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Translator: Ying
Editor: ayszhang
ch 10
Easter surprise and special announcement
Chapter 10
"Come with me." The female police officer took over from Jake, clutching Tang Shan's arm the way she would that of a criminal.
Tang Shan was led away, unable to see the way through the sack, and had no idea of where he was heading. Once they arrived at a certain point, they stopped. This place seemed to be the heart of the plaza, and he could hear the piercing laughter from the ceramic dolls surrounding him from all directions. While waiting, the female patrol officer spoke up, asking in a low voice, "There's something I'm rather curious about. Do you still love Mr Li?" Tang Shan was perplexed. The female officer did not get her answer. The ceramic dolls' laughter stopped, and Tang Shan was pushed along by the officer and made to stand still when they reached a certain place. At this point, his hands had been bound.Hearing the sounds of struggle from around him, he occasionally pretended to protest and move. He was then led to sit on a chair, where his arms and legs were tied to it. The moment he was truly immobile, he was able to feel terror. It wasgoing to end. "Mmmmmnnnnmm—" A sharp scream from a female voice sounded from beside him, muted by the sack on her head. It was a dull sound coming from his left and probably belonged to the female soldier. Were they also covered by a sack like he was? That had to be the case, or else it would be much too obvious if he was the only one in this situation. He could feel his heart rate speeding up, but he was unable to tell if this was fear or the excitement of finally being able to end this all. Even breathing was becoming a difficult task. "Verdict." Li Yuanyu's voice was practically swallowed up by the violent winds around them. "You, who have damaged the infrastructure of the town, are guilty." A sharp, blazing heat emerged within his body and in his flesh, paining Tang Shan so much that he could only vigorously contort his body. This was an instinctual struggle. He wanted to shout, but no sound could be made despite his opening his mouth wide. "Guilty." Tang Shan could not feel his toes, the soles of his feet- he knew he was gradually disappearing. It was going to end. In this moment, he somehow thought of Li Yuanyu, remembering the great times they had had together. It was not of anyone else; not his family nor his fiancée,,Jenny, but Li Yuanyu. Li Yuanyu, who had embraced him, who had whispered humorous sweet nothings into his ear, who had not even gotten mad at him for teasing him about reading too many romance novels. He had drowned in Li Yuanyu's light kisses that held within boundless love. Li Yuanyu, who had taken him by the hand andexplored the area, the two of them looking for new routes in the town without a destination.They were close like friends as much as lovers. Li Yuanyu. Graceful, gentle Li Yuanyu. Do you still love Mr Li? Yes, he still loved Li Yuanyu, but it was impossible to stay by his side any longer. --- Something was off. Li Yuanyu stared at the soldier seated in the middle, instinctively sensing something fishy. That person had not made a sound at all, despite the excruciating pain that should have come from having moonlight shone on them. "Who is that?" Li Yuanyu questioned the female soldier who had led the person there, pointing towards the middle. The female officer was frozen, too afraid to even move. Her role in this was immediately exposed. d.a.m.n it! Li Yuanyu instantly realized andrushed towards the moonlight. He removed the cloak he had on, shielded Tang Shan with it, and undid the ropes. The chair could not be moved when under the moonlight, and the only way to escape was by untying the ropes. Li Yuanyu could not help but curse, similarly having to endure the burning from the moonlight on his body. "Mmmnnmmm—" Tang Shan struggled as he cried out mournfully. He did not want to be saved. "Shut up! d.a.m.n it!" Li Yuanyu loosened the ropes onTang Shan's hands and went on to release those on his legs. Tang Shan pushed against Li Yuanyu, but was unable to push him away. He was disappearing and had lost much of his strength. Even raising his hand was nearly impossible. With the ropes on the man’s legs gone, Li Yuanyu forcefully pushed him aside and pounced on him. He removed the sack over Tang Shan's head and slapped him multiple times. Tang Shan’s head began to spin and he fell to one side. He saw that the other soldiers who had been seated in the chairs had already turned to ashes, which meant that he had been that close– at this point, he could not help but begin to cry. Li Yuanyu watched him cry and gradually calmed down. Hegot off of Tang Shan, grabbedhim by the hair anddragged him away. Tang Shan cried while he tried to strike at the hand that was holding him, attempting to scratch Li Yuanyu but to no avail. He was dragged all the way back to Li Yuanyu's villa. "Li Yuanyu!" Jake caught up to them and tried to persuade him, "Let him go! You know that will be the best for everyone!" "For who? You? Me? Him?" "For the whole town!" Jake was resolute. Heavens knew the amount of courage he needed to stand before Li Yuanyu and go against him, but- "Stand down, Jake. This is a family matter. Don't interfere." "No! Tang Shan- Tang Shan is my friend!" "Jake, don't push me." Li Yuanyu threatened coldly. Jake suddenly roared and charged towards Li Yuanyu, trying to force Li Yuanyu away. However, Li Yuanyu merely raised his hand and pushed Jake towards the side, and as if struck by an immense force, Jake crashed into a fire hydrant that actually cracked on impact, causing water to spout. "Jake!" Tang Shan cried out, wanting to see how Jake was doing but unable to move. "He’ll live. I'll take care of him once I'm done with you. Let's go." Li Yuanyu continued forward with Tang Shan in tow.
