Everneath. Part 18

The moment he noticed, his eyes narrowed, and he froze midbreath. "That's interesting. You say you hate me, and yet you use me to stop hurting."

I stared down at my feet. "I didn't think you'd care. You do it all the time. Besides, it's just a sign of how ... messed up I am."

He put his hand beneath my chin and urged me to look at him. His face was earnest. "It's okay, Nik. If it makes you feel better, if it means you're close to me, I'll do anything for you."

"But it's not real."

"Of course it is. You feel it, don't you?"

"Yes," I whispered.

Right then Cole's name came over the speakers. The lead singer of the Angels was telling the crowd about their special guest star. It shook me out of my trance, and I broke apart from Cole and backed away from him. By the time most of the audience had spotted him, I was twenty feet away.

But he was still looking at me.

From the middle of the crowd, Jack turned and looked at Cole too. He hadn't seen us together. I wasn't sure he even realized I was there.

"Don't be shy, Cole!" the singer said. He gestured to the students. "Let's help him out, guys."

The cheers became thunderous as Cole slowly made his way to the stage, keeping his eyes on me. Just as he took the microphone in his hand, he mouthed a word.

Watch.

He adjusted his microphone and then tilted it toward his face, and instantly his rock star persona was back. "This one's for all you young lovers out there," he said.

The song he started playing was a departure from the usual Dead Elvises fare. It was soft and slow. Just Cole, his guitar, and a microphone. I glanced toward Jack and Jules, their arms around each other, their feet barely moving.

Cole's voice was smooth like velvet when he wanted it to be. He made sure I was looking and then pointed the end of his guitar toward the s.p.a.ce above my head. I looked up. A strange purple fog had gathered there, almost like my own personal rain cloud. I glanced back toward the stage, at Cole.

He gave a tiny nod of encouragement and I frowned in confusion. I had no idea what was happening. He smiled and shook his head, as if he couldn't believe I wasn't getting whatever message he was trying to send. He pointed his guitar purposefully toward a dancing couple near the stage. Juniors, I think they were. As he focused in on them, a tiny pink cloud formed above their heads, which he then, using his guitar, directed through the air toward me.

He made his movements look like a simple stage act. Apparently no one else could see the colored clouds.

The pink cloud joined the larger purple one above my head. My mouth dropped open in horror. Cole was skimming the emotions from the students and putting them right in front of me. I closed my mouth and held my breath, determined not to taste any of it.

But I was a hypocrite. What was the difference between stealing from others and tricking Cole into stealing from me so I felt better? There was no higher ground here.

The purple cloud represented all the things I hated about myself now, and so I backed away slowly, holding my breath. Someone tapped my shoulder and I jumped. Will was at my side.

"Hey, Nikki," he said with a grin. "I didn't mean to scare you. I called your name. What are you looking at?"

I looked back at the cloud. It was gone. "Nothing. The decorations."

Will scanned the room. "Um, yeah. Lots of ... tinsel."

I stole a glance at Cole, who had stopped singing. He glanced at Will, his face tight, and then looked down at his fingers while he riffed on his guitar.

"You wanna dance?" Will asked.

"Sure," I said. Anything to get my mind off what had just happened. Will led me toward the dance floor. He looked lucid, compared to the last time I'd seen him.

"What are you doing here, Will?" I asked.

"I'm a chaperone, believe it or not." We snaked our way through the couples.

"Apparently they never found out it was me who spiked the punch here three years ago," he said with a shrug.

I noticed we were getting closer to Jack and Jules, and I tugged on Will's hand. "Here's good, right?"

But he didn't slow down until we were only a couple of feet away. Jack finally noticed me. He watched as his brother put his hand on my back and grabbed my other hand. I couldn't tell what he was thinking. Seeing Jack reminded me of all that was good and normal in this world, and it made the last ten minutes with Cole seem even more despicable.

Will kept a respectable s.p.a.ce between us as we danced. I noticed his eyes. They weren't bloodshot tonight.

"You look good, Will," I said.

"Better than the last time you saw me, at least."

"I wasn't sure you'd remember."

"Remembering is easy. It's forgetting that's hard." His face had the sort of look that made me wonder what he'd been through the past year.

"I have the opposite problem," I said, trying not to be aware of how close Jack and Jules were. "I have to work to graft certain things into my mind. Otherwise I lose them." I thought about how much I had forgotten during the Feed, how it was a continual effort to hold on to Jack's face.

I kept my eyes on Will, but he seemed to know where my attention was, because he glanced over at Jack and then back at me. "You know, having a good memory is sort of a family trait with the Caputo brothers."

I felt the heat flood my cheeks.

"Jules," Will said loudly over Cole's song, releasing my hand and holding his out toward my friend. "May I?"

Jules looked at Jack before answering. I don't know if she was looking for permission or a reaction, but he didn't say or do anything.

"Sure, Will," she said. She didn't look at me as she took Will's hand.

I turned to watch them as Will led her farther toward the edge of the floor. I felt several pairs of eyes on me. Cole's gaze was almost physical. He was frowning, and when I caught his eye, he looked down at his hands forming chords and strumming.

I couldn't move. Then Jack's hand was on my shoulder, covering it like it used to. I turned around.

"How about it, Becks?" he said.

I nodded. He took me in his arms and we started dancing. His movements weren't as practiced as Cole's. But they were perfect.

"I didn't think you'd be here," Jack said.

"Neither did I."

He didn't squeeze me close like he did last year. In fact, at first he could hardly look at me. He kept his eyes focused on a bunch of streamers in a corner of the farmhouse. I peeked over his shoulder to where Jules and Will were dancing. Jules was watching us.

