Etiquette Part 6

INVITATIONS, ACCEPTANCES AND REGRETS.

!THE FORMAL INVITATION!

As an inheritance from the days when Mrs. Brown presented her compliments and begged that Mrs. Smith would do her the honor to take a dish of tea with her, we still--notwithstanding the present flagrant disregard of old-fashioned convention--send our formal invitations, acceptances and regrets, in the prescribed punctiliousness of the third person.

All formal invitations, whether they are to be engraved or to be written by hand (and their acceptances and regrets) are invariably in the third person, and good usage permits of no deviation from this form.

!WEDDING INVITATIONS!

The invitation to the ceremony is engraved on the front sheet of white note-paper. The smartest, at present, is that with a raised margin--or plate mark. At the top of the sheet the crest (if the family of the bride has the right to use one) is embossed without color. Otherwise the invitation bears no device. The engraving may be in script, block, shaded block, or old English. The invitation to the ceremony should always request "the honour" of your "presence," and never the "pleasure" of your "company." (Honour is spelled in the old-fashioned way, with a "u" instead of "honor.") Enclosed in Two Envelopes Two envelopes are never used except for wedding invitations or announcements; but wedding invitations and all accompaning cards are always enclosed first in an inner envelope that has no mucilage on the flap, and is superscribed "Mr. and Mrs. Jameson Greatlake," without address. This is enclosed in an outer envelope which is sealed and addressed: Mr. and Mrs. Jameson Greatlake, 24 Michigan Avenue, Chicago.

To those who are only "asked to the church" no house invitation is enclosed.

!THE CHURCH INVITATION!

The proper form for an invitation to a church ceremony is: (Form No. 1.) Mr. and Mrs. John Huntington Smith request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Mary Katherine to Mr. James Smartlington on Tuesday the first of November at twelve o'clock at St. John's Church in the City of New York (Form No. 2.) Mr. and Mrs. John Huntington Smith request the honour of [HW: Miss Pauline Town's] presence at the marriage of their daughter Mary Katherine to Mr. James Smartlington on Tuesday the first of November at twelve o'clock at St. John's Church (The size of invitations is 5-1/8 wide by 7-3/8 deep.) (When the parents issue the invitations for a wedding at a house other than their own.) Mr. and Mrs. Richard Littlehouse request the honour of presence at the marriage of their daughter Betty to Mr. Frederic Robinson on Sat.u.r.day the fifth of November at four o'clock at the house of Mr. and Mrs. Sterlington Tuxedo Park New York R.s.v.p.

No variation is permissible in the form of a wedding invitation. Whether fifty guests are to be invited or five thousand, the paper, the engraving and the wording, and the double envelope are precisely the same.

Church Card of Admittance In cities or wherever the general public is not to be admitted, a card of about the size of a small visiting card is enclosed with the church invitation: Please present this card, at St. John's Church on Tuesday the first of November Cards to Reserved Pews To the family and very intimate friends who are to be seated in especially designated pews: Please present this to an usher Pew No. on Thursday the ninth of May Engraved pew cards are ordered only for very big weddings where twenty or more pews are to be reserved. The more usual custom--at all small and many big weddings--is for the mother of the bride, and the mother of the bridegroom each to write on her personal visiting card: [HW: Pew No. 7]

Mrs. John Huntington Smith FOUR WEST THIRTY-SIXTH STREET A card for the reserved enclosure but no especial pew is often inscribed "Within the Ribbons."

!INVITATION TO THE HOUSE!

The invitation to the breakfast or reception following the church ceremony is engraved on a card to match the paper of the church invitation and is the size of the latter after it is folded for the envelope: Mr. and Mrs. John Huntington Smith request the pleasure of [HW: Mr. & Mrs. James Greatlake's]

company on Tuesday the first of November at half after four o'clock at Four West Thirty-sixth Street R.s.v.p.

!CEREMONY AND RECEPTION INVITATION IN ONE!

