that he's way past first base and unwilling to stop tonight.

He tears down my jacket, tossing it to the side never losing my eye contact. It only takes him like 3 seconds to unb.u.t.ton my shirt peeling it back over my shoulders and on to the blanket. I should feel exposed, being the first time I've been semi naked with a guy, but instead it empowers me even more. His hands are trembling over my skin as he runs his fingers up my back pulling me even closer as we come back to full on kissing and losing ourselves in one another.

In a swift, smooth movement he flips me onto my back and hovers above me never stopping the kiss. I lift my hips to him and encircle my legs around his waist as he groans in antic.i.p.ation. His right hand is finding it's way to my waist band and playing with the denim as he dips his hands just below the surface. I can no longer form a coherent thought, I just want to give myself to him and feel like this forever. I pull him down on top of me with more force then I antic.i.p.ated as our bodies meld into one. I am on fire, I feel like I'm in the centre of a tornado, like the earth is moving, as my hair is lifting in a wind storm. It is the most incredible I have ever felt.

Abruptly Ash jumps off of me to the side and leans back on his knees looking around him frantically as if sensing some danger.

"What's wrong? Is someone there?" I sit up and grab for my shirt in antic.i.p.ation of an embarra.s.sing intrusion. Ash jumps up and looks around in the dark as if trying to sense the threat and darts in front of me to protect me from it.

"Did you hear something?" My voice wavers as dread envelops me with the thought that maybe my Dad might be here looking for me. Ash moves forward and then turns back to look at me with the strangest look in his eyes. It was almost like it was fear. I move forward to reach for him as he quickly moves back away from me. What the what?

"It's you," he whispers.

The sound of his voice in the quiet woods, mixed with the adrenaline of possible exposure, makes his voice sound foreign to my ears. Confusion is starting to show on his face with a mix of definite apprehension. What the c.r.a.p is going on?

"I don't understand Ash, what is wrong? Why do you look afraid of me?" I half laugh at the ridiculousness of my last statement, but he doesn't laugh with me at all. He actually backs further away.

"This isn't funny Ash, you're giving me definite mixed messages you know!" My insecurities start p.r.i.c.kling back as he doesn't defend his actions, or try to say anything at all. He's staring at me with a blank stare as if internally trying to figure something out. I jump up, re-b.u.t.toning my shirt, but with shaking hands, it's near impossible to complete the task. My anger is bubbling into a hot pit of lava, ready to explode. He has GOT to be kidding me.

"I can't believe I didn't piece it together until now. How could I have been so stupid? All this time, the signs were clearly pointing to it and I just sat back and didn't get it at all..." He's begun pacing in front me, deep in his crazy tirade, running his hands through his hair in confusion.

"Ok now you're scaring me," I trail off as he returns my look with an expression that I will never forget. The face of someone you care about disgusted and terrified of you. This horrific look isn't something you ever want to see, let alone after an intense make out session that is going horribly wrong.

"Please tell me what is going on?" I squeak out, wrapping my shirt closed and folding my arms around my waist to ward off the intense chill that's settled between us.

"I have got to get the h.e.l.l out of here." Ash flies over to grab his shirt and swiftly b.u.t.tons it up so fast I can barely make out the motions. He flicks his fingers to blow out the candles in one fell swoop, leaving two ignited, one for me and one for him.

"Look Stella, I had no idea, I'm sorry but this isn't going to work. You need to forget about this power you have and just go back to what you... were."

My impatience is growing as my p.i.s.sed off mood intensifies, crushing with embarra.s.sment. A fury that I've never felt before begins to build in my chest as I lash out at him.

"I don't know what sick game you are playing Asher Grey but let me tell you that it sucks and if you think for one second you..." Suddenly the ground is shaking beneath me as I look around me to see the rumbling of an...an...earthquake? Looking back up to Ash, I continue my tirade.

"Give me a f.u.c.king break! If you think using your stupid powers is going to scare me into stopping a rant, you have got another thing coming! I..."

"It wasn't me Stella." He cuts me off.

This stops me in my tracks. What did he say?

