Confessions Of Con Cregan Part 16

I made no answer; and, apparently, for some minutes, he forgot all about me, and busied himself in a large chart which covered the table. At last he looked up; and then, after a second or two spent in recalling me to his recollection, said, "Oh, you 're the lad I took up last night; very true. I wanted to speak with you. What can you do, besides what I have seen; for I trust surgery is an art we shall seldom find use for,--can you cook?"

I was ashamed to say that I could boil potatoes and fry rashers, which were all my culinary gifts, and so I replied that "I could not."

"Have you never been in any service, or any kind of employment?"

"Never, sir."

"Always a vagabond?"

"Always, sir."

"Well, certes, I have the luck of it!" said he, with one of his low laughs. "It is, perhaps, all the better. Come, my boy, it does not seem quite clear to me what we can make of you; we have no time, nor, indeed, any patience, for making sailors of striplings,--we always prefer the ready-made article; but you must pick up what you can, keep your watches when on board, and when we go ash.o.r.e anywhere, you shall be my scout; therefore don't throw away your old rags, but be ready to resume them when wanted,--you hear?"

"Yes, sir."

"So far! Now, the next thing is,--and it is right you should know it,--though I keep a yacht for my pleasure and amus.e.m.e.nt, I sometimes indulge myself in a little smuggling,--which is also a pleasure and amus.e.m.e.nt; and, therefore, my people are liable, if detected, to be sentenced to a smart term of imprisonment,--not that this has yet happened to any of them, but it may, you know; so it is only fair to warn you."

"I 'll take my chance with the rest, sir."

"Well said, boy! There are other little ventures, too, I sometimes make; but you 'd not understand them, so we need not refer to them. Now, as to the third point,--discipline. So long as you are on board, I expect obedience in everything; that you agree with your messmates, and never tell a lie. On sh.o.r.e, you may cut each other's throats to your heart's content. Remember, then; the lesson is easy enough: if you quarrel with your comrades, I 'll flog you; if you ever deceive me by an untruth, I'll blow your brains out!" The voice in which he spoke these last few words grew harsher and louder, and at the end it became almost a shout of angry denunciation.

"For your private governance, I may say, you'll find it wise to be good friends with Halkett, and, if you can, with Jarasch. Go now; I 've nothing more to say."

I was about to retire, when he called me back.

"Stay! you've said nothing to me, nor have I to you, about your wages."

"I want none, sir. It is enough for me if I am provided in all money could buy for me."

"No deceit, sir! No trickery with _me!_" cried he, fiercely, and he glared savagely at me.

"It is not deceit, nor trick either," said I, boldly; "but I see, sir, it is not likely you 'll ever trust one whom you saw in the humble condition you found me. Land me, then, at the first port you put in to.

Leave me to follow out my fortune my own way."

"What if I take you at your word," said he, "and leave you among the red Moors, on the coast of Barbary?"

I hung my head in shame and dismay.

"Ay, or dropped you with the Tongo chiefs, who'd grill you for breakfast?"

"But we are nigh England now, sir."

"We shall not long be so," cried he, joyfully. "If this breeze last, you 'll see Cape Clear by sunrise, and not look on it again at sunset.

There, away with you! Tell Halkett I desire that you should be mustered with the rest of the fellows, learn the use of a cutla.s.s, and to load a pistol without blowing your fingers off."

He motioned me now to leave, and I withdrew, if I must own it, only partially pleased with my new servitude. One word here to explain my conduct, which perhaps in the eyes of some, may appear inconsistent or improbable. It may be deemed strange and incomprehensible why I, poor, friendless, and low-born, should have been indifferent, even to the refusal of all wages. The fact is this: I had set out upon my "life pilgrimage" with a most firm conviction that one day or other, sooner or later, I should be a "gentleman;" that I should mix on terms of equality with the best and the highest, not a trace or a clew to my former condition being in any respect discoverable. Now, with this one paramount object before me, all my endeavors were gradually to conform, so far as might be, all my modes of thought and action to that sphere wherein yet I should move; to learn, one by one, the usages of gentle blood, so that, when my hour came I should step into my position ready suited to all its requirements and equal to all its demands. If this explanation does not make clear the reasons of my generosity, and my other motives of honorable conduct, I am sorry for it, for I have none other to offer.

