Chinese Almanac Master Chapter 2

The old Huangli hanging on the wall had spoken unexpectedly. If an ordinary person heard this, they would probably be instantly shocked into fainting. But Xiao Nanzhu was not scared of these supernatural things since he was young, although he was startled, he didn’t react too dramatically.

He stepped back unknowingly, confirming that it was really the carp boy on the calendar who had just spoken to him, he opened his mouth in disbelief.

“Ah, so calendars now have voice calling function…”

“…”

(source:net. You mean this thing right here? Xiao Nanzhu? This is called the smartphone)

Xiaonian on the calendar was there silently fuming, when Xiao Nanzhu said so, he immediately puffed his cheeks up angrily. He thought that he could sleep the year off the same way as he did in previous years, with nothing he needs to do. 

Who would have thought it would be ruined by this guy called Xiao Nanzhu just before 12 midnight. These calendar G.o.ds are all delicate since they work only one day in a year with an extremely low working intensity, the few of them near the year-end are especially so. This is represented by Xiaonian who is in charge Xiaonian Night.

Isn’t Spring Festival supposed to be all about red envelopes, reunion dinners, warm bedding. Why can Laba① and Lichun② who were in charge just a few days ago laze through so simply, and I became the unlucky one when it came to my turn…

Thinking of this, his chubby little face, which should be joyous being a calendar G.o.d a.s.sociated with Spring Festival, wrinkled up. Xiaonian really wants to let his precious red carp in his arms to splash this guy a full face of pond water again.

But looking at how tall Xiao Nanzhu is, he dared not be naughty on a whim. At the same time, the tipsy Xiao Nanzhu, who still hasn’t figured out what was the situation, was half sober at this point in time. He wanted to raise his hand and touch the old Huangli left by his old lady to find out what is the problem with it, but in the next second, the vividly painted chubby boy hugging a big red carp climbed down the calendar with his bare b.u.t.tocks.

(source: on the picture, Xiaonian wears like that, I couldn’t find a better one with carp though)

“Hey hey! If you have anything just say it! Don’t dawdle around! I only have 20 minutes, so what? You’re asking for the fortune, do-s, don’t-s, zodiacs or dream interpretation?…”

The little chubby kid who looks like a Jintong③ started to talk to Xiao Nanzhu as soon as he landed. This scene of him wearing a red Dudou④ and hugging red carp has a strange joyful cuteness in it. However, the one who happened to witness the old Huangli speaking, and now a painting coming alive right before his very eyes, Xiao Nanzhu has chills down his spine right now. The carp boy seemed to be used to humans looking silly the first time they saw him. He stroked his chin and muttered softly.

“Oh well, I can’t just be summoned without doing anything. Let me just predict something for you, no fooling around on workday after all…Let me see, you shouldn’t bathe and light a fire today…”

Xiao Nanzhu recovered his wits by the little chubby boy’s murmuring voice. He anxiously pinched the bridge of his nose and wanted to determine whether what he saw right now was a hallucination from too much alcohol.

After all, the education he received in the last two decades told him that all of these are unscientific⑤ and should not have happened, but in the next second, he suddenly smelled something not quite right.

“What was that? Grilled squid…?”

He sniffed and mumbled to himself. Xiao Nanzhu, usually very alert, had a clouded mind.

“Ahhhhh!! Squid your head!! I told you not to light a fire! Fire!! Fire!!!”

Xiaonian was so alarmed that he threw away the red carp in his arms as he screamed and dragged Xiao Nanzhu by the legs of his trousers into the kitchen. Suddenly remembering that he left a kettle boiling, Xiao Nanzhu came back to his senses and followed the carp boy as they ran into the kitchen.

As soon as they rushed in, he found that the kettle was almost all dry.

The fire on the stove was raging, the whole kitchen was filled with pungent smoke, even the kitchen floor was covered by fire. Xiao Nanzhu immediately covered his face and tugged the curtain beside him down to extinguish the soaring flames as he dashed away the sparks spit onto him. Xiaonian followed closely behind and wobbled as he dunked a basin of water from nowhere onto the fire.

“Huff..Huff..That was so close…I’m exhausted…”

Wiping his forehead with the back of his hand, Xiaonian had his chubby white face smeared with smoke as he helped Xiao Nanzhu put out the fire. He usually stayed in the Huangli and only worked for one day a year, so his physical strength is imaginable. Xiao Nanzhu, heart still beating wildly, was equally relieved. Then he turned his head and looked at the kitchen that was half burnt.

If it wasn’t for this chubby kid who appeared suddenly in his house, he would probably have just dozed off in the living room.

He has never thought that a long period of inoccupancy would cause the liquefied gas pipes in the kitchen to decay so much, and for him to pa.s.s out drunk in such a fire… It would be 2027 in a few days… He really is done with his life it seems.

As he was thinking, he inadvertently felt grateful for surviving such a danger. Xiao Nanzhu, who is fully awake now, didn’t want to pursue who exactly this chubby kid who came from the Huangli was, especially when he could be now considered as his lifesaver. Xiaonian didn’t think Xiao Nanzhu would accept his existence so quickly, he’s still there rubbing his dirty face with his little hands, but then he seems to realize something and his eyes widened. He ran back barefooted to the living room with hurry steps.