Occasionally, especially for a country wedding, the invitation to the breakfast or the reception is added to the one to the ceremony: Mr. and Mrs. Alexander Chatterton request the honour of [HW: Mr. & Mrs. Worldly's]

presence at the marriage of their daughter Hester to Mr. James Town, junior on Tuesday the first of June at three o'clock at St. John's Church and afterwards at Sunnylawn Ridgefield R.s.v.p.

Or the invitation reads "at twelve o'clock, at St. John's Church, and afterwards at breakfast at Sunnylawn"; but "afterwards to the reception at Sunnylawn" is wrong.

!THE INVITATION TO A HOUSE WEDDING!

Is precisely the same except that "at Sunnylawn" or "at Four West Thirty-sixth Street" is put in place of "at St. John's Church," and an invitation to stay on at a house, to which the guest is already invited, is not necessary.

The Train Card If the wedding is to be in the country, a train card is enclosed: A special train will leave Grand Central Station at 12:45 P.M., arriving at Ridgefield at 2:45. Returning, train will leave Ridgefield at 5:10 P.M., arriving New York at 7.02 P.M.

Show this card at the gate.

!INVITATION TO RECEPTION AND NOT TO CEREMONY!

It sometimes happens that the bride prefers none but her family at the ceremony, and a big reception. This plan is chosen where the mother of the bride or other very near relative is an invalid. The ceremony may take place at a bedside, or it may be that the invalid can go down to the drawing-room with only the immediate families, and is unequal to the presence of many people.

Under these circ.u.mstances the invitations to the breakfast or reception are sent on sheets of note paper like that used for church invitations, but the wording is: Mr. and Mrs. Grantham Jones request the pleasure of your company at the wedding breakfast of their daughter Muriel and Mr. Burlingame Ross, Jr.

on Sat.u.r.day the first of November at one o'clock at Four East Thirty-Eighth Street The favor of an answer is requested The "pleasure of your company" is requested in this case instead of the "honour of your presence."

!THE WRITTEN WEDDING INVITATION!

If a wedding is to be so small that no invitations are engraved, the notes of invitation should be personally written by the bride: Sally Dear: Our wedding is to be on Thursday the tenth at half-past twelve, Christ Church Chantry. Of course we want you and Jack and the children! And we want all of you to come afterward to Aunt Mary's, for a bite to eat and to wish us luck.

Affectionately, Helen.

or Dear Mrs. Kindhart: d.i.c.k and I are to be married at Christ Church Chantry at noon on Thursday the tenth. We both want you and Mr. Kindhart to come to the church and afterward for a very small breakfast to my Aunt's--Mrs. Slade--at Two Park Avenue.

With much love from us both, Affectionately, Helen.

!WEDDING ANNOUNCEMENTS!

If no general invitations were issued to the church, an announcement engraved on note paper like that of the invitation to the ceremony, is sent to the entire visiting list of both the bride's and the groom's family: Mr. and Mrs. Maynard Barnes have the honour to announce the marriage of their daughter Priscilla to Mr. Eben Hoyt Leaming on Tuesday the twenty-sixth of April One thousand nine hundred and twenty-two in the City of New York !THE SECOND MARRIAGE!

!INVITATIONS!

Invitations to the marriage of a widow--if she is very young--are sent in the name of her parents exactly as were the invitations to her first wedding, excepting that her name instead of being merely Priscilla is now written Priscilla Barnes Leaming, thus: Mr. and Mrs. Maynard Barnes request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Priscilla Barnes Leaming to etc.

!ANNOUNCEMENTS!

For a young widow's marriage are also the same as for a first wedding: Mr. and Mrs. Maynard Barnes have the honour to announce the marriage of their daughter Priscilla Barnes Leaming to Mr. Worthington Adams etc. But the announcement of the marriage of a widow of maturer years is engraved on note paper and reads: Mrs. Priscilla Barnes Leaming and Mr. Worthington Adams have the honour to announce their marriage on Monday the second of November at Saratoga Springs New York !CARDS OF ADDRESS!

If the bride and groom wish to inform their friends of their future address (especially in cities not covered by the Social Register), it is customary to enclose a card with the announcement: Mr. and Mrs. Worthington Adams will be at home after the first of December at Twenty-five Alderney Place Or merely their visiting card with their new address in the lower right corner: Mr. and Mrs. Worthington Adams 25 Alderney Place !INVITATION TO WEDDING ANNIVERSARY!

