Circle Of Three: Making The Saint Part 17

Kate laughed. I thought you might like that.

I must say, your att.i.tude seems to have changed since we last saw one another, said Dr. Hagen.

Youre much more"

Confident? Kate suggested.

Yes, the doctor said, nodding her head. Much more confident. Why the change?

Lets just say I had a talk with a friend, she answered.

The doctor looked at her curiously but didnt ask anything more about the subject. Kate thought about the necklace of green and black beads beneath her shirt and leaned back in her chair, content.

Do you want to talk some more about your suspicions of a romantic relationship between Tyler and Annie? Dr. Hagen asked.

If you do, Kate said.

The doctor tapped her pencil on her notebook. You and Annie are very close, she said. And bonds between friends, especially girlfriends, can often be much more intense even than the bonds between romantic partners. You and Annie have also been through a lot together in terms of your involvement in Wicca. If what you suspect is true, how do you think that will affect your relationship with her?

I wont be able to trust her, Kate said quickly. How could I?

Do you think you could remain friends with her?

I really dont know, Kate said. It would be really, really hard. When you work with people doing magic, you have to be able to trust them. If I couldnt trust her, what would be the point?

So your involvement in Wicca would be changed as well? asked Dr. Hagen.

I wouldnt stop studying it because of this, Kate said. But I would probably have to stop practicing it with Annie. Or with Tyler, for that matter. How could I ever be in a coven with him, knowing what he did?

These are all enormous questions, the therapist told her. Theyll probably take some time to work through and figure out.

Oh, good, Kate said brightly. That means you and I will be spending even more time together.

Dr. Hagen put down her pad and pencil and folded her hands. Im pleased that youre so looking forward to it, she said. Has anyone ever told you that sarcasm is often a cover for deep-seated anger?

No, Kate replied. Never.

Later that day, while her brother was out with some friends, her aunt was taking a nap, and her parents were busy with their own pursuits, Kate went downtown to Crones Circle. After peering in the window to make sure that Tyler"or anyone else she didnt particularly want to see"wasnt there, she went inside. She was happy to see that Archer was working the counter. When Archer saw her come in she smiled broadly. Hey there. What brings you in, and where are your cohorts?

Im solo today, Kate replied. I came in looking for something to go with my a.s.signment for cla.s.s.

A book? asked Archer.

Kate shook her head. Music, she said. Im studying Santeria, and last weekend I went to this ritual over at Botanica Yemaya. They played drums, and I really liked them. I was wondering if there were any recordings of that kind of stuff.

Archer came out from behind the counter. Lets check the CDs, she said. I know we have a lot of drum music, but I dont know if any of it is specifically Santerian.

Kate followed Archer to the CD racks, and they began looking. Archer was right"there were a lot of drumming CDs. But most of them were either Native American or a blend of New Age cultures. Then, just as she was about give up, Kate saw something. She picked up the CD and looked at it. Hearts of the Saints, she read. The cover showed several large African-type drums with what looked like spirits coming out of them.

Kate turned the CD over. This magical recording captures the essence of a traditional Santerian tambor , or gathering, she read out loud.

Kate looked at Archer. This is exactly what I was looking for, she said. Thanks.

So youre having a good time with this a.s.signment, then? Archer asked as they walked back to the counter so that Kate could pay.

I am, Kate said. Its really interesting. A lot of it is like Wicca, but a lot of it isnt. Its cool seeing how other people do things.

When I did my year and a day and had to do this a.s.signment I picked Sufi mysticism, Archer said. At first I wasnt sure about it, but the more I read and the more I met people who were into it, the more I fell in love with it. I still am.

But you stayed with Wicca, Kate said.

Yes, said Archer. When it comes down to it, Im at home in the Craft. I appreciate bits and pieces of many different paths, but they arent my paths. Witchcraft is. One of my big breakthroughs during that year was realizing that it was okay to take pieces from other traditions and use them if they work for you.

You just have to do it with respect for the tradition, otherwise its just kind of stealing.

I never thought of it like that, said Kate, taking her change and her bag from Archer.

Have fun with the CD, Archer told her. Well see you on Tuesday, right?

Oh, I wouldnt miss it for anything, replied Kate. Bye.

She left the store and walked back to the bus stop. As she walked she thought about what Archer had just said about borrowing from different traditions. She was definitely borrowing from Santeria. But it wasnt like shed done it on purpose. After all, Oggun had chosen her as his child, right? She hadnt chosen him. So why shouldnt she take advantage of that?

