Do They Know I'm Running? Part 22

"Stop f.u.c.king telling me that."

"I'll stop when you look me in the eye, convince me you've got this s.h.i.t squared away. I told you, I'm gonna need you tomorrow. You're the one I gotta rely on. Tell me I can do that."

G.o.do felt chilled to the bone. "There's something else," he murmured.

"Like what?"

"I'm not saying I can explain it, but more and more I picture this guy, this Snell, I see his face in that Blazer-backseat, pa.s.senger side. I swear to G.o.d it was him."

Happy didn't say anything at first, just pulled his cigarettes from his back pocket, tapped one out, crouched over to light up, then glanced toward the house. The kerosene lantern Efraim had brought back flickered in the living room where everyone was gathered, its waxy light shuddering along the bare walls. "Don't take this wrong, okay? But you been through what you been through, your mind is gonna f.u.c.k you up. It's gonna want to explain what can't get explained. Try to make sense of the crazy bulls.h.i.t. All right? But it ain't the guy. You're making it up."

"You can't know that."

"I know this, okay? You go in there tomorrow thinking what we gotta get done has anything to do with what happened back there-I'm sorry man, I get it, this sergeant who bit it, he meant something to you, it's totally f.u.c.ked what happened-but you go in there with this on your mind, we're all screwed. You can't make it right. You sure as h.e.l.l ain't gonna make it right you walk in there tomorrow looking for payback. It's a job. We gotta keep it clean. Somebody gets hurt, the whole thing spins outta control and we're seriously f.u.c.ked that happens. Keep it simple. We're jacking an a.s.shole, period. He's smart, he hands everything up, everybody lives for another day, right? He's stupid, we improvise. I'm betting he's smart. And I'm betting he's not your guy. Even if he was, he wasn't the one driving, right, the p.r.i.c.k who got in your face?"

G.o.do was gnawing on his lip. "Maybe he was one of the guys on our BOLO list."

"So what if he was? Besides, that was true, you'd remember the name."

"Maybe, maybe not." G.o.do winced, feeling lost. "I dunno ..."

Happy sucked on his cigarette, face turning red in the ash glow. "Sure you do. You're just blocking it out because you want to get even."

"Listen, there were rumors of counterfeit access cards being used by some of the contractors, access levels jacked up to G-15, gave them the right to enter weapon storage. They'd get their hands on Russian and Iranian stuff, MAG-58s and AKMs, some German MP5s, sell it on the black market there. I wonder if this guy didn't figure a way to get stuff like that shipped over. You hear what I'm saying?"

"G.o.do-"

"It makes sense. Admit it, it's possible."

"f.u.c.k, anything is possible. Look, put it to rest, man. It's over, you've talked it out. It don't have the power over you no more. It can't. Am I right?"

G.o.do knew what answer Happy was after, felt less sure he could give it to him. But he nodded a.s.sent, wanting not to talk about it anymore. Another rush of wind rocked the branches of the walnut trees, a chorus of whispers. Glancing toward the house, he thought he saw, beyond the rubbery lantern glow through the picture window, a small tumbling shadow flutter up and away from under the eaves. An exorcised demon, maybe. He couldn't shake the feeling it was the wrong demon.

THE NOONDAY SUN HAMMERED SHADOWS TO THE GROUND LIKE sheets of tin, while inside the musty room a slow trail of furry brown ants caravanned along the wall. Roque sat hunched at the window, squinting into the light, chin resting on his crossed arms, waiting for the Chamula woman to come along, the one who came down from her paraje paraje in the hills every day to sell firewood or chickens or her specialty: popcorn. in the hills every day to sell firewood or chickens or her specialty: popcorn. Las palomitas Las palomitas, she called it. Little doves.

She was one of three distractions he'd found for himself in as many days, holed up in Arriaga at this so-called hotel. In truth, the place was a picadero a picadero, a cross between a flophouse and a shooting gallery, where his contact, a nod named Victor, hung out with his fellow salvatruchos salvatruchos and spike-jockeys all day. and spike-jockeys all day.

