Epilepsy, Hysteria, and Neurasthenia Part 14

Proceed gently but with absolute firmness, _start early_, and remember that example is better than precept.

Religion. Offering advice on this subject is skating on very thin ice, and we do so but to give grave warning against neuropathic youth being allowed to contract religious "mania", "ecstasy", or "exaltation".

Neuropaths are given naturally to "see visions and dream dreams", and if this tendency be exaggerated an unbalanced moral type results. Jones says:

"The epileptic is apt to be greatly influenced by the mystical or awe-inspiring, and is disposed to morbid piety. He has an outer religiousness without corresponding strictness of morals; indeed the sentiment of religious exaltation may be in great contrast to his habitual conduct, which is a mixture of irritability, vice and perverted instincts."

Lay stress on the simple moral teaching of the New Testament, and avoid cranky creeds, cross references, or Higher Criticism. Teach them to practise the moral precepts, not to quote them by the page.

Without this practical bent, a "Revival" meeting is apt to result in a transient but harmful "conversion"; a form of religious sentiment which finds outlet, not so much in works as in morbid excitement. In these people, as in the insane, there is often a weird mixing-up of religious and s.e.xual emotion.

Teach these children that the greatest good is not to sob over their fancied sins at "salvation" meetings, but to love the just and good, to hate the unjust and evil, and to do unto others as they would others should do unto them.

It is better for them to join one of the great churches, than become members of those small sects which maintain peculiar tenets.

A word of special warning must be given against Spiritualism. There may or may not be a foundation for this belief, but it is highly abnormal, and has led thousands into asylums.

The medium and the majority of her audience are highly neurotic, and a more unwholesome environment for an actual or potential neuropath could not be imagined.

The educated neuropath often peruses certain agnostic works, the result usually being deplorable, for this cla.s.s are dependent on some stable base outside themselves, such as is found in a calm religion manifested in a steadfast attempt to overcome the weakness of the flesh, by ordering life in accordance with the teachings of the New Testament.

So long as abnormalities of character do not become too p.r.o.nounced, friends must be content.

Such children must be trained to express themselves in a practical manner, not in weaving gorgeous phantasies in which they march to imaginary victory. Day dreams form one of those unlatched doors of the madhouse that swing open at a touch, the phantasy of to-day being written "emotional dementia" on a lunacy certificate to-morrow.

Finally, remember that above them hangs the curse:

"Unstable as water, _thou shall not excel_."

"Go thou softly with them, all their days!" and whether your tears fall on the ashes of a loved and loving, but weak and wilful one, or whether their tears bedew the grave of the only friend they ever knew, you will not have lacked a rich reward.

CHAPTER XXII

DANGERS AT AND AFTER p.u.b.eRTY

"Th' expense of spirit in a waste of shame Is l.u.s.t in action; and till action, l.u.s.t Is perjured, murderous, b.l.o.o.d.y, full of blame, Savage, extreme, rude, cruel, not to trust; Enjoyed no sooner but despised straight; Past reason hunted; and, no sooner had, Past reason hated, as a swallow'd bait On purpose laid to make the taker mad; Mad in pursuit, and in possession so; Had, having had, and in quest to have, extreme; A bliss in proof, and proved, a very woe; Before, a joy proposed; behind, a dream; All this the world well knows; yet none knows well, To shun the Heaven that leads men to this h.e.l.l!"

--Shakespeare. Sonnet 129.

At p.u.b.erty (from the age of 11-15) a boy becomes capable of paternity, a girl of maternity; during adolescence (from p.u.b.erty to 25) the body in general, and the reproductive organs in particular, grow and mature.

In the boy, s.e.m.e.n is secreted, the voice breaks, the genitals enlarge, hair grows on the p.u.b.es, face and armpits, and there is a rapid increase in height owing to growth of bone. In the girl menstruation commences, the pelvis is enlarged, bust and b.r.e.a.s.t.s develop, the complexion brightens, the hair becomes glossy, and the eyes bright and attractive.

In both, the s.e.xual instinct awakens, and the mental, like the physical, changes are profound. There is great general instability, the child, at one time shy and reticent, is at another, boisterous and self-a.s.sertive.

Parents rarely realize the importance and trying nature of this period when "there awakes an appet.i.te which in all ages has debased the weak, wrestled fiercely with the strong and overwhelmed too often even the n.o.ble".

Adolescents suffer more from the lack of understanding, sympathy, appreciation and wise guidance shown by their blind parents, than they do from their own ignorance and perfervid imagination.

The transitions from radiant joy and confident expectation, reared on a flimsy basis of supposition, to dire despair consequent on a wrong reading of physical and mental changes, are rapid. Friends, lovers and heroes quickly succeed one another, play their parts, and give place to others.

The awakening of the s.e.xual appet.i.te is usually ignored, and children are left to gain knowledge of man's n.o.blest power from companions, casual references in the Bible and other books, and unguarded references in conversation. Under such conditions not one in a thousand--and _your_ child is _not_ that one--escapes impurity and degraded s.e.x ideas.