Theres no reason you shouldnt, she told herself as she stood waiting for her bus home.

When she arrived at her house a little while later, everyone was putting on their coats.

There you are, her mother said. Were all going to go to a movie. Do you want to come?

Kate thought for a moment. What are you going to see?

The new Meg Ryan, Aunt Netty said.

Oh, Kate said, feigning disappointment. I saw that with Annie and Cooper last week. But you guys go. Its really good. And Im kind of wiped out anyway. Im going to take a nap.

Are you sure? asked her mother. We can always see a different movie.

No, Kate said. You go. Well do something tonight when you get back.

Well bring home pizza, Mr. Morgan said. How does that sound?

Perfect, said Kate.

Okay, honey, her mother said. Well see you later.

Kate waited for them all to leave. Then, when she saw the car pulling out of the driveway and she was sure they were gone, she went upstairs to her room and shut the door. Kyle hadnt gone with them, and she wasnt sure when he might get back from spending the day with his buddies. She didnt want to have what she was planning to do get interrupted.

She took the CD out of the bag and ripped the cellophane wrapping from it. Putting it in her CD player, she punched in track eight and hit Play. The room was filled with the sound of drums. They started out slow and steady, the beat regular and heavy. It sounded like something"or someone"was walking very heavily. Each slap of the drum was like a foot hitting the floor. Almost instantly Kate pictured Oggun as a large, heavy man stamping his feet. The image made her smile, and she laughed.

As the music played she readied the room. First she got out some candles, which she placed on her dresser, her desk, and anywhere there was a flat surface free of papers and anything else that might catch fire. She lit them and then turned off the electric lights so that the room was filled only with candlelight.

Then she went to her closet and pulled out a dress. It was sort of like the ones shed seen many of the women wearing at the ritual at Botanica Yemaya, although it was red instead of white. Shed bought it for a garden party the year before and hadnt worn it since. Now she stripped off her clothes and pulled the dress over her head. She turned around, feeling it move around her body. This is perfect, she told herself.

She walked to her desk and took out the bundle that shed hidden there. Opening it, she removed one of the cigars and the little bottle of rum. She opened the rum and poured it into a small gla.s.s shed taken from the kitchen. This she set in front of one of the candles on her desk, placing the cigar alongside it.

She didnt have any image of Oggun, but since he was the orisha of steel she had bought a small knife at the hardware store. This she placed with the other objects on the makeshift altar.

Then she went and stood in the middle of her room, surrounded by the candles and listening to the drums. The song had gotten faster, and the beats more complicated. There were at least three different drums playing at once, each pounding out a different rhythm. It was like they were talking to one another, calling out and responding with their voices like children playing in a field.

Kate closed her eyes and swayed gently. The dress swished around her legs as she moved in time to the music. She didnt really know what she was doing. She just knew that she wanted to feel the music of Oggun. She wanted to feel what the people at the ritual had felt. She wanted to feel power.

She emptied her mind and let the music fill it, allowing the rhythms to take over. Then, slowly, she moved her body in time with what she heard. She lifted her foot and put it down again as one of the drums let out a sharp snap. Then she raised the other foot and did the same thing again, although this time she bent forward at the waist, letting her head hang down.

At first she felt ridiculous. You have no idea what to do, she chided herself. But shed done enough rituals, and been in enough unfamiliar situations, that she knew the best approach was to just let go and see what happened. So thats what she did. She allowed her hands, feet, and head to move with the drums. She lifted her arms and twisted. She grabbed her dress and moved it around her legs. She became the person the music was calling to.

Shed put the CD track on repeat, and soon it began again. This time Kate knew what she was going to hear and remembered some of it. She was able to dance more smoothly and freely, and soon she was stamping her feet, waving her hands, and moving around the room with the drums pulling her and pushing her, first one way and then another. But she didnt feel like she was being controlled by them. She felt like she was part of their song, and that felt wonderful.

At the point where the drums were the loudest and most furious, Kate put out her hands and began to spin. She twirled around and around, never stumbling. She felt like a toy that someone was spinning faster and faster. She was somehow connected to the sky by an invisible string that held her up and prevented her from falling. She felt light and free and happy.

The green and black beaded necklace slipped out of the front of her dress as she spun. It twirled with her, and she held on to it, feeling the small beads beneath her fingers. She was dancing for Oggun, and she knew that he was happy about it. She could feel his presence in the room, called by the drums and by her dancing.

