Decoded. Part 9

THIS LIFE FOREVER.

Back to Lyrics 1, I recorded this for the soundtrack of a film that never got made called I recorded this for the soundtrack of a film that never got made called Black Gangster, Black Gangster, based on the Donald Goines novel. based on the Donald Goines novel.

[image]

2. This song is based on a real moment in my life. It was probably 1994 or 1995, the years before I released This song is based on a real moment in my life. It was probably 1994 or 1995, the years before I released Reasonable Doubt, Reasonable Doubt, before I'd fully made a transition from one life to the next. I was riding in my white Lexus 300, a car that always caught people's eyes when I'd park it outside of shows back then. Everyone at the club might have thought of me as an up-and-coming rapper who didn't even have a deal yet, but the 300 made them think twice about who I really was. before I'd fully made a transition from one life to the next. I was riding in my white Lexus 300, a car that always caught people's eyes when I'd park it outside of shows back then. Everyone at the club might have thought of me as an up-and-coming rapper who didn't even have a deal yet, but the 300 made them think twice about who I really was.3. That day, I was in the car with my nephews, who were teenagers then. I was listening to Donny Hathaway and moving slow, like ten miles an hour, just rolling around Fort Greene, Brooklyn. I was totally sober, but I felt my consciousness shifting. I looked around and suddenly everything was clear: girls younger than my nephews pushing babies in strollers, boys working the corners, old women wheeling wobbly shopping carts over cracked sidewalks. It was like a movie unfurling on my windshield with Donny Hathaway on the soundtrack. But it wasn't a movie, it was my world. It f.u.c.ked me up. That day, I was in the car with my nephews, who were teenagers then. I was listening to Donny Hathaway and moving slow, like ten miles an hour, just rolling around Fort Greene, Brooklyn. I was totally sober, but I felt my consciousness shifting. I looked around and suddenly everything was clear: girls younger than my nephews pushing babies in strollers, boys working the corners, old women wheeling wobbly shopping carts over cracked sidewalks. It was like a movie unfurling on my windshield with Donny Hathaway on the soundtrack. But it wasn't a movie, it was my world. It f.u.c.ked me up.4. "Spark" has a double meaning: It can refer to lighting up a gun or lighting up a blunt. Either way, it's an attempt to escape the harsh life. "Spark" has a double meaning: It can refer to lighting up a gun or lighting up a blunt. Either way, it's an attempt to escape the harsh life.

[image]

5. The music was like a trapdoor from that claustrophobic life. Working in the streets could make you money, but as long as you were in that game, you were in those streets, connected to that life like you were chained. The music was like a trapdoor from that claustrophobic life. Working in the streets could make you money, but as long as you were in that game, you were in those streets, connected to that life like you were chained.6. I'm convinced that one of the reasons I struggled to get a record deal is that no one in the business really understood the core audience I reached. I'm convinced that one of the reasons I struggled to get a record deal is that no one in the business really understood the core audience I reached.7. These lyrics are in the first person but really they're directed to other people. When I talk about myself here-flossing on off days and being unstoppable-it's really meant as a boost to the cats who feel lost and depressed, "under G.o.d's gray skies," to understand that the only way out is to stay up and keep strong. These lyrics are in the first person but really they're directed to other people. When I talk about myself here-flossing on off days and being unstoppable-it's really meant as a boost to the cats who feel lost and depressed, "under G.o.d's gray skies," to understand that the only way out is to stay up and keep strong.8. Socks and sweatpants are where you keep the money and the work when you're hustling. Socks and sweatpants are where you keep the money and the work when you're hustling.9. So many times people get caught up by the cops just when they're about to get out of the game, or even after they've left it behind. Think about the movie So many times people get caught up by the cops just when they're about to get out of the game, or even after they've left it behind. Think about the movie Heat. Heat. It could've happened to me-it almost did. It could've happened to me-it almost did.10. The name of this song is "This Life Forever" and this is what it means to be "stuck in this life forever," getting your weight up so you're always ready for conflict, to kill or be killed, to be armed not just with a nine, but with a quicker mind than the people coming for you. The name of this song is "This Life Forever" and this is what it means to be "stuck in this life forever," getting your weight up so you're always ready for conflict, to kill or be killed, to be armed not just with a nine, but with a quicker mind than the people coming for you.11. Wordplay around the concept of math: "subtract my life," "mathematics is precise," "carry the nine," "just ain't the answer," "divided" by the years. Math is more than just numbers and equations, it's a metaphor for knowledge of the deepest kind. Wordplay around the concept of math: "subtract my life," "mathematics is precise," "carry the nine," "just ain't the answer," "divided" by the years. Math is more than just numbers and equations, it's a metaphor for knowledge of the deepest kind.12. My pop taught me chess, but more than that, he taught me that life was like a giant chessboard where you had to be completely aware in the moment, but also thinking a few moves ahead. By the time he left, he'd already given me a lot of what I'd need to survive. My pop taught me chess, but more than that, he taught me that life was like a giant chessboard where you had to be completely aware in the moment, but also thinking a few moves ahead. By the time he left, he'd already given me a lot of what I'd need to survive.13. There were a lot of Brooklyn kids heading down to Maryland, Virginia, and D.C. in the mid-nineties, chasing new markets for crack. And a lot of them died. There were a lot of Brooklyn kids heading down to Maryland, Virginia, and D.C. in the mid-nineties, chasing new markets for crack. And a lot of them died.14. These lines offer a series of double entendres related to chess: Rooks-or rookies-taken by the knight, meaning the long night of death; they lose their crown-or heads, their lives-trying to defend the queen, which could mean fighting over a woman, or defending someone more powerful, someone higher on the chain of command. These lines offer a series of double entendres related to chess: Rooks-or rookies-taken by the knight, meaning the long night of death; they lose their crown-or heads, their lives-trying to defend the queen, which could mean fighting over a woman, or defending someone more powerful, someone higher on the chain of command.

[image]

MEET THE PARENTS.