I have said that I retired from my interview with Sir Dudley not at all satisfied with the result. Indeed, as I pondered over it, I could not help feeling that gentlemen must dislike any traits of high and honorable motives in persons of my own station, as though they were a.s.suming the air of their betters. What could rags have in common with generous impulses; how could poverty and hunger ever consort with high sentiments or n.o.ble aspirations? They forgive us, thought I, when we mimic their dress and pantomime their demeanor, because we only make _ourselves_ ridiculous by the imitation; but when we would a.s.sume the features that regulate their own social intercourse, they hate us, as though we sullied with our impure touch the virtues of a higher cla.s.s of beings.

The more I thought over this subject, the more strongly was I satisfied that I was correct in my judgment; and, sooth to say, the less did I respect that condition in life which could deem any man too poor to be high-minded.

Sir Dudley's antic.i.p.ations were all correct. The following evening at sunset the great headlands of the south of Ireland were seen, at first clear, and at last like hazy fogbanks; while our light vessel scudded along, her prow pointing to where the sun had just set behind the horizon; and then did I learn that we were bound for North America.

Our voyage for some weeks was undistinguished by any feature of unusual character. The weather was uniformly fine; steady breezes from the northeast, with a clear sky and a calm sea, followed us as we went, so that, in the pleasant monotony of our lives, one day exactly resembled another. It will, therefore, suffice if, in a few words, I tell how the hours were pa.s.sed. Sir Dudley came on deck after breakfast, when I spread out a large white bear's skin for him to lie upon; reclined on which, and with a huge meerschaum of great beauty in his hand, he smoked, and watched the lions at play. These gambols were always amusing, and never failed to a.s.semble all the crew to witness them.

Jarasch, dressed in a light woollen tunic, with legs, arms, and neck bare, led them forth by a chain; and, after presenting them to Sir Dudley, from whose hands they usually received a small piece of sugar, they were then set at liberty,--a privilege they soon availed themselves of, setting off at full speed around the deck, sometimes one in pursuit of the other, sometimes by different ways, crossing and recrossing each other; now with a bold spring, now with cat-like stealthiness, creeping slowly past. The exercise, far from fatiguing, seemed only to excite them more and mere, since all this time they were in search of the food which Jarasch, with a cunning all his own, knew how, each day, to conceal in some new fashion. Baffled and irritated by delay, the eyes grew red and l.u.s.trous, the tails stiffened, and were either carried high over the back or extended straight backwards; they contracted their necks too, till the muscles were gathered up in thick ma.s.sive folds, and then their great heads seemed actually fastened on the fore part of the trunk. When their rage had been sufficiently whetted by delay, Jarasch would bring forth the mess in a large "grog tub," covered with a ma.s.sive lid, on which seating himself, and armed with a short stout bludgeon, he used to keep the beasts at bay. This, which was the most exciting part of the spectacle, presented every possible variety of combat. Sometimes he could hold them in check for nigh half-an-hour, sometimes the struggle would scarce last five minutes. Now, he would, by a successful stroke, so intimidate one of his a.s.sailants that he could devote all his energies against the other. Now, by a simultaneous attack, the savage creatures would spring upon and overthrow him, and then, with all the semblance of ungovernable pa.s.sion, they would drag him some distance along the deck, mouthing him with frothy lips, and striking him about the head with their huge paws, from which they would not desist till some of the sailors, uncovering the mess, would tempt them off by the savor of the food. Although, in general, these games pa.s.sed off with little other damage than a torn tunic or a bruise more or less severe, at others Jarasch would be so sorely mauled as to be carried off insensible; nor would he again be seen for the remainder of the day.

That the combat was not quite devoid of peril was clear, by the fact that several of the sailors were always armed, some with staves, others with cutla.s.ses, since, in the event of a bite, and blood flowing, nothing but immediate and prompt aid could save the boy from being devoured. This he knew well, and the exercises were always discontinued whenever the slightest cut, or even a scratch, existed in any part of his person. Each day seemed to heighten the excitement of these exhibitions; for, as Jarasch became more skilful in his defence, so did the whelps in the mode of attack; besides that, their growth advanced with incredible rapidity, and soon threatened to make the amus.e.m.e.nt no longer practicable. This display over, Sir Dudley played at chess with Halkett, while I, seated behind him, read aloud some book,--usually one of voyages and travels. In the afternoon he went below, and studied works in some foreign language of which he appeared most eager to acquire a knowledge, and I was then ordered to copy out into a book various extracts of different routes in all parts of the world: sometimes, the mode of crossing a Syrian desert; now the shortest and safest way through the wild regions on the sh.o.r.es of the Adriatic. At one time the theme would be the steppes of Tartary or the snowy plains of the Ukraine; at another, the dangerous pa.s.ses of the Cordilleras or the hunting-grounds of the Mandaus. What delightful hours were these to me; how full of the very highest interest! The wildest adventures were here united with narratives of real events and people, presenting human life in aspects the strangest and most varied. How different from my old clerkship with my father, with the interminable string of b.a.s.t.a.r.d and broken law Latin! I believe that in all my after-life, fortunate as it has been in so many respects, I have never pa.s.sed hours more happy than these were.