It was a testament to the fear the mareros mareros instilled in the locals, despite the druggy excesses, that Roque could park the Corolla on the street with no fear of its being messed with. Even the cops and vigilantes, not to mention the dozens of strangers straggling through town, knew enough to give it a wide berth. Still, he kept the distributor cap locked up in the trunk and watched the car whenever he could, fearing that the one time he let his guard down would be exactly when something happened. instilled in the locals, despite the druggy excesses, that Roque could park the Corolla on the street with no fear of its being messed with. Even the cops and vigilantes, not to mention the dozens of strangers straggling through town, knew enough to give it a wide berth. Still, he kept the distributor cap locked up in the trunk and watched the car whenever he could, fearing that the one time he let his guard down would be exactly when something happened.

The second distraction he'd afforded himself since arriving came courtesy of a dog-eared Peterson Field Guide, left behind in Julio's taberna taberna down the street by a birder trekking through the area. Roque paged through the color plates with bored devotion, mesmerized by the otherworldly names: loons, honeycreepers, limpkins and coots, jacanas and nightjars-also known as goatsuckers-busht.i.ts and trogons and black chachalacas. down the street by a birder trekking through the area. Roque paged through the color plates with bored devotion, mesmerized by the otherworldly names: loons, honeycreepers, limpkins and coots, jacanas and nightjars-also known as goatsuckers-busht.i.ts and trogons and black chachalacas.

The mystery of the thing was this: The birds seemed to exist nowhere but inside the book. The only winged creatures he'd seen in town were vultures and blackbirds: grackles and cowbirds, if he'd identified them correctly, the latter being a brood parasite, explaining why it had driven off virtually every other species, pushing them up into the mountains.

Kill the young, he thought. The key to success.

He missed the guitar, its stubborn tuning, its thin sound. He remembered the clanging racket it made when Chepito's sidekick smashed it against the roof, the Corolla barreling down the crowded street, horn blasting, scattering the fairgoers. It taught him something, that escape. The importance of idiot will. Refusing to give in. He felt a little larger in spirit now, a little bolder, a little more buxo buxo, as Tia Lucha would put it-quick on his feet.

There was nothing quick here, just tedium. He'd asked Victor if he could buy a disposable cell phone somewhere to check in with Happy, maybe even talk with Tia Lucha, but the idea got nixed.-No such thing as wiretaps or warrants here, Victor had said, cops just listen in whenever they f.u.c.king feel like it. Forget a cell until you're north of Oaxaca cops just listen in whenever they f.u.c.king feel like it. Forget a cell until you're north of Oaxaca. Roque had wanted to respond: Right, and you guys communicate how? But it seemed best not to push it, the same way asking too many questions felt not just stupid but dangerous. Still, he missed everybody. It would be ten o'clock there, two hours behind. Tia would be at work. G.o.d only knew where Happy or G.o.do might be.

Again he glanced up and down the street, hoping to spot the Chamula woman. The first time he'd seen her, she'd been wearing a black-and-white poncho, typical of the women from San Juan Chamula, so he'd been told, and she'd carried a few chickens by their feet, a bundle of firewood on her back, an infant strapped to her chest with two more clinging to her skirt. The next time, yesterday, she'd been dressed in traditional Mayan traje traje, a boldly colored china poblana china poblana skirt, a lavishly embroidered overblouse called a skirt, a lavishly embroidered overblouse called a huipil huipil. That was when he'd seen her selling her little doves. He couldn't say for sure why that had moved him so deeply but he'd gone down, bought several greasy bags of cold rubbery popcorn off her. It wasn't peanut b.u.t.ter but it would do.

In the easterly distance a virginal sky topped the alpine highlands and cliff-scarred plateaus. Corn and sorghum fields checkered the lowlands all the way to the marigold fields nearer town. The yellow of their blossoms, he'd learned, was considered the shade of death. It looked so welcoming here. The flower fields yielded to the garbage dump on the town's edge, which in turn gave way to the sprawling rail yard with its tumbledown station across the street, its adobe walls slathered with graffiti.

Glancing one last time up and down the empty sun-blasted street, Roque finally decided it was time to check in with Victor.

