Diary Of A Vampeen Part 4

"That sounds ok." I fidgeted for a minute knowing I needed to warn him ahead of time about the others I'd inadvertently invited through Mike. "I hope you don't mind, but I sort of agreed to this being a group thing." I felt bad springing that part on him last minute. I always felt uncomfortable in group settings, but could only imagine the magnitude if everyone was a stranger.

"It's cool," he replied casually.

"Good. What time's best for you?"

"It's a requirement that all horror movies are viewed at night."

"Ok. I'll check the times and text you. Are you ok to meet at Barnes & n.o.ble across the street?"

"Sure. See ya then."

"Ok. Bye."

The second I slid my phone closed it went off again. I checked the caller ID, but it was Mel.

"Hey," I answered expectantly.

"Let me just cut to the chase."

"Thanks for the greeting. Proceed." I smirked. Only Mel could get away with such rudeness.

"So apparently your boyfriend was a you know what and said something that put him in the pound, but he felt so bad and knew you were upset enough to come groveling to me. The only reason why I'm calling is because I love you and am officially volunteering to kick his a.s.s if you'll just say the word."

"Thanks," I chuckled, taken aback by her bluntness. That wasn't anything new for Mel, but she never ceased to amaze me with her epic blurbs. "I think I'm ok though. He apologized and I'm sure you already dragged him through the ringer when he confessed."

"Of course, but he could handle a second round."

"I'll pa.s.s. Hey, what are you doing tomorrow?"

"What do you think?!"

"Babysitting." I didn't even have to guess. Mel was her mom's built in babysitter ever since her divorce a few years ago.

"As if I had anything better to do on a Sat.u.r.day," she sulked.

"Sorry. Any idea when she'll be home?"

"She never gives a time. She's home when she gets home." I heard the frustration in Mel's tone. She was used to the situation by now, but the bitterness never left. "What's on the agenda for tomorrow?"

"Movie with Kellan and Mike plus whoever else Mike intends to drag along."

"You still inviting him after what he said."

"We're still dating. Plus, I'm not really mad at him, just a little hurt. Everyone hurts you at some point though; even those you love and trust the most inevitably betray you in some way so I won't hold it against him."

"You are such a drag sometimes."

"Gee, thanks. I love you too."

"I know you do, but I have to go. I just heard my mom come in. Call me and let me know how it goes tomorrow. I want all the juicy details so remember them all!"

"Ok," I laughed. "Night."

"Night Lex."

With that I closed the phone letting out a deep sigh. With nothing left to distract me, the picture from Kellan's Mys.p.a.ce page jumped back to the forefront of my mind. How exactly did my parents know Kellan? If he's a family member, then why didn't my parents announce his arrival here in Charleston? When my Aunt Claire moved here, my parents made a big deal of it. For an entire month we gave her tours of the city. They were insistent on spending time at every landmark, and there are oodles of them here. Why didn't we do the same with Kellan's family.

Wait. It dawned on me. If he's family, then that meant there was definitely no chance of him being interested in me and that should definitely cut off any curiosity on my part. Perhaps this explained why he mocked my discomfort when I had to ask him out; I was his family... Oh my! Had I gone off the deep end? Was I crushing on a distant cousin?

I decided I couldn't wait any longer; unease was rising rapidly within me. I dialed my mom's cell. She answered on the first ring jumping to the wrong conclusion since I usually didn't bother them while they're away.

"Lexi, are you okay? What's wrong?" Her words flew off her tongue in a fury of fear.

"Nothing's wrong, Mom. I'm okay, just have a question for you," I quickly deterred.

She lost the frantic tone in her voice and calmly replied, "Sure sweetie. What do you need?"

"Well I asked Kellan out like you asked and just so you know he was completely amused by it. Anyways I saw you and dad in his family reunion picture from this summer and was wondering how we're related," I stated more than asked, but my mother understood.

"We're not technically related. We met his family while living in Basque Country when you were little. His family revisits Spain the same time as your dad and I every two years," she explained.

"Oh, ok," I stuttered somewhat dumbfounded at her explanation.

"We'll talk more when your father and I return tomorrow, okay?" She clearly wasn't comfortable with the subject which left me feeling more knotted than before.

"Ok Mom. Love you."