No, no, no, no! Tang Shan struggled violently, unable to shift his gaze from the unconscious Jake. He held onto the red brickpavement tightly, not allowing Li Yuanyu to drag him away. With his other hand, he grabbed Li Yuanyu's hand as he tried to get Li Yuanyu to loosen the grip on his hair. Li Yuanyu finally let go, but just when Tang Shan made a bid to crawl towards Jake, his hands were stepped on. "Ugh!" "Where are you going?" Li Yuanyu grabbed hold of him once more. "Don't touch me!" He struggled, terrified beyond measure, waving his arms around to prevent Li Yuanyu from coming closer. All of a sudden, a sharp pain ran through his body, and everything went black. Tang Shan lost consciousness. --- Within the darkness, he could feel swaying ripples of water surrounding him. He should be safe, but air gradually disappeared, suffocating him. Suffocating— Tang Shan jerked awake and realised he was now forced underwater in a pond, a situation similar to one he had experienced before. Tang Shan struggled hard, flapping his arms and beating at the water, using all his strength to grasp at Li Yuanyu's hand. Li Yuanyu was in tears, looking terribly pitiful. "Tang Shan, my love, it doesn't hurt at all. You'll forget everything. The good and the bad will all disappear." Li Yuanyu's words were m.u.f.fled. He repeatedly pushed down Tang Shan's face that wanted to emerge from the water, time after time like a curse. Tang Shan finally lost the energy to struggle and gradually loosened his hold. Suffocation. Li Yuanyu carried powerless, limp Tang Shan in his arms. Despite the knowledge that the man could not hear anything, Li Yuanyu constantly repeated– TangShan, I love you. I'm sorry. He killed his lover, and then created another Tang Shan that loved him. This way, Tang Shan would completely belong to him. However, he also realised that this would no longer be the Tang Shan he had loved. What should he do? What should he do? What should he do to regain Tang Shan's love for him? Li Yuanyu cried pitifully, heart-wrenchingly. Meanwhile, time ticked by, never turning back. --- He seemed to have slept for a long time, as if a whole lifetime had pa.s.sed. He sat up, joints throbbing all over. Groaning, he sat up and looked around, unsure of his surroundings. He tried to recall something, but his mind was blank. Who was he? Why was he here? Where was this place? Besides the bed, there was nothing at all in the room, which did not help matters at all. He opened the door and walked out of the room. The aroma of Broschtwas in the air. Following the smell, he went downstairs and found the kitchen. In there was a black-haired man with pale skin, thin and slender, who had his back to him, busy at work. For some reason, his emotions fluctuated at the sight of the man, and he could not tell what exactly this feeling was. The man noticed him and gave him a look before turning back to his work. Not long after, he spoke. "Tang Shan, come here and taste this for me." Tang Shan? Was that his name? Why was it so foreign? He had no recollection of it at all. Tang Shan hesitated and found that the man did not make another sound after a long while. Full of uncertainty and confusion, he slowly proceeded towards him. The man's back was still turned as he took a little dish and scooped some soup for him. Tang Shan finally saw the man’s face. His features were etched deeply, looking even more delicate than those of a woman. Based on just those features, it was difficult to even tell his gender. Such a beautiful person sent a smile his way. Tang Shan was slightly dumb. "Come on, taste this for me." The man raised the dish, urging him on. Tang Shan came back to himself and was immediately embarra.s.sed. How could he get so distracted by this man's looks alone? He quickly took the dish, the soup still steaming. "Careful." The man sounded very gentle, arousing something vaguely familiar. A dumb Tang Shan drank the Borscht from the dish. "How is it?" The sweet-sour flavour of the soup spread in his mouth. He wanted to revel in this taste for a while longer before answering properly. "How's the taste?" The man asked urgently for the second time. Tang Shan answered honestly, "So-so. Something seems to be missing." "Should I add some salt?" Tang Shan shook his head. It was salty enoughbut lacked a certain flavour. He thought about it carefully. What could be missing? "Oh! Onion! You forgot the onion." "Right, I almost forgot about them! Thanks, darling!" The man seemed to realise what was wrong and hugged him emotionally. He left a kiss on Tang Shan's lips and released him before continuing to cook. The movements were all so smooth, so fast, so natural, that this seemed to be a regular occurrence. He glanced at the man working hard, complicated emotions welling inside him. For some time, he was in a daze, unable to say a word. "Tang Shan, help me set the table," the man spoke. Tang Shan consented. He had no idea where anything was located, but his hands opened the cupboards and found the tableware easily. His body remembered everything, and yet he had no memories at all. What was going on? He was holding a plate and suddenly zoned out. "What's wrong? Are you not feeling well?" Noticing the strange behaviour, the man enquired worriedly. Tang Shan shook his head and looked at the man, who was similarly gazing at him. Their eyes met. "Who are