“Hey hey hey, what are you running for? Aren’t you cold with your feet out…”

Xiao Nanzhu followed behind hurriedly, he felt as if he had suddenly became a father. It was a little bit of a burden to watch the chubby kid running about like this.

However, by the time he caught up with the darn kid and wanted to find some shoes for him to put on, he saw this rascal squatting beside the sofa, staring at the red carp lying vertically across the floor with white eyes seen, with tears filled in his eyes.

Xiao Nanzhu: “……”

….

“Xiaohong⑥…Xiaohong…Xiaohong died…Wahhhwuwu!”

Tears are dropping as if they are free of charge. Busy helping Xiao Nanzhu extinguishing the fire, this dumb kid left his precious red carp and ran for the kitchen, carelessly forgetting that fishes can’t survive without water for too long. By the time he remembered that his pitiful red carp was struggling to breathe in the living room, this red carp which represents abundance for the year had already died.

Covering his eyes as he sobs, Xiaonian lost his baby red carp, it’s no wonder he’s crying so sorrowfully. Xiao Nanzhu found a short stool and sat him properly, then a pair of oversized wool slippers for him to wear, he watched Xiaonian until he hiccuped from crying, he then pinched his cheeks and said.

“Okay, okay, don’t cry, uncle will buy you a new one the next day alright? You like carps we’ll buy carps, you like gra.s.s carps we’ll buy gra.s.s carps,  you like soft-sh.e.l.led turtles we’ll buy soft-sh.e.l.led turtles…⑦”

Speaking in a tone as if a wolf baffling its way to eat a child, Xiao Nanzhu had his nerves tormented this night and wasn’t able to clean the messy kitchen up, he sat down and began comforting Xiaonian who had lost his beloved fish.

If this was any other times, he might have became impatient and beat the child up, but this is New Year’s Eve, this little chubby child risked his life to save him, so Xiao Nanzhu restrained his temper and tried to be nice on this rare occasion. However, Xiaonian, who had his eyes all red from crying, heard Xiao Nanzhu’s impudent words and started crying even more.

“It’s already too late! What are you even saying *sob*… It’s all your fault…It’s all your fault *sob*… My Xiaohong… *Sob*…”

“Hey, kid, why is it my fault? Xiaohong is obviously unlucky…”

“It’s your fault!! I blame you!! *Sob*! You big b.a.s.t.a.r.d!”

“Ok, alright, alright… My fault, my fault…“

Once a child cries, he’ll end up crying even more upon being coaxed.

All that whining made Xiao Nanzhu had such a bad headache that he almost knelt down to plead mercy, but in the end he could not make this chubby kid recover from crying.

He was still wondering if he could ask this little ancestor to explain why he could predict the fire accident and why he could appear from the Huangli, but Xiaonian obviously didn’t want to talk to him and was busy crying.

Xiao Nanzhu was all out of ideas. He started wondering if he could keep this mysterious chubby kid at his place and see if he could get something out of him later, a kid can’t run anywhere else, after all. Upon making a decision, he stood up and called out to Xiaonian sitting on the bench.

“There’s not much food at home, but there’s still some sesame paste. Should I make it for you?”

(source: net, mmm~ sesame paste :P)

Xiaonian paid no attention to him and continued crying sorrowfully. Xiao Nanzhu awkwardly scratched his head and went to prepare sesame paste for this little ancestor. He took a glance at the wall clock before stepping into the kitchen, its hands showed that it would be midnight in a minute’s time.

Xiao Nanzhu didn’t think too much about it, he entered the kitchen and boiled another kettle of water. This time he waited by the electric stove, so it took him a little longer. He kept himself occupied in the kitchen for ten minutes, but when he came out with a sluggish expression, Xiao Nanzhu was surprised to find that no one was sitting beside the living room sofa.

The little chubby kid was gone, the red carp was gone as well.

He didn’t hear the sound of the front door being opened just now, the child couldn’t possibly have run outside in the middle of the night.

His heart froze, Xiao Nanzhu put down the small porcelain bowl and rushed to the Huangli hanging on the wall. He didn’t know what drove him, but everything that happened tonight seemed to reveal a kind of indescribable mystery. However, as Xiao Nanzhu ran to the old Huangli to take a look, he saw the painting of the joyful chubby kid, with his bare b.u.t.tocks facing him and wrapped in his arms was…the dead carp.

Xiao Nanzhu: “…”

1.  Laba  腊八：The 8th day of the 12th lunar month, Chinese believe that it’s the transition of the new and the old, and celebrate Laba Festival on this day by offering to G.o.ds for a good harvest year ahead and eating Laba porridge.

2. Lichun  立春：Spring solstice.

3. Jintong  金童：Short form of Shancai Tongzi, child of wealth or golden youth, which is used to describe good-looking young boys not more than 12.

4. Dudou  肚兜：A traditional Chinese bodice

5. Unscientific  不科学：Literally means unscientific, it’s a Chinese internet slang to refer to something that seems impossible or supernatural.

6. Xiaohong  小红：Literally translate as little red, or redy.

7.  carp 鲤鱼, gra.s.s carps 草鱼, soft-sh.e.l.led turtle甲鱼：Read as Liyu, caoyu, jiayu, which have similar sounds at the end and rhymes, suggesting Xiao Nanzhu wasn’t being serious about the situation.