"Love you too. Bye sweetie."

There was definitely something strange here. If his family was like family to us, then why did she have me ask him out as if it were a simple gesture? I was missing information, vital facts because it didn't add up to me. I didn't remember his family growing up. My mother was very detail oriented and told me practically everything, why would this be the exception? Oh well, I might as well give up on it for now. I would have to wait until tomorrow for the remainder of my questions to be answered.

I placed the pizza box inside the fridge before dragging myself back upstairs to my room. I had a whole night of nothing ahead of me, not even my best friend to keep me entertained. Feeling philosophical on life, I put on my gla.s.ses, pulled out my worn copy of Plato's Republic and began reading.

I must have fallen asleep because when the phone rang I sprung up out of bed into a dark room. The light of the phone guided me as to where to reach. I groggily answered, "h.e.l.lo?"

"Hey Lex, it's Mel. Did I wake you?" she inquired apologetically.

"Um, yea but it's okay. What's up?" I asked still trying to piece together how long I had been unconscious.

"Oh, well I just had this bad feeling and wanted to check on you."

"Oh, thanks. I'm okay though. No worries. Are you okay?"

It took me a hazy second to realize Mel hadn't responded. "Mel?"

"Yea, I'm here. Just... I don't know. I have this feeling like you're keeping something from me. Are you sure you're okay?" Mel knew me better than anyone. I hadn't even discussed Kellan with her to the degree I was a.n.a.lyzing him and hadn't even thought about mentioning how deeply Mike's words cut me today, yet she knew. Somehow she knew.

I sighed, mentally debating whether or not to take the plunge.

"If you don't want to talk about it; it's fine. I just wanted to make sure you were alright." Hearing the genuine concern in her voice broke me.

"It's nothing serious. It's just that Mike's words today have really made me stop and think about our relationship. The way he said it, it made me wonder if he was with me just because he wasn't ready to compete for another girl; like he decided to be with me because I was the easiest person to get with and would require the least amount of work and effort.

"I don't know. You know how I was... How I still am," I quickly amended. "No guy has ever shown any interest in me before and I guess I'm holding out, waiting for this all to turn out to be some kind of joke still.

"As much as it pains me to admit this, he really does like you. And beneath his obnoxious exterior, Mike's a great guy. I know you haven't had a boyfriend before and you're still a little insecure and leary, but if you could have heard the things he said about you, you would just melt."

"I know. And Mike is a great guy. I guess... Well, I don't know what's wrong with me."

"Why do you say that?" Her voice held concern instead of accusation.

"I thought for sure Mike liked you for the longest time so it took me a while to adjust to the idea that he could like me. Plus, look at me. I'm fat, I have a couple pimples on my face, and I have to wear gla.s.ses sometimes... I'm just not the kind of girl guys like him go for. I feel like it's impractical for me to believe that he actually likes me. I don't feel totally safe letting my guard down yet."

"Lex, how many times have we had this conversation? You are a great girl, and regardless of what you say, you are beautiful. I wish I had your b.o.o.bs and b.u.t.t! Please! I have nothing compared to you. So you have a little more around the middle than I do; it's all in the right places to guys even though you feel like it's in the wrong places," she confusingly attempted to salvage her point. "Listen, you are great Lex. You're better than you give yourself credit for. You really do have a lot to offer. I know it's taken boys a lot longer to recognize that in you but did you ever stop to think that maybe you're worth the wait?"

"I know. I'm just not comfortable with me. I'm never going to be a size two and even if I do get to that size I will never have my mother's beauty or your bubbly personality," I wallowed in self-defeat. I knew I was being pathetic, but couldn't muster the strength to snap myself out of it.

"Listen to me Lex. Put your stupid personal BS to the side for a minute. Mike likes you. No, he adores you. The boy freaking idolizes you for crying out loud! Put aside your insecurities for one minute and just think about it. Hasn't Mike, aside from his words tonight, been an ideal boyfriend?"

"Yes, but that's also the problem. No one is perfect. It's almost as if he's trying too hard to make it work and I'm just not sure if I want it to; if I'm ready for it to." I sighed.

"Why?" She was in lawyer mode now, or as I sometimes referred to it as: intimidation 101. Mike was her client, and I, the defendant, therefore had to explain why with every generic answer I provided.

