Dolly Reforming Herself Part 11

_Matt._ I don't remember Harriet----

_Prof._ The Pyromaniac. At the age of four set fire to her mother's bed.

At twelve was found saturating blankets with petroleum; at sixteen fired three hayricks, for which she was sentenced to six months' imprisonment.

_Matt._ Poor Harriet! But of course if her gray matter went and got watery----

_Prof._ Just so! I maintain that with her gray matter in that condition it was a stupid crime to send her to prison.

_Dolly._ [_Looking round from desk._] But what are we to do with people whose gray matter goes wrong?

_Prof._ I propose to deal with that question at Edinburgh. [_To_ MATT.]

You might, perhaps, care to run down to Edinburgh for my lectures----

_Matt._ I should love it above all things; but the fact is, I'm so thoroughly of your opinion----

_Prof._ Are you?! I'm delighted I've convinced you.

_Matt._ Completely. All my life I've been doing things I should never have dreamed of doing if my gray matter had done its duty and not got watery.

_Harry._ [_Begins._] Yes, when you come to think of all the rotten things you find yourself doing, you feel, by Jove----

[_Suddenly recalls that he has said "by Jove," and being near the collection-box, he quietly pulls sixpence out of his pocket and drops it in._

_Matt._ Bravo, Harry! [_Patting him._

_Harry._ Oh, I mean it!--Professor, isn't it time for our hundred up?

_Prof._ [_Taking out watch._] In two minutes.

_Harry._ I'll go and get the b.a.l.l.s out and chalk the cues. [_Going up to door._] Doll, [_taps the writing-desk_] you put it off after tea--by-and-by, you know!

_Dolly._ [_She has finished letter, has risen, and closed writing-desk._] By-and-by.

_Harry._ Before we go to bed--don't forget.

_Dolly._ Oh, I sha'n't forget.

[_Makes a wry face. Exit_ HARRY.

_Prof._ Renie, you were complaining of headache. It would be wise to take a short stroll in the cool air.

_Renie._ Oh, very well.

_Prof._ Wrap up thoroughly. Ten minutes, not longer.

[_Exit._ DOLLY, _unseen by_ RENIE _and_ LUCAS, _slips the note she has been writing into_ MATT'S _hands. He takes it down stage, right, and reads it._ RENIE _and_ LUCAS _have been talking, apart; they move towards the door to get out, but_ DOLLY _is standing in the way of their exit._

_Dolly._ Oh, Renie! I'll put on my things, and come with you.

_Renie._ But Captain Wentworth has offered----

_Dolly._ I've a splitting headache--I must get a little air. And Dad wants to have a talk with Lucas, don't you?

_Matt._ If he can spare five minutes.

_Lucas._ Won't by-and-by be just as convenient?

_Dolly._ [_Facing_ LUCAS, _speaking firmly._] No, by-and-by will not be just as convenient. Now, Renie, we'll leave them together.

[_Gets_ RENIE _off, turns, looks daggers at_ LUCAS, _goes off after_ RENIE, _closes door in his face. He opens it, and goes after her._

_Lucas._ I say, Doll, what's up? [_Follows her off._] What's the matter?

_Matt._ [_Reading_ DOLLY'S _note._] "Be very severe with him. Make a great point of the dairy windows. He'll understand." Dairy windows?

[_Puts the note in his pocket, as_ LUCAS _re-enters, puzzled and disappointed._

_Lucas._ I can't think what's the matter with Dolly. She has done nothing but snub me all the evening.

_Matt._ [_Looking at him sternly._] So I should imagine!

_Lucas._ [_Startled by his manner._] I say, have I done anything?

_Matt._ Done anything! I'm a man of the world! n.o.body can accuse me of being strait-laced, and therefore I suppose you think you can come here and set at defiance all the----it's disgraceful!

_Lucas._ Would you mind telling me what you're hinting at?

_Matt._ I'm not hinting! I'm going to speak out very plainly, and I tell you that I look upon your conduct as something atrocious!

_Lucas._ I say, Uncle, what's all this about?

_Matt._ What's it about? What's it about? It's about the dairy windows!

_Lucas._ Then it was you--phew!--so it was you?

_Matt._ Well, after the dairy windows, can you stand there and tell me you aren't thoroughly, completely, heartily ashamed of yourself?

_Lucas._ Well, I suppose I am. But, after all, it wasn't so very bad----

_Matt._ Not bad?!

_Lucas._ Well, not so d--ee--d awful.

_Matt._ [_Regards him for a few moments._] Well, I'm astonished! If you don't consider your behaviour d--ee--d awful, will you please find me some word that will describe it?

_Lucas._ You know you're putting a much worse construction on this than the necessities of the case demand.

_Matt._ What?!