Emergency: Wife Lost And Found Part 13

'I do!' Lorna sobbed. 'Because I can't live with the pain, and in four weeks' time I'm having a hysterectomy.'

And it was out and she'd said it and he was still holding her.

He never wanted to stop holding her-here in his living room, his head felt as if it was imploding. There was a tumble of regret, of anger, about wasted, wasted years and wasted, wasted futures, about the damage that had been done, not just this morning to the baby they had fought to save but to the woman he was holding in his arms now. He knew she was spent now, knew he needed to think before he rushed in and said the wrong thing, so instead he stood her up and said the only thing he knew that she wanted to hear.

'Bed.'

He gave her his nice man nice man kiss, a little kiss on the forehead that told her he knew she was tired, drained, utterly exhausted. He took her upstairs, unb.u.t.toned her coat, took off her clothes and his own. He pulled the duvet over and pulled her into his arms and held her, didn't say a word as it all sank in. He held her the same way he had the night her father had screamed at them and told her she was a s.l.u.t and a wh.o.r.e, the same way he had the night she'd come home after losing their baby. kiss, a little kiss on the forehead that told her he knew she was tired, drained, utterly exhausted. He took her upstairs, unb.u.t.toned her coat, took off her clothes and his own. He pulled the duvet over and pulled her into his arms and held her, didn't say a word as it all sank in. He held her the same way he had the night her father had screamed at them and told her she was a s.l.u.t and a wh.o.r.e, the same way he had the night she'd come home after losing their baby.

Their little girl.

Lorna was thinking about her too.

'Is she the L on your keying?'

'She's the one,' James said.

'Lily.'

There were no tears left, just relief at being able to finally mourn her her and the shrivelling sorrow for the baby that had died today too. Then there was James, his hand low on her stomach as if somehow he loved it-adhesions and endometriosis and missing Fallopian tube and all. and the shrivelling sorrow for the baby that had died today too. Then there was James, his hand low on her stomach as if somehow he loved it-adhesions and endometriosis and missing Fallopian tube and all.

As if somehow still he loved her.

Chapter Twenty-One

LORNA had no idea what time it was when she awoke. For a while she lay there, his body spooned into hers, not trying to orientate herself, suspended in whatever time it was and remembering. had no idea what time it was when she awoke. For a while she lay there, his body spooned into hers, not trying to orientate herself, suspended in whatever time it was and remembering.

The h.e.l.lish night shift.

Telling him her truth.

And waking in his arms.

Oh, James was too much of a gentleman to baulk and run. Lying there, she almost braced herself for a talking-to, that he cared for her, that he always would, but it was ten years ago now...But his warm palm was pressing harder into her breast, and his mouth was on the back of her shoulder and for a moment she wondered if she had actually told him because it seemed as if nothing had changed, as if, even with the truth, he still wanted her.

And then she stopped thinking, turned over in the darkness and faced him, kissed him on his lips and meshed her skin with his. It didn't matter if it was morning, afternoon or evening, because time took on a new meaning when she was in his arms.

He sort of tumbled her onto her back and he was still kissing her. He could be almost matter-of-fact at times in his love-making, but in a delicious way that drove her wild. As if her body were dotted with Braille he read it, taking his weight on his elbows, parting her warm legs with his knees. And who the h.e.l.l needed foreplay? Because as he slipped inside her she was ready anyway, ready for James to take his time. He didn't say a word and neither did Lorna. They revelled in each other's bodies, and whoever said the missionary position was boring hadn't been a devotee of James. There was no rush, just a lovely languorous journey, where she crept out of her mind as he crept inside her body, accepting the sensations he afforded-the slide of his skin over hers, the taste of his chest, her hands slid down his torso in their own lazy time then felt his taut b.u.t.tocks and dug him deeper inside her. She loved his ragged breathing in her ear, loved the weight pressing down on her, but he was being too gentle, mindful of her chest when he didn't have to be any more. Or maybe he did, because it hurt just a little but he solved that in an instant, wrapping his arms under her now, so she got the contact but not the weight, and it was so nice she wanted to stay there for ever.

She wished she could stop moaning, because she didn't want to signal the end, wished she could tell her hands to stop digging into him and her legs to stop tightening around him because she never wanted him to stop. He didn't. Even as she was coming, still he drove her further, and it was delicious, like gorging yourself on chocolate ice cream and going back to find the freezer still full. Still he was there, still he was driving into her, and if James's control was to be admired, she had absolutely none, and for a minister's daughter her language was shocking. She'd have to have a quiet word to herself later. James did not seem to mind, he obviously obviously didn't, in fact, because as her o.r.g.a.s.m hit again he forgot to be gentle now, held her so tight as he thrust inside her, m.u.f.fled her words with his chest and took her-because he could. didn't, in fact, because as her o.r.g.a.s.m hit again he forgot to be gentle now, held her so tight as he thrust inside her, m.u.f.fled her words with his chest and took her-because he could.