He took a deep breath and finally looked at my face, and his expression softened. "Jules and I agreed to come here together. Months ago."

"That's great," I said. "I think you two are a great couple."

He shook his head. "We're not together, Becks. We..." His voice trailed off, and he didn't finish the sentence.

Even if they weren't together, there was obviously a strong connection between them. "Whatever it is, I'm glad you have each other."

He leaned his forehead down, so it was almost touching my own. "What am I going to do about you, Becks? You've got me all twisted inside." He glanced down at my hand resting on his shoulder, and he seemed to get sidetracked. "We were here last year."

"I remember," I said.

He leaned closer and whispered, "Where will we be next year?"

I couldn't answer. I knew exactly where I'd be.

Right then something changed in the room. Cole's song had transformed from a soft lullaby to a harder, louder song. The change was infinitesimal, but I was so familiar with Cole's music that I could pinpoint the fulcrum note upon which the two melodies balanced, just before the softer one gave way to the louder one.

Raised voices from right next to us made me turn. Claire White and Matt Despain, who had been dancing nearby, were having a heated discussion. They were still in each other's arms, but their angry voices carried over the music.

The mood on the dance floor had changed, and somehow, I knew Cole had something to do with it.

I turned back toward Jack, and his face was different. His lips pressed together in a tight line, and his back was ramrod straight. Whatever Cole was doing to the air, it was affecting Jack. "If you're gonna leave, I wish you'd just leave."

I flinched. "What?"

"Why do you keep coming back if you're not going to stay?" The hand that held mine tightened its grip, and my fingers turned white. "Because even when you're gone, you're never really gone."

I could feel his hot breath on my face.

"Whatever it is that's got a pull on you-and taking you away-it's strong. Stronger than any of us here. I can tell. And I won't get over it if you keep coming back."

I couldn't believe what he was saying. "Jack, I-"

"No. Losing you once was hard enough. And now you're here again and everything's coming back. I'm going to get screwed. And I can't do it again. And the people around me can't watch me do it again."

My eyes were burning, and I started blinking rapidly, so what happened next was a blur. A few feet away from us, Noah White, Claire's brother, struck Matt Despain, sending him flying into Jack and throwing all three of us to the ground.

Jack shoved Matt aside and helped me up, and that's when I noticed we weren't the only ones having a heated exchange.

Noah stood over Matt. "You're not getting near my sister again." He kicked Matt before he walked away. I'd never known Noah to be violent.

I wondered where the adult chaperones were, or any spectators for that matter, but the entire farmhouse was in an uproar. Couples yelling at each other. Girls stomping off the dance floor. The punch bowl crashed to the floor and red juice splashed everywhere, running along the grains in the hardwood.

And above all the racket, Cole's song continued, the strings of his guitar screeching.

I whipped to face him. Cole's face had drained of color, and his eyes were closed. He staggered for a moment before he sank to one knee, as if he were about to faint.

By then half the people had filed out of the farmhouse, some still yelling insults at each other. The others were gathering their things to go. Joy O'Leary walked by me, stunned, one sleeve of her dress torn and hanging off her shoulder.

I turned around. Jack was ushering Jules off the dance floor and out the door. I was alone in the middle of it all.

In a matter of minutes, the farmhouse was almost cleared out. A few of the chaperones were left, wandering the room and muttering questions about the strange turn of events. The dance floor, which had looked magical only minutes before, now looked trashed and broken.

Cole sat on the stage, his legs dangling over the side, his head in his hands. I stomped over to him, and in a loud whisper I said, "What the h.e.l.l was that?"

He acted like he didn't hear me. His back was trembling.

I lowered my voice. "Answer me, Cole."

Nothing.

"Answer me!" I shoved his shoulder, and he toppled over onto his side, his head cracking down on the wooden stage floor. His eyes fluttered. He didn't look good.

"Cole!" I felt his forehead and cheek. I was expecting a fever, but instead his cheek felt cold. I slapped his cheek softly a few times, trying to rouse him.

"I'm sorry, Nik," he mumbled, his words slurring together as if he'd been drinking.

"What happened? What's wrong with you?"

He tried to turn his head away. "I don't want to talk about it."

I forced his head toward me. "You don't get off that easily. Somehow, I'm pretty sure you were at the center of that big brawl. Tell me what happened."

"Sometimes..." He paused and squeezed his eyes shut. "Sometimes our hearts ... crack a little."

He went quiet again. A couple of soph.o.m.ore girls had wandered back into the farmhouse and were hovering behind me. One of them had Cole's CD in her hands.

"Can we get an autograph?" the one with the CD asked me tentatively, as if I were Cole's handler. Cole moaned softly, closing his eyes again. Were these girls blind?

I shifted so I was blocking their view of Cole. "Now's obviously not a good time."

"But-" The same girl started forward.

"You can go," I said more forcefully.

The girl frowned. "Fine," she said. She and her friend left in a huff.

I looked at Cole. "Your fans are idiots."

A weak smile played on his lips and quickly disappeared. I spotted a tub of bottled water, and I grabbed one for Cole and brought it to his mouth.

"Here. Drink."

He took a few sips, and it seemed to help. He opened his eyes, and some color came back to his face.

"Talk," I said.

He sniffed and rolled onto his back, staring at the lights above the stage. "It's not a big deal..." He paused and took a breath. "Sometimes, when something hurts us, our hearts break a little-in a slightly more ... literal way than for humans. Our pain sort of spills out and onto anyone around us. We call it a cracked heart."

I sat next to him and used the sleeve of my dress to wipe away some of the sweat on his forehead. He was making it hard not to pity him. "Why did it happen to you?"