Desperately Seeking... Part 12

'b.o.l.l.o.c.ks!' Isaid. 'But, seriously, will you come to the party? Or would it be, as Ruth might suggest, embarra.s.sing embarra.s.sing for you?' for you?'

'No, indeed,' he said. 'For two sisters I can forgo the embarra.s.sment of seeing one sister.' He was still smiling, but not as broadly.

'So, what about this attic?' I said, getting up. 'How does a body get up there?'

'This way, madam.'

He led the way past the other bedroom, which looked like it contained every other thing he owned, and pointed out a hole that was all you could call it in the ceiling. He positioned a ladder and told me to climb up.

'I have two options,' he was saying, as he followed my timid steps. 'I can leave it as it is or I was considering putting in a spiral staircase. What do you think?'

'Oh, my G.o.d,' I said, nearly falling off the ladder. 'You have have to put in the spiral staircase. It's always been my fantasy to have a spiral staircase. And it would be much safer than this ladder.' I turned to say this, and he had to put his two hands on my hips to steady us both. to put in the spiral staircase. It's always been my fantasy to have a spiral staircase. And it would be much safer than this ladder.' I turned to say this, and he had to put his two hands on my hips to steady us both.

'Whoa there,' he said. 'The spiral staircase it is, then.'

The attic was amazing. Clearly he had started at the top of the house and was working his way down. I had expected a poky, dark little room, but the first thing that struck me was the light. He had replaced both the front and the back gable ends with gla.s.s that afforded incredible views over the street on one side, and what looked like a miniature forest on the other. The room was positively alive with light.

'Oh, my G.o.d,' I said. 'This is incredible! I'd live here for ever!'

'Glad you like it,' he said, emerging behind me. 'It did take some structural skulduggery, but I think it'll hold.'

He was obviously very pleased with it. There was little else in the room apart from the remains of the structural work so there was no clue as to what he might use it for. 'I was thinking I might make it a workroom,' he said, reading my mind. 'The light is great and it would be very peaceful.'

'Mm,' I said, rushing from one window to the other, 'of course. But you know what I'd do with it?' I was beginning to lose the run of myself. 'I'd use it as my bedroom. Imagine waking up to that view, or going to sleep with it. You'd never have to close your curtains you wouldn't even need curtains.'

He nodded and said that was something he hadn't thought of.

'You've done an amazing amount of work,' I said. 'It must have taken ages.'

'It was a good distraction,' he said. 'And I do have a few contacts in the building trade.'

Perhaps it was the alt.i.tude, but I was feeling a little light-headed. I decided to change the subject.

'I've been a little busy myself,' I said, moving away from the intoxicating windows.

'Oh?'

'Yes,' I said. 'I've quit my job.'

'You have?' He seemed amazed.

'Yes, I've actually done it.'

He came over to me and wrapped his arms round me. 'I am absolutely delighted.'

I was rather taken aback by the warmth of his response.

'It's a brave thing you've done,' he said, placing me in front of him and fixing my eyes with his. 'There's hope for you yet.'

'Hey, what do you mean by that?' I was glad to get a note of mock-anger into my voice because I'd been afraid it was starting to wobble.

'I'm so thrilled you did it. I didn't know you had it in you.'

'I didn't either. But I guess I do now. It was good talking to you that day it really helped.'

'I only told you what you knew already.'

'Yes. But it was good to hear it.'

'Well, I'm glad if I helped you out. It can be hard sometimes to find what you really want.'

There was silence for a moment until he said, 'Come on, let's take the coffee outside and I'll show you the garden.'

The garden was a gem. It wasn't very big but it didn't need to be. There was an old wrought-iron table and chairs on a small patio that opened from the house by what would eventually be french windows, and the rest was gra.s.s with neat little flowerbeds round the edges. Trees birch, elm, beech surrounded it, which gave the s.p.a.ce complete privacy. They were on the other side of an old creeper-covered wall so they gave shelter without smothering the garden. From any angle, you would have had no idea that you were in the middle of the city.

I sat down while he went to get the coffee.

When he came back he put prospectuses for the local colleges on the table in front of me. 'I thought these might be useful. There's a lot to choose from. I was surprised by how many courses they're running now.'

'Thank you,' was all I could muster, as I leafed through the glossy pages.

'What does Keith think of your plans?'

'Oh, ahm... he's thrilled.'

Keith and I still hadn't discussed it any further. My plans had become a rather large elephant in my compact little flat.

'It's all go, then.'

'Yeah, all go.'

We had been silent for some time when I became aware of him placing his cup on the table.

'I've missed this,' he said. 'I've missed our chats.'

'Oh, me, too,' I blurted out. 'I was afraid that, with Jean living at my place, you wouldn't feel comfortable calling and I wasn't sure if I could come and see you. Jean and I are getting on so well now and I suppose I didn't want to seem disloyal. It's all a bit silly, really.'

He was smiling again, but this time there was a slight quiver at the edge of his mouth, almost as if he wasn't sure he should be smiling.

'It is is a bit silly,' he said, 'but there's no reason why we can't be friends. I've known you all a long time, and as long as Jean and I can keep it civil, there shouldn't be a problem.' a bit silly,' he said, 'but there's no reason why we can't be friends. I've known you all a long time, and as long as Jean and I can keep it civil, there shouldn't be a problem.'

'No,' I said, ridiculously delighted. 'You know she's seeing someone?' Jean's boyfriend of nearly two weeks wasn't a secret but the minute I'd said it I knew I shouldn't have.

