Don Juan Part 38

I, for my part (one 'modern instance' more, 'True, 't is a pity--pity 't is, 't is true'), Was chosen from out an amatory score, Albeit my years were less discreet than few; But though I also had reform'd before Those became one who soon were to be two, I 'll not gainsay the generous public's voice, That the young lady made a monstrous choice.

O, pardon my digression--or at least Peruse! 'T is always with a moral end That I dissert, like grace before a feast: For like an aged aunt, or tiresome friend, A rigid guardian, or a zealous priest, My Muse by exhortation means to mend All people, at all times, and in most places, Which puts my Pegasus to these grave paces.

But now I 'm going to be immoral; now I mean to show things really as they are, Not as they ought to be: for I avow, That till we see what 's what in fact, we 're far From much improvement with that virtuous plough Which skims the surface, leaving scarce a scar Upon the black loam long manured by Vice, Only to keep its corn at the old price.

But first of little Leila we 'll dispose; For like a day-dawn she was young and pure, Or like the old comparison of snows, Which are more pure than pleasant to be sure.

Like many people everybody knows, Don Juan was delighted to secure A goodly guardian for his infant charge, Who might not profit much by being at large.

Besides, he had found out he was no tutor (I wish that others would find out the same); And rather wish'd in such things to stand neuter, For silly wards will bring their guardians blame: So when he saw each ancient dame a suitor To make his little wild Asiatic tame, Consulting 'the Society for Vice Suppression,' Lady Pinchbeck was his choice.

Olden she was--but had been very young; Virtuous she was--and had been, I believe; Although the world has such an evil tongue That--but my chaster ear will not receive An echo of a syllable that 's wrong: In fact, there 's nothing makes me so much grieve, As that abominable t.i.ttle-tattle, Which is the cud eschew'd by human cattle.

Moreover I 've remark'd (and I was once A slight observer in a modest way), And so may every one except a dunce, That ladies in their youth a little gay, Besides their knowledge of the world, and sense Of the sad consequence of going astray, Are wiser in their warnings 'gainst the woe Which the mere pa.s.sionless can never know.

While the harsh prude indemnifies her virtue By railing at the unknown and envied pa.s.sion, Seeking far less to save you than to hurt you, Or, what 's still worse, to put you out of fashion,-- The kinder veteran with calm words will court you, Entreating you to pause before you dash on; Expounding and ill.u.s.trating the riddle Of epic Love's beginning, end, and middle.

Now whether it be thus, or that they are stricter, As better knowing why they should be so, I think you 'll find from many a family picture, That daughters of such mothers as may know The world by experience rather than by lecture, Turn out much better for the Smithfield Show Of vestals brought into the marriage mart, Than those bred up by prudes without a heart.

I said that Lady Pinchbeck had been talk'd about-- As who has not, if female, young, and pretty?

But now no more the ghost of Scandal stalk'd about; She merely was deem'd amiable and witty, And several of her best bon-mots were hawk'd about: Then she was given to charity and pity, And pa.s.s'd (at least the latter years of life) For being a most exemplary wife.

High in high circles, gentle in her own, She was the mild reprover of the young, Whenever--which means every day--they 'd shown An awkward inclination to go wrong.

The quant.i.ty of good she did 's unknown, Or at the least would lengthen out my song: In brief, the little orphan of the East Had raised an interest in her, which increased.

Juan, too, was a sort of favourite with her, Because she thought him a good heart at bottom, A little spoil'd, but not so altogether; Which was a wonder, if you think who got him, And how he had been toss'd, he scarce knew whither: Though this might ruin others, it did not him, At least entirely--for he had seen too many Changes in youth, to be surprised at any.

And these vicissitudes tell best in youth; For when they happen at a riper age, People are apt to blame the Fates, forsooth, And wonder Providence is not more sage.

Adversity is the first path to truth: He who hath proved war, storm, or woman's rage, Whether his winters be eighteen or eighty, Hath won the experience which is deem'd so weighty.

How far it profits is another matter.- Our hero gladly saw his little charge Safe with a lady, whose last grown-up daughter Being long married, and thus set at large, Had left all the accomplishments she taught her To be transmitted, like the Lord Mayor's barge, To the next comer; or--as it will tell More Muse-like--like to Cytherea's sh.e.l.l.