"What are you talking about? Is someone else here? There couldn't possibly be an earthquake, you know who my father is and what he does, and you d.a.m.n well know I'm at least not dumb enough to believe something like that could happen here. Do you actually think I'm just some stupid bimbo who knows nothing!" I lift my arms up in exasperation letting my shirt fall open. I grab it and tag it closed again, almost ripping the seams.

"I mean, it wasn't me Stella who did that. It was you," he said in barely a whisper.

"Me? How? How is that possible?!" My anxiety was rising to epic levels as the air around us seemed to crackle with electricity and a swift breeze rushed in and around us.

The nervousness in Ash is visible even in the darkened forest as he looks at me with revulsion.

"Please calm yourself down Stella. Look I think it's better if you don't know, but seeing how pig-headed you are, I guess you'll find out at some point." He takes a big breath. "I know what you are Stella, I know your power now. It makes perfect sense but you have got to just forget about it and live like a human and forget I ever told you this."

"Told me what? Am I like you? That doesn't sound that bad.. ." I trail off as my voice no longer feels my own. I feel like my world is tumbling down around me and cutting off my air supply. Sometimes when I look back on this moment I wished he really would have never told me.

"You're an ability absorber. You can take on a demons' ability with just a touch. You can harness any power you want from any demon in any dimension. This is scary s.h.i.t Stella." Ash begins pacing again, still looking through the dark forest as if something evil is lurking around the pines. "Your power is a curse and extremely dangerous. You need to stay off the radar and forget about it completely." He stops to look at me as I process this information.

"Why are you freaking out on this Ash, how could it be that bad?"

"Look I don't know exactly how it works, when or even why, but I think when we were in that bar with the Lycanthropes you took on the werewolf powers and right now when we were... um, anyways you definitely took on mine. I didn't cause the ground to do that Stella. All I know is that it's a very unique and highly volatile power to have; one that you DO NOT want getting around the demon water cooler. That must be what happened in your kitchen that night..." he trailed off in thought for a few seconds before shaking it off and continuing to yell at me. "You just can't handle this. To control it you would have had to been trained from birth. At this point you are better off just leaving it alone." Pulling on his jacket, getting ready to leave, I feel like I am falling into darkness.

"Why won't you help me? Why are you running away from me?" I know I sounded pathetic but I couldn't help myself.

"I can't. I just can't help you with this, I don't know the first thing about this. I just know it is bad, very bad. Something that could start to control you and you just can't use it or people will find out and you'll hurt them and then you'll hurt yourself." For a moment his look turned to pity, and then he went cold. Cold and dark as a statue. He was gone before he even left.

The warning in his eyes terrified me. He shoved one of the lanterns into my hands being careful not to touch me and took the other for himself. He's actually going to leave me out here, leave me altogether. I couldn't breathe, couldn't speak; everything starts to spin as I stumble forward reaching for his arms. He jerked back as if I had been infected with Ebola, I was a freak, I am a total freak, just like I've always known.

"I have to go. Now. You ok to find your way out?" He hastily blurts out, meeting my eyes for just a second before be bolts. I think I am going to throw up. I lean back on a big boulder feeling my legs about to give way. When look up, he's gone. Maybe this really is a nightmare, one I just can't wake up from.

Chapter 24.

The Dark Side I'm standing on a ridge deep in the gorge with the wind swirling around me, wind whipping my hair against my face and dirt flying at incredible speeds. What amazes me is that nothing penetrates my eyes like in a real storm, it's like I have a thin protective shield covering my skin so that I don't get filthy or my hair doesn't get completely full of burrs and twigs. It still feels unreal to me that I can do this.

Every afternoon since I was dumped, abandoned, given the old heave ho, thrown to the curb, left like a piece of garbage (you get the picture), I've come out here to experiment. I can't think about Ash at all anymore and when I accidentally do, the crushing weight on my chest sends me reeling back to that moment. The moment he ditched me. Left me alone. Left me to deal with the gi-normous 'power' bomb and said - opps see you later... I guess I can't really handle this; translation: I am a d.i.c.k.