Back to Lyrics 1. This song was on the This song was on the Blueprint2: The Gift & the Curse Blueprint2: The Gift & the Curse alb.u.m. But it's also a song about the gift and the curse that lies at the heart of the parent-child relationship. alb.u.m. But it's also a song about the gift and the curse that lies at the heart of the parent-child relationship.2. Structurally, I was influenced by the nonlinear way Tarantino laid out the story in Pulp Fiction. So the song begins with a send-off, a burial. Structurally, I was influenced by the nonlinear way Tarantino laid out the story in Pulp Fiction. So the song begins with a send-off, a burial.3. I made his afterlife the prologue to turn the story on its head in narrative terms but also to emphasize the consequences of abandonment, that by walking out on your babies, you're burying them. I made his afterlife the prologue to turn the story on its head in narrative terms but also to emphasize the consequences of abandonment, that by walking out on your babies, you're burying them.4. The kid who died was a "thug" but everything else in these lines tells you he was the kind of person who maintained his honor and was loved by the brothers he left behind. The kid who died was a "thug" but everything else in these lines tells you he was the kind of person who maintained his honor and was loved by the brothers he left behind.5. At the graveside I introduce the single mother, Isis. I gave her an Egyptian G.o.ddess's name because there's a way we put black mothers on pedestals while at the same time saying they're incapable of raising boys to men, which I basically say in this song. Even if I believed it when I recorded it, I can say I don't believe it now. There are too many men, myself included, whose lives are counterevidence to that idea. At the graveside I introduce the single mother, Isis. I gave her an Egyptian G.o.ddess's name because there's a way we put black mothers on pedestals while at the same time saying they're incapable of raising boys to men, which I basically say in this song. Even if I believed it when I recorded it, I can say I don't believe it now. There are too many men, myself included, whose lives are counterevidence to that idea.6. Even when the men weren't around us, their blood was pumping inside of us, their DNA programming our moves. No matter how far away we were from our fathers physically, we were biologically inseparable, genetically intertwined. And to the degree that biology and genes determine your fate, our destinies were irreversibly linked. Even when the men weren't around us, their blood was pumping inside of us, their DNA programming our moves. No matter how far away we were from our fathers physically, we were biologically inseparable, genetically intertwined. And to the degree that biology and genes determine your fate, our destinies were irreversibly linked.

[image]

[image]

7. This is a recurring image in my songs, winter as a symbol of a desolate, difficult life. Maybe if I'd hustled in Southern California or Miami the image would have less of a hold on me, but when you hit the streets in the literal darkness and cold of winters on the East Coast, it reinforces your sense that the universe doesn't care about you, that you're on your own in a harsh world. This is a recurring image in my songs, winter as a symbol of a desolate, difficult life. Maybe if I'd hustled in Southern California or Miami the image would have less of a hold on me, but when you hit the streets in the literal darkness and cold of winters on the East Coast, it reinforces your sense that the universe doesn't care about you, that you're on your own in a harsh world.8. Marijuana dipped in angel dust or PCP. Marijuana dipped in angel dust or PCP.9. Her inability to deal with his death turns her into an addict. Her inability to deal with his death turns her into an addict.10. I flash back to her meeting the father of her son, her son's murderer, when she was basically her son's age. And this feeling is real, too: Just because s.h.i.t is hard doesn't mean that there isn't real romance in the hood! The moon shines, the stars come out. Isis is just like anyone else; she wanted to indulge herself and get lost in the fantasy of love for one night. I flash back to her meeting the father of her son, her son's murderer, when she was basically her son's age. And this feeling is real, too: Just because s.h.i.t is hard doesn't mean that there isn't real romance in the hood! The moon shines, the stars come out. Isis is just like anyone else; she wanted to indulge herself and get lost in the fantasy of love for one night.11. "I Wonder if I Take You Home" was a hit for Lisa Lisa & Cult Jam. "I Wonder if I Take You Home" was a hit for Lisa Lisa & Cult Jam.12. In the flash back you see her as a young girl thrilled by the fast life, rejecting a good dude who wanted to escape the city, for Mike, a guy who turned her on by being a thug. In the flash back you see her as a young girl thrilled by the fast life, rejecting a good dude who wanted to escape the city, for Mike, a guy who turned her on by being a thug.13. Romance in the hood is a funny thing. All around the world, women fall for the bad guy, the strong, aggressive one who offers a sense of excitement or danger. It's a cliche, practically. But in the hood, the bad guy is a different character with a different fate from the guy in a romance novel. The bad guy in the hood doesn't always have a way to channel that aggression. His strength is frustrated by a system that rejects him, and his aggression is channeled into illegal acts. The excitement isn't controlled-there's no safety net when he falls off that highwire. The bad boy might grow up to be a hard man, if he grows up at all. The street fight that turns the girls on when he's sixteen is less s.e.xy when he's a grown-a.s.s man. And G.o.d help the girl that's got his child. Romance in the hood is a funny thing. All around the world, women fall for the bad guy, the strong, aggressive one who offers a sense of excitement or danger. It's a cliche, practically. But in the hood, the bad guy is a different character with a different fate from the guy in a romance novel. The bad guy in the hood doesn't always have a way to channel that aggression. His strength is frustrated by a system that rejects him, and his aggression is channeled into illegal acts. The excitement isn't controlled-there's no safety net when he falls off that highwire. The bad boy might grow up to be a hard man, if he grows up at all. The street fight that turns the girls on when he's sixteen is less s.e.xy when he's a grown-a.s.s man. And G.o.d help the girl that's got his child.14. The flashback ends abruptly. Like a fake pa.s.s, you think I'm going to quarterback Isis's story, but now we pick up Mike's story: Like a lot of immature boys suddenly faced with fatherhood, he squirms free with a weak denial. Fifteen years later he's still in the same streets. The flashback ends abruptly. Like a fake pa.s.s, you think I'm going to quarterback Isis's story, but now we pick up Mike's story: Like a lot of immature boys suddenly faced with fatherhood, he squirms free with a weak denial. Fifteen years later he's still in the same streets.15. I fast-forward to the near past in the song, the night father and son meet in the street. Their confrontation is between father and son, but the subtext is the intergenerational schism. These are fearless, fatherless young boys feeling they owe no respect to the generation of men above them. I fast-forward to the near past in the song, the night father and son meet in the street. Their confrontation is between father and son, but the subtext is the intergenerational schism. These are fearless, fatherless young boys feeling they owe no respect to the generation of men above them.16. Mike, who hasn't seen his own son since he denied him fourteen years before, is not only faced with a familiar face when he sees his son, but with a newer, presumably more expensive gun, implying that his son's hustle is a higher risk, higher benefit hustle. Father and son carry the same gun, a .38; it's just that the son's cost more. Mike, who hasn't seen his own son since he denied him fourteen years before, is not only faced with a familiar face when he sees his son, but with a newer, presumably more expensive gun, implying that his son's hustle is a higher risk, higher benefit hustle. Father and son carry the same gun, a .38; it's just that the son's cost more.17. It's in this pause that I establish the son's humanity, but also his vulnerability. I also show my partiality: I'm on the son's side. Not only does he have the drop and the better gun, but he's also got the moral high ground. He pauses when he sees the man's face. You get the sense that he's studied every face he's seen his whole life, looking for the face of his father. And now here it is. It freezes him. It's in this pause that I establish the son's humanity, but also his vulnerability. I also show my partiality: I'm on the son's side. Not only does he have the drop and the better gun, but he's also got the moral high ground. He pauses when he sees the man's face. You get the sense that he's studied every face he's seen his whole life, looking for the face of his father. And now here it is. It freezes him.18. The older man has spent a life in the streets honing his survival skills. Where the son instinctively pauses, the father's only reflex is to act, quickly, in the name of self-preservation. It's the same instinct he exercised when he was still a kid and left his son behind. All he knows is war and survival, and you can't teach an old dog new tricks. The older man has spent a life in the streets honing his survival skills. Where the son instinctively pauses, the father's only reflex is to act, quickly, in the name of self-preservation. It's the same instinct he exercised when he was still a kid and left his son behind. All he knows is war and survival, and you can't teach an old dog new tricks.19. The last two phrases are just slight plays on each other. In the first refrain it refers to this specific story, but in the second, it becomes more general, more generational. I never intended "Meet the Parents" to be subtle. In my mind it was a morality play, a PSA for that generation of men who may as well have emptied their guns on their sons when they left their lives. The streets where Mike left his son to be raised are the same streets where he buries him. The last two phrases are just slight plays on each other. In the first refrain it refers to this specific story, but in the second, it becomes more general, more generational. I never intended "Meet the Parents" to be subtle. In my mind it was a morality play, a PSA for that generation of men who may as well have emptied their guns on their sons when they left their lives. The streets where Mike left his son to be raised are the same streets where he buries him.20. And the t.i.tle to the song has dual meanings, too. The song is about a son meeting one of his parents, but it's also a more general introduction to the listener: It's impossible to understand this generation of kids, the hip-hop generation, till you meet the parents. And the t.i.tle to the song has dual meanings, too. The song is about a son meeting one of his parents, but it's also a more general introduction to the listener: It's impossible to understand this generation of kids, the hip-hop generation, till you meet the parents.