I call such things transmission; for there is A floating balance of accomplishment Which forms a pedigree from Miss to Miss, According as their minds or backs are bent.

Some waltz; some draw; some fathom the abyss Of metaphysics; others are content With music; the most moderate shine as wits; While others have a genius turn'd for fits.

But whether fits, or wits, or harpsichords, Theology, fine arts, or finer stays, May be the baits for gentlemen or lords With regular descent, in these our days, The last year to the new transfers its h.o.a.rds; New vestals claim men's eyes with the same praise Of 'elegant' et caetera, in fresh batches-- All matchless creatures, and yet bent on matches.

But now I will begin my poem. 'T is Perhaps a little strange, if not quite new, That from the first of Cantos up to this I 've not begun what we have to go through.

These first twelve books are merely flourishes, Preludios, trying just a string or two Upon my lyre, or making the pegs sure; And when so, you shall have the overture.

My Muses do not care a pinch of rosin About what 's call'd success, or not succeeding: Such thoughts are quite below the strain they have chosen; 'T is a 'great moral lesson' they are reading.

I thought, at setting off, about two dozen Cantos would do; but at Apollo's pleading, If that my Pegasus should not be founder'd, I think to canter gently through a hundred.

Don Juan saw that microcosm on stilts, Yclept the Great World; for it is the least, Although the highest: but as swords have hilts By which their power of mischief is increased, When man in battle or in quarrel tilts, Thus the low world, north, south, or west, or east, Must still obey the high--which is their handle, Their moon, their sun, their gas, their farthing candle.

He had many friends who had many wives, and was Well look'd upon by both, to that extent Of friendship which you may accept or pa.s.s, It does nor good nor harm being merely meant To keep the wheels going of the higher cla.s.s, And draw them nightly when a ticket 's sent: And what with masquerades, and fetes, and b.a.l.l.s, For the first season such a life scarce palls.

A young unmarried man, with a good name And fortune, has an awkward part to play; For good society is but a game, 'The royal game of Goose,' as I may say, Where every body has some separate aim, An end to answer, or a plan to lay-- The single ladies wishing to be double, The married ones to save the virgins trouble.

I don't mean this as general, but particular Examples may be found of such pursuits: Though several also keep their perpendicular Like poplars, with good principles for roots; Yet many have a method more reticular-- 'Fishers for men,' like sirens with soft lutes: For talk six times with the same single lady, And you may get the wedding dresses ready.

Perhaps you 'll have a letter from the mother, To say her daughter's feelings are trepann'd; Perhaps you 'll have a visit from the brother, All strut, and stays, and whiskers, to demand What 'your intentions are?'--One way or other It seems the virgin's heart expects your hand: And between pity for her case and yours, You 'll add to Matrimony's list of cures.

I 've known a dozen weddings made even thus, And some of them high names: I have also known Young men who--though they hated to discuss Pretensions which they never dream'd to have shown-- Yet neither frighten'd by a female fuss, Nor by mustachios moved, were let alone, And lived, as did the broken-hearted fair, In happier plight than if they form'd a pair.

There 's also nightly, to the uninitiated, A peril--not indeed like love or marriage, But not the less for this to be depreciated: It is--I meant and mean not to disparage The show of virtue even in the vitiated-- It adds an outward grace unto their carriage-- But to denounce the amphibious sort of harlot, 'Couleur de rose,' who 's neither white nor scarlet.

Such is your cold coquette, who can't say 'No,'

And won't say 'Yes,' and keeps you on and off-ing On a lee-sh.o.r.e, till it begins to blow-- Then sees your heart wreck'd, with an inward scoffing.

This works a world of sentimental woe, And sends new Werters yearly to their coffin; But yet is merely innocent flirtation, Not quite adultery, but adulteration.

'Ye G.o.ds, I grow a talker!' Let us prate.

The next of perils, though I place it sternest, Is when, without regard to 'church or state,'

A wife makes or takes love in upright earnest.

Abroad, such things decide few women's fate-- (Such, early traveller! is the truth thou learnest)-- But in old England, when a young bride errs, Poor thing! Eve's was a trifling case to hers.