These days, my solitary afternoons are the only high points to my day. I've built up my strength, on my own I might add, thank you very much, to a pretty impressive skill if I must say so myself. It began with some leaves I could get flipping about, then some small rocks and wood pieces and now I can pretty much uproot a tree if I wanted to, but I don't cause I still gotta protect the environment and all that granola.

My grounding is now over, seeing as Dad could no longer see a punishment when 'so & so' wasn't in the picture anymore. I think he could tell that I suffered enough and was pretty relieved to see things get back to normal. Although I wouldn't exactly call it normal at all. Sure I get up, brush my teeth and go to that awful human school every day, well most days. But I feel anything but normal or any semblance to that dumb, naive girl I once was.

Now when I walk the halls I can only see a bunch of pathetic and childish kids yammering on about how sad it is to leave and go to college, how they will miss everyone SOOOO much. It makes me want to gag. I've kept to myself, my iPod permanently rooted into my ears, just so I don't have to hear about the upcoming summer and all the super fun times they're going to have. Bleech. Gabs and I are also SO over, I can't believe I was actually friends with that bland waste of s.p.a.ce. I'm just biding my time until I can escape this h.e.l.l hole and go out to have some real fun.

As the dust settles in the ravine to a calm silence I can feel the vibration and energies slowing down through my body as it returns to it's 'dead' level as I've started to call it. It is when I feel mostly human again, once I've reined in the power and tucked it into my supernatural library. I've tried to push through the werewolf ability but it's a no go. I've come to the conclusion that seeing as it happened before I turned 18, perhaps I wasn't able to grab hold and 'store' it properly which totally sucks.

I pat down my locks and start heading back home to get ready for the dreaded graduation night. A lame 'celebration' filled with sappy memories, c.r.a.ppy up-dos, and stupid stories of the great times we've had and the better years to come. Puh-lease. All they have to look forward to is an expensive student loan, c.r.a.ppy marriages, alcohol addictions, whiney kids and then they kick it; the proverbial bucket.

I have to admit I've been a little giddy about the looming date as this means I can get the h.e.l.l out of dodge and start living. I've managed get Dad to land me a sweet apartment in New York for the summer before school, claiming I could use a fresh start to become inspired and re-prioritize my goals (parents love that ambitious s.h.i.t). I do agree that I'm really lucky to have been able to score this, but Dad has seen me work my a.s.s off at Grant's for years and he pa.s.ses it as his graduation gift to me. Personally I think it's because him and Age have gotten quite comfy lately and he probably wants me out of the house so they don't have to sneak around anymore. I don't know who they think they're kidding but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know when someone's relationship has gone from friend to fondle.

Regardless, I just need to get this night over with so I can get going and see what sort of demon characters I can befriend in the big apple. I mean, this one power is great but really isn't satisfying me like it did in the beginning. I want more, I need more. I need to lose myself in the feeling it lends me. It's like a high I just can't explain. My whole body is on fire, but in a good way, and I can feel every nerve ending standing up and dancing. When I'm using, I no longer have to think or do anything, I can just 'be' and revel in that moment which I wish would last forever.

As I enter our backyard I see Harve in the distance galloping towards me. He nearly knocks me over with his s...o...b..ry enthusiasm which sends a pang to my chest as a reminder of the life I'm leaving behind. Perhaps this big old beast will be the thing I'll miss most of all. I give him some lovin' and jump up the steps of the back porch two at a time. Dad should be home early today and I suppose I should clean myself up a little.

My room has become a disaster zone with clothes strewed about, half packed boxes, and big bags I've acc.u.mulated to give to charity once I move out. I've included all my lame dress up garb and most of my supernatural book collection which to be honest I really don't need anymore considering I can now live it instead of read it.

I step over some big clothes piles and slunk down on the bed to haul off my black boots. Todays outfit finds a nice free spot on the floor next to my night stand as I make my way into the bathroom for a nice long shower. After washing my face, I can see that make up is really needed these days. My glow-y period ended I suppose, as the dark circles are more p.r.o.nounced and my skin looks a little sallow; I guess I haven't been sleeping all that well lately either. I make a mental note to head to the drugstore tomorrow and stock up on concealer, then jump in the shower.