'You want babies,' Lorna said into the darkness. Having made love in his very dark bedroom, they were lying there all wrapped up and content, and when it came around, it was nice to find out they were big enough and able enough to talk about it now.

'I want lots of things,' James said, 'but I want you more.'

'We could adopt.'

'We can do lots of things.' James agreed.

'I'm worried.' She took a big breath and blew it out and tested flying with her new honest wings. 'I'm worried that I'll get depressed again after the operation, that I'll put you through it all over again.'

'You won't,' James said, 'because I'll drag those dark thoughts out of you and you'll talk to me this time, and you'll see someone if you have to. Lorna, if you knew the h.e.l.l of these past years. I've been trying to find you, find a woman that made me laugh, that fitted...'

'James!'

'We fit,' James said. 'We just did, till you went all dark on me.'

'We did,' Lorna agreed, then addressed a nagging guilt. 'What about Ellie? That was more...'

'It was,' he admitted.

'What will you tell her?' Her body swept with dread, because Ellie hadn't entered her head till now, and that he'd hurt her once over Lorna was bad enough, but that he'd hurt her twice was unthinkable.

'Tell her?' He could feel her cringe and then he remembered that little look in Resus, where she'd got it all wrong, and he'd chosen, though it had been hard to do so, to not put her right-but he could now.

Could, because finally they were being honest.

'She asked if we could go out for dinner-there was something she had to say. So I went, I owed her that.'

'You did,' Lorna admitted. 'So what did she say?'

'A lot!' James rolled his eyes in the darkness. 'I was never into her, I never took her to work things, we'd been going out a year and I'd never even hinted that she move in, I was too wrapped up in work. She gave me a right earful actually. Then she said she deserved better, which I agreed with, and then Abby rang and asked me to come in, which she said proved her point exactly, so she took the phone, gave Abby an earful and then stomped out of the restaurant and I paid for dinner.'

'Oh.'

'I'm rubbish in bed too, by the way.' James added glumly. 'It wasn't a great night, but it had to be done.'

'She'll be okay.'

'She will be,' James said, 'because she was right. She did deserve better. Now...' He rolled on his side and faced her. 'About you. You're going to see Henry Lowther. He's the best gynaecologist-'

'I've had second, third, fourth opinions,' Lorna said.

'Good, but Henry's the best and he'll do a wonderful job and hopefully sort out those adhesions too. Is that why you were on so many painkillers?' He kissed her forehead when she nodded. 'Well, you won't be soon. You shouldn't have to live in pain.'

And he was so nice and so accepting of it that it turned out there were some tears left after all. 'It's been a bit better,' she admitted. 'A lot better, actually-like going to the dentist and suddenly your toothache's gone.'

'Go and see Henry.'

'He's at the same hospital, though.' Lorna cringed but James just laughed.

'I'm sure he's seen it all before!'

He had.

He waded through her medical history, which was as thick as a telephone book from the car accident alone, looked at all her scans and reports and medications and then he examined her.

'Hmm.' He was one of those eccentric old-school doctors who wore a bow-tie on a Tuesday. 'I will want to have a look before I proceed to a hysterectomy.' This made her groan because so many doctors had had so many looks. 'You still look a bit anaemic. I'll run some bloods but I'd like you to up your iron, and my secretary will arrange an ultrasound, then I'd like to do a quick laparoscopy and have a look before we decide how to proceed.'

And she was about to say no, to just go with the doctor she was with, because she'd been through it so very many times, but he was rather thorough and rea.s.suring, and it was her only womb and, yes, as she rolled up her sleeve and the needle slid in, Lorna knew that even if it just made James realise she'd done everything, it was worth just a bit more discomfort.

Chapter Twenty-Two

'THERE, there, pet.' May chatted away to Rita who was back for a pap smear.

Emergency wasn't really the place for such a routine procedure, Lorna knew that and Abby had also wasted no time pointing it out, but she left Lorna to get on with it and for Lorna it was good to see that Rita was taking care of herself. She'd specifically asked for the Scottish doctor, she hadn't even added 'posh,' and as was often the case, it wasn't just the pap smear she was there for. As Lorna asked the right questions a couple of other problems Lorna was expecting cropped up.

'I'm going to get the gynaecologist to come down and talk to you,' Lorna said when Rita was sitting up with her blanket back on. 'There are lots of different treatments...'

'Is it a male or female doctor?'

'Lowther's team,' May said, because she knew things like that without checking.

'He's got a female registrar.' Lorna smiled. 'I'll page her and ask if she can come down.'

'Can't I just make an appointment?' Rita asked, but Lorna didn't want her flying out of the door never to return.

'Let me just have a word with her.'