'She told me. She asked if I minded. I said I didn't.'

'Really?'

'Yes. Why would I? It was why she left.'

'But you really don't mind?'

'No.'

'Are you seeing anybody?' I didn't know where the question came from.

'No, Kate, I'm not.'

'I'm sorry. I don't know what made me ask that.'

'It's OK.' He took my hand in his. 'This is probably hard for you, seeing a marriage break down as you're about to get married. But just because it didn't work out for us, it doesn't mean it won't for you and Keith. Trust yourself.'

'OK.'

'Forget what other people think you should do, forget even what you think you should do. Trust your instincts.'

'OK.'

Later, as I was walking home from work a text came in from Keith suggesting we meet for an early dinner in La Cuchera, as he had to go back to work again. His new product was misbehaving and he had to go and give it a good talking-to. I texted back that that would be fine I'd meet him there at six, which would give me the opportunity to have a soak in the bath and either think or not think about things. I seemed to be doing that a lot lately desperately trying to soothe my permanently throbbing head. Soon everything would calm down and life would be simple again. But when I tried to remember the last time life had been simple I drew a blank. I did recall a pleasant afternoon playing hooky from school some time in Fifth Year but surely there had been something since then?

After my bath I decided to dress up. I'd make one more attempt to get Keith to understand what I was doing and I figured I might as well use my full armoury. It was true that he'd been working very hard lately, but I felt he was being particularly obtuse about my decision to give up the law. I hadn't been so happy about anything in years and I didn't see why he couldn't share in that.

I put on a new pair of white cotton cropped trousers and a fancy low-necked top to gizz them up. I played about with my hair and managed to get it to do something it hadn't done before, which was either a great success or a ridiculous mess. I had got a little colour from my misspent afternoon so I enhanced it with a touch of bronzer. I must have looked all right because as he watched me walk through the door of La Cuchera and saunter over to his table, he emitted an audible sigh of approval. 'You look great!'

'Thank you.'

'I'm a mess. I came straight from work.'

'No, baby, you look fine.' In fact, he looked very tired.

'But you really look great. You do know I have to go back to work?'

'I just thought we'd make the most of the time we have.'

'Great!'

I sat down and perused the menu. He did the same, but I don't believe either of us was reading a thing. 'I want to talk to you, Keith.'

'I know. Me too.'

'I want you to be happy for me. This is a really big deal, you know.'

'That's why I thought you might discuss it with me first.'

'I tried to.'

'After you'd handed in your notice.'

'I had to just go and do it before I lost my nerve.'

He was shaking his head.

'You know how much I hated working there,' I continued. 'You know how wrong it was for me. I should never have been a solicitor.'

'I always thought you were exaggerating.'

'Well, I wasn't.'

'And this is it? You've packed in your job... and you're going to college?'

'Yes.'

'Kate, I'm sorry if I don't seem supportive but I wish you hadn't excluded me.'

'I didn't exclude you. I told you straight away.'

'We're engaged, Kate, we're starting a life together. We should talk about things like this.'

'I know,' I said. 'I'm sorry, but this is something I started on my own and I have to fix it on my own. You've no idea how miserable I was. And, anyway, this isn't going to affect anything. We're still getting married.'

'It's such a big decision.'

'Not really. Loads of people change direction in their careers.' I took his hands in mine. 'I feel really good about this. It's like a weight's been lifted from my shoulders. Now we can move on. We can set a date for the wedding. We can go and look at houses.'

I wasn't getting any reaction.

'I suppose,' I added, 'I should have made it clear to you just how miserable I was.'

'Yes, you should.'

'You see, I think you think I was more of a solicitor than I really was. Ask anybody else who knows me and they'll tell you I was really bad at it. Ask my boss!'

'Look, Kate, if this is what you want then of course I'm behind you, one hundred per cent. But if it's just a whim...'

'Oh, my G.o.d, Keith, this is not not a whim! This is the biggest thing I've done in my life and I'm actually very proud of it. I'm ' a whim! This is the biggest thing I've done in my life and I'm actually very proud of it. I'm '

'OK, OK,' he said, reaching out to take back my hands. 'It's OK. I'm with you, I support you... I'm happy for you.'

'Thanks. And I am capable of doing things on a whim but, believe me, this isn't one.'

'I do believe you. Now, let's eat. I have an appet.i.te after all that.'

I felt a lot better now that it was over, but I couldn't help thinking it shouldn't have been so hard. I started to chat about the courses available (I'd taken a quick look at the prospectuses Mike had given me) there was one in Arts Management and another in Human Resources that looked interesting. In the meantime I was going to check out what kind of low-input part-time job I could get. I was even thinking of doing a bit of waitressing that was how I'd got by in my former student days and I'd always enjoyed it. In fact, I'd enjoyed it far more than anything else at college. Keith listened attentively, as he always does, but I felt he wasn't heeding anything I was saying. I let it go. We'd said enough for one day.

He had been busy looking at houses again. He told me about several that had just come on to the market, all within walking distance of town. Two were close to Mom and Dad's, so that and their high price-tags put them in the doubtful box, but there were another two on the South Circular Road that seemed promising.

'They're also quite pricey,' Keith said, getting into his stride, 'but if we sell both our places we will have a lot of leeway.'

I still wasn't sure I wanted to sell my flat, but this wasn't the time to bring it up. Speaking of houses, I told him about Mike's new place and the work he was doing on it, but he didn't seem very interested. I owed him a trip out into the field, a trudge through what the property market had to offer, so we consulted our diaries (mine was blank) and made appointments to view.