I can hear Dad bustling about in the kitchen as I make my way downstairs.

"There she is! Miss Graduation Girl!" Sung to the tune of Miss America. Gee clever Dad.

Age is there too and captures me in a big hug before I can make fun of him.

"My G.o.d I can't believe you are done high school. Time to look to the future!" She sends me a wink not understanding how right she is.

"So how does my brilliant girl feel today? Ready to s.n.a.t.c.h up that diploma and take on the world?" His enthusiasm is a little catching but I've mastered the art of never succ.u.mbing to parental excitement so I'm able to maintain my sullen att.i.tude.

"Yup, I can't wait to get that one piece of paper that means absolutely nothing to my future besides finding a place in a drawer that I never have to look at again."

"That's the spirit! Ok so we should get moving or we'll be late. We still on for dinner after Stell or did you make plans with anyone?" Sneaky. He knows I've been on the outs with Gabs and pretty much the whole social scene, so a well disguised query into whether I have gotten a life or not.

"I, uh, have plans actually Dad, can I take a rain check?"

"Of corse! Not a problem, you go out and have fun and we'll see you in the morning!"

"Morning?"

"Well it IS graduation Stella, the one night that curfews don't count, better enjoy it." He gives me a big grin and a wink and ushers me out the door as Age barrels into a story about her big high school grad party and how she ended up getting caught by hotel security skinny dipping with Peter Morton at the Burlington Hilton.

I've done very well in my solitary confinement as of late but this sends me into a bit of a panic on what plans I'm going to come up with for tonight. The thought of going to a big party bores me, but perhaps I should suck it up and have one last hurrah with these humans.

The diplomas have been handed out, the caps have been thrown into the air and I've fake smiled through about a hundred photo ops from Dad to mark this momentous day. Well, that's what he keeps telling me anyways. Some of the shots are just me, some with Dad, some with Age, some with Dad and Age, some just Dad (wha?), I mean how many do we actually need? They are loving this wing ding and envelop me into a big hug every chance they get. Before sending me off on my night 'o fun, I give them a lame thumbs up and push them through the door so that I can collect my thoughts and figure out what's next. I brought Murrie so at least I can escape at any given moment.

I overheard Francine animatedly talking about the big AlessaU throw down at Gibson Hill which is basically a field, surrounded by trees, on (you guessed it) a hill. The whole town rallies behind our grad night, even the cops, who become pretty lenient in their duties one night a year, keeping a low profile and basically making sure there are no dumb drunk kids getting behind the wheel. Apparently the senior cla.s.s hired a DJ, set up a big sound system and garnered some kegs. Everyone pitches a tent and parties until the wee hours. Sounds like a plan. Kill me now.

I pop down my oversized sun gla.s.ses and park myself on a bench to take in my fellow students in their revelry. Girls are giggling, guys are actually hugging and everyone seems so very happy. It's making me sick.

I see Gabs in the distance in a stunning red number saying good-bye to her folks whom I have been able to duck the whole night. The last thing I need is Mrs. C giving me the lecture on making up and playing nice. For all I know, they are oblivious to our recent rumble and I'd like to forget it ever happened.

The party was everything I had imagined it would be. Drunk and annoying. Perhaps awhile ago this would have been great fun but as I surveyed the gaggles of girls and guys getting all sentimental on cheap booze, I really think it's my time to book it. I've managed to hide in a quiet spot near an old oak tree where I can sit and enjoy a red bull and take in the action without any partic.i.p.ation. I've pretty much managed to escape any sort of human contact whatsoever. Or so I thought.

"Hey Stella, didn't think I'd see you here." It was Gabby.

I peer up at her and can tell she is visibly drinking but not quite hammed yet. "Hey Gabriella. Having fun?" I say looking past her.

"Getting there. You?" she asks.

"Barrels."