In recompense for my secretarial functions, I was free of the middle watch; so that, instead of turning into my berth at sundown to s.n.a.t.c.h some sleep before midnight, I could lounge about at will,--sometimes dropping into the steerage to listen to some seaman's "yarn" of storm and shipwreck, but far oftener, book in hand, taking a lesson in French from the old cook, for which I paid him in being "aide-de-cuisine;" or, with more hardy industry, a.s.sisting our fat German mate to polish up his Regensburg pistols, by which I made some progress in that tongue of harsh and mysterious gutturals.

Through all these occupations the thought never left me,--what could be the object of Sir Dudley's continued voyaging? No feature of pleasure was certainly a.s.sociated with it; as little could it be attributed to the practice of smuggling,--the very seas he had longest cruised in forbade that notion. It must be, thought I, that other reason to which he so darkly alluded on the day he called me to his cabin; and what could that be? Never was ingenuity more tortured than mine by this ever-recurring question; since it is needless to tell the reader I was not then, nor indeed for a very long time afterwards, acquainted with those particulars of his history I have already jotted down. This intense curiosity of mine would doubtless have worn itself out at last, but for a slight circ.u.mstance occurring to keep it still alive within me. The little state-room in which I used to write lay at one side of the cabin, from which it was entered,--no other means of getting to it existing; a heavy silk curtain supplied the place of a door between the two; and this, when four o'clock came, and my day's work was finished, was let down till the following morning, when it was drawn aside, that Sir Dudley, from time to time, might see, and, if needful, speak with me. Now, one day, when we had been about three weeks at sea, the weather being intensely hot and sultry, Sir Dudley had fallen asleep in his cabin while I sat writing away vigorously within. Suddenly, I heard a shout on deck: "The whales! a shoal of whales ahead!" and immediately the sudden scuffling of feet, and the heavy hum of voices, proclaimed the animation and interest the sight created. I strained myself to peep through the little one-paned window beside me, but all I could see was the great blue heaving ocean as, in majestic swell, it rolled along.

Still the noise continued; and, by the number and tone of the speakers, I could detect that all the crew were on deck,--every one, in fact, save myself. What a disappointment! full as my mind was of every monster of land and water, burning to observe some of the wonderful things I had read so much about, and now destined actually to be denied a sight on which my comrades were then gazing! I could endure the thought no longer; and although my task was each morning allotted to me, and carefully examined the next day by Sir Dudley, I stepped lightly out on tiptoe, and letting fall the curtain so that if he awoke I should not be missed, I stole up the "companion," and reached the deck.

What a sight was there! the whole sea around us was in motion with the great monsters, who, in pursuit of a shoal of herrings, darted at speed through the blue water,--spouting, blowing, and tossing in all the wildest confusion; here, every eye was bent on a calm still spot in the water, where a whale had "sounded," that is, gone down quite straight into the depths of the sea; here, another was seen scarcely covered by the water, his monstrous head and back alternately dipping below or emerging above it; harpoons and tackle were sought out, firearms loaded, and every preparation for attack and capture made, but none dared to venture without orders, nor was any hardy enough to awake him and ask for them. Perhaps the very expectancy on our part increased the interest, for certainly the excitement of the scene was intense,--so much so that I actually forgot all about my task, and, without a thought of consequences, was hanging eagerly over the taffrail in full enjoyment of the wild scene, when the tinkle of the captain's bell startled me, and, to my horror, I remembered it was now his dinner hour, and that, for the rest of the day, no opportunity would offer of my reaching the state-room to finish my writing.

I was so terrified that I lost all interest in the spectacle, whereof, up to that time, my mind was full. It was my first delinquency, and had all the poignancy of a first fault. The severity I had seen practised on others for even slight infractions of duty was all before me, and I actually debated with myself whether it would not be better to jump overboard at once than meet the anger of Sir Dudley. With any one else, perhaps, I should have bethought me of some cunning lie to account for my absence; but he had warned me about trying to deceive him, and I well knew he could be as good as his word. I had no courage to tell any of the sailors my fault, and ask their advice; indeed, I antic.i.p.ated what would be the result: some brutal jest over my misfortune, some coa.r.s.e allusion to the fate they had often told me portended me, since "no younker had ever gone from land to land with Sir Dudley without tasting his hemp fritters." I sat down, therefore, beside the bowsprit, where none should see me, to commune alone with my grief, and, if I could, to summon up courage to meet my fate.