He was holding court in the s.p.a.cious room on the ground floor that the picadero's picadero's denizens grandly called the ballroom. The windows were covered with ragged sheets of tacked-up plastic, creating a stuffy gloom. The spikes were all male, half a dozen or so in all, varying in age from around twelve-kill the young, Roque reminded himself-to mid-thirties, sprawled on soiled mattresses or just bedsheets scattered across the floor, the denizens grandly called the ballroom. The windows were covered with ragged sheets of tacked-up plastic, creating a stuffy gloom. The spikes were all male, half a dozen or so in all, varying in age from around twelve-kill the young, Roque reminded himself-to mid-thirties, sprawled on soiled mattresses or just bedsheets scattered across the floor, the muchachos muchachos bleary from smack or just there to watch TV, an old Sony with a built-in DVD player perched on cinder blocks in the corner. A few bleary from smack or just there to watch TV, an old Sony with a built-in DVD player perched on cinder blocks in the corner. A few salvatruchos salvatruchos were hanging out as well, shirtless, their torsos black and red with tattoos, contenting themselves with beer or were hanging out as well, shirtless, their torsos black and red with tattoos, contenting themselves with beer or chicha chicha, a fiery corn liquor sold everywhere.

Victor, tragically handsome, sculpted bone and nappy hair, sprawled sideways in the room's only armchair, black-soled feet dangling over the arm and bobbing lazily as he dug beneath his nails with a hairpin. His eyelids hung at half-mast, jaw slack, a white plastic rosary draped around his neck. A pirated DVD of Mel Gibson's Apocalypto Apocalypto was playing on the TV, and as far as Roque could tell, the was playing on the TV, and as far as Roque could tell, the picadero picadero gang watched little else, mesmerized by all that color-saturated sadism, the cool tattoos and wicked costumes, the spooky nihilism and debauched scarification and ooga-booga religiosity, as though it weren't box-office bulls.h.i.t but a kind of Mayan home movie. gang watched little else, mesmerized by all that color-saturated sadism, the cool tattoos and wicked costumes, the spooky nihilism and debauched scarification and ooga-booga religiosity, as though it weren't box-office bulls.h.i.t but a kind of Mayan home movie.

Meanwhile, two salvatruchos salvatruchos near the doorway where Roque stood were going back and forth with the latest horror stories. near the doorway where Roque stood were going back and forth with the latest horror stories.

-Yesterday these five pollos pollos got shaken down in broad daylight by some local cops, right? Out front of the church. Then guess what-those cops got jacked by state cops not five minutes later got shaken down in broad daylight by some local cops, right? Out front of the church. Then guess what-those cops got jacked by state cops not five minutes later.

-Cops are f.u.c.king thieves.

-s.h.i.t, man, I'm a thief. But I am what I am, I don't pretend to be nothing else.

-Listen to this. Two nights ago, we were running the tops of the boxcars heading up from Tapachula, okay? Came across this pack of hicks from, I dunno, Nicaragua I think. Funny f.u.c.king accent, everything like twee twee twee. Anyway, we tell them, you ride the train, you pay the freight. They said they had no money. So we beat them stupid, stripped the f.u.c.kers naked. They had their money in their shorts, like we wouldn't find it there. Then because they lied we tossed them off. So long, suckers.

-You hear about that guy who slipped trying to pull himself up into a boxcar out here the other night?

-Guy who fell under the wheel?

-Cut him in two. He's lying there, watching the rest of the train roll over him, screaming. f.u.c.ker finally bled to death, but man ...

-You saw it?

-I was chasing the c.o.c.ksucker.

-No f.u.c.king way.

-What's more important, your money or your life?

-People, man. So f.u.c.king stupid.

-Reminds me. That Honduran girl?

-The one got raped?

-The one got g.a.n.g.b.a.n.ged while they shot her boyfriend right in front of her.

-I heard that was cops.

-It was the f.u.c.king vigilantes, man.

-No, I heard cops.

Roque listened to this last bit and tried not to think of Lupe. She and the others had been due in town yesterday, no word from Beto or anyone else about the delay. He knew how many stops the group would have to make: Get off the bus, trek around a checkpoint, maybe miles of detour. It was anybody's guess how long they might have to wait, hiding in the fields, waiting until the time was right, dodging G.o.d only knew how many patrols, legal and illegal-local police, state police, private security thugs, vigilantes, federales federales, Grupo Beta, the army, the Mexican migra; migra; the anti-immigrant backlash here made the Minute Man reaction along the California-Texas corridor look like Welcome Wagon-then heading back to the road, flagging down the next bus whenever it happened by. the anti-immigrant backlash here made the Minute Man reaction along the California-Texas corridor look like Welcome Wagon-then heading back to the road, flagging down the next bus whenever it happened by.

