Contemporary One-Act Plays Part 2

TOMBES. Yes, Sir Harry.

SIR HARRY. Show her in here. [_He has very lately become a stickler for etiquette._] And, Tombes, strictly speaking, you know, I am not Sir Harry till Thursday.

TOMBES. Beg pardon, sir, but it is such a satisfaction to us.

SIR HARRY. [_Good-naturedly._] Ah, they like it down-stairs, do they?

TOMBES. [_Unbending._] Especially the females, Sir Harry.

SIR HARRY. Exactly. You can show her in, Tombes. [_The butler departs on his mighty task._] You can tell the woman what she is wanted for, Emmy, while I change. [_He is too modest to boast about himself, and prefers to keep a wife in the house for that purpose._] You can tell her the sort of things about me that will come better from you. [_Smiling happily._] You heard what Tombes said: "Especially the females." And he is right. Success! The women like it even better than the men. And rightly. For they share. _You_ share, _Lady_ Sims. Not a woman will see that gown without being sick with envy of it. I know them. Have all our lady friends in to see it. It will make them ill for a week.

[_These sentiments carry him off light-heartedly, and presently the disturbing element is shown in. She is a mere typist, dressed in uncommonly good taste, but at contemptibly small expense, and she is carrying her typewriter in a friendly way rather than as a badge of slavery, as of course it is. Her eye is clear; and in odd contrast to_ LADY SIMS, _she is self-reliant and serene_.

KATE. [_Respectfully, but she should have waited to be spoken to._] Good morning, madam.

LADY SIMS. [_In her nervous way, and scarcely noticing that the typist is a little too ready with her tongue._] Good morning. [_As a first impression she rather likes the woman, and the woman, though it is scarcely worth mentioning, rather likes her._ LADY SIMS _has a maid for b.u.t.toning and unb.u.t.toning her, and probably another for waiting on the maid, and she gazes with a little envy perhaps at a woman who does things for herself_.] Is that the typewriting machine?

KATE. [_Who is getting it ready for use._] Yes. [_Not "Yes, madam" as it ought to be._] I suppose if I am to work here I may take this off. I get on better without it. [_She is referring to her hat._

LADY SIMS. Certainly. [_But the hat is already off._] I ought to apologize for my gown. I am to be presented this week, and I was trying it on.

[_Her tone is not really apologetic. She is rather clinging to the glory of her gown, wistfully, as if not absolutely certain, you know, that it is a glory._

KATE. It is beautiful, if I may presume to say so.

[_She frankly admires it. She probably has a best and a second best of her own; that sort of thing._

LADY SIMS. [_With a flush of pride in the gown._] Yes, it is very beautiful. [_The beauty of it gives her courage._] Sit down, please.

KATE. [_The sort of woman who would have sat down in any case._] I suppose it is some copying you want done? I got no particulars. I was told to come to this address, but that was all.

LADY SIMS. [_Almost with the humility of a servant._] Oh, it is not work for me, it is for my husband, and what he needs is not exactly copying.

[_Swelling, for she is proud of_ HARRY.] He wants a number of letters answered--hundreds of them--letters and telegrams of congratulation.

KATE. [_As if it were all in the day's work._] Yes?

LADY SIMS. [_Remembering that_ HARRY _expects every wife to do her duty_.] My husband is a remarkable man. He is about to be knighted.

[_Pause, but_ KATE _does not fall to the floor_.] He is to be knighted for his services to--[_on reflection_]--for his services. [_She is conscious that she is not doing_ HARRY _justice_.] He can explain it so much better than I can.

KATE. [_In her businesslike way._] And I am to answer the congratulations?

LADY SIMS. [_Afraid that it will be a hard task._] Yes.

KATE. [_Blithely_] It is work I have had some experience of. [_She proceeds to type._

LADY SIMS. But you can't begin till you know what he wants to say.

KATE. Only a specimen letter. Won't it be the usual thing?

LADY SIMS. [_To whom this is a new idea._] Is there a usual thing?

KATE. Oh, yes.

[_She continues to type, and_ LADY SIMS, _half-mesmerized, gazes at her nimble fingers. The useless woman watches the useful one, and she sighs, she could not tell why._

LADY SIMS. How quickly you do it! It must be delightful to be able to do something, and to do it well.

KATE. [_Thankfully._] Yes, it is delightful.

LADY SIMS [_Again remembering the source of all her greatness._] But, excuse me, I don't think that will be any use. My husband wants me to explain to you that his is an exceptional case. He did not try to get this honor in any way. It was a complete surprise to him----

KATE. [_Who is a practical_ KATE _and no dealer in sarcasm_.] That is what I have written.

LADY SIMS. [_In whom sarcasm would meet a dead wall._] But how could you know?

KATE. I only guessed.

LADY SIMS. Is that the usual thing?

KATE. Oh, yes.

LADY SIMS. They don't try to get it?

KATE. I don't know. That is what we are told to say in the letters.

[_To her at present the only important thing about the letters is that they are ten shillings the hundred._

LADY SIMS. [_Returning to surer ground._] I should explain that my husband is not a man who cares for honors. So long as he does his duty----

KATE. Yes, I have been putting that in.

LADY SIMS. Have you? But he particularly wants it to be known that he would have declined a t.i.tle were it not----

KATE. I have got it here.

LADY SIMS. What have you got?

KATE. [_Reading._] "Indeed, I would have asked to be allowed to decline had it not been that I want to please my wife."

LADY SIMS. [_Heavily._] But how could you know it was that?

KATE. Is it?

LADY SIMS. [_Who, after all, is the one with the right to ask questions._] Do they all accept it for that reason?

KATE. That is what we are told to say in the letters.

LADY SIMS. [_Thoughtlessly._] It is quite as if you knew my husband.