Night had closed in some time, and all was tranquil on board, when I saw Halkett, as was his custom, going aft to the cabin, where he always remained for an hour or more each evening. It was just then, I know not how the notion occurred, but it struck me that if I could lower myself over the side, I might be able to creep through the little window into the state-room, and carry away the paper to finish it before morning. I lost little time in setting about my plot; and having made fast a rope to one of the clews, I lowered myself fearlessly over the gunwale, and pushing open the little sash, which was unfastened, I soon managed to insert my head and shoulders, and, without any difficulty dragging my body slowly after, entered the state-room. So long as the danger of the enterprise and its difficulty lasted, so long my courage was high and my heart fearless; but when I sat down in the little dark room, scarcely venturing to breathe, lest I should be overheard, almost afraid to touch the papers on the table, lest their rustling noise should betray me, how was this terror increased when I actually heard the voices of Sir Dudley and Halkett as plainly as though I were in the cabin beside them!

"And so, Halkett," said Sir Dudley, "you think this expedition will be as fruitless as the others?"

"I do, sir," said the other, in a low, dogged tone.

"And yet you were the very man who encouraged me to make it!"

"And what of that? Of two things, I thought it more likely that he should be the leader of a band to a regiment in Canada than be a Faquino on the Mole of Genoa. A fellow like him could scarcely fall so low as that."

"He shall fall lower, by Heaven, if I live!" said Sir Dudley, in a voice rendered guttural with deep pa.s.sion.

"Take care you fall not with him, sir," said Halkett, in a tone of warning.

"And if I should,--for what else have I lived these three last years? In that pursuit have I perilled health and life, satisfied to lose both if I but succeed at last."

"And how do you mean to proceed? For, a.s.suredly, if he be attached to the regiment at Kingstown, he 'll hear of you, from some source or other. You remember when we all but had him at Torlosk, and yet he heard of our coming before we got two posts from Warsaw; and again, at 'Forli,' we had scarce dropped anchor off Rimini when he was up and away."

"I 'll go more secretly to work this time, Halkett; hitherto I have been slow to think the fellow a coward. It is so hard to believe anything so base as a man bereft of every trait of virtue: now I see clearly that he is so. I 'll track him, not to offer him the chances of a duel, but to hunt him down as I would a wild beast. I 'll proceed up the river in the disguise of an itinerant merchant,--one of those pedler fellows of which this land is full,--taking the Irish dog along with me."

"Of whom, remember, you know nothing, sir," interposed Halkett.

"Nor need to know," said he, impatient at the interruption. "Let him play me false, let me only suspect that he means it, and my reckoning with him will be short. I have watched him closely of late, and I see the fellow's curiosity is excited about us: he is evidently on the alert to learn something of our object in this voyage; but the day he gains the knowledge, Tom, will be his last to enjoy it. It is a cheap process if we are at sea,--a dark night and an eighteen-pound shot! If on sh.o.r.e, I 'll readily find some one to take the trouble off my hands."

It may be imagined with what a sensation of terror I heard these words, feeling that my actual position at the moment would have decided my fate, if discovered; and yet, with all this, I could not stir, nor make an effort to leave the spot; a fascination to hear the remainder of the conversation had thoroughly bound me as by a spell; and in breathless anxiety I listened, as Sir Dudley resumed:

"You, with Heckenstein and the Greek, must follow, ready to a.s.sist me when I need your aid; for my plan is this: I mean to entice the fellow, on pretence of a pleasure excursion, a few miles from the town, into the bush, there to bind him hand and foot, and convey him, by the forest tracks, to the second 'portage,' where the batteaux are stationed, by one of which--these Canadian fellows are easily bribed--we shall drop down to Montreal. There the yacht shall be in waiting all ready for sea.

Even without a wind, three days will bring us off the Island of Orleans, and as many more, if we be but fortunate, to the Gulf. The very worst that can happen is discovery and detection; and if that ensue, I 'll blow his brains out."

"And if we succeed in carrying him off, Sir Dudley, what then?"

"I have not made up my mind, Halkett, what I'll do. I 've thought of a hundred schemes of vengeance; but, confound it, I must be content with one only, though fifty deaths would not satisfy my hate."