Eight or Nine Wise Words about Letter-Writing Part 1

Eight or Nine Wise Words about Letter-Writing.

by Lewis Carroll.

-- 1. _On Stamp-Cases._

Some American writer has said "the snakes in this district may be divided into one species--the venomous." The same principle applies here.

Postage-Stamp-Cases may be divided into one species, the "Wonderland."

Imitations of it will soon appear, no doubt: but they cannot include the two Pictorial Surprises, which are copyright.

You don't see why I call them 'Surprises'? Well, take the Case in your left-hand, and regard it attentively. You see Alice nursing the d.u.c.h.ess's Baby? (An entirely new combination, by the way: it doesn't occur in the book.) Now, with your right thumb and forefinger, lay hold of the little book, and suddenly pull it out. _The Baby has turned into a Pig!_ If _that_ doesn't surprise you, why, I suppose you wouldn't be surprised if your own Mother-in-law suddenly turned into a Gyroscope!

This Case is _not_ intended to carry about in your pocket. Far from it.

People seldom want any other Stamps, on an emergency, than Penny-Stamps for Letters, Sixpenny-Stamps for Telegrams, and a bit of Stamp-edging for cut fingers (it makes capital sticking-plaster, and will stand three or four washings, cautiously conducted): and all these are easily carried in a purse or pocketbook. No, _this_ is meant to haunt your envelope-case, or wherever you keep your writing-materials. What made me invent it was the constantly wanting Stamps of other values, for foreign Letters, Parcel Post, &c., and finding it very bothersome to get at the kind I wanted in a hurry. Since I have possessed a "Wonderland Stamp Case", Life has been bright and peaceful, and I have used no other. I believe the Queen's laundress uses no other.

Each of the pockets will hold 6 stamps, comfortably. I would recommend you to arrange the 6, before putting them in, something like a _bouquet_, making them lean to the right and to the left alternately: thus there will always be a free _corner_ to get hold of, so as to take them out, quickly and easily, one by one: otherwise you will find them apt to come out two or three at a time.

According to _my_ experience, the 5_d._, 9_d._, and 1_s._ Stamps are hardly ever wanted, though I have constantly to replenish all the other pockets. If your experience agrees with mine, you may find it convenient to keep only a couple (say) of each of these 3 kinds, in the 1_s._ pocket, and to fill the other 2 pockets with extra 1_d._ stamps.

-- 2. _How to begin a Letter._

If the Letter is to be in answer to another, begin by getting out that other letter and reading it through, in order to refresh your memory, as to what it is you have to answer, and as to your correspondent's _present address_ (otherwise you will be sending your letter to his regular address in _London_, though he has been careful in writing to give you his _Torquay_ address in full).

Next, Address and Stamp the Envelope. "What! Before writing the _Letter_?"

Most certainly. And I'll tell you what will happen if you don't. You will go on writing till the last moment, and just in the middle of the last sentence, you will become aware that 'time's up!' Then comes the hurried wind-up--the wildly-scrawled signature--the hastily-fastened envelope, which comes open in the post--the address, a mere hieroglyphic--the horrible discovery that you've forgotten to replenish your Stamp-Case--the frantic appeal, to every one in the house, to lend you a Stamp--the headlong rush to the Post Office, arriving, hot and gasping, just after the box has closed--and finally, a week afterwards, the return of the Letter, from the Dead-Letter Office, marked "address illegible"!

Next, put your own address, _in full_, at the top of the note-sheet. It is an aggravating thing----I speak from bitter experience----when a friend, staying at some new address, heads his letter "Dover," simply, a.s.suming that you can get the rest of the address from his previous letter, which perhaps you have destroyed.

Next, put the date _in full_. It is another aggravating thing, when you wish, years afterwards, to arrange a series of letters, to find them dated "Feb. 17", "Aug. 2", without any year to guide you as to which comes first. And never, never, dear Madam (N.B. this remark is addressed to ladies _only_: no _man_ would ever do such a thing), put "Wednesday", simply, as the date!