WHERE I'M FROM Back to Lyrics 1. I start the song with an image that's visual and aural, solid and ethereal. "Hammer" is a hard word for guns, but here the hammers ring. This sets up the listener's perspective as an observer, not a partic.i.p.ant, which is the perspective of most folks in the projects, like the women and kids who hear gunshots as echoes bouncing off concrete walls, ringing like wind chimes through their kitchen windows. The song's first image is like my first experience of violence, not as the trigger man but as the kid in his apartment playing with his toys, hearing that distinctive pounding ring out in the background. I start the song with an image that's visual and aural, solid and ethereal. "Hammer" is a hard word for guns, but here the hammers ring. This sets up the listener's perspective as an observer, not a partic.i.p.ant, which is the perspective of most folks in the projects, like the women and kids who hear gunshots as echoes bouncing off concrete walls, ringing like wind chimes through their kitchen windows. The song's first image is like my first experience of violence, not as the trigger man but as the kid in his apartment playing with his toys, hearing that distinctive pounding ring out in the background.2. "Two young men who admitted that they had raped and sodomized a 39-year-old woman and then thrown her from the roof of a four-story building in Brooklyn last year were sentenced yesterday to terms of 6 to 18 years in prison....Her case, whose shocking brutality was comparable to that of the Central Park jogger, which occurred only a few days earlier, prompted some harsh criticism of the news media, which did not devote comparable attention to it, in part, critics said, because the Central Park jogger was white and the Brooklyn victim was black."- "Two young men who admitted that they had raped and sodomized a 39-year-old woman and then thrown her from the roof of a four-story building in Brooklyn last year were sentenced yesterday to terms of 6 to 18 years in prison....Her case, whose shocking brutality was comparable to that of the Central Park jogger, which occurred only a few days earlier, prompted some harsh criticism of the news media, which did not devote comparable attention to it, in part, critics said, because the Central Park jogger was white and the Brooklyn victim was black."-The New York Times, October 2, 1990. October 2, 1990.3. It could feel like the rapture sometimes, the way someone would be there one minute, and gone the next, bagged by the cops or the coroner, or off to another state to set up business. It could feel like the rapture sometimes, the way someone would be there one minute, and gone the next, bagged by the cops or the coroner, or off to another state to set up business.4. When cops showed up it was dump and run time. When cops showed up it was dump and run time.5. The ambition of a drug-seller was a paradox: to stop selling drugs. To make enough loot to skate-graceful, easy-away from the whole scene. The ambition of a drug-seller was a paradox: to stop selling drugs. To make enough loot to skate-graceful, easy-away from the whole scene.6. Selling weight "wet" meant to sell the crack so fast it didn't even have time to dry from the cooking. It's cheating, but I justify it in the next line. Selling weight "wet" meant to sell the crack so fast it didn't even have time to dry from the cooking. It's cheating, but I justify it in the next line.7. There's a saying, "the narcissism of small differences," that applies exactly to the way we divvied up the hood: It was projects versus projects, and then building versus building, clique versus clique, brother versus brother. There's a saying, "the narcissism of small differences," that applies exactly to the way we divvied up the hood: It was projects versus projects, and then building versus building, clique versus clique, brother versus brother.8. Well, exactly: Tompkins n.i.g.g.as might've seemed somehow different from Marcy n.i.g.g.as, but we were all in the same game, after the same s.h.i.t, using the same techniques. Well, exactly: Tompkins n.i.g.g.as might've seemed somehow different from Marcy n.i.g.g.as, but we were all in the same game, after the same s.h.i.t, using the same techniques.9. Hammers are ringing, drugs are being sold, cops are rolling up, girls are being fought over, fast money's being made. And no one's over thirty. It's a recipe for conflict. Hammers are ringing, drugs are being sold, cops are rolling up, girls are being fought over, fast money's being made. And no one's over thirty. It's a recipe for conflict.10. "Boosters" are shoplifters who'd slide into department stores, stuff a pile of sweaters under their worn-out goose downs, and then sell them for half price back on the streets. "Boosters" are shoplifters who'd slide into department stores, stuff a pile of sweaters under their worn-out goose downs, and then sell them for half price back on the streets.11. Where I'm from, on the streets I'm describing, all you had was your word-it was everything. If you pretended to be something you weren't, your card would get pulled quick. The legit world has a million ways to slip out of the truth; ironically, the underworld depends on a kind of integrity. Where I'm from, on the streets I'm describing, all you had was your word-it was everything. If you pretended to be something you weren't, your card would get pulled quick. The legit world has a million ways to slip out of the truth; ironically, the underworld depends on a kind of integrity.12. When I was a kid the debate was LL versus Run-DMC, or, later, Kane versus Rakim. Next year it might be Drake versus J. Cole. It's a tribute to how deeply felt hip-hop is that people don't just sit back and listen to the music-they have to break it down, pick the lyrics apart, and debate the s.h.i.t with other fans who are doing the same thing. When people talk about forms of media, sometimes they compare lean-forward media (which are interactive, like video games or the Internet) and lean-back media (which are pa.s.sive, like television or magazines). Music can be lean-back sort of media, it can just wash over you or play in the background-but hip-hop is different. It forces people to lean forward-lean right out of their chairs-and take a position. When I was a kid the debate was LL versus Run-DMC, or, later, Kane versus Rakim. Next year it might be Drake versus J. Cole. It's a tribute to how deeply felt hip-hop is that people don't just sit back and listen to the music-they have to break it down, pick the lyrics apart, and debate the s.h.i.t with other fans who are doing the same thing. When people talk about forms of media, sometimes they compare lean-forward media (which are interactive, like video games or the Internet) and lean-back media (which are pa.s.sive, like television or magazines). Music can be lean-back sort of media, it can just wash over you or play in the background-but hip-hop is different. It forces people to lean forward-lean right out of their chairs-and take a position.13. The "drug czar" here obviously isn't the one that works for the government. The "drug czar" here obviously isn't the one that works for the government.14. "R-and-R" stands for "reverse and remand," an order from a court to reverse a decision or refer it back to a lower court. "R-and-R" stands for "reverse and remand," an order from a court to reverse a decision or refer it back to a lower court.15. "Ball" has three meanings: to f.u.c.k, to spend money, and to play basketball. I'm talking about playing ball here, but I'm nodding to the other meanings, too. "Breeding" rhyme stars connects back directly to the rest of this verse: The drugs and guns, the fun and the risk, and, most of all, the survival-of-the-fittest compet.i.tion, is enough pressure to crush coal into diamonds. It's an idealized, almost romantic, way to look at this life, a sudden reverse after the song's bleak beginning. "Ball" has three meanings: to f.u.c.k, to spend money, and to play basketball. I'm talking about playing ball here, but I'm nodding to the other meanings, too. "Breeding" rhyme stars connects back directly to the rest of this verse: The drugs and guns, the fun and the risk, and, most of all, the survival-of-the-fittest compet.i.tion, is enough pressure to crush coal into diamonds. It's an idealized, almost romantic, way to look at this life, a sudden reverse after the song's bleak beginning.