Catching Victor's gaze, he gestured that he was heading out. Victor responded with a swacked grin and a fiddly wave.

ROQUE CHECKED TO BE SURE THERE WERE NO COPS OR OTHER ARMED men around, then headed up the block. A group of urchins materialized, begging. He'd learned the trick to saying no: nothing out loud, just a slow wagging of the finger back and forth, mysteriously effective. The kids made faces but retreated, scattering a handful of chickens pecking the dust.

He felt light-headed from sleeplessness. The picadero picadero with its unholy stench, its meandering ant trails, its festering mattresses, it was the perfect spot for insomnia. In the long hours awake at night he'd found himself beset with increasingly shameless fantasies of Lupe, in which their lovemaking became tormented, ravenous, desperate. At times it had been difficult to know what exactly he was picturing, s.e.x or a smackdown. What was it about this place, he thought, that caused such tormented obsessions? with its unholy stench, its meandering ant trails, its festering mattresses, it was the perfect spot for insomnia. In the long hours awake at night he'd found himself beset with increasingly shameless fantasies of Lupe, in which their lovemaking became tormented, ravenous, desperate. At times it had been difficult to know what exactly he was picturing, s.e.x or a smackdown. What was it about this place, he thought, that caused such tormented obsessions?

He headed toward Julio's taberna taberna, walking distance-more to the point, in visual range of the car. Julio's was the third and last of Roque's distractions.

After the blinding sunlight, the dimness felt welcome. Two field workers from one of the nearby plantations nursed beers at the end of the bar, their sweat-stained straw hats tipped back on their heads. A ceiling fan stirred the air around, unable to dispel the odors of leaky refrigeration and p.i.s.s. What sunlight filtered in through the quarreled amber windows dissolved in the shadowy interior, surrendering its heat, a mystery Roque accepted gratefully.

Seeing him enter, Julio broke off feeding his parrot and dug out a can of 7UP from his ice chest, setting it atop the bar for Roque.

Julio cracked a smile.-Still can't find your way out of town?

-I'm waiting for the busht.i.ts and trogons to show up. He popped open the icy wet can.-How are things?

Julio shrugged.-Why complain, the worst is yet to come. Returning to his stool, he swept away the bits of seed husks littering the bar beneath the parrot perch.

Roque chugged back a mouthful of 7UP, ambling to the small corner stage where a guitar and a vihuela rested against the wall. He earned his drinks and a lunch of red beans and rice by playing for several hours each afternoon, sometimes teaming up with Julio for a duet, the barkeep on the vihuela, a smaller guitar used for mariachi ensembles, tuned high like a ukulele.

Julio, an able if not quite inspired musician himself, at one point had offered to give Roque the guitar as a gift.-When you become famous, you can tell people about this place, how I saw your stardom ahead of you. And the only thing between you and fame, my young friend, is bad luck and the devil.

Julio was bearish with a soup-catcher mustache and a wild mop of curls. Mestizo by heritage-half-caste, Spanish speaking-he was courteous but wary, that instinctive mejicano mejicano reserve, at least until dusk stole the bite from the day's heat, at which point he indulged in a few jolts of mescal chased with beer. reserve, at least until dusk stole the bite from the day's heat, at which point he indulged in a few jolts of mescal chased with beer.

The night before, regaling his new talented friend from Gringolandia Gringolandia with the crazy with the crazy mixto mixto accent, he'd intoned:- accent, he'd intoned:-We mejicanos mejicanos take great pride in losing. We don't just have a capacity for suffering-everyone does-we enjoy it, like the Russians take great pride in losing. We don't just have a capacity for suffering-everyone does-we enjoy it, like the Russians. Then he'd broken into song, a ballad by the legendary mariachi Juan Gabriel, sung in a beery tenor.-I just forgot again that you never loved me.

