Crazy Stupid Obsession Part 19

I ignore their curious stares, my eyes locked firmly on Gavin.

"I did what I thought needed to be done at the time." His voice is flat when he finally speaks, but there is regret in his eyes.

"You did what needed to be done?" I question in disbelief. "Did you see him? Did you see what you did to him?" I gesture back to where Bryan was just standing.

"I didn't do that to him. You did." Again his tone is flat, his expression completely hard. "You had a choice that you chose not to make weeks ago."

"You had no right," I start, my tears now turning from guilt to anger.

"I had every right," he snaps, for the first time showing any real emotion at all. "You think he's the only one you've been stringing along? You think he's the only one in this situation that's hurt? After last night, I couldn't do it. I couldn't f.u.c.king let this s.h.i.t go on for even one more day. I got his number from your phone while you were sleeping and I texted him this morning. I didn't tell him any details, only that if he wanted to see for himself where to be and when."

"So you coming here... You orchestrated this entire f.u.c.king thing?" I can't believe the words even as I say them.

"You kept making excuses, pushing it off. What was I supposed to do?"

"I don't know; maybe let me handle it in my own way." I shake my head.

"I'm sorry." He reaches for me, but I shove his hand away.

"Don't do you dare f.u.c.king touch me," I grind out. "I told you I was doing it today. You had no right to take this into your own hands. This wasn't your call."

"Like h.e.l.l it wasn't," he roars, his temper flaring for the first time. "Are you really that f.u.c.king blind that you can't see what you being with him is doing to me?"

"You did this to yourself. I was his before I was yours," I counter.

"You're mine. You've always been mine. You will always be mine. End of," he says, snagging my wrist in his hand. "You can be p.i.s.sed and scream at me all you want, but at the end of the day I did you a favor whether you admit it now or not." He pulls me flush against his body. "You chose me. He needed to know that." He grips both of my shoulders in his hands, forcing me to meet his gaze.

"I f.u.c.king love you. I've never said that to anyone before. I'm so in love with you. I'm done with the barriers and obstacles. I just want you." His face is so close to mine I can feel the warmth of his breath as he speaks.

"Loving someone isn't forcing your way into their life and making their decisions for them. I'm sorry, Gavin, but I don't believe you love me because I don't think you know what love actually is." I push away from his hold, stumbling backward a couple of feet.

"Because you're such a f.u.c.king expert?" e bites. "Isn't loving someone trusting in them? You didn't trust me enough to tell me about your parents. You didn't trust me enough to tell Bryan the truth. And you don't trust me enough now. You don't trust that I love you because it's easier for you to push people away then to f.u.c.king let them see the real you."

"You're right, Gavin, I don't trust you. And clearly for good reason. I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry." Tears flood my vision as I push past him and take off toward my dorm.

My heart rips further and further apart with each step I take. By the time I reach my room, I feel like it's shredded into a million different pieces and the pain is beyond anything I have ever felt before.

I collapse onto my knees and succ.u.mb to the grief.

I let it take me under and swallow me whole.

Chapter Twenty-two.

Harlee "Why don't you come out with me and Decklan?" Kimber says, sitting on the side of my bed. "It will do you good to get out of this room."

"I don't want to go anywhere," I insist, refusing to look up from my laptop to meet her gaze.

"Harlee, it's been over a week. You can't just hide out in here for the rest of your life. What happened, happened. You have to pick yourself up and keep going," she says, resting her hand gently on my knee.

"I can't," I admit, sadness once again washing over me like a sudden wave smacking me in the face.

The first two days were filled with anger.

The next two with guilt.

Then came the regret. That was the worst.

I don't know how much more of this I can take.

Going to Gavin now seems like a lost cause. I don't feel like there's any coming back from the things I said or the way I treated him. I still don't agree with the way he handled things. But eventually, I came to understand. It was Angel and almost an entire bottle of tequila that made me see the light. And once it happened, it was like seeing myself through Gavin's eyes for the very first time.

To be honest, I didn't like what I saw.

"I don't want to leave you like this." Her voice is riddled with concern.

"I'll be fine. I promise. I just need some more time. I'm not ready to face a world without him yet," I admit, the statement causing the emotion to clog in my throat.

