Equal Rites Part 29

"Well?"

"If you might see your way clear to becoming, that is, whether you would accept a Chair."

He sat back. The sugar lump pa.s.sed under his chair on matchstick rollers, the squeaking of the slavedriver ants just at the edge of hearing.

"Hmm," said Granny, "I don't see why not. I've always wanted one of those big wicker ones, you know, with the sort of sunshade bit on the top. If that's not too much trouble."

"That isn't exactly what I meant," said Cutangle, adding quickly, "although I'm sure that could be arranged. No, I mean, would you come and lecture the students? Once in a while?"

"What on?"

Cutangle groped for a subject.

"Herbs?" he hazarded. "We're not very good on herbs here. And headology. Esk told me a lot about headology. It sounds fascinating."

The sugar lump disappeared through a crack in a nearby wall with a final jerk. Cutangle nodded toward it.

"They're very heavy on the sugar," he said, "but we haven't got the heart to do anything about it."

Granny frowned, and then nodded across the haze over the city to the distant glitter of the snow on the Ramtops.

"It's a long way," she said. "I can't be keeping on going backward and forward at my time of life."

"We could buy you a much better broomstick," said Cutangle. "One you don't have to b.u.mp start. And you, you could have a flat here. And all the old clothes you can carry," he added, using the secret weapon. He had wisely invested in some conversation with Mrs. Whitlow.

"Mmph," said Granny, "Silk?"

"Black and and red," said Cutangle. An image of Granny in black and red silk trotted across his mind, and he bit heavily into his scone. red," said Cutangle. An image of Granny in black and red silk trotted across his mind, and he bit heavily into his scone.

"And maybe we can bring some students out to your cottage in the summer," Cutangle went on, "for extra-mural studies."

"Who's Extra Muriel?"

"I mean, there's lots they can learn, I'm sure.

Granny considered this. Certainly the privy needed a good seeing-to before the weather got too warm, and the goat shed was ripe for the mucking-out by spring. Digging over the Herb bed was a ch.o.r.e, too. The bedroom ceiling was a disgrace, and some of the tiles needed fixing.

"Practical things?" she said, thoughtfully.

"Absolutely," said Cutangle.

"Mmph. Well, I'll think about it," said Granny, dimly aware that one should never go too far on a first date.

"Perhaps you would care to dine with me this evening and let me know?" said Cutangle, his eyes agleam.

"What's to eat?"

"Cold meat and potatoes." Mrs. Whitlow had done her work well.

There was.

Esk and Simon went on to develop a whole new type of magic that no one could exactly understand but which nevertheless everyone considered very worthwhile and somehow comforting.

Perhaps more importantly, the ants used all the sugar lumps they could steal to build a small sugar pyramid in one of the hollow walls, in which, with great ceremony, they entombed the mummified body of a dead queen. On the wall of one tiny hidden chamber they inscribed, in insect hieroglyphs, the true secret of longevity.

They got it absolutely right and it would probably have important implications for the universe if it hadn't, next time the University flooded, been completely washed away.

About the Author.

Terry Pratchett lives in England, an island off the coast of France, where he spends his time writing Discworld novels in accordance with the Very String Anthropic Principle, which holds that the entire Purpose of the Universe is to make possible a being that will live in England, an island off the coast of France, and spend his time writing Discworld novels. Which is exactly what he does. Which proves the whole business true. Any questions? lives in England, an island off the coast of France, where he spends his time writing Discworld novels in accordance with the Very String Anthropic Principle, which holds that the entire Purpose of the Universe is to make possible a being that will live in England, an island off the coast of France, and spend his time writing Discworld novels. Which is exactly what he does. Which proves the whole business true. Any questions?

Visit www.AuthorTracker.com for exclusive information on your favorite HarperCollins author.

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-Elizabeth Peters "Consistently, inventively mad...wild and wonderful!"

-Isaac Asimov's Science Fiction Magazine "Simply the best humorous writer of the twentieth century."

-Oxford Times "A brilliant story-teller with a sense of humour...whose infectious fun completely engulfs you...The d.i.c.kens of the twentieth century"

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-Financial Times (London) (London) "If you don't know Pratchett and Discworld, you've got a treat in store."

-Jerry Pournelle "The funniest parodist working in the field today, period."

-New York Review of Science Fiction "Pratchett demonstrates just how great the distance is between oneor twojoke writers and the comic masters whose work will be read into the next century."

-Locus "Terry Pratchett is fast, funny and going places. Try him!"

-Piers Anthony "As always he is head and shoulders above the best of the rest. He is screamingly funny. He is wise. He has style."

-Daily Telegraph (London) (London) "Pratchett is a comic genius."

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-Independent (London) (London) "Terry Pratchett does for fantasy what Douglas Adams did for science fiction."

-Today (Great Britain) (Great Britain) "What makes Terry Pratchett's fantasies so entertaining is that their humour depends on the characters first, on the plot second, rather than the other way around. The story isn't there simply to lead from one slapstick pratfall to another pun. Its humour is genuine and unforced."

-Ottawa Citizen "Terry Pratchett ought to be locked in a padded cell. And forced to write a book a month."

-Barbara Michaels "Terry Pratchett is more than a magician. He is the kindest, most fascinating teacher you ever had."

-Harlan Ellison "It is his unexpected insights into human mortality that make the Discworld series stand out."

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-Anne McCaffrey

BOOKS BY T TERRY P PRATCHETT.

The Carpet People The Dark Side of the Sun Strata Truckers Diggers Wings Only You Can Save Mankind Johnny and the Dead Johnny and the Bomb The Unadulterated Cat (with Gray Jollife) (with Gray Jollife) Good Omens (with Neil Gaiman) (with Neil Gaiman) THE D DISCWORLD SERIES:.

Going Postal * Monstrous Regiment * Night Watch The Last Hero * The Truth * Thief of Time The Fifth Elephant * Carpe Jugulum The Last Continent Jingo Hogfather * Feet of Clay * Maskerade Interesting Times Soul Music Men at Arms Lords and Ladies Small G.o.ds Witches Abroad Reaper Man Moving Pictures Eric (with Josh Kirby) (with Josh Kirby) Guards! Guards! Pyramids Wyrd Sisters Sourcery Mort Equal Rites The Light Fantastic The Color of Magic Mort: A Discworld Big Comic (with Graham Higgins) (with Graham Higgins) The Streets of Ankh-Morpork (with Stephen Briggs) (with Stephen Briggs) The Discworld Companion (with Stephen Briggs) (with Stephen Briggs) The Discworld Mapp (with Stephen Briggs) (with Stephen Briggs) The Pratchett Portfolio (with Paul Kidby) (with Paul Kidby)