Chasing Shade Part 23

'Is it perhaps about Betsey not being here?'

Archie sat up straighter. 'Do you know where she is?'

Charlie studied his lighter. 'I might.'

'It's none of my business,' Archie said. He was really trying not to turn himself into her knight in shining armour. It was a silly thing that women didn't need. They didn't need to be saved...but f.u.c.k, he was so worried about her his whole body hurt. 'Just tell me she's OK.'

'She was when I saw her.'

'OK.'

'Aren't you going to ask me where she is?' Charlie asked.

The sleet started to get heavier but he didn't seem to notice.

'Nope. None of my business.'

'What's with that s.h.i.t? You care about her, right?'

'Yeah, but '

'But nothing. You're not trying to...' He waved his wrinkled hand around. 'What's the word? Subjugate her, are you?'

Archie laughed. He shook his head. 'No. No, I'm not.'

'Well, then, the girl's had a rough life. She's had a tough time. Caring about her and where she is isn't bad. It's what the whole caring thing is. Dumb a.s.s.'

The last part made Archie laugh harder. 'OK, I'll bite. Where is she?'

'The Sunshine Bakery.'

For some reason that rang a bell for Archie. 'Isn't that '

'The abandoned bakery where she used to get high and Eddie died? Yep.' There was a touch of concern in Charlie's eyes and Archie realised how asinine were his worries about trying to be her knight in shining armour. He loved her. That's all this was. He didn't think she was incapable, he loved her.

'I love her,' he blurted.

'Yep, I know,' Charlie said. 'That's why I'm telling you.' He watched Archie and when Archie pushed a hand through his hair the old man said softly, 'Need directions?'

'Yes, please,' Archie said.

It seemed to take for ever for the old man to write them down.

Chapter 27.

It looked smaller than she remembered. Betsey expected it to be a big empty echo of the place they'd used to come to. But it had somehow shrunk. There were food wrappers and discarded needles on the floor. A layer of dust and filth so thick she left footprints when she walked as if she were traipsing through fresh fallen snow.

'h.e.l.lo?' But she whispered it. Half afraid the ghost of Eddie would rear up and answer her. Her heart contracted remembering him. Big and strapping, reddish-brown hair and dark-dark-green eyes. He'd had a wild beard she loved to tangle her fingers in when they made love.

A wave of grief slammed down over her and she remembered too vividly the euphoria of their drugs. How nice would it be to let that bliss wash over her now?

'But it would cloud the bliss of Archie,' she whispered. 'And you want to be stone cold sober to continue falling in love.'

Her voice hitched and she kept walking. She found the small side room that had probably been an employee break room. The room where she'd got high with him the last time. The room where her head had cleared to find the then love of her life cold and dead.

'Eddie,' she said, her voice breaking again. It was a horrible, empty sound and it made her ache to hear it coming from her own lips.

She sat down by the small radiator and put her back against it. She shut her eyes and listened to the distant street sounds. Big trucks rumbling past, the incessant beep-beep-beep of a truck backing up, the slam and bang of the dumpsters being emptied. She heard men call out and horns honk. She let it all wash over her. And then the pain came. That instant when she thought she could reach out and place a hand on Eddie's arm. But Eddie wasn't there. Just his memory.

She wiped her face and then laughed, seeing the greyish-black streaks of filth mixed with tears on her fingers. Most likely she looked like a racc.o.o.n.

She shut her eyes again, let her head tilt back and thought about Marie and then about her evil father locked away. Did she honour the daughter and her pain or the father and his dysfunction?

How much of a danger could an old sick man be?

She started to drift. Just a bit. But then she woke, throat closed and panic swelling in her chest as she remembered his fingers closing around her wrist. His strength. The determination and the unadulterated malevolence in his eyes. Her heart thudded in her chest and she bit her tongue to avoid swirling down into her own panic.

's.h.i.t,' she said. She remembered reading somewhere, in some health article or other, that swearing when you were upset or in pain actually helped your body process pain and fear. So she added: 'f.u.c.king G.o.dd.a.m.n it.'

Somewhere in the building a door slammed and Betsey jumped to her feet. One direction available to her was boarded off. And who could really tell what the h.e.l.l lay beyond there, anyway? The other direction back towards the door she'd come in was where the noise had come from.

It was hard to breathe. So hard to draw a breath, it was ridiculous. She patted her pockets for any kind of weapon. The Sunshine Bakery wasn't in the best neighbourhood. Which was part of why it had closed in the first place. The thought that someone with malicious intent had followed her inside made her fingers and toes cold with fear.

She swallowed hard and then rifled through her bag. A small can of hairspray, her keys and a ballpoint pen. The only things she'd consider even close to dangerous.

Then: 'Betsey?'

Her whole body seemed to relax and with the sudden shift from 'on alert' to 'safety' she found herself crying. Hard. It was an overwhelming feeling, that peace. She sobbed and the voice came again. 'Bets?'

'In here,' she said, trying to get herself under control. 'What are you doing here, Archie?'

He finally appeared in the gloom. Part of his handsome face was obscured by shadows and part starkly lit by a beam of daylight that managed to find its way through a crack in the boards that covered the window. 'I was worried.'

