Dog Training The American Male Part 34

"Hanging from the key hook. Jacob, I trust Spencer; if he says it doesn't hurt the dog, then . . . what are you doing?"

"Testing it." Jacob snapped Sam's collar around his own neck, then retrieved the palm controls. "Is it this red b.u.t.ton-Ahhhhhhh . . . ahhh! Ahhh!"

"Stop pushing it!" She knocked the controller from his hand, a slight buzz running down her arm. "Are you all right?"

"I don't know."

"Why didn't you stop?"

"I couldn't let go. The charge kept my fingers squeezing the b.u.t.ton. Gosh, maybe I really am Friedrich Riesfeldt's kid."

"Who?"

"Friedrich Riesfeldt. The zookeeper my mother . . . never mind."

Nancy tossed the shock collar on the counter. "Where were you last night?"

"I went to a self-help seminar. It was pretty cool. You were asleep when I got home."

"I went to bed earlier; I was exhausted. But I have some amazing news-the station's renewing my contract for two years, with a thirty percent raise in salary."

"Nancy, that's great."

"I know, it's like a dream come true. And I didn't tell you the best part-they want to syndicate the show and add a product line."

"What kind of product line?"

"You know . . . women's stuff. Nothing you'd be interested in. The owner of the station invited me to a private party tonight to discuss business."

Jacob's smile faded. "Old man Cabot invited you to his party?"

"Cabot's retired. His daughter, Olivia she owns the station-it's her party."

"Olivia Cabot's his daughter?"

"I thought you knew that."

"How would I know that? You never told me Cabot's daughter was your boss; you never told me her name was Olivia!"

"Calm down. Say, isn't Ruby's big gig tonight?"

"Is it? I nearly forgot. I think it's at a comedy club."

"You told me it was a private party."

"A private party at a comedy club. I have to check my text messages for the address."

"Take it easy. I think that shock collar made you hyper."

"Hyper? I'm not hyper. And what if I was? Would you cut off my b.a.l.l.s like you did Sam's?"

She kissed him quickly on the lips, then patted his hairy left cheek. "Only if you cheated on me. Maybe it's time to trim the beard; I have a rash on my thighs from the other day."

JACOB DROVE EAST out to the beach, ignoring the calls from his dispatcher. Nancy's going to be at the party. She'll see Ruby and Olivia chasing after me in their s.e.xy outfits. The moment Nancy flips out, Olivia will know she's my girlfriend. That'll give her leverage. She could force me to sleep with her by threatening to cancel Nancy's contract. She might even lie to Nancy, telling her I already slept with her just to get Nancy to leave me.

"Suck b.a.l.l.s!"

He recalled a John Lennon quote: The postman wants an autograph. The cab driver wants a picture. The waitress wants a handshake. Everyone wants a piece of you . . .

He arrived at the high-rise beach condominium ten minutes later, parking in the vendor's lot. Using a Federal Express delivery as cover, he snuck past the $12-an-hour guard working the security desk and followed an older woman and her miniature toy poodle onto an awaiting elevator.

The dog sniffed Jacob's pants.

"Little fella probably smells my German Shepherd. Sam likes to rub his a.s.s against me so I'll scratch his b.u.t.t."

The woman offered a polite smile, and then quickly exited on the fifth floor.

Jacob pushes the b.u.t.ton for eleven.

Enough is enough. I'm tired of being manipulated by these two rich menopausal horn-dogs. Ruby and Olivia either back off, or I won't do the show.

Stepping off the elevator, he stormed across the carpeted corridor to the double oak door at the end of the hall and rang the bell to Suite 1101.

The door opened, revealing Ruby in a bathrobe and silk pajamas. No make-up. Her hair was twisted in a loose ball atop her head as if she had just woken up.

"Jacob? What are you doing here?"

"We need to talk."

"Can we talk later, I don't feel well."

"No, it has to be now."

"Fine." She stepped aside, allowing him entree into the three-bedroom condo. He followed her through the living room, its white marble floors ending at a balcony overlooking the Atlantic Ocean. Ruby shuffled barefoot over to a U-shaped beige leather sofa where she laid down, curling herself in a ball. "You trimmed your beard. It looks better."

"Thanks." He noticed the a.s.sortment of medication on the coffee table. "What's wrong?"

"It's a female thing. Are you ready for tonight?"

"I suppose."

"Don't suppose, you need to be good tonight. I'm running out of influential friends."