Gradually she stopped spinning and went to her desk, where the offerings of rum and tobacco sat by the steel blade of the knife. Papa Oggun, Kate said. Please help me. She hadnt planned this part of the ritual. Shed only intended to dance. But now she was overcome by the energy shed raised, and she had an idea.

Oggun, she said. I need your help. She paused, uncertain of how to proceed. Vague thoughts had formed in her head as shed danced, and now they were becoming clearer. She knew what she wanted.

She just wasnt sure how to ask for it.

I want the truth about Tyler and Annie to come out, she said. I want to know what theyre doing.

Help me find out. She paused a moment, uncertain of whether or not to continue. There was something else that had been on her mind, something else she wanted to ask. But she wasnt sure it was something she should do.

She started to turn away from the little altar on her desk without saying anything else. Shed asked for enough. But then she stopped and turned back. Maybe she should do it, she thought. After all, fair was fair, and magic was all about balance.

She looked at the cigar and the rum. She pictured Papa Oggun smoking the cigar, blowing smoke rings *

out of his mouth before taking a drink. She pictured him smiling at her. Ask me, child, she heard him say in her mind.

She took a breath. The drums pounded in her head. If they are cheating on me, she said. Then I want them to be punished for it.

CHAPTER 16.

I think its important that we all talk about this.

Cooper looked at her father. She was sitting on the couch, pressed as tightly as she could get against the arm farthest away from her mother, who was at the other end holding a gla.s.s of water and looking very worn out. Mr. Rivers was sitting in one of the armchairs across from them, nervously tapping his hands on his knees as he looked at his wife and daughter.

I know this is stressful on all of us, said Mr. Rivers. Its not an easy time, and its not going to get easier for a while. But if we can talk about whats happening, then I think well be doing ourselves a lot of good.

Neither Cooper nor her mother said anything in response. Coopers throat was dry, and what she wanted most was a drink of water like her mother had. But she didnt want to get up to get it, and she didnt want to ask her mother for a sip of hers. So she sat there, a dry tickle in the back of her throat, and wished she was dead instead.

Im going to come this weekend and take some things out of the house, Mr. Rivers continued. Your mother and I think it would be better if she isnt here when that happens, so shes going to spend the day elsewhere. Cooper, youre free to stay or go"whatever you think is best.

Cooper shrugged. Why would I go? she asked. Its your stuff.

Her father nodded. We just thought maybe you would be uncomfortable, he said.

Cooper sighed. Im not six, she said. Im sixteen. I know what a divorce is. I know you guys dont hate each other. I know this has nothing to do with me. Ive seen the after-school specials. Ive read Judy Blume. I get it.

You seem very angry about it for someone who gets it, remarked her mother.

Im angry because it really sucks that this is happening, Cooper said. Im not going to pretend that Im not. But Im not mad at you guys or at myself or anything like that. I think youre the ones who are having the problem with it.

Her father and mother exchanged glances but didnt say anything. Cooper rearranged herself, drawing her leg up under her and holding one of the couch pillows to her chest.

Look, she said. I appreciate you trying to make this easy on me. I really do. But its not helping. Dad, I know you have to take your stuff out of here. Mom, I know its going to be hard living with just the two of us in the house. But thats whats going to happen, and Ill deal with it. Well all deal with it.

She stopped talking. She hoped she hadnt made her parents angry by lecturing them in that way, but she couldnt stand sitting there listening to her father sound like he was leading some kind of encounter group for even another second.

Well, her father said. I guess thats really what it all comes down to, isnt it? Well deal with it.

Cooper had never heard her father sound so sad. She wondered just how tough the separation and impending divorce were on her parents. Even though they clearly wanted to end their marriage, she imagined that they must be stressed out by everything that would have to be done.

We just want you to know that were here for you if you need us, Mr. Rivers said quietly. Both of us.

Cooper glanced at her mother when she heard her father say that. She knew what he was getting at.

Mrs. Rivers was more like her daughter than either of them liked to admit. They both found it difficult to talk about their feelings. This was made even more difficult by the fact that they disagreed on so many topics, including Coopers involvement in Wicca. Living alone with her mother was not going to be easy.

Cooper knew that.

Yes, Mrs. Rivers said after a moment. Thats right.

Thanks, said Cooper. Can I go now? I have someplace else Id rather be.