Christmas Entertainments Part 25

_Greening_: I am sure of it! See how he holds himself! How easily he talks with the Princess! I believe he is some prince who has made his way into the castle in disguise--

_Sweeting_: Yes, look! His sword peeps out beneath his rags! When did a scullion ever wear a sword? Oh, what are we to do?

_Greening_: I told you I had an idea. (_To dresser_.) He is to watch the pie to-night! We'll take the pepper-pot!

_Sweeting_: But they'll see us!

_Greening_: Not if you stand before me!

(_Sweeting stands before Greening, holding out her dress while Greening reaches down pepper-pot from dresser_.)

_Greening_: Now when the Brownies come, he'll find his sword will be of little use! See, let us make the Princess come, or she will talk all night!

_Sweeting_: Your Highness--

_Greening_: Your Highness!

_Sweeting_: If Your Highness is quite finished, I pray that Your Highness will not tarry longer in this odious kitchen! The heat is overpowering!

_Greening_: And I could never stand the smell of raw pastry!

_Sweeting_: So if Your Highness has quite finished--

_Princess (regretfully)_: Oh, dear, I suppose I must go then! And you will guard the pie to-night! You are sure you are not afraid!

_Prince_: Afraid! Of course not! If the Brownies come I have the pepper-pot!

_Greening (vindictively, aside, and holding the pepper-pot)_: Have you. (_To Princess_) Princess, I faint for want of sleep!

_Sweeting_: And I expire! (_Yawning_) I droop--I yawn!

_Princess_: Yes, I see you do! As you're so sleepy, I must consider you and go to bed (_sighing_). But oh, I shall be glad when morning comes (_to Prince_), and I am sure you're safe again!

(_Graceful march again played. The Princess goes out, followed by ladies; she turns at door, and looks at Prince and sighs, then exit followed by Greening and Sweeting. The Prince stands gazing after her_.)

_Head Cook_: Come, come, come, young man; 'tis time the lights were out and other folk in bed besides Her Highness! And if, instead of staring after her, you'd lend a hand and set the kitchen straight, it would be more seemly.

(_Cook, Kitchenmaid and Cooklet bustle about, putting cooking things away from table, leaving only pie_.)

_Prince (dreamily)_: Eh? Did you speak?

_Head Cook_: Shall I tell you what it is? Your head is turned right around! When royalty speaks to me, do I swell out? No! I know my place! I take no notice! But you--you are nosing but a crawling--snail!

_Prince_: Why, sir, I've been engaged to guard the Christmas pie, and not to listen to your rating, so the sooner you are off to bed the better am I pleased!

(_Lights candles and hands them to Cooklet and Kitchenmaid_.)

_Head Cook (furious, spluttering with rage_): Vat--vat--vat--how dare you?

_Kitchenmaid_: O dear, good, kind young man, how can we leave you?

(_Both tearfully fall on knees_.)

_Cooklet_: Oh, pray, dear, good young man, be careful.

_Kitchen_: Yes, dashing, bold young man--don't--don't be careless!

(_Both howl loudly_).

_Head Cook_: Hussies! Arise! You concern yourselves much too much for zis young man! I cannot sink why so much notice should be taken of a scullion! Yes! (_To Prince_.) 'Twere better fit I should have told your tale unto Her Highness; and if she questioned you, it was for you to bow and say, "My gr-r-racious master, ze Head Cook, vill spik for me!" In future--please--r-r-remember! (_Exit, with dignity, followed by Kitchenmaid and Cooklet. The Brownies cackle with laughter outside.

The stage is now dark, lit only by firelight_.)

_Prince_: And so my lady sleeps above, and I am in the kitchen, her humblest scullion! Well, at least I have the chance to serve her now, and guard the dainty pie her dainty fingers touched! _(Brownies cackle outside_.) What's that? The rats, perhaps, that scutter in the wainscot. Still, if the Brownies come, I'd best have the pepper-pot.

_If they come_--there's little fear of that! I've never seen a Brownie, and what I've never seen, I own, I've little faith in.

(_Yawning, sitting in armchair_.) Well, as I'm to stay all night here, I might as well make myself at ease! (_Yawning again_.) Oh, dear; I'm very sleepy. (_Stretches himself_.)

SONG.

(Air: "Little Dolly Daydream.")

_Prince_: Now every one has gone to rest, To guard the pie I'll do my best; But all are sleeping, No one's peeping; To take a little nap myself were best.

And if by chance the Brownies come, The pepper-pot will drive them home.

For if I should be sleeping, I'm sure to hear them creeping, And then I can wake up before they come.

Little sleeping Princess now I'll dream of thee!

So sweet you be, And soon you'll see That I love you, darling, tenderly.

Little sleeping Princess, dream of me!

(_Prince sleeps in armchair. Soft music outside. Enter Brownies, mysteriously, to the air: "Whist! whist! whist_!")

_Brownies (pianissimo)_: Whist! whist! whist!

Here comes the Brownie man!

To catch the rascal sleeping Is now our little plan.

We'll tie the nasty scullion fast And pinch him till he's sore.

The Christmas pie is ours at last; The waiting time is o'er.

_Frip (softly)_: As we are so full of fun, Ere the feasting is begun, For a pleasant little game We will make him blind and lame.

_Snip_: Pull his hair and poke his eyes-- Anything we can devise.

_Tip_: Kick him till he's black and blue.

_Pip_: Run with pins his fingers through.

_Frip_: And, because he's dared to scoff, We will pull his toe-nails off!!!

(_They surround Prince. He wakes_.)

_Prince_: Why, what's this? (_Rising_) The Brownies! Where's the pepper-pot! (_To dresser_) Gone! (_Brownies cackle_.)

_Frip_: Now you cannot sprinkle us.