Driving Force Part 16

'Um...Whatcolourbeard?'

'n.o.beard.You'reabeast.Nomoustacheeither.'

Itsoundedserious.'Whatsubject?'Iasked.

'Actually,organicchemistry.'

'Ah.'

'Anymoreahsandyouwon'tgetyourtubesa.n.a.lysed.'

'Notanotherahshallpa.s.smylips.'

WeatethecrispblackduckandduringourcoffeeBenjyUshertookhisattentionoffDotlongenoughtonoticemeacrosstheroom.

'Freddie!'heshouteduninhibitedly,turningeveryotherdiner'sheadhisway.'Comeoverhere,youb.u.g.g.e.r.'

Itseemedeasiesttogo.Istoppedattheirtableandsaidh.e.l.lotoDot.

'Comeandjoinus,'Benjycommanded.'Bringthebird.'

'She'smysister.'

'Ohsure,pulltheotherone.'/P Benjyhadhadonedrinktoomany.Dotlookedembarra.s.sed.Itwasforhersake,really,thatIwentandpersuadedLizzietocrossthecarpet.

WeacceptedcoffeefromDotandresistedBenjy'sofferofhugegla.s.sesofport.WhenBenjysummonedanotherforhimself,Dotsaidconversationally,'He'snowatimpotence.Paralysisnext.'

'Viciousb.i.t.c.h,'Benjysaid.

Lizzie'seyeswidened.

Dotremarked,'Followedbyvomiting,endingintearsofmaudlinself-pity.Hecallshimselfaman.'

'Pre-menstrualtension,'Benjymocked.'Chroniccase.'

Lizzielookedattheirhandsomefacesandcasuallygoodclothes,atthediamondsonDot'sfingersandatBenjy'sgoldwatch.Nocommentwaspossible.Nonewasneeded.Theirpleasuredependednotonmoneybutonspite.

'WhenareyougoingtoItalyformycolt?'Benjyaskedme.

'Monday,'Isuggested.'It'lltakeusthreedays.HecouldbeherebyWednesdayevening.'

'Whichdriver?NotthatonecalledBrett.MichaelsaysneverBrett.'

'He'sleft.Itwon'tbeBrett.'

'SendLewis.Michaelswearsbyhim,andhe'sdrivenmyhorsesalot.Thatcolt'svaluable,youknow.Andsendsomeonetolookafterhimonthejourney.Sendthatmanofyours,thatDave.Hecanhandlehim.'

'Ishedifficulttohandle?'

'Youknowcolts,'Benjysaidexpansively.'YousendDave.He'llbeallright.'

Dotsaid,'Idon'tknowwhyyoudon'tstandhimatstudinItaly.'

'Youkeepyourtongueoffwhatdoesn'tconcernyou,'herhusbandreplied.

Totrytostoptheirargument,Imentionedthatwe'dthatdaybroughttheloadofoldhorsesfromYorkshireandIgatheredhewasgivingahometotwoofthem.

'Thoseoldwrecks!'Dotexclaimed.'Notmoreofthem.'

'Doyouhavesomealready?'Lizzieasked.

'Theydied,'Dottoldher.'Ihateit.Idon'twantanymore.'

'Don'tlookatthem,'Benjysaid.

'Youputthemoutsidethedrawing-roomwindow.'

I'llputtheminthedrawing-room.Thatshouldpleaseyou.'

'You'reutterlychildish.'

'You'reutterlystupid.'

Lizziesaidsweetly,'It'sbeenterriblynicemeetingyou,'andstooduptoleave,andwhenwewereoutintheJaguarasked,'Dotheyalwaysgoonlikethat?'

'Icantestifytofifteenyearsofit.'

Goodgrief.'Sheyawned,well-fedandrelaxed,sleepy.'Beautifulmoontonight.Terrificforflying.'

'Butyou'renotgoingtonight!'

No,it'sjustahabitofmind.Ithinkoftheskyinflyingterms,youthinkofthegroundashardorsoftforhorses.'

'IsupposeIdo.'

Shesighedpleasurably.'Lovelycar,this.'

TheJaguarhummedthroughthenight,powerful,intimate,thebestwheelsI'downed.Thejockeyslatelyseemedtohavestoppedbuyingspeedinfavourofmiddle-rankfamilysaloons,ultra-reliablebutratherdull.Mybitofflamboyance,aliveinmyhands,wasnolongerpoliticallycorrectwiththenewseriouslotinthechangingroom.

Badluckforthem,Ithought.Lookingback,Iseemedtohavelaughedalotinthoseyears.Andcursedandachedandseethedatinjustices.Andhadasizzlinggoodtime.

