Diary Of A Vampeen Part 21

"He most certainly is not!" my mother yelled; I swore fire would exit her nostrils at any moment.

"Relax Mom. I mean running and defending attackers and stuff," I explained.

"Calm down Sharon. Lexi isn't going further than a kiss right now," my aunt advised.

"How do you know that?" The afterthought of covering my tracks occurred to me. Nothing like playing the part of the guilty when you're really innocent.

"We're both Libras," she winked.

"I'll be in my room with Kellan. Listen if you'd like," I announced. And like any newly released teen from captivity, feeling a bit rebellious, I added, "But I'm not responsible if you hear something you don't like."

"Alexa Lorrayne!" my mother scolded.

"Sorry Mom. I'll be in my room," I jetted up the stairs and plowed onto my bed. By the time I was lying flat on my back, Kellan was already next to me.

"I can't believe how vivid everything is at night," I commented aloud observing the cuts inside each of the crystals dangling from my miniature chandelier. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Do I really have a choice?"

"No," I smiled rolling over to enjoy the eye candy beside me. "When you said twelve girls... were those all at once or total?"

"I have an idea," he popped up and was hovering over me in one second flat.

"You're not going to answer my question, are you?" I whined hoping to sway him or at least make him feel guilty.

He ignored my question completely. "So say I'm your attacker. You're flat on your back and I'm coming at you. I just lunged towards you; you need to open your hand, spread your fingers, and give a powerful thrust with your lower palm to the center of my chest where my diaphragm is." He grabbed my hand and emulated the move.

"Kellan."

"Yea?" he asked repeating the motions again with my hand but refusing eye contact.

"Can this wait until tomorrow? I want to enjoy my first day and it's overwhelming enough without the cla.s.ses immediately," I sighed.

"I suppose. That means that I can't leave your side until you've learned a few moves though."

"I think I can handle that."

Though Kellan and I had this intense connection, we were still reserved in expression. I think we're both scared... at least I was. They didn't explain it accurately in books. It's so powerful, so breathtaking; your universe stops rotating in that second when your souls collide into one. The love you feel is dominant, it consumes all of you leaving no breathing room. You feel crazy because one minute you are looking at a stranger, the next you are in love with a partner you can never let go of. It's sporadic, spontaneous and impulsive by design.

Regardless of how tantalizing the person is physically prior, the level of concentrated allure within their soul the instant you feel it is like hearing a river in the desert; you don't have to see it to be drawn to it without hesitation.

Even lying beside Kellan, I felt the magnetic pull between us. I wanted to pounce on him, but I resisted. Despite feeling what I had and seeing myself in the mirror, I still felt like the fat, awkward girl who would be rejected. I didn't know when this insecurity would fade.

Insecurities that were present but brushed aside around Mike the guy I gulp cheated on. Guilt filled me obscuring my thoughts from elation to self-image to pain. My mom was right. It wasn't fair to hurt him like this. Things were very different today from yesterday, especially with Kellan. What we have cannot be manifested through human desire, nor can it be broken or denied with resistance. To put it bluntly, what I have with Kellan will always be there and nothing I have with anyone else will ever compare.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked, breaking into my thoughts.

"A lot."

"Like what?" he prompted running his fingers through my hair with one hand, caressing me gently with his other to encourage me to open up.

"Umm... are you sure you're ready for my basket dump?" I checked.

He smiled rea.s.suring me and nodded his head once. I took a deep breath and released. I began to fiddle with my hands explaining, "I feel weird. I know I'm thin, I know I'm pretty now, but I don't comprehend it fully still. And then there's Mike. I kissed you a couple times which means I've cheated on him. I feel so guilty about it only because I never set out to hurt him not because I regret anything with you. We have this connection, this strong bond between us that I'm trying to reject and it only makes me want you more. I can't even put it into words. You've blown my mind and set me out of control in every way which scares me silly. And on top of all this I'm missing Mel. If I could tell her, give her the tiniest of details, I know she would help me every way possible. But I can't. Not only can I not divulge, but I've also had to lie to her which is piling on more guilt than I have with Mike. Oh, and don't forget that I have a radical vampire out to avenge her kind over the silent threat I somehow impose on her. And now, despite my healing abilities, my head hurts from the constant noise of birds, fish tanks, a neighbor who snores horribly, the random cars outside and everything else I can't seem to drown out."