For a wedding anniversary celebration, the year of the wedding and the present year are usually stamped across the top of an invitation. Sometimes the couple's initials are added.

1898-1922 Mr. and Mrs. Alvin Johnson request the pleasure of [HW: Mr. & Mrs. ILLEGIBLE]

company at the Twenty-fifth Anniversary of their marriage on Wednesday the first of June at nine o'clock Twenty-four Austin Avenue R.s.v.p.

!ANSWERING A WEDDING INVITATION!

An invitation to the church only requires no answer whatever. An invitation to the reception or breakfast is answered on the first page of a sheet of note paper, and although it is written "by hand" the s.p.a.cing of the words must be followed as though they were engraved. This is the form of acceptance: Mr. and Mrs. Robert Gilding, Jr., accept with pleasure Mr. and Mrs. John Huntington Smith's kind invitation for Tuesday the first of June The regret reads: Mr. and Mrs. Richard Brown regret that they are unable to accept Mr. and Mrs. John Huntington Smith's kind invitation for Tuesday the first of June !OTHER FORMAL INVITATIONS!

All other formal invitations are engraved (never printed) on cards of thin white matte Bristol board, either plain or plate-marked like those for wedding reception cards. Note paper such as that used for wedding invitations is occasionally, but rarely, preferred.

Monograms, addresses, personal devices are not used on engraved invitations.

The size of the card of invitation varies with personal preference from four and a half to six inches in width, and from three to four and a half inches in height. The most graceful proportion is three units in height to four in width.

The lettering is a matter of personal choice, but the plainer the design, the better. Scrolls and ornate tr.i.m.m.i.n.gs are bad taste always. Punctuation is used only after each letter of the R.s.v.p. and it is absolutely correct to use small letters for the s.v.p. Capitals R.S.V.P. are permissible; but fastidious people prefer "R.s.v.p."

!INVITATION TO A BALL!

The word "ball" is never used excepting in an invitation to a public one, or at least a semi-public one, such as may be given by a committee for a charity or a club, or a.s.sociation of some sort.

For example: The Committee of the Greenwood Club request the pleasure of your company at a Ball to be held in the Greenwood Clubhouse on the evening of November the seventh at ten o'clock.

for the benefit of The Neighborhood Hospital Tickets five dollars Invitations to a private ball, no matter whether the ball is to be given in a private house, or whether the hostess has engaged an entire floor of the biggest hotel in the world, announce merely that Mr. and Mrs. Somebody will be "At Home," and the word "dancing" is added almost as though it were an afterthought in the lower left corner, the words "At Home" being slightly larger than those of the rest of the invitation. When both "At" and "Home" are written with a capital letter, this is the most punctilious and formal invitation that it is possible to send. It is engraved in script usually, on a card of white Bristol board about five and a half inches wide and three and three-quarters of an inch high. Like the wedding invitation it has an embossed crest without color, or nothing.

The precise form is: Mr. and Mrs. t.i.therington de Payster At Home On Monday the third of January at ten o'clock One East Fiftieth Street The favour of an answer is requested Dancing or Mr. and Mrs. Davis Jefferson At Home On Monday the third of January at ten o'clock Town and Country Club Kindly send reply to Three Mt. Vernon Square Dancing (If preferred, the above invitations may be engraved in block or shaded block type.) !BALL FOR DeBUTANTE DAUGHTER!

Very occasionally an invitation is worded Mr. and Mrs. Davis Jefferson Miss Alice Jefferson At Home if the daughter is a debutante and the ball is for her, but it is not strictly correct to have any names but those of the host and his wife above the words "At Home."

The proper form of invitation when the ball is to be given for a debutante, is as follows: Mr. and Mrs. de Puyster request the pleasure of [HW: Miss Rosalie Gray's]

company at a dance in honour of their daughter Miss Alice de Puyster on Monday evening, the third of January at ten o'clock One East Fiftieth Street R.s.v.p.

or Mr. and Mrs. t.i.therington de Puyster Miss Alice de Puyster request the pleasure of [HW: Mr. and Mrs. Greatlake's]

company on Monday evening the third of January at ten o'clock One East Fiftieth Street Dancing R.s.v.p.