you? Who am I?" He asked, full of questions. "I am Li Yuanyu, the lover of you, Joseph Tang Shan. We're a couple. Did you lose your memory again, Tang Shan?" Li Yuanyu explained, eyes full of pity. He extended his hand attempting at touching Tang Shan's head. Tang Shan backed away unknowingly. "Do I lose my memory often?" "Yes." "We really are lovers?" "Yes. Lovers, till the end of time." "But you're a man." He furrowed his brows. "You're a man too." "That's the problem. I don't think I'm gay, and I don't think I would fall in love with a man." "Honestly speaking, I didn't think I was gay either, but you changed me, just as I changed you." "You're lying– " "Do I look like I'm lying?" He could not deny that Li Yuanyu looked earnest, but there were many liars who seemed sincere and told very convincing lies, luring innocents in. Tang Shan did not let down his guard so easily and believe whatever the man said. Li Yuanyu put the ladle down and got closer to Tang Shan. However, as Li Yuanyu approached him, he shrank back until he hit the fridge. "What are you doing?" Li Yuanyu did not speak and merely leant down, a hand around Tang Shan's waist. Taking advantage of Tang Shan's protests, he kissed Tang Shan and slid his tongue in. The provocative action, the actual kiss, and the wet, sloppy sounds wereso erotic they left him aroused. Just as Tang Shan felt as if all the air in his lungs had been sucked out and he was on the verge of suffocating, Li Yuanyu ended the sentimental kiss. He nibbled at Tang Shan's lips and cheeks, unwilling to let go so quickly. "I love you, Tang Shan." Li Yuanyu laid his head in the crook of Tang Shan's neck, speaking as if he were sighing. His breath was on Tang Shan's neck, causing his ear to feel itchy as it twitched. Seeing this, Li Yuanyu let him go. "What did you think about that kiss?" he asked. This was a random question for Tang Shan, but when he recalled it in detail,he immediately flushed red. "I don't have any special thoughts about it." "Did you hate it? Tell me honestly." Tang Shan shook his head. Li Yuanyu chuckled and continued cooking. His reaction left Tang Shan bewildered and uncertain. "Did that have anything to do with our initial conversation?" He asked even though he didn’t remember what they had been discussing. "Yes. You really felt that kiss, didn't you? That means you love me. That's good enough." Li Yuanyu answered good-naturedly, tone seemingly lighter. Tang Shan felt as if he had fallen into some trap and retorted, "That only means that you have an excellent kissing technique." Li Yuanyu began humming. After humming a section from one of Elvis Presley's songs, he found Tang Shan still standing on the same spot, eyes on him in confusion. His smile brightened as he reminded Tang Shan, "Um, do you want to take care of that by yourself in the bathroom? I want to help you, but—" Tang Shan looked down towards his crotch, alarmed to find there was a tent there. He awkwardly pulled at his shirt to hide it and fled to the bathroom， stumbling as he went. In response, Li Yuanyu laughed heartily. When Tang Shan appeared once more from the bathroom, he had taken a shower, face red as he stood at the entrance to the kitchen. Li Yuanyu was about to serve the foodwhen he noticed him. He then called out, "What are you standing there in a daze for? Come in!" It sounded so natural that Tang Shan, who had been standing there a little awkwardly, felt that he shouldn't be so bashful the way women were. He walked towards the dining table and took a seat opposite Li Yuanyu. "Let's eat." Li Yuanyu helped Tang Shan get a portion and beamed at him, watching him closely. Tang Shan had a few bites, but it was truly difficult to swallow with someone constantly staring at him. He put down his cutlery. "What's wrong? Does it taste bad?" Li Yuanyu was immediately concerned. "No, it’s fine. Thank you. You –Why aren’t you eating?" "Yes, I'll eat. I just got distracted while watching you eat." Goodness, how disgusting could this person get? Tang Shan suddenly looked to the side at an unoccupied seat. "What's wrong?" "Uh, nothing. I just—" wanted to catch a few more glimpses of the seat with n.o.body there. Tang Shan withdrew his gaze hesitantly, feeling that there should be someone else beside him speaking. However, he could not remember who it was. "Let's go take a walk after this meal. I don’t know what you still remember." Li Yuanyu appeared to be cordial, and Tang Shan nodded without protest. After eating, Li Yuanyu brought Tang Shan away from the villa, and while leaving, Tang Shan turned back to glance at the villa and an ill feeling appeared. "Tang Shan?" Li Yuanyu waited by the door. Tang Shan turned to leave. "What were you looking at?" "Nothing. Don't worry." Tang Shan shook his head, not revealing the feelings that he himself was unsure of. "Let's go." Li Yuanyu let him out first before closing the door. Where were they going? Tang Shan looked around, not feeling any sense of familiarity at all. This was basically a foreign place to him. He had lost his memory.Usually, a blank slate like him should be feeling terrified, but he felt none of that. Instead, he was like a child filled with curiosity and courage. "Where are we going? There?" Tang Shan excitedly pointed towards the heart of the town. "No, there's construction work going on. n.o.body is allowed there. Let's