She smiled. He smiled back but then he rushed to her. 'What happened?' He cupped her face in his hands, kissed her and swept his thumbs beneath her eyes. Then he held them up to show her the dark smudges.

Betsey laughed. 'Just a product of the environment,' she said.

He kissed her again. Pulled her close and hugged her tight. 'I'm sorry,' he said in her ear.

'For what?'

'For coming. I know you don't need '

'Affection?' she asked.

'What?' He stared down at her, confused.

'To know someone cares about me? Worries about me?'

Archie blinked. She almost laughed, it was that comical.

'You keep apologising for wanting to help me.'

'I don't want to interfere,' he said.

'Are you trying to run my life?' she asked.

'No!'

'Do you think I'm an idiot?'

'Of course not!' He pulled back to stare at her. Panic clearly written on his face.

'Then stop apologising. Why do you do things like come out here to find me?'

'Because I worry. And I care. And...' Archie suddenly found the floor amazing. He couldn't take his eyes off it.

'And?'

He shrugged. 'I don't want to keep beating you over the head with it,' he mumbled.

'And what?' she prompted again.

'And I love you.'

'Then stop apologising,' she said. Then she laughed. And then, much to her surprise and horror, she burst into tears. He held her tight and let her cry. Finally, Betsey groaned, 'Jesus Christ. What is wrong with me?'

'Possibly you have been holding all this in for too long?'

She pointed but then took his hand and walked him to the spot. 'This is where Eddie died.'

He squeezed her hand and she felt both comforted and stronger for it. 'He died because of me.'

'He died because he made a choice. We all do that. Every day. Some days we lose the game of life,' he said.

She shook her head. 'I was right next to him. Out cold. And he...' She shook her head.

'What are you going to do, Betsey? You've been playing your cards pretty close to your chest since you met with Miller.'

She sank back to where she'd been sitting and Archie dropped down next to her. They leaned against the ancient, filthy radiator and he held her hand.

'I'm going to protest it. Threaten to get a lawyer.'

'I thought the goal of going there to meet him was to maybe get yourself to a point where you'd forgive and move on.'

She laughed. It was a weird little laugh. Part amus.e.m.e.nt, part relief. 'Actually, I did. I forgave him. I met with him. I moved on. In a movie version of that scenario, I let him get out to die peacefully under the care of his daughter.'

He nodded. 'Right. If that's what you want.'

'It was, believe it or not, what I wanted going in there. But after meeting with him, I know that the movie version can't happen.' She rested her head on his shoulder and he rested his head against hers. They were rather cosy, she thought, except for being in a former drug den.

'Why is that?'

'Archie, if you told a tiger you'd set him free in the city if he didn't hurt or eat anyone and he a.s.sured you that even if he was muzzled he'd find a way, if at all possible, to do just that...would you set him free?'

He shook his head and sighed. 'No.'

'Which is why I'm writing a letter to the prison board and making my threats and banging my drum and protesting it.'

'He told you he'd do it again if he could,' he said.

'In no uncertain terms. I had to make the decision to honour the daughter and what she thought would happen, or honour the monster and what he told me he intended to happen...if he had his way. As much as I wanted to be the good guy, as much as I wanted to give her what she wished for, I can't. For the sake of girls like me. The girls who don't know that monsters like that really exist.' She shook her head and shut her eyes, soaking up as much of him as she could. The feel of him, the heat of him, the smell of him. 'He would have found a way. He needs to rot in prison where he belongs. No matter how his daughter feels about it.'

'You looked at every angle. You need to make the decision that feels right.' He twisted her hair around his finger. The gentle tug made her smile, but she kept her eyes shut. Blocking out everything in the world but his voice and his touch. 'No regrets,' he said, tugging just hard enough to make her sigh.

'No regrets,' she said.

'I'm sorry you had to go through all this,' he said. 'It seems so unfair that you're such a good person and this happened to you.'

Betsey nudged him with her elbow. 'Maybe I'm a good person because all this happened. I have to look at it this way,' she said, trying to find her words. Her heart felt shivery in her chest. Made of gossamer and wishes. 'What he tried to do led me to...well, here,' she sighed. She waved a hand at the grey and dusty surroundings.

He grunted. Hugged her tighter.

'But that led me to loss.' Her voice broke on that. Eddie had been lost to her, to the world, because of the mistakes they'd made. 'But loss led me to leaving and heading out into the world with the Pink Lady and the wish to change things. Change my course. Not die like Eddie did.'

'And you succeeded.'

She grinned at him, pulled his hand up to her lips and kissed his knuckles. She was lucky she'd found him. Or he'd found her. Or fate had plunked them down in the same room at the same time. However you wanted to look at it.

'And that decision led me to you,' she said softly.

He said nothing. The silence ticked by and she dug deep and found her bravery.

'And I have to be grateful for that, Archie. Because it's the best, best thing. And...I love you.'

He sighed this time. It was the best sound she'd ever heard. He turned her face towards him and kissed her very softly at first. Then his mouth grew bolder and his tongue slipped past her lips. 'I love you, too, Betsey. And hearing you say that...it makes everything over the last few years not only bearable...but so d.a.m.n worth it.'

'I have to ask you something now,' she said.

'What's that?'