Thelaststretchoftheroadfromdinnertobedwentpastthefarmyard.Islowedautomaticallytoglanceattherowoftransportgleaminginthemoonlight.Thegateswereopen,whichmeantthatoneormoreboxeswerestilloutontheroad,andIcompletedtheshortdistancetothehousewonderingwhichoneitwas.

Lizzie'sRobinson22shoneinthemoonlight,standingonthetarmacwherethenine-boxhadstoodwithKevinKeithOgdenonboard.

'I'llleaveaboutnineinthemorning,'shesaid,'andgetyoura.n.a.lysisstartedintheafternoon.'

'Great.'Imusthavesoundedpreoccupied.Sheturnedherheadtostudyme.

'What'sthematter?'sheasked.

'Nothingreally.Yougoin,gotobed.I'lljustnipbacktothefarmyardtolockthegates.Therearen'tanyboxesstillout,oranywaythereshouldn'tbe.Iwon'tbelong.'

Sheyawned.'Seeyouinthemorning,then.'

'Thanksforcoming.'

'I'veenjoyedit.'

Wehuggedbrieflyandshewentinsmiling.IhopedProfessorQuippwouldloveherforalongtime,asI'dneverknownhersoatpeace.

IdrovetheJaguarbacktothefarmyardandstoppedoutsidethegates.Someonewaswalkingaboutintheyard,asHarveoftendid,takingcareofthings,andIwalkedtowardsthehalf-seenfigure,calling'Harve?'

Noanswer.Iwalkedon,reachingthenearestboxtoHarve'sown,andpa.s.singintoapatchofshadow.

'Harve,'Ishouted.

Iheardnothing,butsomethinghitmeveryhardonthebackofthehead.

IworkedoutlaterhowlongIspentunawareoftheworld:onehour,fortyminutes.

ThefirstsensationofthedazeIawoketowasapaininthehead.Thesecondsensationwasofbeingcarried.Thethirdwasamatterofhearing,withavoicemakinganonsensicalremark.

'Ifthisdoesn'tgivehimflu,nothingwill.'

Iwasdreamingofcourse.

Ofcourse.

SoonIwouldwakeup.

IfeltIwasfalling.Ihateddreamsaboutfalling:theywerealwaysaboutfallingoffbuildings,neveroffhorses.

Ifellintowater.Breathtakinglycold.

Iwentdownintoitwithoutstruggling.Whollyimmersed.Wentdowndeep.

Terribledream.

Instinct,perhaps,switchedmetoreality.Thiswasnodream,thiswasFreddieCroft,inhisclothes,drowning.

Thefirstawfulcompulsionwastotakeadeepbreath,anditwasagainsubconsciousknowledge,notpresentthought,thatstoppedme.

Ikicked,seekingtogoupward,andfeltsuckedtoonesideandclutchedbycurrents,aragdollinlimbo.

Ikickedagainwithgrowinghorror,urgencyfloodingfinallyintoaresponsefromarmsandlegs,musclesbunching,workinghard,chesthurting,headhammering.

Swimup,forG.o.d'ssake.

Swim...up.

Iswamupincrazypanic-drivenb.r.e.a.s.t.strokes.Swamasifhorizontal,armssweeping,legskicking,knowingIwasalsogoingsideways,beingsweptwithoutchoice.

ProbablyIspentbarelymorethanaminuteunderwater.Ib.r.e.a.s.t.strokedthroughthesurfaceintothenightandgulpedairintomystarvedlungswithawhoopingroar,andthemomentIstoppedswimmingmyheavilysaturatedclothesandwaterfilledshoesdraggedmedownagain,downlikeasee-saw,ultimateterror.

Thedrowningcomeuptwice,andthethirdtimestaydown...thebadnewswisdom.Iswamwithebbingstrengthtothesurfaceagainsttheweightofmyclothesandthedragofthewateranditsinexorableswirlingsuction,seeingnolightanywhere,onlydarknessenoughforonestrugglinggasp,andmyheadwentunderagain,willpowerurgingmeupandthesaltseaclaimingmeforitsown.

Saltsea...Iswallowedit,gagging.Prettywelleveryvestigeofathleticismwentintoliftingmynoseabovethesurface,andkickingtostaythere.InawayIknewitwasalosingbattle,butIcouldn'taccept.i.t.IfI'dbeendroppedoffaboat,ifIwerealonefarfromland,anendwouldcomesoon,anditwasintolerable.Iprotestedfuriously,vainly,againstbeingmurdered.

Isawaglitteronthewater,aflashoflight.Thecurrentwastakingmeintoit,outofdarkness.