go that way." Li Yuanyu pointed in another direction. "My residence at the other side of town." "You have another residence?" "Yes. Both of us own it. What's mine is yours, and what's yours is mine." "Hahahahaha!" Tang Shan burst out in extremely abrupt laughter. "What are you laughing at?" "I'm laughing at your words. It's just too unreal. It's like something that's happening in another world, since I don't have the slightest recollection of this at all." "Are you afraid?" "Strangely enough, no. It might be because I don't remember anything, so I don't have any thoughts at all. There’s nothing to think about anyway. Well, since I'm a 'white' man. Haha, don't you find me hilarious?" "No." Li Yuanyu retorted. "Then you don't have any sense of humour." Tang Shan shrugged and headed in the direction that Li Yuanyu had pointed out, leaving behind Li Yuanyu, who had a smile on his face as always but seemed serious. Li Yuanyu caught up to him and spoke up for himself, "But I do." It was just that he could not bring himself to laugh at this topic. Tang Shan turned, noticing him looking vexed. He answered, "You sure know how to tell jokes." His teasing held within hints of revenge which was in return for the embarra.s.sment from earlier that made him hang his head in shame.Well, the guy down there had raised its head... Uh, that was not a good comparison. "You're not as blank as you think you are. At the very least, you know how to open and close doors, how to use cutlery, how to walk and how to speak," Li Yuanyu spoke again. He had not actually taken everything away from Tang Shan. He still felt remorse and didall he could to save Tang Shan. "Hm..." Tang Shan listened on, advancing forward. He merely said, "If you're trying to make a joke, I can only reward you five points out of pity. The total points you can get is a hundred, so I hope you work harder." Li Yuanyu forced a smile. They walked for quite a distance, returning to a wooden house at another end. While Li Yuanyu was taking a key and opening the door, Tang Shan sat on the floor andstared at the vegetable garden in the courtyard absentmindedly. It felt like n.o.body had been taking care of it, and some plants were growing all over the place, causing him to feel sorry for them. Afterwards, Li Yuanyu told him that he was the one who had planted the garden. Li Yuanyu opened the door and let him in. As he walked in, he took the sight in. The colour scheme of the interior decor was warm, and the air had a faint fragrance that he seemed to be familiar with. The journey had left Tang Shan slightly thirsty, and he said exactly that to Li Yuanyu, who then brought him to the kitchen. Li Yuanyu had him take a seat and turned to pour some water. Seeing Li Yuanyu's back while he was at work, Tang Shan felt there was something different from what he had seen at the villa. After pa.s.sing water to Tang Shan, Li Yuanyu stood at the dining table opposite him, looking as if he wanted to say something but stopping himself. "What's wrong?" "Tang Shan?" Li Yuan hesitated for a while before speaking, "Do you think we should live in the wooden house, or in the villa? Where do you want to stay?" "You're asking me?" He had already lost his memories. How would he know which was better? It didn't matter where they lived, because he was fine with anything!
But... "If you really want my answer, I prefer this place. It feels more homely." The villa had a dark, gloomy feeling to it. That might have to do with how large the house was, but he had no idea if that was the reason. Whatever it was, he didn't really like that place. Li Yuanyu smiled, apparently having made up his mind. Though his Tang Shan could no longer remember the past, he had chosen the place where they had made the most happy memories. Could this mean that he was still Tang Shan? Li Yuanyu's smile was filled with bitterness that could not be eased. Outside the window, it began to rain.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
ayszhang: Aaaaand we've arrived back at the beginning once more....and the cycle shall continue....
Thank you for being patient with us :) Dear Ying is heading to Scotland for uni soon, and in the meanwhile she is working at wuxiaworld, which is why she had so little time. This reminds me, I hope everyone knows we are not getting paid regularly, and ad money is close to zero, so please do not leave negative comments shaming the translators for being slow or unresponsive. We are volunteering essentially, doing this because we love Chinese BL. You can rush us, certainly, but at least do so politely.
As for the special announcement, I would like to let y'all know that there is a group of researchers at Peking University in China studying our blog and how we contribute to the development of Chinese internet literature. This is the fourth big exposure we will have following the three Global Times articles where I was interviewed (, and ). I also hope to share with you the graduate thesis that will be written on this site when it is completed (of course it is in Chinese....).
For my readers, I am finishing up with final exams (three more to go!) and will also be moving houses (just across the city), so it will be a hectic month for me. Then, May 13 I am flying to Quebec for a month and a half. I aim to start posting again in mid-May, but I will keep you updated :)
Happy Easter!