The form most often used by fashionable hostesses in New York and Newport is: Mr. and Mrs. Gilding request the pleasure of company at a small dance on Monday the first of January at Ought Ought Fifth Avenue Even if given for a debutante daughter, her name does not appear, and it is called a "small dance," whether it is really small or big. The request for a reply is often omitted, since everyone is supposed to know that an answer is necessary. But if the dance, or dinner, or whatever the entertainment is to be, is given at one address and the hostess lives at another, both addresses are always given: Mr. and Mrs. Sidney Oldname request the pleasure of company at a dance on Monday evening the sixth of January at ten o'clock The Fitz-Cherry Kindly send response to Brookmeadows L.I.

If the dance is given for a young friend who is not a relative, Mr. and Mrs. Oldname's invitations should request the pleasure of company at a dance in honour of Miss Rosalie Grey !WHEN AND HOW ONE MAY ASK FOR AN INVITATION FOR A STRANGER!

One may never ask for an invitation for oneself anywhere! And one may not ask for an invitation to a luncheon or a dinner for a stranger. But an invitation for any general entertainment may be asked for a stranger--especially for a house-guest.

Example: Dear Mrs. Worldly, A young cousin of mine, David Blakely from Chicago, is staying with us.

May Pauline take him to your dance on Friday? If it will be inconvenient for you to include him, please do not hesitate to say so frankly.

Very sincerely yours, Caroline Robinson Town.

Answer: Dear Mrs. Town, I shall be delighted to have Pauline bring Mr. Blakely on the tenth.

Sincerely yours, Edith Worldly.

Or A man might write for an invitation for a friend. But a very young girl should not ask for an invitation for a man--or anyone--since it is more fitting that her mother ask for her. An older girl might say to Mrs. Worldly, "My cousin is staying with us, may I bring him to your dance?" Or if she knows Mrs. Worldly very well she might send a message by telephone: "Miss Town would like to know whether she may bring her cousin, Mr. Michigan, to Mrs. Worldly's dance."

!CARD OF GENERAL INVITATION!

Invitations to important entertainments are nearly always especially engraved, so that nothing is written except the name of the person invited; but, for the hostess who entertains constantly, a card which is engraved in blank, so that it may serve for dinner, luncheon, dance, garden party, musical, or whatever she may care to give, is indispensable.

The s.p.a.cing of the model shown below, the proportion of the words, and the size of the card, are especially good.

Mrs. Stevens requests the pleasure of company at on at o'clock Two Elm Place !THE DINNER INVITATION!

The blank which may be used only for dinner: Mr. and Mrs. Huntington Jones request the pleasure of company at dinner on at eight o'clock at Two Thousand Fifth Avenue (For type and s.p.a.cing follow model on p. 118.) !INVITATIONS TO RECEPTIONS AND TEAS!

Invitations to receptions and teas differ from invitations to b.a.l.l.s in that the cards on which they are engraved are usually somewhat smaller, the words "At Home" with capital letters are changed to "will be at home" with small letters, and the time is not set at the hour. Also, except on very unusual occasions, a man's name does not appear. The name of the debutante for whom the tea is given is put under that of her mother, and sometimes under that of her sister or the bride of her brother.

Mrs. James Town Mrs. James Town, junior Miss Pauline Town will be at home On Tuesday the eighth of December from four until six o'clock Two Thousand Fifth Avenue.

Mr. Town's name would probably appear with that of his wife if he were an artist, and the reception was given in his studio to view his pictures, or if a reception were given to meet a distinguished guest such as a bishop or a governor, in which case "In honour of the Right Reverend William Powell," or "To meet His Excellency the Governor," is at the top of the invitation.

!THE FORMAL INVITATION WHICH IS WRITTEN!

When the formal invitation to dinner or lunch is written instead of engraved, note paper stamped with house or personal device is used. The wording and s.p.a.cing must follow the engraved models exactly.