Electriclight.

Alamp...highabovethewaterh.e.l.lip;onalampstandard.

Ihadn'trealisedhowfarI'dlosthopeuntiltheknowledgethatelectriclampstandardsdidn'tgrowinmid-oceanhitmybrainlikeamorefriendlyblowontheskull.Lampstandardsequalledland.Landmeantlife.Lifemeantswimmingtothelampstandard.

Simple.

Notsosimple.ItwasallIcoulddotostayup.Allthesame,thecurrentthathadfloatedmefromdarknesstolightcontinueditsbenignwork,takingmetowardsthelampstandard,butslowly,casually,indifferenttoitsflotsam.

Twolampstandards.

Theywereaboveme,ontopofawall.Ib.u.mpedeventuallyintothewall,nolongerabletoseethelightsontheirtallstalks,butknowingtheywerethere.Iwasinshadowagainbythewallbut,lookingback,Icouldseelittlelightseverywhere,bright,unmoving,awholeforestoflampstandards.

Thewallwa.s.smoothandslimy,withouthandholds.Thewatercarriedmealongitslowly,suckingmeawayandslappingmebackagainst.i.t,whileIkickedfearfullyandwithinsidiouslygrowingfeeblenesstostayuptobreathe.

Itriedshoutingforhelp.Thesuckandslapandgurgleoftheeddiessmotheredmyvoice.WhenItookadeepbreathtoshoutagain,thesalt.w.a.terrushedintomymouthandsetmechoking.

ItseemedridiculoustodrownwhenIcouldactuallytouchland,whiletheswellliftedmeagainstsafetyandpulledmeawayagain,whiletenfeetabovemetherewasadryplacetowalk.

Ilivedbyluck.Livedthankstothedesignerwho'dbuiltastaircaseintohiswall.Onesurgeofwaterliftedmeintoasortofhollowinthesmoothcliffandtheretreatingebballbutfloatedmeoutagain.AlmosttoolateIthrustmyarmsandhandsagainstslipperyconcrete,desperatenottobedraggedaway,waiting...waiting...forthewatertoliftmeagainintothehollowandknowingitwasthelastchance,themiracleofdeliveranceifonlyIhadthestrength.

Irolledwiththewaterintothehollowandpressedmybodyontoasharpstep;feltthetugoftherecedingswellandrolledagainst.i.t,usingthekillingweightofshoes,trousersandjacketasanchor.WiththenextswellofwaterIrosetothestepaboveandlaythereimmobile,headandshouldersoutofthewater,legsandfeetstillsubmerged.ThenextwaveachievedformeonemorestepupsothatIwaslyingontheslopeofstairs,feelinghardlandembracemeasifinforgiveness,asifsaying,'Allright,then,notyet.'

Thestairswereinset,parallelwiththewall,theseawardsidebeingalwayswideopentothewater.Icrawleduponestepmoreandsimplylaythere,exhausted,shuddering,frozenandconcussed,withalmostnilactivitygoingoninthebrain-box.Myfeet,stillinthewater,liftedandfellwithliquidrhythmanditwasn'tuntilonewaveslappedovermykneesandtriedtofloatmeoutagainthatIsluggishlyrealisedthatthetidehadtoberisingandthatifIdidn'tclimbupwardsIwouldbebackwhereI'dcomefromwithnostrengthforanotherfight.

Islithereduptwosteps.Threesteps.Atthetop,asIlookedup,stoodalampstandard.

WhensomesemblanceofstrengthoozedbackIcontinuedcrawling,pressingmyself.a.gainsttheinnerwall,cravenlyfrightenedofdroppingofftheopenedgebackintothesea.Truenightmaresweren'taboutfallingoffbuildings,Ithought,theywereaboutfallingoffstepsbuiltforembarkingontoboats.

Theendless-seemingclimbended.Islitheredontoharddustyflatdryroad-surface,crawledweaklytothelampstandardandlayfulllengthbesideit,facedown,onearmhookedrounditasiftoconvincemyselfthatthis,atleast,wasnodream.

IhadnoideawhereIwas.I'dbeentoobusytryingtosurvivetoworryaboutsuchminordetails.Myheadthrobbed.WhenItriedtoworkoutwhy,memorygotlostinafog.

Therewerefootstepsapproaching,grittilyscrunching.Forashatteringmoment.i.thoughtthepeoplewho'dthrownmeinhadfoundmeagain,b.u.t.thevoicethatspokeabovemecarriedadifferentsortofthreat,theheavyresentmentofaffrontedpettyauthority.

'Youcan'tliehere,'hesaid.'Clearoff.'