Corps Security: Cooper Part 15

I can feel myself getting tired, but I know I can't go to sleep until Asher and I have talked. I don't feel right with this entire unknown, ticking time bomb sitting between us. I need to know where he's coming from, where his head is, and what his plans are.

He comes back from dropping another used washcloth in the dirty laundry hamper and climbs in behind me, curling his arm around my body and pulling me close. His palm instantly goes to my stomach and caresses the tight skin. I can feel our son rolling around, and I smile when I feel Asher laugh against my back.

"We need to talk, baby," I start.

He sighs. "I know."

"Do you want to start? Maybe let me in and tell me what's kept you gone for the last two weeks? I'm not going to even lie, Ash. It killed me to think that I wasn't enough for you to let in and let help. I'm not going to crumble. I'm here to walk this road with you, remember?"

"Sunshine, I saw your distress. I saw how much that letter shook you, and it killed me that something I'm doing could be the cause of your fear."

I turn, rolling onto my other side and grabbing his hand to hold it between both of mine. I admire how strong his long fingers are, just like he is. "Of course I was afraid, Asher. That's the normal reaction that anyone would feel if they were in the same position. That didn't mean that I needed you to protect me from knowing what was happening. I want to be that person you confide in. I want to help you, Asher."

"You know I never stopped looking into Dominic, right?"

I nod my head. I do in fact know how much he's researched his target. I helped him for months, compiling everything we could find on that sc.u.mbag.

"Yeah, I didn't think you stopped. I had hoped, but I think deep down I knew you hadn't given up."

He closes his eyes tight, moving his forehead in that way he does so that it's resting against mine. His harsh breathing is dancing with each one of my calm breaths.

"I have enough intel on him now that it wouldn't take much for me to end this tomorrow. I know where he is at almost every second thanks to a tracking device I was able to slip under his car. When he leaves his compound, I know. I've been following his every move for the last eight days."

His admission shocks me to the core. He's been putting himself in danger. Recklessly kicking his thirst for vengeance into overdrive because of one stupid letter.

"Oh, baby...no," I plead, shaking my head rapidly against his.

"I have to, Chelcie. I don't know any other way to explain it. I feel like if I don't take care of him that Coop will never rest in peace."

"Oh you silly, silly man."

He draws back as if I've slapped him. I quickly finish before he gets the wrong impression.

"Your brother knew exactly what he was doing that day. I might not have seen it happen with my own eyes, but I know what kind of man he was-what kind of man you taught him to be-well enough to know that he didn't act without weighing all his options. It was a grim situation at any angle you look at it." I take a deep breath and let go of his hand so that I can hold his face framed in my palms. I need to be able to look him in the eyes when I say this. He needs to see the truth within my own. "Don't you see it, Ash? You're the one who taught him to be the man he was. You gave him every single tool he needed in order to become that man. He stepped in front of that bullet because he was brave and selfless. He did it so that he could save someone else, knowing d.a.m.n well that, if something went wrong, he was sacrificing his own life. You can't keep beating yourself up because you weren't there to protect him. I see you, baby. I know you think this misguided quest of vengeance is what Coop would want, but if you really believe that-really believe in your heart that he wanted that..." I pause to collect my thoughts when I see his eyes flash. "If you really believe that, baby, then you didn't know him at all."

His body is strung so tight right now that I know this is impossibly hard for him to hear, but I need him to hear it. I need him to hear it and I pray that he understands.

"This quest to right a wrong, the vengeance that you're seeking? He wouldn't want that. You have to start living your life for the future that you're alive for, not the past that you're willing to die for."

His eyes close slowly, one lone tear falling down his face, and I quickly sweep it away with my thumb.

"I'm so close, Sunshine. I'm so close to ending it all. So close to ending this pain. I don't know if I can stop." His hushed words break my heart. I ache for him.

"You can, baby. You know you can. Talk to me. Why do you think that ending this monster's life would be worse than turning all of your evidence over to the right channels and making sure that he really pays? Don't you think a life behind bars is far worse than a quick death? You really need to think about that, Asher, because by you being willing to continue down this path means that you're willing to put everything we've been building in jeopardy. If something goes wrong, you could be the one who ends up behind bars. Or worse, you could end up dead, and I'm telling you right now-I don't think I would survive that loss. I don't want to have to explain to little Zac why his daddy isn't here." It's taking every ounce of control that I possess not to break down right now. I keep my voice steady and my words strong, knowing that, if I break down, he might not hear I word I say.

"Zac?" he questions with a furrow of his thick brows.