[image]

16. This is a line from a remix I did with Puff Daddy (as he was then known) and Biggie for a song called "Young G's." This is a line from a remix I did with Puff Daddy (as he was then known) and Biggie for a song called "Young G's."17. The churches really were the flakiest, whether they were storefronts or big old-school churches with vaulted ceilings and steeples. They were kept alive with the donations of poor folks and hadn't seen a paint job in a minute. But more than that, they were full of fake prophets and money-s.n.a.t.c.hing preachers. The churches really were the flakiest, whether they were storefronts or big old-school churches with vaulted ceilings and steeples. They were kept alive with the donations of poor folks and hadn't seen a paint job in a minute. But more than that, they were full of fake prophets and money-s.n.a.t.c.hing preachers.18. When your prayers aren't answered, you start to think that maybe there's no one there to answer them. Day after day, year after year, generation after generation, the response seems to be silence-it tests your faith. When your prayers aren't answered, you start to think that maybe there's no one there to answer them. Day after day, year after year, generation after generation, the response seems to be silence-it tests your faith.19. I'm triangulating my location. The block from h.e.l.l is a double entendre: my block is in close proximity to the worst of the worst, but it's also "the block from h.e.l.l," like it emerged from a flaming pit. "Not enough shots from stray sh.e.l.ls," means that where I'm from no one is really safe from a stray bullet. The last line-"an ounce away from a triple beam"-is a drug-game detail that n.i.g.g.as in the streets picked up on immediately. That ounce away is the difference between struggling and making real money, and a lot of hustlers stay an ounce away and never graduate. But the aspiration to move up to the triple-beam is real, and the handheld weight scale is symbolic of that street-level hustler's hunger-you can hold his weight in your hand, but his hunger is enormous. I'm triangulating my location. The block from h.e.l.l is a double entendre: my block is in close proximity to the worst of the worst, but it's also "the block from h.e.l.l," like it emerged from a flaming pit. "Not enough shots from stray sh.e.l.ls," means that where I'm from no one is really safe from a stray bullet. The last line-"an ounce away from a triple beam"-is a drug-game detail that n.i.g.g.as in the streets picked up on immediately. That ounce away is the difference between struggling and making real money, and a lot of hustlers stay an ounce away and never graduate. But the aspiration to move up to the triple-beam is real, and the handheld weight scale is symbolic of that street-level hustler's hunger-you can hold his weight in your hand, but his hunger is enormous.

[image]