Wherever youth congregate, this subject crops up, and those who talk most freely to the others are just those with the most distorted and vicious ideas, whose discourse abounds in obscene detail and ribald jest. Your child must learn either from ignorant, unclean minds, or be taught in a clean, sacred way, which will rob s.e.x of secrecy and obscenity; _learn he will_; if you will not teach your child, his pet rabbit will.

When children ask awkward questions, say quietly that such matters are not discussed with children, but promise to tell them all about it when they are ten years old; delay no longer, for most children learn self-abuse between ten and twelve.

Self-abuse is a bad habit, and no more a "sin" than is biting the nails.

Unfortunately, people with no other qualification than a desire to do good, wrongly harp on the "sin" of it and draw lurid pictures of physical and mental wreck as the end of such "sinners", ignorant that if all masturbators went mad the world would be one huge asylum.

Exaggeration never pays in teaching youth. Tell the truth, which is bad enough without adding "white lies" with an eye to effect.

Coitus causes slight prostration, Nature's device to remind man to keep s.e.xual intercourse within bounds, for while in moderation it is harmless, in excess it causes great prostration. _Exactly the same applies to self-abuse_, for, paradoxical as it seems, the real harm is done by the _fear_ of the supposed harm.

The masturbator first suffers from the knowledge he is indulging in a pleasure he knows would be forbidden, and from fear of being found out; later he learns from friends, quack advertis.e.m.e.nts, or well-meaning books that self-abuse is a most deadly practice, and thereupon a tremendous struggle occurs between desire and fear, each act ending in an agony of remorse and dread of future consequences, which struggle does a thousand-fold more harm than the loss of a little s.e.m.e.n.

The ill-effects of these mental struggles disappear after marriage, which means greater indulgence, but indulgence free from mental stress. In neuropaths, these mental struggles are the worst things that could occur, for they tend to make permanent the states we are trying to cure.

The most serious results of masturbation are moral not physical. Loss of will-power, self-reliance, presence of mind, reasoning power, memory, courage, idealism, and self-control; mental and physical debility, laziness, a diseased fondness for the opposite s.e.x, and in later years, some degree of impotence or sterility, are its commoner results.

Teach _your_ child, therefore, not from fear of physical harm, but because you wish him to be one of those fortunate few who live and die "gentlemen unafraid", because they had wise parents.

Let the mother instruct a girl, the father a boy, and not leave so vital a matter to an unsuitable pamphlet.

Buy one of the many "Knowledge for Boys or Girls" books and read it carefully.

Having made sure you can convey a simple account of the wonders of reproduction, and that you have rooted out the idea that s.e.x is something to be apologized for, see the child and tell him it is time he learned of his private parts, as manhood draws near.

Then, speaking in a quiet, unembarra.s.sed way, deliver your little homily, all the time insisting on the marvel, the romance, the poetry and the beauty of the s.e.x. Let chivalry be your text, not fear, and repeat the Squire's sound parting advice to Tom Brown:

"Never listen to or say things you would not have your mother or sister hear."

Give a clear and complete description in simple words of the mechanism and marvel of reproduction, for half-knowledge generates a prurient curiosity about the other s.e.x, thus defeating the very end you have so earnestly striven for.

Purity not impurity should be your text, and you should only refer to masturbation as a harmful habit, which should not be contracted.

Warn them to

"Keep the heart with all diligence, for out of it are the issues of life!"

by turning their thoughts instantly and determinedly away from s.e.x ideas when they arise, as they _will_ arise, time and again. It is useless to try _not_ to think of them, the child must instantly turn its thoughts to to _something else_, for one who cannot stamp out a spark will not subdue a fiercely-raging conflagration.

Babies should not be carelessly caressed, and a fretful infant must never be soothed by playing with the genitals, as is done innocently by some mothers and nurses, and by others from motives more questionable. Freud showed that there are subconscious s.e.xual desires in infants, which die out until reanimated at p.u.b.erty in Nature's own way. If exaggerated by exuberant fondling, they gather force in the dark corners of the mind, and are later manifested in morbid s.e.xual or mental perversity.

If you have good grounds for believing the habit has already been contracted, enlist medical advice. A great factor in the successful treatment of self-abuse is early recognition, and, after the unhygienic nature of the habit has carefully been pointed out, the child's sense of honour should be invoked.

Without further reference to the matter, try to become your child's confidant, for he will have to fight fires within and foes without. See that his time is filled with healthy sport and play, and enn.o.ble his ideas with talk, books and plays which lay stress on chivalry and manliness. Give him plain food, tepid douches, and a firm bed with light, fairly warm clothing. Get him up reasonably early in the morning, and let him play until he is "dog-tired" at night.

Let children rub shoulders with others, keep them from highly exciting tales, let them read but little, and train them to be observant of external objects all the time.