Epilogue
Easter surprise and special announcement
Chapter 10
"Come with me." The female police officer took over from Jake, clutching Tang Shan's arm the way she would that of a criminal.
Tang Shan was led away, unable to see the way through the sack, and had no idea of where he was heading. Once they arrived at a certain point, they stopped. This place seemed to be the heart of the plaza, and he could hear the piercing laughter from the ceramic dolls surrounding him from all directions. While waiting, the female patrol officer spoke up, asking in a low voice, "There's something I'm rather curious about. Do you still love Mr Li?" Tang Shan was perplexed. The female officer did not get her answer. The ceramic dolls' laughter stopped, and Tang Shan was pushed along by the officer and made to stand still when they reached a certain place. At this point, his hands had been bound.Hearing the sounds of struggle from around him, he occasionally pretended to protest and move. He was then led to sit on a chair, where his arms and legs were tied to it. The moment he was truly immobile, he was able to feel terror. It wasgoing to end. "Mmmmmnnnnmm—" A sharp scream from a female voice sounded from beside him, muted by the sack on her head. It was a dull sound coming from his left and probably belonged to the female soldier. Were they also covered by a sack like he was? That had to be the case, or else it would be much too obvious if he was the only one in this situation. He could feel his heart rate speeding up, but he was unable to tell if this was fear or the excitement of finally being able to end this all. Even breathing was becoming a difficult task. "Verdict." Li Yuanyu's voice was practically swallowed up by the violent winds around them. "You, who have damaged the infrastructure of the town, are guilty." A sharp, blazing heat emerged within his body and in his flesh, paining Tang Shan so much that he could only vigorously contort his body. This was an instinctual struggle. He wanted to shout, but no sound could be made despite his opening his mouth wide. "Guilty." Tang Shan could not feel his toes, the soles of his feet- he knew he was gradually disappearing. It was going to end. In this moment, he somehow thought of Li Yuanyu, remembering the great times they had had together. It was not of anyone else; not his family nor his fiancée,,Jenny, but Li Yuanyu. Li Yuanyu, who had embraced him, who had whispered humorous sweet nothings into his ear, who had not even gotten mad at him for teasing him about reading too many romance novels. He had drowned in Li Yuanyu's light kisses that held within boundless love. Li Yuanyu, who had taken him by the hand andexplored the area, the two of them looking for new routes in the town without a destination.They were close like friends as much as lovers. Li Yuanyu. Graceful, gentle Li Yuanyu. Do you still love Mr Li? Yes, he still loved Li Yuanyu, but it was impossible to stay by his side any longer. --- Something was off. Li Yuanyu stared at the soldier seated in the middle, instinctively sensing something fishy. That person had not made a sound at all, despite the excruciating pain that should have come from having moonlight shone on them. "Who is that?" Li Yuanyu questioned the female soldier who had led the person there, pointing towards the middle. The female officer was frozen, too afraid to even move. Her role in this was immediately exposed. d.a.m.n it! Li Yuanyu instantly realized andrushed towards the moonlight. He removed the cloak he had on, shielded Tang Shan with it, and undid the ropes. The chair could not be moved when under the moonlight, and the only way to escape was by untying the ropes. Li Yuanyu could not help but curse, similarly having to endure the burning from the moonlight on his body. "Mmmnnmmm—" Tang Shan struggled as he cried out mournfully. He did not want to be saved. "Shut up! d.a.m.n it!" Li Yuanyu loosened the ropes onTang Shan's hands and went on to release those on his legs. Tang Shan pushed against Li Yuanyu, but was unable to push him away. He was disappearing and had lost much of his strength. Even raising his hand was nearly impossible. With the ropes on the man’s legs gone, Li Yuanyu forcefully pushed him aside and pounced on him. He removed the sack over Tang Shan's head and slapped him multiple times. Tang Shan’s head began to spin and he fell to one side. He saw that the other soldiers who had been seated in the chairs had already turned to ashes, which meant that he had been that close– at this point, he could not help but begin to cry. Li Yuanyu watched him cry and gradually calmed down. Hegot off of Tang Shan, grabbedhim by the hair anddragged him away. Tang Shan cried while he tried to strike at the hand that was holding him, attempting to scratch Li Yuanyu but to no avail. He was dragged all the way back to Li Yuanyu's villa. "Li Yuanyu!" Jake caught up to them and tried to persuade him, "Let him go! You know that will be the best for everyone!" "For who? You? Me? Him?" "For the whole town!" Jake was resolute. Heavens knew the amount of courage he needed to stand before Li Yuanyu and go against him, but- "Stand down, Jake. This is a family matter. Don't interfere." "No! Tang Shan- Tang Shan is my friend!" "Jake, don't push me." Li Yuanyu threatened coldly. Jake suddenly roared and charged towards Li Yuanyu, trying to force Li Yuanyu away. However, Li Yuanyu merely raised his hand and pushed Jake towards the side, and as if struck by an immense force, Jake crashed into a fire hydrant that actually cracked on impact, causing water to spout. "Jake!" Tang Shan cried out, wanting to see how Jake was doing but unable to move. "He’ll live. I'll take care of him once I'm done with you. Let's go." Li Yuanyu continued forward with Tang Shan in tow.