"Congratulations on graduating. Oh and I heard you're leaving right away to spend the summer in New York? That sounds right up your alley... " She trails off, beginning to shift uncomfortably from side to side, as she peels at her cooler label.

"Um yeah, should be peachy." I really can't think of anything to ask her. I stare back to the crowd taking a big haul on my beverage which I wished was alcoholic at this point.

"Will I see you around at all this summer? Maybe we could go out and..."

"Look Gabby, enough with the chit chat. I can tell how uncomfortable you are and I'm sure you're just making nice because you feel bad seeing as how I got dumped just like you said I would. So, here is my you were right, I was wrong admission. Yes, he was a real a.s.shole. Yes, I was stupid. Yes, you tried to warn me. Yes I should have listened. Happy now?"

"Why would I be happy Stella? I'm not here to gloat and rub it in."

"Then why ARE you here? We haven't spoken in weeks and I think I made it pretty clear sitting nearly hidden by this f.u.c.king tree that I want to be left alone. Please enlighten me on your stellar intentions." It did come out harsher then I thought but who cares anyways. In a century, she'll be dead and I won't, so why keep these human ties longer then necessary.

"Wow I thought maybe I overreacted, maybe I was wrong, but I guess I was bang on; you have really gone off the deep end Stella. It's over, we've graduated. I thought at least we could part on good terms. Did the last few years mean anything to you? Anything at all?" Her voice catches slightly on that last part. I've had enough of this as I get up off the ground and brush the dirt off my jeans and turn to walk away.

"You have no light in you anymore Stella. It's gone and you know it," she calls after me.

This stops me dead in my tracks as I slowly turn to face her. "What does THAT mean?"

"What it means is that I no longer see any part of you that used to be my friend - my best friend. Since HE left, you've been going through the motions of living but there's absolutely no one home, is there? Walking around with that dark cloud perched on your shoulders, b.i.t.c.hing at anyone who'll get up the nerve to actually talk to you. You're personality sucks right now and my intention was to come over and try to help you, but I see I'm far too late for that."

"I don't need your help Gabriella, I never needed your help. You treated me like an inferior, keeping me around so you could always one up me. I resent the fact that you think you can 'save' me when all you're really doing is making yourself feel better. Oh well, I tried. I tried to help that poor, lost, Stella. Tried to make her see reason but no, she is too far gone. Thank G.o.d I can now focus all on me again, get loaded, and let some random guy get down my pants."

Her eyes have started to well up and I think she's about to start bawling which, to be honest, I have never seen before. This makes me even more angry. How dare she do this to me, pretend to be some saint that needs to rescue me. Little does she know that I can hold my own and plop a boulder down on her head at a moments notice. Her lips have started to tremble as she looks at me in absolute horror at what I've just said.

"Have a good life Gabby," I say as I storm off.

Once inside the comfort zone of Murrie I spend a moment to calm down before driving. I can tell my anger is making my super natural side perk up in attention. The last thing I need right now is to create some sort of freak sink hole that swallows up the cla.s.s of 2012; or maybe that isn't such a bad idea.

Chapter 25.

Stranger Danger ASH.

"Another." I holler to the barman, although I don't know why I bother as I can't seem to get any sort of buzz on tonight. As he slides another beer over to me, I push my empty to the side and stare blankly at the bottle.

No matter how hard I've tried, how many drinks I've consumed, how many wicked fights I've picked, I can't seem to forget about her. I've been holed up in this local c.r.a.ppy motel for weeks now, unable to move forward.

After I left the woods, I drove straight to Burlington, spent a few days drinking myself blind, then felt more miserable because it. I thought that if I did some research and tried to find out as much as I could about ability absorbers it might give me some insight to the power and confirmation that I did the right thing in telling her to forget it.

I drove up to Montpelier but there really wasn't much info I could garner from that branch of 'The Register'. I think I'd be better off heading back to the New York office but I can't seem to bring myself to leave just yet. About the only info I could dig up was that it was extremely rare (duh) with only one other recorded instance back in the 1400's. It wasn't too encouraging either as dude wound up consumed by power, drove himself mad and ended up dead at 21. 21 human years - a kid.