20. I wrote this at a time when I felt the government was irrelevant to the ways we organized, resolved conflict, and took care of ourselves. "Politic" is slang for the kind of talk that works things out. I wrote this at a time when I felt the government was irrelevant to the ways we organized, resolved conflict, and took care of ourselves. "Politic" is slang for the kind of talk that works things out.21. "In 2001, the life expectancy in New York City's poorest neighborhoods was 8 years shorter than in its wealthiest neighborhoods." -"Health Disparities in New York," New York City Department of Health. "In 2001, the life expectancy in New York City's poorest neighborhoods was 8 years shorter than in its wealthiest neighborhoods." -"Health Disparities in New York," New York City Department of Health.22. The stakes are relatively low once you leave the streets. A bad review might hurt your feelings, but really who gives a f.u.c.k compared to the equivalent on the streets. The stakes are relatively low once you leave the streets. A bad review might hurt your feelings, but really who gives a f.u.c.k compared to the equivalent on the streets.23. This is not the only time I interrogate G.o.d; in songs like "D'Evils" (p. 50), "Lucifer" (p. 286), and "Beach Chair" (p. 282) I do something similar, sometimes in a confrontational way, sometimes in a more plaintive way. But these lines aren't about G.o.d in the traditional sense, they're almost questions back to myself. Do I forgive guys who live just like me? It's a question that haunts a lot of us-and the song is a defense, a case that in some ways we're just products of our environment. But I'm not convinced that it's that simple. This is not the only time I interrogate G.o.d; in songs like "D'Evils" (p. 50), "Lucifer" (p. 286), and "Beach Chair" (p. 282) I do something similar, sometimes in a confrontational way, sometimes in a more plaintive way. But these lines aren't about G.o.d in the traditional sense, they're almost questions back to myself. Do I forgive guys who live just like me? It's a question that haunts a lot of us-and the song is a defense, a case that in some ways we're just products of our environment. But I'm not convinced that it's that simple.24. The "promise fulfilled" is the promise I made to G.o.d-or to myself-in the earlier line, that if I got successful, I'd let them know "exactly what takes place in the ghetto." This song is the promise's partial fulfillment, but the job wasn't done-I kept trying to get deeper and deeper into the story from song to song. The "promise fulfilled" is the promise I made to G.o.d-or to myself-in the earlier line, that if I got successful, I'd let them know "exactly what takes place in the ghetto." This song is the promise's partial fulfillment, but the job wasn't done-I kept trying to get deeper and deeper into the story from song to song.25. "Clap boards" is more basketball talk-the image catches a player in the air, slapping the backboard while he grabs a rebound, the sound ricocheting through the project courtyards like a gunclap. "Clap boards" is more basketball talk-the image catches a player in the air, slapping the backboard while he grabs a rebound, the sound ricocheting through the project courtyards like a gunclap.26. More blasphemy! Comparing the silent G.o.d Jehovah with the rap lords whose voices never left us. More blasphemy! Comparing the silent G.o.d Jehovah with the rap lords whose voices never left us.27. This line feels kind of thrown off, but it's maybe the strangest line on the whole record. I've been describing a place that's full of violence, where the scramblers on the corner are trying to make enough money to move, where even G.o.d doesn't visit, but the irony is that the stories that came out of this place- This line feels kind of thrown off, but it's maybe the strangest line on the whole record. I've been describing a place that's full of violence, where the scramblers on the corner are trying to make enough money to move, where even G.o.d doesn't visit, but the irony is that the stories that came out of this place-a block from h.e.l.l-would make millions for the storytellers.28. It's hard to argue with this sentiment once you get the context. In the life I'm describing, a night's sweetness is a treasure and worrying about the cost of it is a waste of time. It's hard to argue with this sentiment once you get the context. In the life I'm describing, a night's sweetness is a treasure and worrying about the cost of it is a waste of time.29. "Leek" is embalming fluid mixed with PCP. On the West Coast, where it's probably more popular, they call it "sherm." It's famous for making people lose their minds, jump off roofs, strip themselves naked in the street and start running. It's a suicidal high. "Leek" is embalming fluid mixed with PCP. On the West Coast, where it's probably more popular, they call it "sherm." It's famous for making people lose their minds, jump off roofs, strip themselves naked in the street and start running. It's a suicidal high.30. I'm describing a game of Cee-Lo-deuce, "three dice and shoot the five," "hit 'em with trips"-a game played with three dice. On the corner we'd kill time with Cee-Lo-all you need is some dice-but the money is real, so sometimes the stakes expand. I'm describing a game of Cee-Lo-deuce, "three dice and shoot the five," "hit 'em with trips"-a game played with three dice. On the corner we'd kill time with Cee-Lo-all you need is some dice-but the money is real, so sometimes the stakes expand.31. The song climaxes with the narrator winning a dice game, stepping his game up to platinum, and keeping guard with a nine, while "n.i.g.g.as show love." Before you get too happy, though, it brings us back to an image of paranoia and death, the cloud that hangs over a hustler's head forever. The song climaxes with the narrator winning a dice game, stepping his game up to platinum, and keeping guard with a nine, while "n.i.g.g.as show love." Before you get too happy, though, it brings us back to an image of paranoia and death, the cloud that hangs over a hustler's head forever.

[image]

MINORITY REPORT.

Back to Lyrics 1. These are all actual clips from the news coverage of Hurricane Katrina. These are all actual clips from the news coverage of Hurricane Katrina.2. "Long before the storm, New Orleans was by almost any metric the worst city in the United States-the deepest poverty, the most murders, the worst schools, the sickest economy, the most corrupt and brutal cops." -Dan Baum, "Long before the storm, New Orleans was by almost any metric the worst city in the United States-the deepest poverty, the most murders, the worst schools, the sickest economy, the most corrupt and brutal cops." -Dan Baum, Nine Lives: Life and Death in New Orleans. Nine Lives: Life and Death in New Orleans.3. I wanted to do a song about Katrina, but I also wanted the song to be about how what we saw during the hurricane was just an extreme example of the s.h.i.t that was already happening in New Orleans. The young guys there were motivated by the same desperation as the guy who loots the store after the hurricane for diapers and formula. Both are just trying to survive in a storm. If you focus only on the criminal act and lose sight of the whole chain of cause and effect, you get a distorted, unfair picture. People are often pushed into desperate acts and bad choices by circ.u.mstances. I wanted to do a song about Katrina, but I also wanted the song to be about how what we saw during the hurricane was just an extreme example of the s.h.i.t that was already happening in New Orleans. The young guys there were motivated by the same desperation as the guy who loots the store after the hurricane for diapers and formula. Both are just trying to survive in a storm. If you focus only on the criminal act and lose sight of the whole chain of cause and effect, you get a distorted, unfair picture. People are often pushed into desperate acts and bad choices by circ.u.mstances.4. I had to wonder about all those dramatic photos shot from helicopters swooping over people stranded on roofs. I have no idea if those journalists could've picked up the people on the roofs after they'd taken their photo, but it seemed like a metaphor for what was happening all over the country: We were all watching the story unfold but doing nothing. I had to wonder about all those dramatic photos shot from helicopters swooping over people stranded on roofs. I have no idea if those journalists could've picked up the people on the roofs after they'd taken their photo, but it seemed like a metaphor for what was happening all over the country: We were all watching the story unfold but doing nothing.

[image]

5. This was a fantasy: What would happen if the situation was reversed and Bush was on the ground, surrounded by the folks of the Ninth Ward, as beautiful and fragile as orchids? And how fast would they have gotten him out? This was a fantasy: What would happen if the situation was reversed and Bush was on the ground, surrounded by the folks of the Ninth Ward, as beautiful and fragile as orchids? And how fast would they have gotten him out?

[image]

6. Giving money is important, I think, but the people who got down there to help and put their feet in that water were heroic. Giving money is important, I think, but the people who got down there to help and put their feet in that water were heroic.7. I repeat this line because it has two meanings. The first time it refers to the money that I donated: I can't say that the money has made anything better. The second time, I'm referring to even further "before," to life before the Civil Rights Movement. I repeat this line because it has two meanings. The first time it refers to the money that I donated: I can't say that the money has made anything better. The second time, I'm referring to even further "before," to life before the Civil Rights Movement.

DYNASTY (INTRO).