Kellan just stared at me, continuing to comfort me. He didn't say a word; he remained silent.

Seconds after my emotional explosion of words, a new one settled in. I started to cry. As the tears began to fall, a few chuckles escaped. "I'm such a mess," I cried. "I feel bad that you're tied to this for eternity," I commented gesturing up and down myself as if I was a bad purchase.

Again he didn't say anything. Instead he pulled me into his arms tight. I rested my head in his chest and he ran his hands in short strokes up and down my back. Without thinking, I closed my eyes and leaned into him. Millimeters from his lips, I opened my eyes and whispered, "Thank you."

He ran his index finger under my eyes, wiping away the tears. "I'll always be here for you."

I began to close the gap between our lips when I heard a crash so startling that I was on my feet in half a second listening carefully. Ears perked, eyes wide with fear, my heart racing, I heard a row of small crashes following. It sounded like someone dropping ceramic plates one by one.

"Lexi," Kellan called. "It's just someone breaking into a house."

"We have to stop it," I blurted irrationally. Kellan was on his feet and in front of me before I could blink once.

"We are not the police and you are not superwoman. Remember the rules; you cannot interfere with a world you no longer inhabit completely."

"Do you actually expect me to do nothing knowing I could do something?" I demanded. His att.i.tude shocked me; no wonder our world is so corrupt with crime.

"Yes. I do," he confirmed.

"But Kellan..." I tried but stopped in a notion of defeat. Physically brute before me, I realized that I was weak still compared to him. Despite my attempts, I would fail to make it out the door so I might as well surrender.

"Lexi. This is not what I want; this is what I have to do. If I stopped every crime I came across or heard, there would be a media uproar. They're nosy and would push until they discovered me. Once exposed for my 'good deeds', I would be on the run forever from the human, vampire and vampeen worlds," he explained in a firm and final tone. "Either that or I would die for my 'n.o.ble actions'."

I shook my head, though I should have been waving the white flag.

"As a human, you act with your heart. As a vampeen, you act with your mind. And as a vampire, you act on your instincts. There is a distinct difference between each race. The weakest will always be a human and the strongest always a vampire because of this."

Without speaking a word, I climbed back into bed. I sunk down beneath the covers feeling like a failure. I didn't think I could consciously accept doing nothing. Morally, I felt like I allowed an innocent man to receive the death penalty. I understood why I shouldn't do anything, but it didn't clear my conscience for not doing anything.

"Lexi," Kellan spoke softly. I felt him beside me on the bed. "Why don't you take a shower? I know you used that to clear your mind before."

"I... I never told you that," I stuttered. "Are you sure you're not a..."

"I'm sure. I think because you were slipping under you couldn't read my mind, but the moment we connected, I read all your thoughts. I saw all your memories and you probably could have mine too. I got a good look at you as a person."

"So, you know all my secrets?" I swallowed hard feeling self-conscious, praying he didn't.

"Yes."

My stomach dropped in that instant. "Ugh," I groaned.

"Lexi, you really don't have anything to be embarra.s.sed about. Aside from the random crush, you have no secrets. You're an innocent; better than I've ever been."

"It's just that... I feel swindled. We shared a connection, but you're the only one who got the dirt," I insisted cringing deeper into the covers.

"Go take a shower, clear your head," he repeated.

"Fine," I pouted getting out of bed. I walked to my closet for clothes, but quickly realized that I didn't have any that fit. "I don't have anything to wear," I announced grabbing a new pair of panties from the pink bag sitting on my dresser.

"Just wear the same outfit."

"It's nice, but I kind of wanted the homey, comfy feeling I get in pajamas."

"So borrow a pair of shorts from your mom and wear my shirt," he said, removing and extending his shirt out quickly.

I froze, captivated by his physique. He was built, muscles defined and chiseled sharply in some spots. His chest was a perfect plain with a solid dip in the center. His abs a soft steel containing the subtle outline of his muscles below, yet at first glance were flat without contrast. Of all his features, his arms are the most magnificent. His biceps protruded whether at rest or mid flex, which alluded to my feeling of security around him.

'Tap, tap.' I heard the knock at the door. I was so engrossed in Kellan that I zoned out all the subtle noises surrounding me; a ch.o.r.e I needed to perfect for reasons attached to my sanity. The constant clutter of sounds left me with no peace of mind.

