Doctor Who_ Happiness Patrol Part 8

'Lemonade, to you,' said the Doctor, untying him. He slapped Earl's face. 'Come on, the dream's over. Back to the nightmare.'

He pushed Earl down through the open manhole and jumped down after him. Moments later he reappeared to recover Earl's harmonica, which had been left lying on the floor. The Kandy Man was still making vain attempts to free his feet and shouting for Gilbert M. The Doctor doffed his hat. 'Sweet dreams,' he said.

The Kandy Man's strength had all but ebbed when Gilbert M returned to the Kandy Kitchen, ambling in with a large sack. Summoning all his remaining energy, the Kandy Man screamed at him. 'Where have you been?'

Gilbert M dumped the sack on the floor. 'Ingredients,'

he said, unconcerned.

'Leaving me to be humiliated. You'll suffer for this.'

Gilbert M stifled a yawn. 'Whatever you say, Kandy Man.'

'You'll pay for this,' the Kandy Man threatened. 'I'm going to crush you.'

Gilbert M moved over to the part of the kitchen where the Kandy Man was stuck, but made no attempt to help him. 'That's it,' he said, 'scream and shout; rant and rave - but remember, Kandy Man, symbiosis.' The Kandy Man snarled, but Gilbert M continued. 'You need me and I need me.'

'You need you?'

'I need me.'

'I need you and you need you?'

Gilbert M was triumphant. 'That's what I said. And just as you squeeze the breath out nue so your hand tightens round your own throat!'

The Doctor and Earl were slowly making their way along one of the huge pipes running beneath the city. It was cold and dank, and their pa.s.sage was marked by the drip, drip, drip of liquid from the roof and the walls. The Doctor touched one of the walls and licked his linger.

'It's a sort of crystallized sugar,' he told Earl, 'almost like a meringue. The walls are covered with it. I suppose the pipe must have carried some sort of sugar solution.

What do you think?'

Earl tasted the substance. He shook his head. 'No good.

But then I've tasted the real thing.'

The Doctor tried some more, from a different part of the wall. 'It's definitely past its best, so we can a.s.sume that nothing's been pumped down here for quite a while. I wonder why.' He turned to Earl. He was curious about smirching. 'So how would you describe the Kandy Man's confection?' he asked.

Earl smiled. 'It could only be the work of a schizophrenic obsessive.' Earl took his harmonica from his jacket pocket. But the Doctor stopped him just as he was about to startplaying.

He pointed to the ceiling. 'Not until we're out of this section,' whispered the Doctor.

Why are we whispering?' whispered Earl.

'There are tons of crystallized syrup above us.'

Earl understood. 'And any sudden noise could cause it to fall.'

'Not any noise,' said the Doctor, 'only certain noises.'

'That's rea.s.suring,' said Earl, slipping the harmonica hack into his pocket. They moved on down the tunnel, completely unaware of the small figures following them and watching their every move.

A few hundred yards further along, the Doctor held up his hand to stop Earl. He suddenly dropped to the ground to examine something that had caught his attention. 'Look at this, Earl,' he whispered. 'It's some kind of print.'

Earl could just make it out. But for all his interplanetary travelling he had never seen anything quite like it before. 'I wonder what sort of creature lives down here?'

Before he finished speaking, one of the Pipe People, brandishing his spear, moved out of the shadows.

'That sort of creature,' said the Doctor.

Earl and the Doctor were taken to an intersection of pipes, where there was evidence of habitation, a pile of straw in one corner, and some basic eating utensils stacked in another. They were guarded by one of the Pipe People.

He was nervy and ignored all of the Doctor's many attempts at an explanation. So they were relieved to set the approach of Wences, who had watched Ace at the demonstration. He was with Wulfric, who seemed older and more experienced than the others. The Doctor correctly a.s.sumed that Wulfric was the leader of this tribe.

'Stand!' ordered Wulfric. The Pipe People did not speak the settlers' tongue, but had picked up a smattering of the language of their enemies, in the same way that countries at war begin to learn the language of their opponents. But their grasp of syntax was shaky and they generally confined themselves to monosyllabic utterances.

The Doctor and Earl pulled themselves to their feet.

'Weapons!' barked Wulfric. His voice was high-pitched but clear.

The Doctor held his hands above his head and twirled round for Wulfric's benefit. 'No weapons,' he said. 'Just a brolly.'

Wulfric turned to Earl. 'Weapons!'

Earl copied the Doctor. But as he spun round, his harmonica flew out of his pocket and fell to the floor.

Wences raised his spear, ready to attack. 'Weapon!' he shrieked.

Earl bent down slowly and picked up the harmonica.

'Easy,' he said, 'it's just my harp.' He put it to his lips to demonstrate. As he did so, everyone except the Doctor ducked, obviously expecting a missile to fly out of it, But all that came out of it were a few slow, sad notes. It was clear that the Pipe People responded to the music immediately.

'Wicked!' squealed Wences.

The Doctor could not believe his ears. 'What did you just say?'

'Wicked!'

Earl was impressed. 'Say, Doctor, he's hip for a little guy!'