"_That way madness lies._"

-- 3. _How to go on with a Letter._

Here is a golden Rule to begin with. _Write legibly._ The average temper of the human race would be perceptibly sweetened, if everybody obeyed this Rule! A great deal of the bad writing in the world comes simply from writing _too quickly_. Of course you reply, "I do it to save _time_". A very good object, no doubt: but what right have you to do it at your friend's expense? Isn't _his_ time as valuable as yours? Years ago, I used to receive letters from a friend----and very interesting letters too----written in one of the most atrocious hands ever invented. It generally took me about a _week_ to read one of his letters! I used to carry it about in my pocket, and take it out at leisure times, to puzzle over the riddles which composed it----holding it in different positions, and at different distances, till at last the meaning of some hopeless scrawl would flash upon me, when I at once wrote down the English under it; and, when several had been thus guessed, the context would help one with the others, till at last the whole series of hieroglyphics was deciphered. If _all_ one's friends wrote like that, Life would be entirely spent in reading their letters!

This Rule applies, specially, to names of people or places----and _most_ specially to _foreign names_. I got a letter once, containing some Russian names, written in the same hasty scramble in which people often write "yours sincerely". The _context_, of course, didn't help in the least: and one spelling was just as likely as another, so far as _I_ knew: it was necessary to write and tell my friend that I couldn't read any of them!

My second Rule is, don't fill _more_ than a page and a half with apologies for not having written sooner!

The best subject, to _begin_ with, is your friend's last letter. Write with the letter open before you. Answer his questions, and make any remarks his letter suggests. _Then_ go on to what you want to say yourself. This arrangement is more courteous, and pleasanter for the reader, than to fill the letter with your own invaluable remarks, and then hastily answer your friend's questions in a postscript. Your friend is much more likely to enjoy your wit, _after_ his own anxiety for information has been satisfied.

In referring to anything your friend has said in his letter, it is best to _quote the exact words_, and not to give a summary of them in _your_ words. _A's_ impression, of what _B_ has said, expressed in _A's_ words, will never convey to _B_ the meaning of his own words.

This is specially necessary when some point has arisen as to which the two correspondents do not quite agree. There ought to be no opening for such writing as "You are quite mistaken in thinking I said so-and-so. It was not in the least my meaning, &c., &c.", which tends to make a correspondence last for a lifetime.

A few more Rules may fitly be given here, for correspondence that has unfortunately become _controversial_.

One is, _don't repeat yourself_. When once you have said your say, fully and clearly, on a certain point, and have failed to convince your friend, _drop that subject_: to repeat your arguments, all over again, will simply lead to his doing the same; and so you will go on, like a Circulating Decimal. _Did you ever know a Circulating Decimal come to an end?_

Another Rule is, when you have written a letter that you feel may possibly irritate your friend, however necessary you may have felt it to so express yourself, _put it aside till the next day_. Then read it over again, and fancy it addressed to yourself. This will often lead to your writing it all over again, taking out a lot of the vinegar and pepper, and putting in honey instead, and thus making a _much_ more palatable dish of it! If, when you have done your best to write inoffensively, you still feel that it will probably lead to further controversy, _keep a copy of it_. There is very little use, months afterwards, in pleading "I am almost sure I never expressed myself as you say: to the best of my recollection I said so-and-so". _Far_ better to be able to write "I did _not_ express myself so: these are the words I used."

My fifth Rule is, if your friend makes a severe remark, either leave it unnoticed, or make your reply distinctly _less_ severe: and if he makes a friendly remark, tending towards 'making up' the little difference that has arisen between you, let your reply be distinctly _more_ friendly. If, in picking a quarrel, each party declined to go more than _three-eighths_ of the way, and if, in making friends, each was ready to go _five-eighths_ of the way--why, there would be more reconciliations than quarrels! Which is like the Irishman's remonstrance to his gad-about daughter--"Shure, you're _always_ goin' out! You go out _three_ times, for _wanst_ that you come in!"

My sixth Rule (and my last remark about controversial correspondence) is, _don't try to have the last word_! How many a controversy would be nipped in the bud, if each was anxious to let the _other_ have the last word!

Never mind how telling a rejoinder you leave unuttered: never mind your friend's supposing that you are silent from lack of anything to say: let the thing drop, as soon as it is possible without discourtesy: remember 'speech is silvern, but silence is golden'! (N.B.--If you are a gentleman, and your friend a lady, this Rule is superfluous: _you won't get the last word_!)