"Our son, Asher. Zachariah Asher Cooper, but I've been calling him Zac for short." I give him a small smile and watch in fascination as a million emotions filter through his mind on his face.

My big, strong man is falling apart, and I do the only thing I know to do-I pull him closer and drop my forehead to his. I rub his back as he gasps rapidly, trying to calm the war of emotions inside him down. He doesn't speak. He does his best at keeping it locked tight, but a few broken sobs break through his lips. I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from crying with him. I just run my fingers through his hair and down his back, holding him tight within my arms. Giving him back the strength he's been giving me since the day I met him.

After a long time of heavy breathing and a few more sobs, I hear him clear his throat. He doesn't look up, but I know he's about to address me, so I mentally hold on in preparation for what is to come.

"I'll talk to the guys tomorrow. I'll give them all the intel I have, and together, we will decide what the best course is. I'm not giving you any promises, Sunshine, but I will see what they think, and if they agree with you, then I'll call a good friend of mine with the DEA and give them everything. For Coop-and for you...and Zac. For all of us. I'll make sure that I do the right thing," he sighs. "I want you to be there with me so that you know everything that's going on, okay?"

I let out the breath I didn't realize I was holding, feeling lighter than I have in weeks. I wrap my arms around him and bury my face in his neck. His arms come around me and we hold each other, soaking up the love we have and the knowledge that, from now on-no questions-we're in this together.

Chapter 27 Asher.

d.a.m.n, it's been one crazy week. I've been running after the same skip-three different states-and finally, I've caught up to the slimy b.a.s.t.a.r.d. Of all the places I have to end the chase, it has to be a strip club. After almost starting a brawl in the club, I finally manage to secure the b.a.s.t.a.r.d and make my long drive home.

Almost twelve hours later, with the afternoon sun blazing high in the sky, I feel like my body is literally dragging on the ground. I just want to get back to my apartment and crash. h.e.l.l, I wouldn't be surprised if I sleep for a week straight.

The first thing I do when I climb my tired a.s.s up the old stairs to my one-bedroom rent-by-the-week apartment is pull out my phone and call Coop. It's been almost two weeks since we talked last, and I hate going that long without checking on him.

"Ash!" he bellows through the line, making me wince. d.a.m.n migraine.

"Hey, brother. How's it going?"

"Uh, you know-same s.h.i.t, different day. We've got some kind of crazy going down here. I'm starting to think it wouldn't feel normal if things weren't falling to s.h.i.t." He laughs. Leave it to Coop to find something in any situation to laugh about.

You never would have guessed that he was the same kid who used to cower meekly in the corner. d.a.m.n, I'm so proud of the man he's become.

"Yeah, not sure that's something to be excited about, man."

"No sense in acting like someone p.i.s.sed in my Cheerios either."

"Guess you've got me there, Coop." I laugh dryly.

d.a.m.n, I'm tired.

"What's got you down, big brother?" he worries.

I consider how much I want to tell him. I've always tried to keep him from seeing just how lonely I am. I know he's content with his life, but sometimes I wish he felt differently about his outlook on the future. The 'f.u.c.k and run' we've both mastered over the years is getting old as h.e.l.l. For once, I'm starting to wish I weren't so f.u.c.ked up and I could find some normal Suzie Homemaker and make some normal life for myself.

"You ever get sick of this s.h.i.t, Coop? I just spent the last seven days on the road chasing after this dirtbag that skipped out on his bail-again-only to come home to my empty apartment. h.e.l.l, I don't even really have an apartment. I pay for this c.r.a.p weekly and there is nothing of mine here. All this furniture came with the rent. I don't know, brother. I guess I've just been wondering if there's more out there for me. For us."

He's silent long enough for me to think that the call dropped, but he clears his throat and I sit, waiting to hear what he's going to say. This isn't the first time we've talked about wanting something more. Or rather I've talked and he's listened silently.

"I didn't realize you were still feeling this way, Asher." He exhales. "Just because I don't want more-ever-doesn't mean that you can't have it. Look, we had one f.u.c.ked-up childhood. Things got easier for you when you got older, and I guess I still see things differently. I refuse to ever be that weak motherf.u.c.ker again. I'm in charge of my life, me alone, and I will never give another person the power to hurt me. I get it, man. I really do. The guys here seem to be dropping like flies, and their chicks aren't anything like she was. They're really amazing ladies. But even knowing that there's something different than her out there doesn't change my mind." He takes a deep breath, and I imagine him pacing around, collecting his thoughts. "I'm happy with my life the way it is, Ash. I've got some great friends here, my own place, a job I love, and enough p.u.s.s.y to last me a lifetime. The only thing that could make that better is if you gave up that bounty hunter s.h.i.t and came to work with us."