No, no, no, no! Tang Shan struggled violently, unable to shift his gaze from the unconscious Jake. He held onto the red brickpavement tightly, not allowing Li Yuanyu to drag him away. With his other hand, he grabbed Li Yuanyu's hand as he tried to get Li Yuanyu to loosen the grip on his hair. Li Yuanyu finally let go, but just when Tang Shan made a bid to crawl towards Jake, his hands were stepped on. "Ugh!" "Where are you going?" Li Yuanyu grabbed hold of him once more. "Don't touch me!" He struggled, terrified beyond measure, waving his arms around to prevent Li Yuanyu from coming closer. All of a sudden, a sharp pain ran through his body, and everything went black. Tang Shan lost consciousness. --- Within the darkness, he could feel swaying ripples of water surrounding him. He should be safe, but air gradually disappeared, suffocating him. Suffocating— Tang Shan jerked awake and realised he was now forced underwater in a pond, a situation similar to one he had experienced before. Tang Shan struggled hard, flapping his arms and beating at the water, using all his strength to grasp at Li Yuanyu's hand. Li Yuanyu was in tears, looking terribly pitiful. "Tang Shan, my love, it doesn't hurt at all. You'll forget everything. The good and the bad will all disappear." Li Yuanyu's words were m.u.f.fled. He repeatedly pushed down Tang Shan's face that wanted to emerge from the water, time after time like a curse. Tang Shan finally lost the energy to struggle and gradually loosened his hold. Suffocation. Li Yuanyu carried powerless, limp Tang Shan in his arms. Despite the knowledge that the man could not hear anything, Li Yuanyu constantly repeated– TangShan, I love you. I'm sorry. He killed his lover, and then created another Tang Shan that loved him. This way, Tang Shan would completely belong to him. However, he also realised that this would no longer be the Tang Shan he had loved. What should he do? What should he do? What should he do to regain Tang Shan's love for him? Li Yuanyu cried pitifully, heart-wrenchingly. Meanwhile, time ticked by, never turning back. --- He seemed to have slept for a long time, as if a whole lifetime had pa.s.sed. He sat up, joints throbbing all over. Groaning, he sat up and looked around, unsure of his surroundings. He tried to recall something, but his mind was blank. Who was he? Why was he here? Where was this place? Besides the bed, there was nothing at all in the room, which did not help matters at all. He opened the door and walked out of the room. The aroma of Broschtwas in the air. Following the smell, he went downstairs and found the kitchen. In there was a black-haired man with pale skin, thin and slender, who had his back to him, busy at work. For some reason, his emotions fluctuated at the sight of the man, and he could not tell what exactly this feeling was. The man noticed him and gave him a look before turning back to his work. Not long after, he spoke. "Tang Shan, come here and taste this for me." Tang Shan? Was that his name? Why was it so foreign? He had no recollection of it at all. Tang Shan hesitated and found that the man did not make another sound after a long while. Full of uncertainty and confusion, he slowly proceeded towards him. The man's back was still turned as he took a little dish and scooped some soup for him. Tang Shan finally saw the man’s face. His features were etched deeply, looking even more delicate than those of a woman. Based on just those features, it was difficult to even tell his gender. Such a beautiful person sent a smile his way. Tang Shan was slightly dumb. "Come on, taste this for me." The man raised the dish, urging him on. Tang Shan came back to himself and was immediately embarra.s.sed. How could he get so distracted by this man's looks alone? He quickly took the dish, the soup still steaming. "Careful." The man sounded very gentle, arousing something vaguely familiar. A dumb Tang Shan drank the Borscht from the dish. "How is it?" The sweet-sour flavour of the soup spread in his mouth. He wanted to revel in this taste for a while longer before answering properly. "How's the taste?" The man asked urgently for the second time. Tang Shan answered honestly, "So-so. Something seems to be missing." "Should I add some salt?" Tang Shan shook his head. It was salty enoughbut lacked a certain flavour. He thought about it carefully. What could be missing? "Oh! Onion! You forgot the onion." "Right, I almost forgot about them! Thanks, darling!" The man seemed to realise what was wrong and hugged him emotionally. He left a kiss on Tang Shan's lips and released him before continuing to cook. The movements were all so smooth, so fast, so natural, that this seemed to be a regular occurrence. He glanced at the man working hard, complicated emotions welling inside him. For some time, he was in a daze, unable to say a word. "Tang Shan, help me set the table," the man spoke. Tang Shan consented. He had no idea where anything was located, but his hands opened the cupboards and found the tableware easily. His body remembered everything, and yet he had no memories at all. What was going on? He was holding a plate and suddenly zoned out. "What's wrong? Are you not feeling well?" Noticing the strange behaviour, the man enquired worriedly. Tang Shan shook his head and looked at the man, who was similarly gazing at him. Their eyes met. "Who are