Duty, And Other Irish Comedies Part 18

DONAL I suppose you must present yourself at Court and have tea with the Queen herself?

MRS. CORCORAN Sure, of course, he must be presented at Court, and the Queen with a crown of glitterin' jewels on her head will bow to him, the same as if he was the Rajah of Ballyslattery, himself, and he with his ten thousand wives and numerous attendants. And for all we know, maybe 'tis the way he'll be invitin' the whole Royal Family to spend the summer with himself and Lady Delahunty at Innismore.

SIR DENIS 'Tis the great responsibility that has been thrust upon herself, I mean Lady Delahunty, and myself surely.

But we have made no plans, so far, for the entertainment of Royalty, and their conspicuous aide-de-camps.

KITTY Aides-de-camp, you mean, I suppose, Sir Denis.

DONAL How dare you correct Sir Denis?

SIR DENIS However, I suppose in time we will get accustomed to our new surroundin's and environment. The Prince of Wales, they say, is hard to please, but I have no doubt that he will be glad to meet Lady Delahunty and myself.

DONAL I have no doubt whatever but he will be delighted to meet Lady Delahunty and yourself. But, of course, every man's trouble appears greater to himself, than to his neighbours. And as we all think more about ourselves than any one else, and as you have now partially recovered from the unexpected stroke of royal generosity, we might as well get down to business and fix up that match with Kitty and your son Finbarr.

SIR DENIS With reference to the royal favour, Donal, I might as well be candid and say, that it wasn't altogether unexpected, because I knew somethin' was going to happen. I felt it in my bones.

KITTY Nonsense, Sir Denis; it must have been the rheumatics you felt.

DONAL That's all well and good, but what about the match?

KITTY Spare yourself the trouble of trying to make a match for me.

DONAL If you don't hold your tongue, I'll be put to the bother of lockin' you up in your own room, and feedin' you on promises until your spirit is broken. That's the only way to treat a contrary, impudent creature like you.

SIR DENIS Let there be no crossness on my account, Donal.

DONAL Well, I have carefully considered what we were discussin'

last week, and I have decided to give three hundred pounds, twenty acres of rich loamy soil, without a rock, a furze bush, or a cobble stone in it, five milch cows, six sheep, three clockin' hens and a clutch of ducklin's. Provided, of course, that you will give the same. That much should be enough to give my daughter and your son a start in life. And I may tell you that's much more than herself and myself started out with. Well, Sir Denis, is it a bargain or is it not?

SIR DENIS No two people could get a better start, Donal. But it isn't in my power to come to any settlement until herself, I mean Lady Delahunty, arrives. She is up at the dressmaker's, and should be here in a minute or two.

[_Knock at the door. Kitty opens and Lady Delahunty enters. She is dressed in a new sealskin coat, black dress, and white petticoat and a badly fitting bonnet.

Mrs. Corcoran is greatly impressed with her appearance and offers her a chair_.

MRS. CORCORAN AND DONAL Congratulations, Lady Delahunty, congratulations.

Be seated, be seated.

[_Mrs. Corcoran draws her chair near Lady Delahunty and while Donal and Sir Denis are talking, in an undertone, Mrs. Corcoran speaks_.

MRS. CORCORAN That's a beautiful new coat, Lady Delahunty.

LADY DELAHUNTY (_proudly_) Fifty-five guineas.

MRS. CORCORAN 'Tis worth more.

LADY DELAHUNTY So Sir Denis says.

MRS. CORCORAN (_stoops and feels the edge of the lace petticoat, which is well exposed_) That's the nicest piece of lace I have seen for many a long day.

LADY DELAHUNTY Two pounds ten, and a bargain at that. And three pounds five for my bonnet makes sixty pounds, fifteen shillin's. Not to mention what I had to pay for Dinny's, I mean Sir Denis's new suit and tall hat.

MRS. CORCORAN You could build a house or buy two fine horses for that much.

LADY DELAHUNTY Indeed, and you could then.

DONAL Now ladies, we must get our business finished, and we can talk after. I am offerin' three hundred pounds, twenty acres of land, five cows, six sheep, three clockin'

hens, and a clutch of ducklin's, and want to know without any palaverin' or old gab, whether or not yourself and Sir Denis are prepared to do likewise.

KITTY One would think that I was a cow or a sheep, myself, going to be sold to the highest bidder. But, thank G.o.d, I'm neither one nor the other. I have a mind and a will of my own, and I may as well tell you all that I will only marry the man who I will choose for myself.

DONAL Every one of the women in ten generations of your family, on both sides, said the same, but they all did what they were told in the end, and you will do it, too. You will marry the man that I will choose for you, or go to the convent or America. And believe me, 'tisn't much of your own way you will get in either place.

KITTY I will marry the man I want to marry and no one else.

SIR DENIS Maybe 'tis the way she is only teasin' you.

DONAL No, 'tis her mother's contrary spirit that's in her.

MRS. CORCORAN Not her mother's, but her father's, contrary spirit.

DONAL Enough now, I say. I'm boss here yet, and I'm not goin' to let my daughter, whom I have rared, fed, clad and educated, and all that cost me many a pound of my hard earned money, have a privilege that the kings, queens, royal princesses and grand d.u.c.h.esses themselves haven't.

MRS. CORCORAN Wisha, don't be losin' your temper, Donal.

DONAL 'Tis enough to make any one lose their temper. If that sort of thing was permitted, every dacent father and mother in the country would be supportin' some useless son-in-law, and his children, maybe. The man who marries my daughter must be able to support her as I have supported you.

MRS. CORCORAN Erra, hold your tongue. I never ate a loaf of idle bread in my life, and always supported myself, and earned enough to support you as well.

DONAL I'll have no more of this tyranny in my own house, I say.

KITTY Well, well, for goodness sake! What is all this nonsense about? I have already told you that I will marry my own man and no one else.

SIR DENIS Now, Donal, when we come to consider the matter, perhaps, after all is said and done, maybe Kitty is right. You know, of course, that we all like to have our own way.

DONAL Do we, indeed? Maybe 'tis the way you are tryin' to back out of your bargain.

LADY DELAHUNTY He isn't tryin' to back out of anythin', Donal. But as we were sayin' to-day when we heard that His Majesty, the King of Great Britain and Ireland, Australia, Canada, and India, as well.--(_Looks at Sir Denis who is trying to light a clay pipe_) Ahem! ahem!

Sir Denis, Sir Denis.

SIR DENIS (_bored_) Alright, alright.

LADY DELAHUNTY Didn't I tell you never to leave me see you with a clay pipe in your gob again? Where are the cigars I bought for you this morning?

SIR DENIS (_searches in his pocket and pulls out a cigar_) Wisha the devil a taste can I get from one of them.

I might as well be tryin' to smoke a piece of furze bush.

LADY DELAHUNTY Taste or no taste, put that pipe back in your pocket.

What would the King and his daughters think if they saw you suckin' an old dudeen like that?

KITTY 'Tis little bother any of us are to the King or his daughters, either, I'm thinking.