"Yeah, not sure that's going to happen. I like the challenge of my work," I argue.

"Whatever. The point is, I don't need more to be happy. I've got a good life, brother, and if it were all over tomorrow, I wouldn't have one d.a.m.n thing that I regret. You only live once, right?"

"Did you just YOLO me? d.a.m.n, Coop, we need to get you graduated from high school," I laugh.

"Hardy har har. Laugh all you want. You know I'm right." His deep chuckle comes through the line, and I smile, picturing him standing there, smiling like a freaking idiot.

"Miss you, little brother."

"Yeah, and I kind of miss you too, big brother."

We talk for a little while longer. He catches me up to speed on some of the s.h.i.t he and the boys at Corps Security have been dealing with. I've got to say, it sure as h.e.l.l doesn't seem like the boring job I was picturing. By the time we hang up, I can already feel my eyes getting heavier. With promises to get together soon for a much-needed brothers vacation, I remind him to wrap up his junk, and with some quick 'I love yous' later, I'm laying my head down on my pillow. Just talking to Coop makes me feel lighter than I did just minutes before.

I hate that he feels the way he does about life in general. I know he thinks that he's right-that every woman out there is just like our mother and Sarah Jane was. But I can't help but pray that, one day, I can prove him wrong. That, one day, I can meet a woman who will show him just how fulfilling it would be to give yourself to someone completely.

One day, I vow. One day, I'll make that happen.

Chapter 28 Chelcie.

I'm so nervous. I keep running every possible scenario over in my mind. Asher will either decide to keep going down this dark path that I'm not sure my 'light' will be able to keep him safe on. Or he will turn it all over to the authorities, guaranteeing that dirty b.a.s.t.a.r.d spends the rest of his life in jail.

My stomach has been in knots all morning, I wasn't able to eat breakfast, and I even threw up a few times. My nerves are completely shot to h.e.l.l. I know Asher is worried about me, and I hate that because his mind shouldn't be focusing on me right now. But no matter what I do, I can't seem to turn off the overwhelming sense of dread that is hanging over me like a thick blanket. A thick blanket of doom. I hate it.

"Sunshine, please try and eat something before we head over to CS. I don't like how upset you are."

"I'll eat when we leave, okay? I might feel better by then." It's worth a try.

He looks at me, trying to gauge where my mind is right now. I give him a weak smile and try my best to act normal.

"All right. If you're sure, I'm going to grab a shower before we head in."

He leans in and gives me one of those sweet kisses, holding his warm lips against my cold forehead and rubbing his large hand over my belly a few times.

When I hear the shower turn on, I let out the breath I was holding. f.u.c.k, I'm a mess. And it doesn't help that my back has been killing me all week-ever since I went on a nesting frenzy and cleaned every inch I could reach of the apartment. Then I spent an even longer time working in Zac's nursery. We purchased all of his furniture and got it all up-ready to go. It's a room fit for a prince. Well, it's a room fit for a prince if he decides that he wants to play sports when he gets older. Asher had so much fun picking out the bedding and decor for his room that I gladly went with the theme he wanted.

He and Beck painted the walls a warm tan color that complements the dark hardwood floors perfectly. We got some warm cream rugs to place on the floor and one large baseball-shaped one for the center of the room. He hung up the three large letters that spelled Zac's name on the wall last night, finally completing the room.

We had two large, cherry wood bookshelves that were already full of different sports memorabilia, books, and stuffed animals. After a very long shopping trip with Dee, Zac's closet is now stuffed with more clothes than a newborn baby could ever need. h.e.l.l, I'm pretty sure he has more clothes than both Asher and I have combined.

I wander down the hall and open the door to his room. I smile when I see all of the small touches that Asher picked out himself. From the baseball-shaped beanbag seat that is definitely something Zac won't need for a few years, to the tiny football mobile that hangs above his crib, and my personal favorite, the framed photo of Coop that sits proudly on his dresser, facing his crib.

I feel my heart melt when I think about how happy Asher was when he placed that picture there. He set it down, stepped away, and considered its location in the room then moved it a few more times. Each time, he would circle the room and see what kind of view our son would have of his birth father.

After closing the door silently, I make my way down the hall and into our bedroom to get dressed. Asher called the guys late last night and asked that they all meet us there at noon. All I can do now is hope that, at the end of the day, whatever is meant to happen does. I selfishly pray that the day ends with Asher turning over all of his evidence on Dominic Murphy.