Roque had to admit he felt tempted to take the man up on his offer, make off with the guitar, but it struck him as unseemly. Julio was lonely, bored, stuck here in Chiapas with nothing but daydreams and his parrot and a nightly drunk to amuse himself. And that would not change. Time was stuck. To that extent, Julio, like some creature from myth, seemed eternal, which meant it would be unwise to take a gift from him unless the consequences were clear up front.

Roque grabbed a chair and set the guitar in his lap, figuring he'd change things around a little today, rock out, jam on some Santana or Mana, maybe a little Aerosmith or even Steve Earle, whose tunes he'd learned from the edgier folkies at open mikes. Lalo had always told him, listen to everything, dismiss nothing; the key to creativity lies in two simple words: Steal wisely Steal wisely.

He got no further than tuning, though, before he sensed a sudden tension in the room. Glancing up, he saw Julio reaching beneath the bar for his baston baston, a kind of billy club. Thinking that some immigrants were at the door, hoping for a handout, he glanced that direction, only to see the Chamula woman waiting there, one of her daughters by her side, the child a miniature of her mother, down to the china poblana china poblana skirt, the beautifully embroidered skirt, the beautifully embroidered huipil huipil. They both held woven baskets filled with bags of popcorn.

The mother called out: "Las palomitas, senor," "Las palomitas, senor," her Spanish brittle, heavily accented. her Spanish brittle, heavily accented.

-I told you, Julio bellowed, slamming his hand on the bar, scaring the bird.-Not in here. Out!

-It's okay, Roque said, returning the guitar to its spot along the wall.-I want to buy a couple bags off her.

As though to prompt him, the woman said again, "Las palomitas," her voice a kind of singsong, feigning innocence. her voice a kind of singsong, feigning innocence.

Julio, incredulous:-Don't encourage these people. He reached up to stroke the parrot, soothe it.-She's probably drunk on pox. He p.r.o.nounced it "posh"-the local home brew.

-I'll take care of it, Roque said. He gestured for the woman to back away from the door, he'd meet her in the street.

To his back, Julio said:-If she steals from you, don't cry to me. The two field workers chimed in with a wheezy little spate of laughter.

From s.n.a.t.c.hes of conversation he'd overheard at the picadero picadero and the bar the past three days, Roque had gathered that the Chamulas were the largest, poorest, most hostile of the Tzotzil tribes in the area. He'd learned too that the name Tzotzil meant "people of the bat;" in their folklore there were ancient stories of black winged creatures who escaped from the mountain caves at night, kidnapping women, eating children, but the old folks said those creatures didn't exist anymore. The last were seen forty years ago. This was all a grand joke to Julio and his pals. They considered the Indians layabouts, thieves, drunks, which seemed only too predictable, since they themselves were mixed blood. and the bar the past three days, Roque had gathered that the Chamulas were the largest, poorest, most hostile of the Tzotzil tribes in the area. He'd learned too that the name Tzotzil meant "people of the bat;" in their folklore there were ancient stories of black winged creatures who escaped from the mountain caves at night, kidnapping women, eating children, but the old folks said those creatures didn't exist anymore. The last were seen forty years ago. This was all a grand joke to Julio and his pals. They considered the Indians layabouts, thieves, drunks, which seemed only too predictable, since they themselves were mixed blood.

As Roque reached into his pocket the woman's eyes never left him, nor did her daughter's. He could only guess at their respective ages; they seemed not so much mother and child as two reflections of the same idea. He pulled what coins he had and a few wrinkled pesos from his pocket, bought three bags of popcorn from the woman, who clearly wished he'd buy more. That was when the idea came to him.

"Venga conmigo," he said-Come with me-p.r.o.nouncing the words slowly, in case her comprehension of Spanish was as rough as her p.r.o.nunciation. he said-Come with me-p.r.o.nouncing the words slowly, in case her comprehension of Spanish was as rough as her p.r.o.nunciation.