"I'd be more confident if I knew you and your friends weren't in a contest to see who could have s.e.x with me first."

"Who told you that? Cyril?"

"Is it true?"

"No. Well, yes, it was Olivia's idea, but it was just a tease. We didn't think you mind."

"Normally I wouldn't, but I have a girlfriend . . . someone I really care about."

She winced in pain. "So I'll back off."

"What about Olivia?"

"I'll call her."

Jacob breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you. And don't think for a minute it's not because I don't find you attractive-I do . . . it's just-"

"I'm happy you found someone special in your life."

"Thanks. You know, John Lennon once said-" He paused, his cell phone reverberating with a 9-1-1 text from his boss at i-Guru. He typed a response, and then thought better of it. "Ruby, is there a landline I can use?"

"Down the hall, my home office." She rolled over, covering herself with a wool blanket.

Jacob found his way to the converted bedroom and sat at the desk. Using Ruby's house phone, he dialed Mr. Patel's number-his eyes wandering to the cl.u.s.ter of framed photos situated on the gla.s.s table top.

Ruby with her two kids, some taken as babies and teens, the more recent photos taken in their mid-twenties. One with her parents. A family Christmas photo, taken long ago. A graduation photo with her son.

Missing in action-her husband of thirty years.

"I'm happy you found someone special in your life." Ruby had found someone special, and he had cheated on her, tossing her life into disarray.

Jacob recalled his brother's words: "Ruby's not insane, she's in pain. Her ex hurt her pretty badly, now she's trying to bury the last thirty years by reinventing herself."

Thirty years . . . How do you erase thirty years of marriage? Thirty years of memories? How do you trust another man after your spouse cheated on you?

Vince was wrong. Ruby wasn't trying to reinvent herself; right now she was just trying to survive a tsunami of hurt by numbing herself with s.e.x until her heart could form scars.

"This is Patel."

"Mr. Patel, it's Jacob. I dropped my iPhone this morning and it's not working; can you transfer me to dispatch for my first appointment?"

"What took you so long to call in?"

"I had to stop at a friend's house to use his phone."

"Very well. But you had better not go missing again or you are fired, I do not care what Ganesha says."

"Yes, sir." Jacob waited for the dispatcher, who read him an address in West Palm Beach. He wrote the information on a sc.r.a.p of paper-listening to Ruby moaning in pain in the living room.

Completing the call, he stood to leave. Hesitated . . .then text messaged his brother.

The iPhone rang a minute later. "This better be an emergency."

"Vin, I'm with Ruby. She's in a lot of pain."

"What did you do to her?"

"Nothing. She says it's female pain, but it seems pretty bad."

"Put her on the phone."

Jacob left the office, and then knelt by the sofa. "Ruby, my brother wants to speak with you."

Ruby opened her eyes and took the phone. "h.e.l.lo?"

"Ruby, it's Dr. Cope. What's wrong, sweetheart?"

"I hurt inside. Really bad."

"When did the pain start?"

"This morning."

"Are you spotting?"

"Yes."

"I'll have Wanda expedite the results from your last pap smear. Can you get to my office?"

"I don't think I can drive. I'll have to call a friend."

Jacob took the phone. "It's okay, Vin. I'll drive her."

"YOU TEASED HIM, Carmella. Then you and your witch's coven tossed him into the pool."

"I did nothing of the sort . . . wh.o.r.e." Carmella Cope left her lounge chair and headed for the steps leading into the shallow end of the pool to claim a good spot for the morning water aerobics cla.s.s.

Nancy followed her across the deck. "After all Truman did for you, would it have killed you to be nice to him?"

"I never asked him to get snipped, that was your idea-wh.o.r.e."

"Stop calling me a wh.o.r.e!"

"Why? That's what you are. Money, money, money-that's all that matters to you. The only reason you care about Cabot is because he bribed you. One wh.o.r.e bribing another."

"Okay, you're right. I was desperate. For a while I had no idea if I was going to keep my job. Forget about the money-I don't want the money. But Truman . . . he really likes you. He says you remind him of his deceased wife."

"Blah, blah, blah." Carmella pushed past Nancy to access the pool steps. "You're just afraid Richie Rich will tell his Richie b.i.t.c.h daughter whose idea it was to get clipped and you'll be fired."

"Is that what you want, Carmella? To see me fired? Do you think that's what Jacob would want?"