Asher is in the middle of shaving when I walk into the bathroom, dressed and almost ready to go. I decided to go for comfort today. At this point in my pregnancy, comfort is really all that matters, and with my nerves already going haywire, I need every advantage I can get. I have some loose-fitting maternity jeans, one of Asher's old USMC sweatshirt that still hangs large on my body-even with my expanding belly-and my favorite pair of worn Chucks.

"d.a.m.n, you look hot in my clothes." He reaches down to adjust himself, and I smile when I see the thick budge in his jeans.

"These days, your clothes are the only things that fit. I guess it's time for me to go get some more fat-girl clothes." I sound like a brat. I don't mean to, but I've been struggling with the new-wide-version of my body.

"What have I told you, Sunshine? I f.u.c.king love your body. Your body is changing and growing because it's keeping our son alive. Don't ever think of that as a bad thing. It's G.o.dd.a.m.n beautiful."

He gives me a sweet kiss, laughing when he sees his shaving cream on my face, and then turns back to finish the task. With nothing left to do but wait, I head to my laptop and attempt to get some work done on my book. I'm actually shocked to say that it's almost done. With all the extra time I've had since I stopped working with Dee, I've stepped my writing up and everything else just started to fall into place.

My story, the one I have been molding for years now, is finally coming to fruition, and I feel an overwhelming sense of pride in my story and, more importantly, in myself. I have Asher to thank for that. For encouraging me to follow my dreams and never give up.

I am just finishing another chapter when I feel him walk up behind me. He cuddles close and kisses my head.

"Are you ready to go?" he asks.

"Yeah. Just let me save this and turn everything off."

Once I've grabbed my purse off the back of my computer chair, I walk down the hallway and work on strengthening my courage for what's to come. Time to make sure the emotional basket case is locked up tight and the strong woman Asher needs me to be right now is ready to play ball. I push all my fears, nerves, and worry aside and get ready to walk the road less traveled with my fiance.

d.a.m.n, I love the sound of that.

The drive to Corps Security doesn't take long. Since the apartments are pretty centrally located to everything in town, we make the short drive in about ten minutes. I notice when we pull up that we're one of the first to arrive. Sway isn't even manning his normal spot-front and center in his salon's front window. I swear, sometimes I wonder if that man even works. The only time I ever see him actually doing hair is when one of us girls goes in. Other than that, he's bopping around the room with his ever-present smile in place.

I see Axel's huge black truck sitting next to Greg's minivan-rather Melissa's minivan. Other than that, the parking lot is pretty vacant. I guess that's normal for a Sunday afternoon. All of the businesses around Corps Security close up on Sundays. The guys are normally closed as well, but with this emergency meeting, they didn't waste any time coming together and being there when Asher said that he needed them.

Those men truly are the definition of brotherhood.

I come out of my musing when Asher's hand gives mine a small squeeze. I look down to where our hands are laced together on his thigh before looking up and giving him a forced smile. He shakes his head and lifts my hand to give me a kiss.

"Everything is going to be okay, Sunshine. Trust me, okay?"

I nod my head, not trusting my words. I just know that, if I open my mouth, all of my careful bravado will crumble. I get another squeeze of his hand before he lets go and climbs out. I watch his dirty-blond hair shine when the sun hits it. His face seems...almost peaceful, and I don't even let myself think of what that could mean.

"Let's head on in," he says, reaching out to help me step down.

"Hey," I whisper, grabbing his arm before he starts walking towards the door. "I love you."

He gives me a heart-stopping smile, turning to wrap his arms around me. "I love you, too," he says against my temple.

It seems weird to walk into the lobby of Corps Security and not see Emmy. I know there's a lot going on with her and Maddox right now, but this place just isn't the same without her bright smile greeting me. The last report I heard from Asher about those two was that he got a very short message from Maddox saying that he was handling s.h.i.t and he had Cat. I don't know who the h.e.l.l Cat is, but I hope that Emmy is okay with her.

Even with Emmy gone, we usually had the pleasure of being greeted by a very attractive Davey. He's almost too attractive for his own good. His cheekbones are high and strong, his jaw is perfectly square, and when he smiles, his blindingly white teeth seem to blink at you. The girls always joke that he looks like he walked straight off a runway and strutted right into CS. Which I would believe since he managed to catch the eye of the master strutter himself-Sway. Those two have been a heavy and adorable item ever since they first met.

The lights are dim in the lobby since they aren't open for normal hours and are just coming in to meet in the conference room. There's the big light that comes from behind the large CS sign behind Davey's desk and the light that hangs over Coop's memorial portrait. Other than that, it's just dark and ominous.