"I heard you needed shorts," my mother said dropping a pair of short cotton striped PJ bottoms on the bed. Looking at them, I recognized them as the ones she purchased with my set during Victoria Secret's semi-annual sale this past summer.

"Thanks."

"Your aunt wants to take you shopping later today."

"Awesome. I sort of forgot about the whole clothing thing," I said feeling relieved to know I'd have options soon. Despite my hatred of sifting through rack after rack of clothing I usually didn't fit; I was hopeful for a better experience with my new slender figure.

"I'm going with them," Kellan told my mother in an authoritative manner.

"I'd appreciate that. You can never be too safe. Claire is planning to shop in Savannah to ensure Lexi stays hidden." She turned to go back downstairs but added, "Oh, Kellan."

"Yea?"

"No complaining about the length of time they shop. You are choosing to go," she warned.

"I'm patient."

"Good," she said and flew down the stairs to my aunt who had paused the CSI marathon they were enjoying. I heard their whispered guesses periodically, though thus far they were all wrong.

"So, I... uh, I'm going to shower now," I announced grabbing the shorts and Kellan's shirt on my way to the bathroom.

"Take your time."

Stepping out of the shower, as much as I hated to admit it, I felt better. I felt even better when my mom's shorts fit me and Kellan's shirt was big.

"Was I right?" Kellan asked as I exited the bathroom.

"Yes. You were right," I droned sarcastically.

"Are you tired?"

"I just slept for twenty-four hours and you're asking if I'm tired already?!" I shook my head and returned to my spot on the bed.

"Maybe I'm biast, but my shirt looks good on you," he smiled, looking at the navy blue shirt he gave me to wear.

"Thanks. It's comfy and smells good, like you," I replied, blushing with his compliment. "Want to watch a movie?"

"Sure."

We ended up watching an action comedy with a romantic twist, very date appropriate. It was more of a background piece for me since my mind was lost in earlier concerns. The movie did bring up several good questions for me to ask my aunt later though. The full two hours, I rested within his arms and allowed my thoughts to wander.

"How often do you have to feed?" I asked near the end of the credits.

"That depends on how much energy I exert. On average it's about once a week if I drink blood and once a day if I sustain on human food."

"I know you're mainly vampire, but do you know how often I need to eat?"

"Do you feel a watering within your throat?"

"Yea. I mean my stomach isn't growling but I feel something like juice in my throat and have the urge to bite something," I explained slightly embarra.s.sed by the situation. Since when does anyone have to ask a stranger if they themselves are hungry?!

"It's showtime!" Kellan slid on his shoes by the bed.

"Showtime? What are you talking about?"

"Your first feeding will decide your taste."

"English please."

"Put on your shoes just in case," he said opening the door. At the bottom of the stairs my mother and aunt grabbed my hands and led me into the kitchen.

"Can someone please tell me what's going on?"

"It's simple," Aunt Claire began. "If eating this steak quenches your hunger, meaning the serum in your throat goes away, then you'll survive mainly on human food or animals. If it doesn't go away, then you'll need to feed on humans to sustain good health."

"But I'm mainly human. I'll eat their food, right?!"

"Not always. Your mom eats the rare meat and occasionally drinks animal blood, but I am the same as her and feed off human blood. It depends on your body's needs. No two vampires or vampeens are alike, the same as humans," she explained.

"I thought both could sustain us?"

"Sustaining and maintaining are different. Eight gla.s.ses of water a day will sustain a human without food, but he won't maintain his strength or function. He would need food for that. It's the same for us."

"Oh," was all I could muster. I heard my dad rustling out of bed in his room. It sent me into a brief panic. Just thinking about my dad and the idea of feeding off him or my friends repulsed me. I couldn't consciously do that.

"Come on sweetie. You won't know until you try it," my mother coaxed.

"Good morning," my dad called grabbing the milk from the fridge. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay," I answered. Seeing my dad innocent and unaware of the danger he could be in drove my determination. Regardless of whether the steak rid the liquid in my throat, I would not and could not feed on humans. Morally, I just couldn't condone such behavior let alone partake of it.

"See you later sweetie. You're still gorgeous," my dad said, kissing my forehead on his way back to the room.