"He's still here ya know? You could call him."

"No, I can't. You didn't see his face. You didn't hear the awful things I said to him. There's no coming back."

"You don't know that unless you try," she insists.

"I'm not you, Kimber," I say, pushing the computer from my lap before pulling my knees to my chest. "I can't have endless amounts of faith and believe that everything will be okay because that's not always the case. I'm so happy things worked out for you and Decklan, but that doesn't mean that everyone gets a happy ending. Life doesn't work that way."

"I know that." She doesn't seem even the least bit offended by my rant. "I know things don't always turn out the way we want. But I also know that if you're not willing to fight for what you want, you'll live your life ruled by regret. Do you really want that?"

"What I want is Gavin."

"Then go to him. I don't think you grasp just how much that man cares about you. Decklan said he's never seen Gavin so torn up before. He drinks all day. He barely leaves his condo and that's only to go to the bar to get drunk. Paxton has been so worried about him he refuses to leave his side. His heart is broken, Harlee. Just like yours. You're both just too d.a.m.n stubborn to get over yourselves and make the first move." Her tone turns almost aggravated.

"So you both made mistakes," she continues. "Big deal. What couple doesn't go through ups and downs. You need to get over yourself and at least call him, if not for you than for him."

"Why? He's made no attempt to contact me," I snip. "Why should I reach out to him?"

"Because someone has to make the first move," she replies simply.

"Well, it's not going to be me. I'm the one that came back running the last time, and I won't be the one to do it again. If he loves me as much as you say, then he will do something about it." I feel like a spoiled child, but I just can't help myself.

"Do you even hear yourself?" Kimber immediately calls me out on my behavior. "You two were made for each other."

She pushes into a stand, crossing toward the closet. Within moments she reappears with a pair of dark, low rise jeans and a three-quarter sleeve black top, tossing them into my lap.

"Get dressed," she orders. "Now," she tacks on, narrowing her eyes on my face, daring me to challenge her.

"I hate you," I huff, sliding from my bed.

I know there's no way she's going to leave if I don't agree to go with her and as much as I love her, I really don't feel like listening to her lecture me the entire night.

"You love me," she retorts, pulling a small smile from me.

"Fine, I love you." I spin toward the bathroom. "But right now I hate you a little, too," I call over my shoulder before disappearing inside.

"What the h.e.l.l are we doing here?" I try to swallow down my panic, gripping the seatbelt running across my chest as Kimber pulls into the lot behind Deviants.

I knew as soon as she got onto the freeway that we were heading to Portland, but I just a.s.sumed we were meeting Decklan somewhere. I never dreamed in a million years she would bring me here.

"Relax." She puts her new car in park and kills the engine, turning her gaze to me. "He's not here."

"I don't care. Why would you bring me here?" I try to keep my anger in check, but I feel it seeping out of every word I speak.

"Because I thought maybe you would like to have a drink and unwind with friends. Considering this is the only place where you can actually drink..." She lets her statement hang there.

"You're unbelievable," I say in disbelief. "This was a setup all along." I shake my head, unable to believe that Kimber would force me into a situation I don't want to be in.

What is it with the people in my life forcing me to do things I don't want to do? Maybe I should take this as a sign. Maybe I really am that blind. So much so that the people around me feel it's their duty to intervene. I shake away the idea, not willing to accept it.

"It's not a setup," she insists. "Gavin is at his condo. Charlie is there visiting him. She's promised to keep him put for the evening."

"Why would she do that?"

"Because Decklan asked her to. For me," she answers simply, pushing open the driver's side door. "Now are you just going to sit there or are you going to come have a drink with me? You know I'm gonna need a dance partner." She leans down, giving me a pretty please smile through the open car door.

"Who's the D.J.?" I ask, arms crossed firmly over my chest.

"Jam." She smirks, knowing she's got me.

Jam is the best D.J. at Deviants and always plays the best music to dance to when you're drunk and just need to shake some s.h.i.t off.

"Fine," I grunt, shoving open the door. "But so help me, Kimber, if Gavin shows up here tonight I'll never forgive you," I warn, slamming the door shut behind me the moment I'm out of the way.