Back to Lyrics 1. "Woke up this morning/got yourself a gun..." "Woke up this morning/got yourself a gun..."2. The opening of the song establishes the feeling that a lot of us had: We didn't worship the Mafia like a lot of people thought, but we completely related to the "us vs. the establishment" mentality. That was the "key of life" for us, the thing that united us, even when we weren't in perfect harmony. The opening of the song establishes the feeling that a lot of us had: We didn't worship the Mafia like a lot of people thought, but we completely related to the "us vs. the establishment" mentality. That was the "key of life" for us, the thing that united us, even when we weren't in perfect harmony.3. Stevie Wonder connects back to the "key of life" metaphor. He famously wore beads-and "beeds" are also what folks used to call nappy hair. My mom used to call them "biddy beeds" and rub my head, which I sometimes covered with a wave cap, also called a do-rag. I'm trying to create a parallel between me and Stevie Wonder. He's blind, obviously, and relies on his other senses to navigate the world. That's how it is on the streets, too, where you have to rely on your instincts to survive and antic.i.p.ate what's going to happen before you actually see it. Stevie Wonder connects back to the "key of life" metaphor. He famously wore beads-and "beeds" are also what folks used to call nappy hair. My mom used to call them "biddy beeds" and rub my head, which I sometimes covered with a wave cap, also called a do-rag. I'm trying to create a parallel between me and Stevie Wonder. He's blind, obviously, and relies on his other senses to navigate the world. That's how it is on the streets, too, where you have to rely on your instincts to survive and antic.i.p.ate what's going to happen before you actually see it.

[image]

4. "Ennis Cosby, Bill Cosby's only son and an inspiration for some of the comedian's most rollicking television humor and family antics, was shot to death early Thursday after he pulled over to the side of a Los Angeles freeway to change a flat tire." - "Ennis Cosby, Bill Cosby's only son and an inspiration for some of the comedian's most rollicking television humor and family antics, was shot to death early Thursday after he pulled over to the side of a Los Angeles freeway to change a flat tire." -The New York Times, January 19, 1997. January 19, 1997.5. Ennis was the kind of kid that a lot of us were envious of: He came from a fortune and seemed to have it all, including his dad, Bill Cosby-the ultimate American dad-while most of us came up with nothing and had never even met our fathers, much less lived with them. (I'm not sure if I was lucky or not to have gotten the chance to know my dad before he bounced.) But Ennis's death was one of those things that sharpens your sight (which continues the blindness/sight metaphor I introduced with Stevie Wonder). It reminded us of life's frailty even for people with money and status. Money can't protect you from fate. Ennis was the kind of kid that a lot of us were envious of: He came from a fortune and seemed to have it all, including his dad, Bill Cosby-the ultimate American dad-while most of us came up with nothing and had never even met our fathers, much less lived with them. (I'm not sure if I was lucky or not to have gotten the chance to know my dad before he bounced.) But Ennis's death was one of those things that sharpens your sight (which continues the blindness/sight metaphor I introduced with Stevie Wonder). It reminded us of life's frailty even for people with money and status. Money can't protect you from fate.6. Here I'm outside hustling, sometimes in freezing-cold weather. "Below zero" refers to my money situation as well-I'm not starving literally, but I'm hungry for success. I'm willing to do whatever to improve my situation, with no sympathy for anyone else-a survival-of-the-fittest mentality takes over, "darkens my heart." The stress might drive me to drink, too-"'bout to get my liver." Here I'm outside hustling, sometimes in freezing-cold weather. "Below zero" refers to my money situation as well-I'm not starving literally, but I'm hungry for success. I'm willing to do whatever to improve my situation, with no sympathy for anyone else-a survival-of-the-fittest mentality takes over, "darkens my heart." The stress might drive me to drink, too-"'bout to get my liver."7. Another reference to Malcolm X's by any means necessary-a phrase he coined to talk about political revolution and racial liberation-which is used in hip-hop as a description of getting paid by any means when your back is against the wall. We knew Malcolm was a righteous man fighting for a just cause. But we were a step beyond him in our desperation. Another reference to Malcolm X's by any means necessary-a phrase he coined to talk about political revolution and racial liberation-which is used in hip-hop as a description of getting paid by any means when your back is against the wall. We knew Malcolm was a righteous man fighting for a just cause. But we were a step beyond him in our desperation.8. From time to time people with sense would tell us to leave "the life" alone, that there was a better way. At this point I'm becoming cynical and "suspicious" of anybody saying anything other than what I can see in front of me. So like Malcolm I was going to get it by any means and protect myself with "biscuits," a word we used for guns, I don't even know why. Now all of this-contradictions included-is to be ingested by the listener. I left a mess of thoughts for you to sort through. I prepared the "food"; it's up to you to clean it up. From time to time people with sense would tell us to leave "the life" alone, that there was a better way. At this point I'm becoming cynical and "suspicious" of anybody saying anything other than what I can see in front of me. So like Malcolm I was going to get it by any means and protect myself with "biscuits," a word we used for guns, I don't even know why. Now all of this-contradictions included-is to be ingested by the listener. I left a mess of thoughts for you to sort through. I prepared the "food"; it's up to you to clean it up.

MY PRESIDENT IS BLACK (REMIX).

Back to Lyrics 1. Progress is the theme of this song, but the cool thing is that I'm not president, so I could have a completely politically incorrect chorus. Progress is the theme of this song, but the cool thing is that I'm not president, so I could have a completely politically incorrect chorus.2. "My least favorite color is light green" is a line from one of my songs, meaning, I don't like my money to get light, in the sense of being scarce. So "dark green" money isn't a reference to the color, but the amount, of the money. "My least favorite color is light green" is a line from one of my songs, meaning, I don't like my money to get light, in the sense of being scarce. So "dark green" money isn't a reference to the color, but the amount, of the money.3. This is a joke, but it's true, too: Even though he identifies himself as black, the fact that he is also half white would make it easier to a racist, which I find very funny. This is a joke, but it's true, too: Even though he identifies himself as black, the fact that he is also half white would make it easier to a racist, which I find very funny.4. This was a little poem that was spread through e-mails during the election. This was a little poem that was spread through e-mails during the election.5. After Barack was elected, I realized that the same thing hip-hop had been doing for years with language and brands-that is, reinventing them to mean something different from what they originally meant-we could now do to American icons like the flag. Things that had once symbolized slavery, oppression, militarism, and hypocrisy might now begin to legitimately represent us. We're not there yet, but Barack's election offered a tantalizing hint of what that might look like, including things like having the American "first lady" be a beautiful black woman who could trace her ancestry to American slaves. After Barack was elected, I realized that the same thing hip-hop had been doing for years with language and brands-that is, reinventing them to mean something different from what they originally meant-we could now do to American icons like the flag. Things that had once symbolized slavery, oppression, militarism, and hypocrisy might now begin to legitimately represent us. We're not there yet, but Barack's election offered a tantalizing hint of what that might look like, including things like having the American "first lady" be a beautiful black woman who could trace her ancestry to American slaves.