May was heading off to the canteen for lunch as Lorna wrote her notes. 'Can I get you anything?'

'Roast beef, spinach and horseradish roll with a bottle of orange juice, please.'

'Good girl!' May clucked, taking the money and picking up the ringing phone, then putting on her posh voice for a moment. 'It's Lowther...'

'I haven't paged him yet.' Lorna frowned. 'Anyway I want his reg.' Her voice faded as she took the phone, tears p.r.i.c.king her eyes as she listened to his calm, matter-of-fact voice, and her hand was shaking too much to put back the phone so May did it for her.

'He wants to see me.'

'That's okay.'

'No. I've had some tests.'

'And no doubt your iron's in your boots. I could have told you that from just looking at you.'

'A consultant wouldn't call for that.' She had never been more scared, terrified at what he might have found.

'You're a doctor,' May calmly pointed out. 'He probably thinks he's doing you a courtesy, not scaring the living daylights out of you. Now...' Ever practical, ever calm, she sorted things out. 'Ring the reg and get poor Rita seen, then I'll walk you up to Lowther's rooms.'

Lorna was glad James wasn't on duty. She wanted to deal with whatever it was herself first, instead of worrying him. But the cloud she'd been walking on these last few days seemed to have dissipated. Her legs were like lead as she walked along the long corridors, with May chatting away beside her, trying to keep her mind off things, except nothing would.

'Will we be keeping you?' May asked, as they sat outside his room and Lorna waited to go in. 'You've really picked up in these last weeks.'

'I'm not sure...' Distracted, only half listening, Lorna's brain struggled to work out an answer. James had suggested she stay on, but both wanted to talk properly about the dynamics of working and living together.

Living together. Her head tightened as she recalled the bliss she'd awoken to that morning and she didn't want to shatter it, didn't want Henry Lowther piercing their fragile new dream of having found each other.

She was holding her keys, holding the silver L he had bought for her. She had never felt more alone in her life; she had to talk to May. 'I'm having a hysterectomy soon.' Her terrified eyes turned to May's who just gave her a soft, sad smile that helped. 'I've got so many medical problems, I'm so scared, May. Maybe I should should call James...' She clamped her mouth closed because they had decided to keep it quiet, but she knew he'd forgive her, knew she hadn't just blurted it out on her morning coffee break. 'We're sort of back together.' call James...' She clamped her mouth closed because they had decided to keep it quiet, but she knew he'd forgive her, knew she hadn't just blurted it out on her morning coffee break. 'We're sort of back together.'

'Tell me something I don't know!' May smiled. 'Now, just let's hear what Lowther has to say before you go worrying about something you don't know about,' May said. 'He's a wonderful doctor. I've been in for a service and repair with him a few times myself, there's no man more thorough. Do you want me to come in with you?'

Intensely private, Lorna shook her head, but when May squeezed her hand as the secretary called for her to go in, Lorna changed her mind. 'Please.'

It was the longest walk of her life.

Chapter Twenty-Three

'I LIKE LIKE to be thorough,' Henry said as they both took a seat. May was reverential in front of the great man himself. 'After I examined you I had my suspicions so I took the precaution of running a BHCG...a pregnancy test,' he explained, as Lorna just frowned at him. 'And the levels were high.' to be thorough,' Henry said as they both took a seat. May was reverential in front of the great man himself. 'After I examined you I had my suspicions so I took the precaution of running a BHCG...a pregnancy test,' he explained, as Lorna just frowned at him. 'And the levels were high.'

'I can't be.'

'I understand that this is a shock,' Henry Lowther said, 'and I also understand that with your history it might be wise not to get too excited, so I want you to have a quick ultrasound before we continue.' He pointed to his treatment bed and Lorna just sat there at first, and then was grateful May had had come in with her, because she couldn't have made it to the bed by herself. May led her over and pulled the screen, clucked and fussed and helped her with the zipper on her skirt, then folded her clothes. She chatted away about wool-blend skirts and the very nice lining until the doctor came round, and then she held Lorna's hand. come in with her, because she couldn't have made it to the bed by herself. May led her over and pulled the screen, clucked and fussed and helped her with the zipper on her skirt, then folded her clothes. She chatted away about wool-blend skirts and the very nice lining until the doctor came round, and then she held Lorna's hand.

'Good girl!' she rabbited on. 'Just a bit of cold jelly on your stomach.'

Lorna didn't want to look and she didn't dare to hope, could hear the rapid whoosh, whoosh of a little heartbeat that meant he wasn't playing some sick joke, which of course she knew he wasn't. But a heartbeat didn't mean a bean if it wasn't in the right place. Now he was running the probe to her left, she knew it was over her remaining Fallopian tube. Surely G.o.d couldn't be cruel enough to do it to her again.

'Just checking there's not another one anywhere...'