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It was the first time that the sight and sound of anyone had taken my breath away and I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to say either, so I quickly mumbled 'hi' and before I could make even more of a fool of myself, I turned around and walked as fast as I could, away from him. I didn't even give him a chance to reply. I just carried on walking, without a backward glance. Away from the other guests. Away from the party. I rushed back into my room and sat on my bed for a few minutes, trying to catch my breath. But I felt like it wasn't enough. I needed to get out. I needed some fresh air. So I grabbed my coat and, careful not to be seen, opened the front door and ran away from the party.
CHAPTER NINE.
I felt like such a childish fool. An idiot. I hoped that n.o.body had noticed me but I'm sure that Oliver's first opinion of me was not a particularly good one. How could it possibly be? I was rude and then I ran away. If I'm lucky, I thought, perhaps everybody would just think it's too much for me to cope with. All those people. Yes, it is a lot to deal with in such a short amount of time.
Before I knew it, I had run to the edge of the forest. The forest Gabriel had told me not to enter. I turned briefly to see if anyone had noticed. I appeared to be alone. What the h.e.l.l? I thought. What have I got to lose? So I walked beyond the trees as I zipped up my coat and put on my warm gloves.
I felt just a little rebellious, the same kind of feeling that I had got when I had chopped off all my lovely long hair and dyed it. It was the first time I had gone against someone's wishes. Although I did feel guilty, I couldn't shake the fact that I was being kept in the dark about something important and it wasn't fair. It was my life and I deserved to know. And so I felt free taking those steps into the unknown. If they won't tell me what I have a right to know, then I won't go along with their wishes.
I started to walk a little faster, breaking out into a run and as I approached each tree the branches seemed to welcome me in. As my breathing quickened, my face began to become gently scratched by the foliage around me. It didn't bother me, though, in fact the feeling was quite liberating.
I stopped to catch my breath and to look around. I was surrounded by beautiful tall green trees but no footpath. What I did notice, though, was the sound of water. I strained to hear where it was coming from and then followed the gentle lapping noise.
Moments later, I stood beside a gently flowing river. I sat on a huge smooth boulder and enjoyed the moment, leaning backwards so that I was flat on my back. I looked up into the blue sky and noticed some dark clouds rolling in, but I didn't care. In fact, for the first time in a long time, I didn't give a d.a.m.n.
The sounds of the forest and the water beside me gently lulled me and I began to feel tired. And so I closed my eyes, feeling some kind of peace, wondering why on earth my grandfather had tried to stop me from walking into the forest. There was nothing but beauty and peace. I felt myself slowly dropping off to sleep and even though it was exceedingly cold, I enjoyed the feeling. I drifted and drifted until sleep overcame me.
A woman dressed in white appears from nowhere in front of me. She is very pretty with long black hair down her back. Her smile lights up her face and she sits by my side. She says nothing while we sit in silence. Suddenly she lifts her arm and a raven lands on her hand. She looks at me and nods. She's trying to tell me something. I try to ask her what it is but nothing comes out of my mouth. I try to speak again but there are no words. I begin to feel a little frustrated. Why can't I speak? Suddenly the woman disappears and a large cat is sitting by my side, with the raven perched on its back. It opens its beak, "Lilly... Lilly," it says. I am frightened. The raven speaks? "Lilly... Lilly." It becomes louder and louder and suddenly it is shaking me.
CHAPTER TEN.
"Lilly!"
I woke up and noticed Jo standing beside me, gently nudging me and calling my name, "Lilly, wake up."
"You had me worried for a little while, then," she said. "I saw you lying here and, well, I didn't really know what to think."
"Sorry... I just had to get out of the house and I guess I was much more exhausted than I thought. I suppose it was the sound of the water that sent me to sleep," I answered guiltily with a yawn.
"How you can sleep in this cold, I've no idea," she laughed, "You know, Gabriel would be so disappointed to know that you came here... but don't worry, I won't tell him. After all, I come walking in the forest all the time and I know he'd go nuts at me too," she added with a guilty giggle.
A feeling of relief flooded through my veins. Earlier, I had been intent on rebellion but thinking about it now, I didn't want to hurt my family.
"I haven't been gone very long, have I?" I asked.