[image]

6. By "white lies" I didn't mean race-I was referring to the deceptions, large and small, of the previous administration. The point of the song is that we were progressing beyond simplistic talk about race and could start being honest about it so that we could, eventually, move on. By "white lies" I didn't mean race-I was referring to the deceptions, large and small, of the previous administration. The point of the song is that we were progressing beyond simplistic talk about race and could start being honest about it so that we could, eventually, move on.

REGRETS.

Back to Lyrics 1. This is the last song on my first alb.u.m, This is the last song on my first alb.u.m, Reasonable Doubt. Reasonable Doubt. The alb.u.m as a whole was like a conversation I was having with the listener about real feelings and emotions. The alb.u.m went from the highs of the hustler's life in songs like "Feelin It" to the paranoid depths of "D'Evils." I wanted to end it with regret, that last feeling you have before you go to sleep, or feel when you wake up and look at yourself in the bathroom mirror. The alb.u.m as a whole was like a conversation I was having with the listener about real feelings and emotions. The alb.u.m went from the highs of the hustler's life in songs like "Feelin It" to the paranoid depths of "D'Evils." I wanted to end it with regret, that last feeling you have before you go to sleep, or feel when you wake up and look at yourself in the bathroom mirror.

[image]

2. This is something I do in a lot of my songs-I introduce the narrator with a declaration that lets you know who he is: In this case, he's obviously a boss, someone who "sold it all" and is speaking from that experience. This is something I do in a lot of my songs-I introduce the narrator with a declaration that lets you know who he is: In this case, he's obviously a boss, someone who "sold it all" and is speaking from that experience.3. "In third person" means that I'm at least one person away from the actual transaction, which is, again, the way a boss would handle his business. "In third person" means that I'm at least one person away from the actual transaction, which is, again, the way a boss would handle his business.4. I'm teaching my people how to "g 'em," which was slang back in the day for game. All this means is that I've trained my people how to handle the negotiation. I'm teaching my people how to "g 'em," which was slang back in the day for game. All this means is that I've trained my people how to handle the negotiation.5. This shows how thorough a boss the narrator is, and how thorough his worker is: I gave him the play before it happened, and now I'm watching the play from a BMW parked some distance away. This shows how thorough a boss the narrator is, and how thorough his worker is: I gave him the play before it happened, and now I'm watching the play from a BMW parked some distance away.6. The metamorphosis happens when you exchange one product for another, the drugs for the money. The metamorphosis happens when you exchange one product for another, the drugs for the money.7. The narrator sees the buyer's eyes and they're like a Korean's-which is some ignorant s.h.i.t, I'll admit-but the point is that to him they're hard to read, which makes him anxious, because something about the buyer is shut off. The eyes are the window to the soul, and his windows are closed. The narrator sees the buyer's eyes and they're like a Korean's-which is some ignorant s.h.i.t, I'll admit-but the point is that to him they're hard to read, which makes him anxious, because something about the buyer is shut off. The eyes are the window to the soul, and his windows are closed.8. Now I know something's up, and I'm hoping my people figured it out, too. Now I know something's up, and I'm hoping my people figured it out, too.9. "c.h.i.n.k" refers back to the hard-to-read buyer (I told you it was ignorant) and now it's clear that the plan was to bag my worker, the link that connects me to the transaction. "c.h.i.n.k" refers back to the hard-to-read buyer (I told you it was ignorant) and now it's clear that the plan was to bag my worker, the link that connects me to the transaction.10. I bailed out, like Time Warner bailed out of hip-hop when it sold Interscope under pressure. I'm hoping to get a call from his family to tell me he's okay, not that he died in a shootout with cops. I bailed out, like Time Warner bailed out of hip-hop when it sold Interscope under pressure. I'm hoping to get a call from his family to tell me he's okay, not that he died in a shootout with cops.11. The emotion here is guilt, regret. I put him in the situation, I told him what to do. I showed him how to do it, and I watched it go down. And there was nothing I could do about it. Run down there and try to grab him? Then we're all locked up. So I had to leave. The guilt of leaving, the guilt of putting him in that situation and then not knowing what happened-it was just driving me crazy. I've seen situations like that in real life, and while I can paint a picture of it, the feeling itself is impossible to describe. The emotion here is guilt, regret. I put him in the situation, I told him what to do. I showed him how to do it, and I watched it go down. And there was nothing I could do about it. Run down there and try to grab him? Then we're all locked up. So I had to leave. The guilt of leaving, the guilt of putting him in that situation and then not knowing what happened-it was just driving me crazy. I've seen situations like that in real life, and while I can paint a picture of it, the feeling itself is impossible to describe.12. We're on to a second narrative. Once again I try to quickly define the character in the first line: He's a young hustler trying to figure out life. We're on to a second narrative. Once again I try to quickly define the character in the first line: He's a young hustler trying to figure out life.13. When I started hustling, my mother knew I'd moved out, of course, and when I did come home it would be for a weekend at most, and I'd show up wearing a gold cable that weighed thirty-six ounces and real diamond studs in my ear, gold-plated fronts in my mouth. She never talked to me about it; she believed in letting her children make their own mistakes, plus what could she say? When I started hustling, my mother knew I'd moved out, of course, and when I did come home it would be for a weekend at most, and I'd show up wearing a gold cable that weighed thirty-six ounces and real diamond studs in my ear, gold-plated fronts in my mouth. She never talked to me about it; she believed in letting her children make their own mistakes, plus what could she say?

[image]