He led her and her daughter inside the picadero picadero, making a funny face so they wouldn't be frightened. They entered the ballroom with Apocalypto Apocalypto at its midpoint, the parade of the bound slaves into the limestone city with its clouds of white dust, the bloodthirsty crowd in primitive exotica, the cynical priest in his towering headdress prancing atop the sacrificial ziggurat. Roque clapped his hands loud, shouting, at its midpoint, the parade of the bound slaves into the limestone city with its clouds of white dust, the bloodthirsty crowd in primitive exotica, the cynical priest in his towering headdress prancing atop the sacrificial ziggurat. Roque clapped his hands loud, shouting, "Oye, cholos." "Oye, cholos." Hey, guys. Hey, guys.

Heads turned, Victor's among them. People of the bat, Roque thought. He presented the tiny Chamula woman and her daughter.

-What's a movie without popcorn?

He s.n.a.t.c.hed bags from the woven baskets the woman and her daughter carried and tossed them around the room, gesturing with his finger and thumb that payment was due. As he waited for the money to materialize he suppressed an impulse to add: You clowns want to commune with your Mayan roots? Here she is.

LOURDES LOCKED HER CAR, TRUDGED UP THE STEEP DRIVE TO THE front door, put her finger to the bell. She glanced once Happy's direction, despite his having told her not to, not under any circ.u.mstances, but why get angry? He knew how scared she was.

They'd bonded, he and Lourdes, talking on and off throughout the night. She'd said he reminded her of a friend of her brother's she'd known back in Santa Clara del Cobre, a young man who'd gone off to El Norte a short time before she had. She hadn't seen him since but that was the way it was, you grow up with someone, learn to know them, perhaps come to love them, then they leave to make a better life but for you it's a kind of death, because so often, almost always, they never come back. Happy had let her go on like that for hours, playing the sympathetic heavy, letting her wear herself out with talk, then watching her sleep balled up like a cat until it was Efraim's turn to keep an eye on her.

A misty winter dampness filmed the ground, the asphalt, the parked cars. His bones felt like tin from the chill. Strange, he thought, how screwed up his inner barometer had become, all that time in Iraq. Maybe he'd head somewhere good and hot when all this was over.

The front door to the contractor's house opened, Lourdes said something quick to whoever was there, then vanished inside. Happy racked the Glock's slide to chamber a round, alerting the others sitting in back to get ready, grab the duffels with the guns. Stuffing the pistol under his belt, he zipped closed his coveralls and glanced at the cell phone on the seat beside him, waiting for it to trill.

"I NO KNOW WHAT I DO WITH IT, VERONICA. MY WATCH, I MEAN. I SO sorry, I feel stupid, I no want bother you."

Lourdes stood there in the entry, same clothes as yesterday, unwashed hair. I'm a disaster, she thought, remembering the phrase from a movie she'd stayed up to watch a few nights back, the girls in bed so she couldn't ask them what it meant. She glanced up to check how her script, such as she'd managed it, was playing, at the same time noticing the odd burned smell in the air. "I think I must leave it behind yesterday, when I come and clean. Maybe I look around, I no take time, I promise ..."

The smell was smoke. Veronica said, "We had a teeny little accident at the stove this morning." She was girlishly small and achingly thin, sunken eyes, an insomniac pallor, her head a frizzy eruption of sage-colored hair. The ghost of an angry girl, Lourdes thought, that is what she looks like, what she always looks like. "Samantha has some awful sort of flu, she can't keep anything down. I was trying to scramble her some eggs."

Lourdes detected a second smell, the familiar whiff of alcohol, Veronica's breath, at the same time thinking: The girl is here, I need to tell them. She pointed toward the kitchen. "You need me help you clean?"

Veronica ignored the question, plucking idly at her frayed hair. She tried to chuckle but her voice caught. The self-pity in her eyes splintered. "Charlie's going to kill me ..."

What was she talking about? "Veronica-"

"Christ, he blames me for everything. What am I supposed to do? It was an accident It was an accident. Okay? If you had any idea what a misery this is, how hard-"

"Veronica, I'm not understand-"

"And for what?" She waved listlessly then laughed so bitterly Lourdes shrank from the sound. "Go on, look around. I haven't seen your stupid watch but maybe it's here somewhere."

Veronica turned toward the kitchen, staggering with her first step, recovering with the next. Then Lourdes's cell phone rang. Waiting until Veronica was out of earshot, she flipped it open.

-What's taking so long?

-The girl is here, not just the mother.