Jo rea.s.sured me that my nap was only a short one and she had, in fact, watched me leave the house and had followed me ten minutes later to make sure I was okay.
Sitting down beside me, I noticed she had a small rucksack on her back which she took off as she smiled at me. "I figured we might need sustenance, so I grabbed a few bits before running after you." She opened the bag, revealing scones, sandwiches, fruit and cans of what she called 'soda'.
My stomach rumbled in response.
"I guess I was right," she said as we delved in and enjoyed our own mini banquet out in the cold as we listened to the peaceful sounds of the running water.
As we ate and drank, we got to know each other a bit better, knowing immediately that we would become not just cousins, but very good friends too. Jo was a few years older than my (almost) fourteen years, and would be celebrating her 18th birthday in a few months.
I confided in her, explaining how it felt like I had come home, but that feelings of guilt and sadness about my parents disappearance engulfed me. She wanted to know about my life in England but I knew she would probably be horrified, but she insisted on hearing all about it.
After she had learned how I had grown up in such a strange and lonely world, she said, "Lilly, that is so sad. I wish you had grown up here with us. We would probably have been the best of friends from the day you were born. You know, for someone that never really had any friends or a loving family, you're very grounded. If I had to guess, I would have said that you grew up happy and loved, judging by your personality."
I was incredibly touched that Jo could say such kind words, and really mean them.
We chatted a bit more about what her upbringing had been like, how close the rest of the family were and I told her what I knew of England, even though I'd only ever seen the area around our apartment and school.
I also told her how upsetting it was to be kept in the dark about something within the family, about something that I believed I had a right to know.
"I do understand, Lilly, but Gabriel never does anything without giving it a lot of thought first. He must have a very good reason not to tell... yet, anyway. I'm sure he will tell you soon enough."
"Don't you know anything, Jo? Is there anything that you can tell me?" I asked, hoping that she would at least be able to give me just a hint of something... anything to put my mind at ease.
She looked away then and sighed and I knew I was wrong to ask her. She was obviously torn between her love for the rest of her family and her newfound friendship with me.
I decided not to push it. It wouldn't be fair. So as she looked back at me, I smiled and changed the subject.
"Tell me about school, Jo... I guess I'll be attending the same school as you. Can you give me an idea of what to expect?"
Relieved to have a change of subject, she smiled at me with thanks and told me all about the local high school, how it was like any other American or Canadian high school with popular kids and geeks and football and cheerleading. She told me I shouldn't worry. She knew I would fit in well. I certainly hoped so. I just hoped that I was at the same level as the other kids in my cla.s.s; it would be so embarra.s.sing to be behind them. Jo just had one school year left, whereas I still had a few to go. I wished we were the same age so I would have at least one person to go to cla.s.s with. But she rea.s.sured me that I would get on with everyone. There weren't really any awful kids there, she'd said.
Didn't every school have their fair share of awful kids?
"Come on, Lilly. We ought to make a move and get back to the party. Everyone will be wondering where we are. We don't want them to worry. Plus, Oliver was asking after you."
From the look on my face, Jo could tell I was mortified, so I explained about my reaction to him and she smiled. "Well, he seemed interested to know more about you so I wouldn't worry if I were you."
I told her that I'd rather give the party a miss altogether and she suggested we at least go back and show our faces. We could always sneak off somewhere else if we felt like it.
Reluctantly, I joined her and she led the way back through the forest, until we reached the footpath I had walked on earlier.
It was then that I realised I could have so easily become lost within those trees that I was truly thankful to Jo for following me. After voicing my thanks, she became a little more serious... "If I'm totally honest with you, Lilly, it was Rose that saw you leave. She asked me to make sure you were okay and it was her that gave me the bag with the food. Of course I would have followed you had I known you'd ventured out into the forest alone but I hadn't actually noticed."
"Well, I am grateful to you both," I said, gently punching her on her shoulder as we approached the log home that was full of the sounds of music, voices and laughing.
Although grat.i.tude enveloped me, I knew it wouldn't be the last time I ventured out into those woods. Although I knew I could easily get lost in there, deep down I had the feeling that the forest held the key to this secret and if n.o.body would tell me, I would have to find out for myself.