you? Who am I?" He asked, full of questions. "I am Li Yuanyu, the lover of you, Joseph Tang Shan. We're a couple. Did you lose your memory again, Tang Shan?" Li Yuanyu explained, eyes full of pity. He extended his hand attempting at touching Tang Shan's head. Tang Shan backed away unknowingly. "Do I lose my memory often?" "Yes." "We really are lovers?" "Yes. Lovers, till the end of time." "But you're a man." He furrowed his brows. "You're a man too." "That's the problem. I don't think I'm gay, and I don't think I would fall in love with a man." "Honestly speaking, I didn't think I was gay either, but you changed me, just as I changed you." "You're lying– " "Do I look like I'm lying?" He could not deny that Li Yuanyu looked earnest, but there were many liars who seemed sincere and told very convincing lies, luring innocents in. Tang Shan did not let down his guard so easily and believe whatever the man said. Li Yuanyu put the ladle down and got closer to Tang Shan. However, as Li Yuanyu approached him, he shrank back until he hit the fridge. "What are you doing?" Li Yuanyu did not speak and merely leant down, a hand around Tang Shan's waist. Taking advantage of Tang Shan's protests, he kissed Tang Shan and slid his tongue in. The provocative action, the actual kiss, and the wet, sloppy sounds wereso erotic they left him aroused. Just as Tang Shan felt as if all the air in his lungs had been sucked out and he was on the verge of suffocating, Li Yuanyu ended the sentimental kiss. He nibbled at Tang Shan's lips and cheeks, unwilling to let go so quickly. "I love you, Tang Shan." Li Yuanyu laid his head in the crook of Tang Shan's neck, speaking as if he were sighing. His breath was on Tang Shan's neck, causing his ear to feel itchy as it twitched. Seeing this, Li Yuanyu let him go. "What did you think about that kiss?" he asked. This was a random question for Tang Shan, but when he recalled it in detail,he immediately flushed red. "I don't have any special thoughts about it." "Did you hate it? Tell me honestly." Tang Shan shook his head. Li Yuanyu chuckled and continued cooking. His reaction left Tang Shan bewildered and uncertain. "Did that have anything to do with our initial conversation?" He asked even though he didn’t remember what they had been discussing. "Yes. You really felt that kiss, didn't you? That means you love me. That's good enough." Li Yuanyu answered good-naturedly, tone seemingly lighter. Tang Shan felt as if he had fallen into some trap and retorted, "That only means that you have an excellent kissing technique." Li Yuanyu began humming. After humming a section from one of Elvis Presley's songs, he found Tang Shan still standing on the same spot, eyes on him in confusion. His smile brightened as he reminded Tang Shan, "Um, do you want to take care of that by yourself in the bathroom? I want to help you, but—" Tang Shan looked down towards his crotch, alarmed to find there was a tent there. He awkwardly pulled at his shirt to hide it and fled to the bathroom， stumbling as he went. In response, Li Yuanyu laughed heartily. When Tang Shan appeared once more from the bathroom, he had taken a shower, face red as he stood at the entrance to the kitchen. Li Yuanyu was about to serve the foodwhen he noticed him. He then called out, "What are you standing there in a daze for? Come in!" It sounded so natural that Tang Shan, who had been standing there a little awkwardly, felt that he shouldn't be so bashful the way women were. He walked towards the dining table and took a seat opposite Li Yuanyu. "Let's eat." Li Yuanyu helped Tang Shan get a portion and beamed at him, watching him closely. Tang Shan had a few bites, but it was truly difficult to swallow with someone constantly staring at him. He put down his cutlery. "What's wrong? Does it taste bad?" Li Yuanyu was immediately concerned. "No, it’s fine. Thank you. You –Why aren’t you eating?" "Yes, I'll eat. I just got distracted while watching you eat." Goodness, how disgusting could this person get? Tang Shan suddenly looked to the side at an unoccupied seat. "What's wrong?" "Uh, nothing. I just—" wanted to catch a few more glimpses of the seat with n.o.body there. Tang Shan withdrew his gaze hesitantly, feeling that there should be someone else beside him speaking. However, he could not remember who it was. "Let's go take a walk after this meal. I don’t know what you still remember." Li Yuanyu appeared to be cordial, and Tang Shan nodded without protest. After eating, Li Yuanyu brought Tang Shan away from the villa, and while leaving, Tang Shan turned back to glance at the villa and an ill feeling appeared. "Tang Shan?" Li Yuanyu waited by the door. Tang Shan turned to leave. "What were you looking at?" "Nothing. Don't worry." Tang Shan shook his head, not revealing the feelings that he himself was unsure of. "Let's go." Li Yuanyu let him out first before closing the door. Where were they going? Tang Shan looked around, not feeling any sense of familiarity at all. This was basically a foreign place to him. He had lost his memory.Usually, a blank slate like him should be feeling terrified, but he felt none of that. Instead, he was like a child filled with curiosity and courage. "Where are we going? There?" Tang Shan excitedly pointed towards the heart of the town. "No, there's construction work going on. n.o.body is allowed there. Let's go