My seventh Rule is, if it should ever occur to you to write, jestingly, in _dispraise_ of your friend, be sure you exaggerate enough to make the jesting _obvious_: a word spoken in _jest_, but taken as _earnest_, may lead to very serious consequences. I have known it to lead to the breaking-off of a friendship. Suppose, for instance, you wish to remind your friend of a sovereign you have lent him, which he has forgotten to repay--you might quite _mean_ the words "I mention it, as you seem to have a conveniently bad memory for debts", in jest: yet there would be nothing to wonder at if he took offence at that way of putting it. But, suppose you wrote "Long observation of your career, as a pickpocket and a burglar, has convinced me that my one lingering hope, for recovering that sovereign I lent you, is to say 'Pay up, or I'll summons yer!'" he would indeed be a matter-of-fact friend if he took _that_ as seriously meant!

My eighth Rule. When you say, in your letter, "I enclose cheque for 5", or "I enclose John's letter for you to see", leave off writing for a moment--go and get the doc.u.ment referred to--and _put it into the envelope_. Otherwise, you are pretty certain to find it lying about, _after the Post has gone_!

My ninth Rule. When you get to the end of a note-sheet, and find you have more to say, take another piece of paper--a whole sheet, or a sc.r.a.p, as the case may demand: but, whatever you do, _don't cross_! Remember the old proverb '_Cross-writing makes cross reading_'. "The _old_ proverb?" you say, enquiringly. "_How_ old?" Well, not so _very_ ancient, I must confess. In fact, I'm afraid I invented it while writing this paragraph!

Still, you know, 'old' is a _comparative_ term. I think you would be _quite_ justified in addressing a chicken, just out of the sh.e.l.l, as "Old boy!", _when compared_ with another chicken, that was only half-out!

-- 4. _How to end a Letter._

If doubtful whether to end with 'yours faithfully', or 'yours truly', or 'yours most truly', &c. (there are at least a dozen varieties, before you reach 'yours affectionately'), refer to your correspondent's last letter, and make your winding-up _at least as friendly as his_; in fact, even if a shade _more_ friendly, it will do no harm!

A Postscript is a very useful invention: but it is _not_ meant (as so many ladies suppose) to contain the real _gist_ of the letter: it serves rather to throw into the shade any little matter we do _not_ wish to make a fuss about. For example, your friend had promised to execute a commission for you in town, but forgot it, thereby putting you to great inconvenience: and he now writes to apologize for his negligence. It would be cruel, and needlessly crushing, to make it the main subject of your reply. How much more gracefully it comes in thus! "P.S. Don't distress yourself any more about having omitted that little matter in town. I won't deny that it _did_ put my plans out a little, at the time: but it's all right now. I often forget things, myself: and 'those who live in gla.s.s-houses, mustn't throw stones', you know!"

When you take your letters to the Post, _carry them in your hand_. If you put them in your pocket you will take a long country-walk (I speak from experience), pa.s.sing the Post-Office _twice_, going and returning, and, when you get home, will find them _still_ in your pocket.

-- 5. _On registering Correspondence._

Let me recommend you to keep a record of Letters Received and Sent. I have kept one for many years, and have found it of the greatest possible service, in many ways: it secures my _answering_ Letters, however long they have to wait; it enables me to refer, for my own guidance, to the details of previous correspondence, though the actual Letters may have been destroyed long ago; and, most valuable feature of all, if any difficulty arises, years afterwards, in connection with a half-forgotten correspondence, it enables me to say, with confidence, "I did _not_ tell you that he was 'an _invaluable_ servant in _every_ way', and that you _couldn't_ 'trust him too much'. I have a _precis_ of my letter. What I said was 'he is a _valuable_ servant in _many_ ways, but _don't_ trust him too much'. So, if he's cheated you, you really must not hold _me_ responsible for it!"

I will now give you a few simple Rules for making, and keeping, a Letter-Register.

Get a blank book, containing (say) 200 leaves, about 4 inches wide and 7 high. It should be _well_ fastened into its cover, as it will have to be opened and shut hundreds of times. Have a line ruled, in red ink, down each margin of every page, an inch off the edge (the margin should be wide enough to contain a number of 5 digits, easily: _I_ manage with a 3/4 inch margin: but, unless you write very small you will find an inch more comfortable).

Write a _precis_ of each Letter, received or sent, in chronological order. Let the entry of a 'received' Letter reach from the left-hand edge to the right-hand marginal line; and the entry of a 'sent' Letter from the left-hand marginal line to the right-hand edge. Thus the two kinds will be quite distinct, and you can easily hunt through the 'received' Letters by themselves, without being bothered with the 'sent' Letters; and _vice versa_.