"If he shows up here, I'll throw him out myself." She gives me a wide grin, her eyes turning mischievous.

Honestly, I actually believe she would do it. The thought brings a smile to my face and even though I'm walking toward a place I never thought I'd enter again, I feel lighter than I have in days.

Kimber, like Angel, seems to know exactly what I need well before I even do. I really am so blessed to have them in my life. I honestly don't know how I would have survived this past week without them. They and Joy are the only reasons I haven't sunk into the dark hole I've been tempted to disappear inside of since the moment I walked away and left Gavin standing there in the courtyard what feels like weeks ago.

The usual Friday night line outside of Deviants is longer than usual, wrapping around the entire front of the building before disappearing around the corner. The bouncer simply nods when we approach, allowing us to slip behind him without a second glance.

The moment we step inside the music engulfs us, the heavy beat of a remix pop song thumping through the crowded s.p.a.ce. Kimber grabs my hand and drags me through the sea of people toward the bar, stopping at the very edge of the counter.

"What do you want to drink?" She leans forward so I can hear her over the music.

"I don't care." I shrug. "Just make it hard."

"That's what she said." She snickers, pulling an eye roll from me.

She knows how much I hate that statement. It was funny five years ago. Now it's just overused and honestly a bit annoying. I think that's exactly why she chose to say it in the first place.

She turns her attention back to the bar just seconds before Decklan appears in front of her. She immediately leans over the bar and lays a deep kiss to his mouth, not the least bit concerned about the group of women just to our right who are clearly watching the entire exchange between them, staring daggers into the side of Kimber's face.

The whole interaction makes my stomach twinge and for a moment I understand how the women next to us feel. Not because I want to be kissing Decklan- which they so clearly do, but because it makes me miss how it felt when I kissed Gavin that way.

Decklan throws me a half smile and nods just seconds after Kimber pulls back, grabbing my hand to pull me up to the bar.

"She needs something strong," Kimber yells over the roar of the music.

"I got just the thing." His smile widens.

Kimber turns back to me as Decklan busies himself making our drinks.

"Why is he bartending?" I question, knowing it's not something he does often.

Where Gavin loves working behind the bar, Decklan usually only does it if he absolutely has to, preferring to spend his time on the other side of the bar.

"Matt called off and since I asked that he keep a certain someone away, he had to fill in." She shakes her head when she sees the immediate guilt that creeps across my face. "Don't." She rests her hand on my forearm. "He was happy to do it."

"I bet he'd be much happier spending time with you," I interject, feeling like a bit of a burden.

"He's just as happy doing things that make me happy. You being here makes me happy." She winks, turning her attention back to the bar as Decklan reappears holding two very large, orange drinks garnished with fresh fruit.

"Don't let the looks deceive you." He catches my confused stare. "They'll knock you right on your a.s.s," he promises, turning his attention to Kimber. "Only one for you," he adds, pulling a laugh from her.

"Yes, sir." She winks, sticking her tongue out at him. "He clearly knows that I am a total light weight." She turns toward me just as she takes a drink from her straw, her eyes immediately going wide. "Holy s.h.i.t." She looks at the drink like she's trying to somehow figure out what's in it.

I mirror her actions, pulling a long draw from my straw. The fruity concoction hits my tongue, the overwhelming taste of orange and pineapple dancing across my taste buds. I have no idea why Kimber reacted the way she did. That is until I swallow and a sudden fire engulfs my throat.

"What the h.e.l.l?" I look up wide-eyed at Kimber.

"I know, right," she laughs, taking another drink.

Sliding into the two empty stools in front of us, it's not long before the alcohol has worked its way into my blood stream and everything starts to feel a little less heavy. Kimber rambles on about her and Decklan's wedding for a good thirty minutes, telling me every detail about how they plan to elope this summer. It's her subtle way of telling me she's moving out at the end of the spring term but after two drinks I barely even process the news.

Decklan's right, these drinks are no joke. I make a mental note to ask him what's in them the next time he comes over, though it's likely I'll forget by then.

I'm not really sure how much time pa.s.ses before I sense someone beside me. I turn to see Paxton settled into the stool next to me, his handsome face pulled into a tight scowl.

"You look so happy right now," I joke, my words bordering on a slur.