350 PARK AVENUE Mr. and Mrs. John Kindhart request the pleasure of Mr. and Mrs. Robert Gilding Jr.'s company at Dinner on Tuesday the sixth of December at eight o'clock.

It must not be written: 350 PARK AVENUE TELEPHONE 7572 PLAZA Mr. & Mrs. J. Kindhart request the pleasure of Mr. & Mrs. James Town's Company at Dinner on Tuesday etc.

The foregoing example has four faults: (1) Letters in the third person must follow the prescribed form. This does not. (2) The writing is crowded against the margin. (3) The telephone number should be used only for business and informal notes and letters. (4) The full name John should be used instead of the initial "J." "Mr. and Mrs." is better form than "Mr. & Mrs."

!RECALLING AN INVITATION!

If for illness or other reason invitations have to be recalled the following forms are correct. They are always printed instead of engraved, there being no time for engraving.

Owing to sudden illness Mr. and Mrs. John Huntington Smith are obliged to recall their invitations for Tuesday the tenth of June.

The form used when the invitation is postponed: Mr. and Mrs. John Huntington Smith regret exceedingly that owing to the illness of Mrs. Smith their dance is temporarily postponed.

When a wedding is broken off after the invitations have been issued: Mr. and Mrs. Benjamin Nottingham announce that the marriage of their daughter Mary Katharine and Mr. Jerrold Atherton will not take place !FORMAL ACCEPTANCE OR REGRET!

Acceptances or regrets are always written. An engraved form to be filled in is vulgar--nothing could be in worse taste than to flaunt your popularity by announcing that it is impossible to answer your numerous invitations without the time-saving device of a printed blank. If you have a dozen or more invitations a day, if you have a hundred, hire a staff of secretaries if need be, but answer "by hand."

The formal acceptance to an invitation, whether it is to a dance, wedding breakfast or a ball, is identical: Mr. and Mrs. Donald Lovejoy accept with pleasure Mr. and Mrs. Smith's kind invitation for dinner on Monday the tenth of December at eight o'clock The formula for regret: Mr. Clubwin Doe regrets extremely that a previous engagement prevents his accepting Mr. and Mrs. Smith's kind invitation for dinner on Monday the tenth of December or Mr. and Mrs. Timothy Kerry regret that they are unable to accept Mr. and Mrs. Smith's kind invitation for dinner on Monday the tenth of December In accepting an invitation the day and hour must be repeated, so that in case of mistake it may be rectified and prevent one from arriving on a day when one is not expected. But in declining an invitation it is not necessary to repeat the hour.

!VISITING CARD INVITATIONS!

With the exception of invitations to house-parties, dinners and luncheons, the writing of notes is past. For an informal dance, musical, picnic, for a tea to meet a guest, or for bridge, a lady uses her ordinary visiting card: To meet Miss Millicent Gilding !MRS. JOHN KINDHART!

Tues. Jan. 7. Dancing at 10. o'ck. 350 PARK AVENUE or Wed. Jan. 8. Bridge at 4. o'ck.

!MRS. JOHN KINDHART!

R.s.v.p. 350 PARK AVENUE Answers to invitations written on visiting cards are always formally worded in the third person, precisely as though the invitation had been engraved.

!INVITATIONS IN THE SECOND PERSON!

The informal dinner and luncheon invitation is not s.p.a.ced according to set words on each line, but is written merely in two paragraphs. Example: Dear Mrs. Smith: Will you and Mr. Smith dine with us on Thursday, the seventh of January, at eight o'clock?

Hoping so much for the pleasure of seeing you, Very sincerely, Caroline Robinson Town.

!THE INFORMAL NOTE OF ACCEPTANCE OR REGRET!

Dear Mrs. Town: It will give us much pleasure to dine with you on Thursday the seventh, at eight o'clock.

Thanking you for your kind thought of us, Sincerely yours, Margaret Smith.

Wednesday.

or Dear Mrs. Town: My husband and I will dine with you on Thursday the seventh, at eight o'clock, with greatest pleasure.