Charlotte Bronte and Her Circle Part 23

'MY DEAR ELLEN,--You are far too kind and frequent in your invitations. You puzzle me: I hardly know how to refuse, and it is still more embarra.s.sing to accept. At any rate, I cannot come this week, for we are in the very thickest _melee_ of the repet.i.tions; I was hearing the terrible fifth section when your note arrived. But Miss Wooler says I must go to Gomersall next Friday as she promised for me on Whitsunday; and on Sunday morning I will join you at church, if it be convenient, and stay at Rydings till Monday morning.

There's a free and easy proposal! Miss Wooler has driven me to it--she says her character is implicated! I am very sorry to hear that your mother has been ill. I do hope she is better now, and that all the rest of the family are well. Will you be so kind as to deliver the accompanying note to Miss Taylor when you see her at church on Sunday? Dear Ellen, excuse the most horrid scrawl ever penned by mortal hands. Remember me to your mother and sisters, and--Believe me, E. Nussey's friend,

'CHARLOTTE.'

TO MISS ELLEN NUSSEY

'_February_ 20_th_, 1837.

'I read your letter with dismay, Ellen--what shall I do without you?

Why are we so to be denied each other's society? It is an inscrutable fatality. I long to be with you because it seems as if two or three days or weeks spent in your company would beyond measure strengthen me in the enjoyment of those feelings which I have so lately begun to cherish. You first pointed out to me that way in which I am so feebly endeavouring to travel, and now I cannot keep you by my side, I must proceed sorrowfully alone.

'Why are we to be divided? Surely, Ellen, it must be because we are in danger of loving each other too well--of losing sight of the _Creator_ in idolatry of the _creature_. At first I could not say, "Thy will be done." I felt rebellious; but I know it was wrong to feel so. Being left a moment alone this morning I prayed fervently to be enabled to resign myself to _every_ decree of G.o.d's will--though it should be dealt forth with a far severer hand than the present disappointment. Since then, I have felt calmer and humbler--and consequently happier. Last Sunday I took up my Bible in a gloomy frame of mind; I began to read; a feeling stole over me such as I have not known for many long years--a sweet placid sensation like those that I remember used to visit me when I was a little child, and on Sunday evenings in summer stood by the open window reading the life of a certain French n.o.bleman who attained a purer and higher degree of sanct.i.ty than has been known since the days of the early Martyrs. I thought of my own Ellen--I wished she had been near me that I might have told her how happy I was, how bright and glorious the pages of G.o.d's holy word seemed to me. But the "foretaste" pa.s.sed away, and earth and sin returned. I must see you before you go, Ellen; if you cannot come to Roe Head I will contrive to walk over to Brookroyd, provided you will let me know the time of your departure. Should you not be at home at Easter I dare not promise to accept your mother's and sisters' invitation. I should be miserable at Brookroyd without you, yet I would contrive to visit them for a few hours if I could not for a few days. I love them for your sake. I have written this note at a venture. When it will reach you I know not, but I was determined not to let slip an opportunity for want of being prepared to embrace it. Farewell, may G.o.d bestow on you all His blessings. My darling--Farewell. Perhaps you may return before midsummer--do you think you possibly can? I wish your brother John knew how unhappy I am; he would almost pity me.

'C. BRONTE.'

TO MISS ELLEN NUSSEY

'_June_ 8_th_, 1837.

'MY DEAREST ELLEN,--The inclosed, as you will perceive, was written before I received your last. I had intended to send it by this, but what you said altered my intention. I scarce dare build a hope on the foundation your letter lays--we have been disappointed so often, and I fear I shall not be able to prevail on them to part with you; but I will try my utmost, and at any rate there is a chance of our meeting soon; with that thought I will comfort myself. You do not know how selfishly _glad_ I am that you still continue to dislike London and the Londoners--it seems to afford a sort of proof that your affections are not changed. Shall we really stand once again together on the moors of Haworth? I _dare_ not flatter myself with too sanguine an expectation. I see many doubts and difficulties.

But with Miss Wooler's leave, which I have asked and in part obtained, I will go to-morrow and try to remove them.--Believe me, my own Ellen, yours always truly,

'C. BRONTE.'

TO MISS ELLEN NUSSEY

'_January_ 12_th_, 1839.