that way." Li Yuanyu pointed in another direction. "My residence at the other side of town." "You have another residence?" "Yes. Both of us own it. What's mine is yours, and what's yours is mine." "Hahahahaha!" Tang Shan burst out in extremely abrupt laughter. "What are you laughing at?" "I'm laughing at your words. It's just too unreal. It's like something that's happening in another world, since I don't have the slightest recollection of this at all." "Are you afraid?" "Strangely enough, no. It might be because I don't remember anything, so I don't have any thoughts at all. There’s nothing to think about anyway. Well, since I'm a 'white' man. Haha, don't you find me hilarious?" "No." Li Yuanyu retorted. "Then you don't have any sense of humour." Tang Shan shrugged and headed in the direction that Li Yuanyu had pointed out, leaving behind Li Yuanyu, who had a smile on his face as always but seemed serious. Li Yuanyu caught up to him and spoke up for himself, "But I do." It was just that he could not bring himself to laugh at this topic. Tang Shan turned, noticing him looking vexed. He answered, "You sure know how to tell jokes." His teasing held within hints of revenge which was in return for the embarra.s.sment from earlier that made him hang his head in shame.Well, the guy down there had raised its head... Uh, that was not a good comparison. "You're not as blank as you think you are. At the very least, you know how to open and close doors, how to use cutlery, how to walk and how to speak," Li Yuanyu spoke again. He had not actually taken everything away from Tang Shan. He still felt remorse and didall he could to save Tang Shan. "Hm..." Tang Shan listened on, advancing forward. He merely said, "If you're trying to make a joke, I can only reward you five points out of pity. The total points you can get is a hundred, so I hope you work harder." Li Yuanyu forced a smile. They walked for quite a distance, returning to a wooden house at another end. While Li Yuanyu was taking a key and opening the door, Tang Shan sat on the floor andstared at the vegetable garden in the courtyard absentmindedly. It felt like n.o.body had been taking care of it, and some plants were growing all over the place, causing him to feel sorry for them. Afterwards, Li Yuanyu told him that he was the one who had planted the garden. Li Yuanyu opened the door and let him in. As he walked in, he took the sight in. The colour scheme of the interior decor was warm, and the air had a faint fragrance that he seemed to be familiar with. The journey had left Tang Shan slightly thirsty, and he said exactly that to Li Yuanyu, who then brought him to the kitchen. Li Yuanyu had him take a seat and turned to pour some water. Seeing Li Yuanyu's back while he was at work, Tang Shan felt there was something different from what he had seen at the villa. After pa.s.sing water to Tang Shan, Li Yuanyu stood at the dining table opposite him, looking as if he wanted to say something but stopping himself. "What's wrong?" "Tang Shan?" Li Yuan hesitated for a while before speaking, "Do you think we should live in the wooden house, or in the villa? Where do you want to stay?" "You're asking me?" He had already lost his memories. How would he know which was better? It didn't matter where they lived, because he was fine with anything!
But... "If you really want my answer, I prefer this place. It feels more homely." The villa had a dark, gloomy feeling to it. That might have to do with how large the house was, but he had no idea if that was the reason. Whatever it was, he didn't really like that place. Li Yuanyu smiled, apparently having made up his mind. Though his Tang Shan could no longer remember the past, he had chosen the place where they had made the most happy memories. Could this mean that he was still Tang Shan? Li Yuanyu's smile was filled with bitterness that could not be eased. Outside the window, it began to rain.
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ayszhang: Aaaaand we've arrived back at the beginning once more....and the cycle shall continue....
Thank you for being patient with us :) Dear Ying is heading to Scotland for uni soon, and in the meanwhile she is working at wuxiaworld, which is why she had so little time. This reminds me, I hope everyone knows we are not getting paid regularly, and ad money is close to zero, so please do not leave negative comments shaming the translators for being slow or unresponsive. We are volunteering essentially, doing this because we love Chinese BL. You can rush us, certainly, but at least do so politely.
As for the special announcement, I would like to let y'all know that there is a group of researchers at Peking University in China studying our blog and how we contribute to the development of Chinese internet literature. This is the fourth big exposure we will have following the three Global Times articles where I was interviewed (, and ). I also hope to share with you the graduate thesis that will be written on this site when it is completed (of course it is in Chinese....).
For my readers, I am finishing up with final exams (three more to go!) and will also be moving houses (just across the city), so it will be a hectic month for me. Then, May 13 I am flying to Quebec for a month and a half. I aim to start posting again in mid-May, but I will keep you updated :)
Happy Easter!
Epilogue