"Because after a month of dating, I still don't feel confident around him. I'm comfortable, but not in a way that makes us more than friends." I realized I was having an epiphany.

"Isn't this what you have been wanting for the last three years now?!" she questioned in frustration.

"Yea..."

"So?" she pressed.

"So I don't know. I just have a lot on my mind, a lot to consider. I don't want to hurt Mike, but I also don't want to get hurt."

"Lex, in love there is always a risk of getting hurt. You're trusting your most valuable possession, your lifeline, with someone else. That's a big deal. I will say though that your insecurities with your relationship are a sign of trust issues. You don't trust him, even after all these years of friendship. That's sad Lex. Honestly though, I don't think you trust anyone outside of me and your parents, and I have no idea why."

I could hear her edging towards the slippery slope of surrender when it came to reasoning with me. Her insight was spot on though. I didn't know why I didn't trust Mike; I didn't know why I was so closed off. I just was.

"I don't know why either," I sighed.

Deciding to get it all off my chest, I relayed my curiosity over Kellan and his family. I told her about the picture, the conversation with my mom and the intense pull I felt towards him for no explained reason.

"I don't know Lex. You sound tense about it all, but really don't have much to work with. I would say just give it time. The truth is always revealed, and time will tell you what your heart has yet to figure out with both guys."

"Thanks. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Let's not even try to fathom it." I heard the smile in her voice.

"Sounds good to me." Somehow our conversations, regardless of how deep, always came full circle. We never hung up on a bad note it seemed.

"Ok, I better hit the hay. I need my beauty sleep and the rugrat likes to get up at the crack of dawn."

"'kay. Night."

"Sweet dreams b.u.mblebee," she giggled.

I reached over to turn on the lamp on my nightstand. I looked around my room while reflecting on my conversation with Mel. I hopped out of bed to grab some pajamas deciding a shower was in order. There is nothing like a hot shower to melt away my anxiety.

Finally gaining enough gumption to call Mike back and smooth things over, at least until I could mentally get a grip on what I wanted out of our relationship long-term, I reached for my phone to dial, but found it ringing already. I looked back at the clock 11:56pm before answering, "h.e.l.lo?"

"Hey Lex, it's Mike."

"Oh, hey. I was just about to call you."

"Oh, well I couldn't hold out any longer though," he explained.

"O, okay," I replied. "I guess I did have something that I wanted to talk to you about."

"Really?" he perked up instantly.

"Yea. I'm really sorry about before. I really like you Mike. It's not you, it's me."

"It sounds like you're trying to dump me." A quick nervous laugh escaped him.

"No. I'm just trying to explain why I reacted the way I did. I just... well, I don't look at myself the way you may look at me. I see myself as a fat blob with too many physical imperfections. I guess I sort of feel like this could be some colossal joke because I don't see myself as attractive if I'm totally honest," I attempted to be as detailed as possible in my perspective. "So when you said that you didn't think you would have any compet.i.tion, it brought my insecurities to the surface I guess. I'm sorry."

"But that makes you even better babe. You aren't pompous or full of yourself like the majority of the girls at school. You're you and don't try to fit in where you don't. You're rare in our world." I lightened up a bit at that. I'd never heard those words from anyone before, let alone a hot guy.

"You really think so?"

"Why would I lie about something like that babe? You're forcing me to look like a total r.e.t.a.r.d right now making me be all mushy and honest."

I laughed at that and for the first time I felt a tug at my heart as if this was how it was supposed to be. That love was able to touch everyone, even the fat girls who felt like they weren't worth the extra effort.

Chapter 5.

I woke up in a daze, trying to figure out if last night even happened. I rolled over, still tucked under the warmth of my sheets, to the little alarm clock on my nightstand; it read 10:46am. I yawned and stretched before rolling out of bed, grabbing my cell phone as my feet hit the floor.

I slid my perfectly manicured feet Mel insisted on the activity last weekend and I like to remain kempt into my slippers and headed downstairs. Upon reaching the kitchen I fumbled around gathering the supplies for a bowl of cereal. I sat at the island to indulge in my hearty breakfast still contemplating all that I was now sure had happened the previous evening.

Merely minutes after taking my first bite, I heard my parents rustle through the garage door.