14. The song shifts from a general description of his life to a specific situation of danger and decision. The song shifts from a general description of his life to a specific situation of danger and decision.15. I know once I shoot him, that's it for me. Not only will I be a drug dealer, but also a murderer. It's rock bottom. I'm in a situation where I'm literally shaking with fear and my gun is aimed right at his forehead. I know once I shoot him, that's it for me. Not only will I be a drug dealer, but also a murderer. It's rock bottom. I'm in a situation where I'm literally shaking with fear and my gun is aimed right at his forehead.16. These are the moments that move fastest but linger longest. This is a kid who starts the verse seeking-but not finding-guidance in every direction and ends it having to make a life-or-death decision while his body is flooded with adrenaline and his mind clouded with fear and time is ticking off, ruthlessly demanding an answer. These are the moments that move fastest but linger longest. This is a kid who starts the verse seeking-but not finding-guidance in every direction and ends it having to make a life-or-death decision while his body is flooded with adrenaline and his mind clouded with fear and time is ticking off, ruthlessly demanding an answer.17. This is another example of how something seemingly innocent can take a turn. My mother's love and belief in me made me think that I could have anything I wanted in this world, but without direction that ambition led me into situations I wasn't ready for and decisions that I'd have to live with for the rest of my life. Here I tried to capture in a few words that turn from an innocent kid absorbing his mother's love to a young man old before his time burdened with unspeakable regrets. This is another example of how something seemingly innocent can take a turn. My mother's love and belief in me made me think that I could have anything I wanted in this world, but without direction that ambition led me into situations I wasn't ready for and decisions that I'd have to live with for the rest of my life. Here I tried to capture in a few words that turn from an innocent kid absorbing his mother's love to a young man old before his time burdened with unspeakable regrets.18. This narrator is someone who's obviously thinking about a lost friend. This narrator is someone who's obviously thinking about a lost friend.19. These lines capture the doomed feeling of the narrator. Not only is he suicidal from the stress of the life, but he's not even sure he'll find an escape in death, because he's going to go to h.e.l.l for all the s.h.i.t he's done. These lines capture the doomed feeling of the narrator. Not only is he suicidal from the stress of the life, but he's not even sure he'll find an escape in death, because he's going to go to h.e.l.l for all the s.h.i.t he's done.20. Now the song moves to a one-sided conversation between the narrator and his dead friend. Now the song moves to a one-sided conversation between the narrator and his dead friend.21. The conversation is heating up, the narrator has left the reminiscing, and he begins to enter a rage about a current situation with Newton, another old friend turned enemy. The conversation is heating up, the narrator has left the reminiscing, and he begins to enter a rage about a current situation with Newton, another old friend turned enemy.22. Killing Newton would f.u.c.k up his money, so he's got to resign himself to dealing with him in some other way. But it's going to be hard, because Newton is a problem. Killing Newton would f.u.c.k up his money, so he's got to resign himself to dealing with him in some other way. But it's going to be hard, because Newton is a problem.23. By the end, he realizes that he's having a crazy conversation with someone who's not even there. He's so destabilized by stress and regret that he's become "touched," crazy enough to strategize with his dead homie about killing someone. By the end, he realizes that he's having a crazy conversation with someone who's not even there. He's so destabilized by stress and regret that he's become "touched," crazy enough to strategize with his dead homie about killing someone.

[image]

THIS CAN'T BE LIFE / FEATURING BEANIE SIGEL AND SCARFACE Back to Lyrics 1. "Bomb" is a slang term for something that's not just good, but powerful. Something that cuts through normal life explodes like a bomb. When you come from the lowest rung of a society-from "sewage"-sometimes the only way to make noise is with an explosion. "Bomb" is a slang term for something that's not just good, but powerful. Something that cuts through normal life explodes like a bomb. When you come from the lowest rung of a society-from "sewage"-sometimes the only way to make noise is with an explosion.2. When I use lines like this, I count on people knowing who I am and my intentions, knowing that I'm not anti-Semitic or racist, even when I use stereotypes in my rhymes, like here, where I'm playing off the stereotype that Jewish people are "tight," that is, frugal, as a way of talking about the tightness of my flows. Lyor Cohen and I joke about race and Jews and blacks every time we see each other. It's obviously something that's in all of our minds in one way or another, and it's better to get it out, make fun of it, instead of being silent about it and let it start to influence you. When I use lines like this, I count on people knowing who I am and my intentions, knowing that I'm not anti-Semitic or racist, even when I use stereotypes in my rhymes, like here, where I'm playing off the stereotype that Jewish people are "tight," that is, frugal, as a way of talking about the tightness of my flows. Lyor Cohen and I joke about race and Jews and blacks every time we see each other. It's obviously something that's in all of our minds in one way or another, and it's better to get it out, make fun of it, instead of being silent about it and let it start to influence you.3. "38 long" could be a sleeve length for arms, or it could be-and is, in this case-a type of arm, as in weapon, a .38 long handgun. "38 long" could be a sleeve length for arms, or it could be-and is, in this case-a type of arm, as in weapon, a .38 long handgun.4. Another double entendre relating to a shirt-the cuffs that my arms go through here aren't cotton, though, they're iron. There's no deep hidden meaning to shirts in this song, but extending the metaphor helps to hold the thought together and make it more vivid. Another double entendre relating to a shirt-the cuffs that my arms go through here aren't cotton, though, they're iron. There's no deep hidden meaning to shirts in this song, but extending the metaphor helps to hold the thought together and make it more vivid.5. The voice screaming in this case is the voice in my head. Normally you think about the voice in your head as whispering to you or, at worse, having a heated conversation, but you know s.h.i.t is really out of control when your conscience needs to scream to get your attention, like, "Don't make me come out there!" The voice screaming in this case is the voice in my head. Normally you think about the voice in your head as whispering to you or, at worse, having a heated conversation, but you know s.h.i.t is really out of control when your conscience needs to scream to get your attention, like, "Don't make me come out there!"6. Big's Big's Ready to Die Ready to Die dropped in 1994; his Bad Boy labelmate Craig Mack's dropped in 1994; his Bad Boy labelmate Craig Mack's Project: Funk Da World Project: Funk Da World also dropped that year. also dropped that year. Illmatic Illmatic also dropped that year from Nas. The significance of those three records is that they launched the resurgence of East Coast hip-hop after the West Coast had dominated the game for years. also dropped that year from Nas. The significance of those three records is that they launched the resurgence of East Coast hip-hop after the West Coast had dominated the game for years.7. This was a sentiment that I didn't fully allow myself back in 1994. I was rhyming, but mostly hustling. It took me a while to come to grips with the fact that I really wanted to devote myself to music. Biggie and Nas were an inspiration-but the flip side is that no one was giving me a deal. There were times when I slowed down enough to tap into that true feeling, the feeling that maybe I was going to miss out on this thing I really wanted, deep down. That despite whatever success I had on the streets, I would be a failure because I never fully chased my dream. This was a sentiment that I didn't fully allow myself back in 1994. I was rhyming, but mostly hustling. It took me a while to come to grips with the fact that I really wanted to devote myself to music. Biggie and Nas were an inspiration-but the flip side is that no one was giving me a deal. There were times when I slowed down enough to tap into that true feeling, the feeling that maybe I was going to miss out on this thing I really wanted, deep down. That despite whatever success I had on the streets, I would be a failure because I never fully chased my dream.8. "In shorts" shows you that these three-time felons were still just kids. "In shorts" shows you that these three-time felons were still just kids.9. This refers to something that happened to me around that time, 1994, when my girl of five years got pregnant and lost the baby in a miscarriage. Now, obviously, miscarriages happen everywhere, to anyone, but the point is that on top of the especially acute paranoia and disappointment and exhaustion I'm feeling from the street life, friends getting shot, your family being broke, I have to deal with the everyday tragedies that stalk everyone. And when that hits you, sometimes it becomes clear that you have to get out, that this really can't be l