Cunningham Family: Lost And Found Part 21

I snort. "That makes two of us."

"I shouldn't have encouraged you to leave so quickly afterward," he says. "And I should have made a better effort to stay in contact with you. This isn't what I wanted."

I look up at him. "I didn't want this either."

"I know we can't just go back to the way things were when we were kids," he says, "but I want to make an effort to do better. If you want the same, that is."

"Of course I do."

He raises an eyebrow. "That wasn't the impression I got back at the estate."

Oh. That's right. He came to get me, and I took one look at him and ran the other direction.

"Yeah... sorry about that," I say, embarra.s.sment creeping up my cheeks. "That's a bit of a long story."

"One I hope you'll tell me eventually. From what the internet is saying, it sounds pretty exciting."

My cheeks grow even hotter. "That's a very long story."

"Your friend," he says. "This Ward fellow. He seems like a good guy."

"He is," I say. He's more than good. He's the best man I've ever known. He makes my heart swell with happiness and my entire body ache with longing. But that's not exactly the thing you tell your older brother.

Calder is nodding.

"I'm glad to hear it," he says. "And I look forward to learning more about him." His eyes-the same color as mine-soften slightly.

"I was worried about you," he tells me. "I didn't know what had happened or where you were going or what you would do. I've been looking for you since that day you ran, but unless you've got FBI-level clearance, it's next to impossible to track someone down."

"You were looking for me?"

"What was I supposed to do? Sit around and pray that you weren't in a ditch somewhere? Edward Carolson was making all these ridiculous claims and the media was getting involved and no one could figure out where you were. I a.s.sumed you were alone, and for all I knew you were hurt or in trouble or locked up somewhere."

"Well, you were right about that last one," I say. It's strange to hear Calder talk like this. I mean, we're family, so of course we love each other, but I've never seen him look so worried in all my life.

"I guess it worked out then," I say. "Us both being out in California at the same time, I mean."

"That wasn't an accident," Calder replies. "For the life of me, I couldn't figure out where you'd gone. I even hired a couple of private investigators, but either they were idiots or you were very good at hiding your tracks."

"Probably the former," I admit.

"But then I saw the magazines and realized that you weren't alone, as I originally thought. I looked for any information I could find on this Ward guy. And when the family invited me to the memorial service for Edward Carolson, I realized that if I were in Ward's position, that's exactly where I'd go. It was a long shot, I knew, but it was the only lead I had."

Hearing about how hard he looked for me makes me want to cry. In fact, if I say anything I'm going to start bawling, so instead of trying to speak I just step forward and put my arms around his.

This hug already feels more natural than yesterday's. It looks like there's hope for us after all. But a second later, his back stiffens slightly.

"What?" I ask, pulling back.

"Nothing," he says, but not before I catch him looking at something past my shoulder. I turn around. My bag from the drugstore is on the table behind me.

And the pregnancy test is clearly visible.

"It's..." I stop and shake my head. "Look, I don't want you to freak out or anything-"

"I'm not going to freak out. I'm not going to say anything at all." He looks at me. "Except this-you're a grown woman who can make her own decisions. I have to accept that. But if I find out that this Ward isn't doing the right thing by you-"

"You don't have to go all 'older brother' on me, I promise. Ward will do the right thing."

"He better."

On the one hand, it's nice to have a brother who cares enough to make threats in situations like this. On the other, I'm not really ready to have a lengthy discussion about this with Calder. If my brother and I are going to start to rebuild our relationship, I'd rather not start with, 'Oh yeah, I had unprotected s.e.x.'

Fortunately, Calder seems to feel the same way.

"I should be getting back to my room," he says. "But if you need anything, you know where to find me."

I walk him to the door, and on the threshold, he turns toward me one last time.

"I'm glad we talked," he says.

"Me, too."

"I hope this becomes more of a regular thing between us."

I smile. "I'd like that."

I read the instructions on the pregnancy test multiple times. I want to get this right the first time, since one way or another, the results will affect the rest of my life.

I nearly have the steps memorized by the time I finally pull the test out of the package and sit down on the toilet. My hands shake slightly.

I'm being silly, aren't I? I think at mini-Ward. I know you're there. This is just a formality.

But that's what scares me: maybe he isn't. I've built this up so much in my head that I know it'll devastate me if the test comes back negative. I might not be ready for a baby, but it's too late-I've already lost my heart to the little guy I believe is growing inside of me.

After I'm done peeing, I place the test on the bathroom counter and stare at it. The box says it will take three minutes to see the results. Three minutes feels like an entire lifetime.

About one minute and thirty two seconds in-I know because I'm counting-Ward returns.