That night after everybody had gone home and I lay there in the darkness, I thought about Oliver and how stupid I must have looked on our first encounter. Fortunately Jo had a.s.sured me that Oliver wasn't the type of person to think of anyone as stupid. Apparently he was a great guy, loved by all and she was sure my initial reaction had just left him curious to find out more about me.
When we'd returned to the party, albeit briefly, I'd scanned the crowd for him and he'd looked up and seen me. I blushed like an idiot but he waved and flashed those beautiful white teeth at me in what can only be described as the most stunning smile... ever. My stomach had flipped before I'd disappeared back into my bedroom.
I was fully aware that I was beginning to look like a lovesick puppy and I felt stupid. I was almost fourteen years old and, although I had never had a boyfriend, I'd had my share of crushes at school. None of them were like this though. Perhaps it was just an after effect of losing my parents and I was looking for someone to love and to love me back.
Before I closed my eyes that night, I took one last look towards the forest I'd purposefully left the blinds open so I could see outside. But there was nothing but pitch black all around, the only lights were those coming from the sky above, where a million glittering stars squinted brightly. The night sky in this part of the world was amazing. But just as I admired them, the pitch black reminded me once more about something Gabriel had said before, that black was the colour of magic. I wondered then if there was, in fact, magic around me.
A little while later I found myself back in the forest, surrounded by the sounds of running water and hundreds of birds twittering away. I was standing in the same spot where I had stood earlier and so I decided to do a bit of investigating. I climbed down the smooth rocks towards the water. It was icy blue and sparkling so bright that I had to shield my eyes.
As I bent down to touch it, a raven flew down and stood to my left, followed by another one to my right. They pointed with their wings to the opposite side of the river bank. I looked up and saw two cats one pure black and one pure white. Their eyes as black as the night. They sat and watched my every move. Even when the ravens took to the sky, they didn't take their eyes off me. I looked upwards and saw them flying high above me, watching me from above and I felt as though I was being pulled between the birds and the cats. I couldn't understand but it was as though I needed to follow them... but did I cross the river to be with the cats or did I go upwards to be with the ravens? I looked up again and in a matter of seconds, I was up there with them, flying in the sky looking down on the two majestic creatures below. Again I felt a pull between them but for now the feeling of freedom, of flying, was just too good and so I remained with my two friends as we glided effortlessly above the trees. As I swooped down towards the water I saw three birds below. Three black ravens, graceful and serene. Then I realised what I saw was a reflection in the water. I was a bird. I was no longer a teenage girl. I had become a raven. The shock of the realisation temporarily stunned me and I had no control over my body. I fell towards the water.
I awoke with a thud... I'd fallen out of bed.
"Lilly... are you alright my dear?" said a concerned voice as a light was flicked on and my grandfather rushed in towards me.
"I heard you scream and then there was a bang," he said worryingly.
I explained I'd just had a strange dream and it had made me fall out of bed. "I'm fine. No need to worry," I said. But I couldn't help but notice that he looked a little preoccupied.
"A strange dream?" he'd asked.
"Just a dream, Gabriel. People have strange dreams all the time," I laughed. "It's okay, I'm fine, go back to bed. I'll see you in the morning."
He said nothing more, except to wish me a goodnight and he switched the light back off as he left me to think about the ravens and the cats and that exhilarating feeling of flying. But I soon fell back to sleep, this time managing a good few hours of rest.
CHAPTER ELEVEN.
A few days had pa.s.sed since Oliver's party and I was beginning to feel like I finally belonged with this family in Canada, even though I still thought about my parents all the time. I had even started school. And although it was excruciatingly embarra.s.sing having to stand in front of my new cla.s.smates as I was introduced, strangely enough I was welcomed with open arms by everybody.
I did have a feeling that being Jo's cousin did have a lot to do with it. That, and the fact that I have 'such a cute English accent,' they said.
The most surprising part about my going back to school was that I discovered that my love of reading had stood me in good stead and I was more advanced than everybody else in my cla.s.s so I had managed to skip a whole year... something which had taken me by complete surprise.
While spending lunchtimes with Jo I could tell by the way people looked at her that she was one of the most popular girls in school. And it wasn't just because she was beautiful or because she had an aura about her. It was because she was caring and friendly and was just really well liked by all... teachers and students alike.