But the Doctor was one step ahead of Earl. 'He's been taking lessons,' he said. He bent down to Wences. 'So you've met my friend Ace?'

'Not Ace,' said Wences.

'Brave girl,' said Wulfric, who had heard Wences's account of Ace's defiance of the Happiness Patrol.

'Captive,' said Wences.

The Doctor shook his head. 'Brave girl captive. That sounds like Ace. If only she'd listen to what I tell her.'

'Not Ace,' Wulfric insisted.

'Gordon,' said Wences.

'Gordon?' asked Earl.

'Gordon?' asked the Doctor.

'Bennett!' squealed Wences.

The Happiness Patrol guards had departed and had left Ace in the waiting zone, staring at her old adversary Priscilla P. But this wasn't the same waiting zone. It was similar, in that again it was lit by a single streetlight, and again it was taped off from the rest of the street, but Ace didn't recognize the surrounding buildings. Then she understood that the waiting zone moved round the city according to the whim of Helen A.

'Wotcher!' she said to Priscilla P, trying to get a reaction. 'I like your new prison.'

Priscilla P advanced on her. 'On Terra Alpha...'

The old spiel, about to be reeled off parrot-like. Ace interrupted her. 'Yeah, yeah, I know. On Terra Alpha you don't have prisons.'

But Priscilla P wouldn't be stopped. 'We have the waiting zone instead. And the waiting zone moves to different places in the city according to the time of the night.'

Ace had heard enough. 'Waiting zone! Who do you think you're kidding?'

Priscilla P took out her gun, inspected it, and then blew down the barrel. She looked over at Ace and smiled. 'Some people don't have to remain in the waiting zone very long.'

Ace, showing great restraint, decided it would be politic to keep quiet, at least for a few minutes. Priscilla P put the gun back and rummaged in her tray. She pulled out one of the cans of nitro-nine confiscated from Ace during her first brief stay in the waiting zone. She showed it to Ace.

'What's this?'

Ace moved towards her. 'I'll show you...' But Priscilla P had produced her gun again. Ace backed off. 'Just trying to be friendly,' she said innocently.

Priscilla P returned to the nitro-nine. 'It's an explosive device of some kind. I used to work with explosives when I was in Happiness Patrol B.' She sounded almost wistful.

'The anti-terrorist squad. We worked the night shift I like working at night.'

'I'm not interested,' said Ace.

But Priscilla P did not hear. 'And anyway, night-time is when they come out.'

Ace, despite herself, was curious. 'Who?'

'Killjoys depressives. Manic, reactive, endogenous we got all of them.'

'What do you mean, got them?'

Priscilla turned to Ace, delighted that she had at last got an audience. 'They disappeared.'

Ace had been in Terra Alpha long enough to know what this euphemism meant. 'You make me sick,' she snarled.

But Priscilla P only smiled. 'I did a good job.'

Ace had heard this before. 'Yeah, right, you were only doing your job.'

'And then they put me on this. It was unfair. I knew the streets I was a fighter.'

'No you weren't,' said Ace, not bothering to try to conceal the contempt in her voice. 'You were a killer.'

'And she still is.' It was a new voice, and Ace turned to see Susan Q being escorted into the waiting zone by two Happiness Patrol guards.

When the guards had left, Priscilla P regarded Susan Q with hostility. 'I am what I am,' she said.

Ace felt guilty about Susan Q. When she had taken the key from her at the Happiness Patrol headquarters she hadn't considered the consequences for Susan Q. Later, when they were sitting against a wall and out of earshot of Priscilla P, she apologized.

'It's all my fault,' said Ace. 'You'd be all right if you hadn't met me.'

But Susan Q shook her head. 'It would have happened sooner or later. I'm not Helen A's idea of good Happiness Patrol material. She won't shed any tears over me. Let's face it, no one will.' She smiled. 'Even if they wanted to it wouldn't be allowed.'

'But what now?' Ace was worried.

'I'll just disappear along with the rest of them,' shrugged Susan Q. 'Just another of Helen A's victims.'

'I won't let it happen,' said Ace, gritting her teeth. 'We'll escape. I'll save you.'

Susan Q laughed softly. 'Don't worry. I'm happy that it's finally over. It's funny that, isn't it? It's the first thing that I've been happy about for ages.'

Even as they spoke, Helen A was planning the demise of Susan Q. She was in the headquarters of the Happiness Patrol, sitting at a console with Daisy K at her side. Helen A flicked a switch and spoke into a microphone.

'Happiness will prevail. Happiness Patrol C please a.s.sume positions for the first stage of a routine disappearance. And don't forget, when you smile I want to see those teeth.' She switched off the microphone and smiled sweetly at Daisy K. 'I think I'll let you handle this one, Daisy,' she said.

'Susan Q was a friend of yours, wasn't she?'

Moments later, the Happiness Patrol guards arrived at the waiting zone and hauled Susan Q to her feet.

'Time for you to go,' said Priscilla P.

Susan Q struggled with the guards but they were too strong for her.

Ace leapt up, ready to take on the guards. 'Leave her alone!'