For 't is a low, newspaper, humdrum, lawsuit Country, where a young couple of the same ages Can't form a friendship, but the world o'erawes it.

A verdict--grievous foe to those who cause it!- Forms a sad climax to romantic homages; Besides those soothing speeches of the pleaders, And evidences which regale all readers.

But they who blunder thus are raw beginners; A little genial sprinkling of hypocrisy Has saved the fame of thousand splendid sinners, The loveliest oligarchs of our gynocracy; You may see such at all the b.a.l.l.s and dinners, Among the proudest of our aristocracy, So gentle, charming, charitable, chaste-- And all by having tact as well as taste.

Juan, who did not stand in the predicament Of a mere novice, had one safeguard more; For he was sick--no, 't was not the word sick I meant-- But he had seen so much love before, That he was not in heart so very weak;--I meant But thus much, and no sneer against the sh.o.r.e Of white cliffs, white necks, blue eyes, bluer stockings, t.i.thes, taxes, duns, and doors with double knockings.

But coming young from lands and scenes romantic, Where lives, not lawsuits, must be risk'd for Pa.s.sion, And Pa.s.sion's self must have a spice of frantic, Into a country where 't is half a fashion, Seem'd to him half commercial, half pedantic, Howe'er he might esteem this moral nation: Besides (alas! his taste--forgive and pity!) At first he did not think the women pretty.

I say at first--for he found out at last, But by degrees, that they were fairer far Than the more glowing dames whose lot is cast Beneath the influence of the eastern star.

A further proof we should not judge in haste; Yet inexperience could not be his bar To taste:--the truth is, if men would confess, That novelties please less than they impress.

Though travell'd, I have never had the luck to Trace up those shuffling negroes, Nile or Niger, To that impracticable place, Timbuctoo, Where Geography finds no one to oblige her With such a chart as may be safely stuck to-- For Europe ploughs in Afric like 'bos piger:'

But if I had been at Timbuctoo, there No doubt I should be told that black is fair.

It is. I will not swear that black is white; But I suspect in fact that white is black, And the whole matter rests upon eyesight.

Ask a blind man, the best judge. You 'll attack Perhaps this new position--but I 'm right; Or if I 'm wrong, I 'll not be ta'en aback:-- He hath no morn nor night, but all is dark Within; and what seest thou? A dubious spark.

But I 'm relapsing into metaphysics, That labyrinth, whose clue is of the same Construction as your cures for hectic phthisics, Those bright moths fluttering round a dying flame; And this reflection brings me to plain physics, And to the beauties of a foreign dame, Compared with those of our pure pearls of price, Those polar summers, all sun, and some ice.

Or say they are like virtuous mermaids, whose Beginnings are fair faces, ends mere fishes;-- Not that there 's not a quant.i.ty of those Who have a due respect for their own wishes.

Like Russians rushing from hot baths to snows Are they, at bottom virtuous even when vicious: They warm into a sc.r.a.pe, but keep of course, As a reserve, a plunge into remorse.

But this has nought to do with their outsides.

I said that Juan did not think them pretty At the first blush; for a fair Briton hides Half her attractions--probably from pity-- And rather calmly into the heart glides, Than storms it as a foe would take a city; But once there (if you doubt this, prithee try) She keeps it for you like a true ally.

She cannot step as does an Arab barb, Or Andalusian girl from ma.s.s returning, Nor wear as gracefully as Gauls her garb, Nor in her eye Ausonia's glance is burning; Her voice, though sweet, is not so fit to warb-- le those bravuras (which I still am learning To like, though I have been seven years in Italy, And have, or had, an ear that served me prettily);--

She cannot do these things, nor one or two Others, in that off-hand and dashing style Which takes so much--to give the devil his due; Nor is she quite so ready with her smile, Nor settles all things in one interview (A thing approved as saving time and toil);-- But though the soil may give you time and trouble, Well cultivated, it will render double.

And if in fact she takes to a 'grande pa.s.sion,'

It is a very serious thing indeed: Nine times in ten 't is but caprice or fashion, Coquetry, or a wish to take the lead, The pride of a mere child with a new sash on, Or wish to make a rival's bosom bleed: But the tenth instance will be a tornado, For there 's no saying what they will or may do.