As we sat and ate lunch, Jo introduced me to some of her friends but none of them stayed to eat with us. She said she had something important to discuss with me alone and so her many friends happily went and sat elsewhere. It was odd she would need to talk to me about anything that others couldn't listen to... unless, I thought eagerly, she had something from my past she was willing to fill me in on.
"Gabriel called me this morning Lilly, and told me you had a strange dream the other night. Do you want to talk about it?"
She wanted to talk about a dream? I was surprised that such a big deal would be made from a bunch of way-out thoughts that were going through my head in my sleep.
"Dreams are our unconscious mind trying to tell us something. It could be something important. It could be a memory from childhood that you're blocking, maybe...?"
I laughed, "I don't think so, somehow, Jo. I dreamed I was flying. If I was ever able to fly, I'm sure I'd remember."
She laughed too and we continued to eat in silence for a moment, but I could sense there was something she wasn't saying.
"How come Gabriel is asking you about this, anyway?"
"I guess they think I'm the best person to speak to you about anything... and everything. They can see we're becoming close and I guess they want to take advantage," she laughed again.
"So you're like their spy or something?" I laughed.
"Yeah, I guess you could say that. But don't worry, I won't tell them anything you don't want me to tell them."
I did think it was very weird that the subject of my dreams was something worth talking about and even more weird that our grandfather would try and find out more information about them. And why not just ask me? Not that it was really important. They were just dreams. Dreams weren't important. Not to me anyway.
"Well, if you really need to know and I don't mind you telling him - in that dream, I turned into a raven. I doubt that's an early repressed childhood memory though," I said smiling.
It was then that I recalled another short dream I'd had. "Remember when I went into the woods alone and fell asleep by the river? Well I dreamed of a woman and a raven then too. There's something about these ravens here, isn't there?"
Jo looked at me in a way she hadn't looked at me before. Almost as if she was looking at someone else. It was a little spooky actually. "Jo?" I whispered.
Her expression softened and she smiled and then the bell went, signalling the end of lunch break. "Saved by the bell, eh Jo?" I joked as she told me she'd see me later before I headed in the opposite direction to my next cla.s.s.
All afternoon I couldn't shake the feeling that something strange was about to happen. It was Jo's expression that had started it all off. That feeling that she was looking at someone else even though she was looking right at me. Clearly our conversation about my dreams must have triggered something and there was just one person that had all the answers. Gabriel.
When I got back from school that afternoon, Meredith greeted me.
"Hi sweetie! How was your day?" she asked, giving me a quick hug as I dropped my bag on the kitchen floor and flopped down onto one of Gabriel's handmade wooden chairs.
"It was okay, thanks. Where's Gabriel?" I asked, eager to sit down with him and have a proper chat to find out, finally, just what was going on.
"I'm afraid he's had to leave town for a few days... which is why I'm here. I'll be staying with you until he gets back."
I tried to hide my disappointment. I loved being with Meredith but I had been hoping to finally get some answers. And why hadn't he told me he was going away? Why was everything so secretive? Life seemed even weirder all of a sudden. Instead of getting the answers I craved, the questions were just piling up and I was becoming increasingly frustrated.
Early that evening, however, something happened to take my mind off things. Oliver came round to see me. Yes... to see me!
Meredith and I had just finished eating dinner, followed by a dessert totally new to me: pumpkin pie. I'd only ever read that pumpkins were for Halloween, after seeing pictures of them carved out to make creepy lanterns. I'd no idea something so delicious could be made from them. So there I was, totally stuffed with the top b.u.t.ton of my new black jeans undone, the jeans that Jo had given me when she'd seen my wardrobe or lack of it. So I was lazing on the sofa when the doorbell rang. I a.s.sumed it would be for Meredith so I stayed put, eagerly reading the first Harry Potter book which I had found on the bookshelf, when in walked Oliver. I just know I blushed from head to toe.
"Hi Lilly," he said as I struggled to get up from the sofa and do up my b.u.t.ton at the same time without him seeing.
"Er... Hi! What are you doing here?" I asked, hoping that I could be a bit more pleasant this time round and make a better impression.
"Well... I was kind of in the area and thought I'd pop by and say h.e.l.lo... so h.e.l.lo," he laughed nervously.
"h.e.l.lo." G.o.d I felt stupid. Why couldn't I utter more than a few syllables to this boy?
He stood and looked around awkwardly.