"Lou?" he calls.

"I'm here." Almost a full minute left. I leave the test on the counter and return to the main room of our suite.

Ward looks a little more tired than usual, but there's a huge grin on his face as he sweeps me up in his arms.

"You're in a good mood," I say when he finally puts me back down on my feet. "What happened?" I wasn't expecting him to be so upbeat, not after his reaction to the letter this morning.

"You're never going to believe it, Lou," he says.

"Believe what?"

In response, he grabs me and kisses me. For a moment I melt into the kiss, but then I break away and pull back.

"That's not an answer," I say. "What's going on? What did the lawyer say?"

"It's a long story-and a complicated one-but ultimately good, I think."

Relief floods through me. I was afraid he'd return to me more frustrated and confused than ever. But I can see, even by the way he's looking at me now, that something's changed. Maybe he hasn't resolved all of his feelings, but he's found some closure, however small.

"I want to hear everything," I tell him.

His eyes flash and he smiles. "It's going to blow your mind. Actually, we should probably be sitting down for this." He takes my hands and leads me over to the couch.

"I actually need to run to the bathroom first," he says. "But I've brought us some scotch to celebrate. Why don't you pour us a couple of gla.s.ses?"

I have no idea what we're supposed to be celebrating, but I agree anyway. Ward slips off to the bathroom and I grab a couple of gla.s.ses from where they sit on the buffet cabinet. It's not until I'm pouring the second gla.s.s that I remember I probably shouldn't be drinking.

It's also the moment I remember what I left in the bathroom.

I spin around, but Ward is already next to me.

"Is this yours?" he asks, although I'm pretty sure he already knows the answer to that. He's holding the end of the test between his thumb and forefingers.

"It's mine," I say.

He stares at me. Into me. And I can't read his face, not even a little bit. Is he angry? Upset? Annoyed?

I don't even know what the test says.

"What..." I begin, but my throat closes off. I force myself to take a deep breath and start again. "What does it say?"

"Two lines," he says without looking down at the test.

Two lines. That means...

"Pregnant," I say, and the word is no more than a breath.

"Pregnant," he repeats, his face still blank. "You're pregnant."

"We're pregnant."

There's a spark of something in his eyes. "We're pregnant."

And then he pulls me into his arms again. I let him back me toward the sofa and help me sink down onto the cushions. He sits next to me.

"This isn't a joke?" he says.

"If this was a joke, it'd be the worst joke in the history of mankind." I search his face. "You're not upset? Because you were so worried about not using a condom and-"

"I'm not going to lie, it's not what I expected to hear when I got back." He pushes my hair back over my shoulder. "It's... big news. Life-changing news." He threads his fingers through my curls. "How are you doing? Do you need anything?"

"I'm fine. Great, actually. But I've had a little time to let the idea sink in."

His brow furrows. "A while? How long have you suspected?"

"A few days, that's all. My period was late."

"Why didn't you tell me then?"

I take his hand in mine. "Because that was the day we found out that Carolson was dead."

He just stares at me.

"So yesterday, when you were in jail-"

"I didn't know for sure," I tell him. "I just knew that my period was late. And I didn't want to say anything until I was absolutely certain. There was a lot going on already."

"You were afraid I couldn't deal with it," he says. "You were afraid I wouldn't react well to the news."

"That's not-"

"It's my own fault. I made it sound like I thought this was the worst thing that could happen to us. I was so caught up in this s.h.i.t about my father-"

"You're not your father. I know that. I've known that all along." I make sure he's looking me in the eyes before I go on. "I know you'd never abandon this child. But I need you to know that I never, ever want you to feel tied to me or-"

"Tied to you? Lou, I've been tied to you since the first time I saw you. Since the first time you grabbed me and kissed me." He slides his thumb across my cheek. "Baby or not. I'm yours. I belong to you and you belong to me."

My heart is fluttering so quickly that I'm afraid I might collapse.

"And though it absolutely terrifies me," he continues, "the thought of having a baby with you is... I can't even describe it. Knowing that a part of me is inside of you right now... It's..." His hand moves across my belly, and he presses his palm gently against me.

I laugh and sob at the same time. He kisses me again, and I melt into him.

This is it, I realize. This is what it feels like to be absolutely, perfectly, completely happy.

But even in my ecstasy, I remember what he said earlier. I pull back from him.

"You told me you have a story," I say.

He gives a laugh and steps back. "Jesus, I almost forgot. I don't even know where to begin now."

"We have time for all of it," I tell him as I wipe a tear off of my cheek. "You better not leave anything out."

"And you better sit down."

I bat at him. "I'm pregnant, not sick. I can still stand."