'MY _dear kind_ ELLEN,--I can hardly help laughing when I reckon up the number of urgent invitations I have received from you during the last three months. Had I accepted all or even half of them, the Birstallians would certainly have concluded that I had come to make Brookroyd my permanent residence. When you set your mind upon it, you have a peculiar way of edging one in with a circle of dilemmas, so that they hardly know how to refuse you; however, I shall take a running leap and clear them all. Frankly, my dear Ellen, I _cannot come_. Reflect for yourself a moment. Do you see nothing absurd in the idea of a person coming again into a neighbourhood within a month after they have taken a solemn and formal leave of all their acquaintance? However, I thank both you and your mother for the invitation, which was most kindly expressed. You give no answer to my proposal that you should come to Haworth with the Taylors. I still think it would be your best plan. I wish you and the Taylors were safely here; there is no pleasure to be had without toiling for it. You must invite me no more, my dear Ellen, until next Midsummer at the nearest. All here desire to be remembered to you, aunt particularly. Angry though you are, I will venture to sign myself as usual (no, not as usual, but as suits circ.u.mstances).--Yours, under a cloud,

'C. BRONTE.'

TO MISS ELLEN NUSSEY

'_May_ 5_th_, 1838.

'MY DEAREST ELLEN,--Yesterday I heard that you were ill. Mr. and Miss Heald were at Dewsbury Moor, and it was from them I obtained the information. This morning I set off to Brookroyd to learn further particulars, from whence I am but just returned. Your mother is in great distress about you, she can hardly mention your name without tears; and both she and Mercy wish very much to see you at home again. Poor girl, you have been a fortnight confined to your bed; and while I was blaming you in my own mind for not writing, you were suffering in sickness without one kind _female_ friend to watch over you. I should have heard all this before and have hastened to express my sympathy with you in this crisis had I been able to visit Brookroyd in the Easter holidays, but an unexpected summons back to Dewsbury Moor, in consequence of the illness and death of Mr. Wooler, prevented it. Since that time I have been a fortnight and two days quite alone, Miss Wooler being detained in the interim at Rouse Mill.

You will now see, Ellen, that it was not neglect or failure of affection which has occasioned my silence, though I fear you will long ago have attributed it to those causes. If you are well enough, do write to me just two lines--just to a.s.sure me of your convalescence; not a word, however, if it would harm you--not a syllable. They value you at home. Sickness and absence call forth expressions of attachment which might have remained long enough unspoken if their object had been present and well. I wish your _friends_ (I include myself in that word) may soon cease to have cause for so painful an excitement of their regard. As yet I have but an imperfect idea of the nature of your illness--of its extent--or of the degree in which it may now have subsided. When you can let me know all, no particular, however minute, will be uninteresting to me. How have your spirits been? I trust not much overclouded, for that is the most melancholy result of illness. You are not, I understand, going to Bath at present; they seem to have arranged matters strangely. When I parted from you near White-lee Bar, I had a more sorrowful feeling than ever I experienced before in our temporary separations. It is foolish to dwell too much on the idea of presentiments, but I certainly had a feeling that the time of our reunion had never been so indefinite or so distant as then. I doubt not, my dear Ellen, that amidst your many trials, amidst the sufferings that you have of late felt in yourself, and seen in several of your relations, you have still been able to look up and find support in trial, consolation in affliction, and repose in tumult, where human interference can make no change. I think you know in the right spirit how to withdraw yourself from the vexation, the care, the meanness of life, and to derive comfort from purer sources than this world can afford. You know how to do it silently, unknown to others, and can avail yourself of that hallowed communion the Bible gives us with G.o.d. I am charged to transmit your mother's and sister's love. Receive mine in the same parcel, I think it will scarcely be the smallest share. Farewell, my dear Ellen.

'C. BRONTE.'

TO MISS ELLEN NUSSEY

'_May_ 15_th_, 1840.

'MY DEAR ELLEN,--I read your last letter with a great deal of interest. Perhaps it is not always well to tell people when we approve of their actions, and yet it is very pleasant to do so; and as, if you had done wrongly, I hope I should have had honesty enough to tell you so, so now, as you have done rightly, I shall gratify myself by telling you what I think.

'If I made you my father confessor I could reveal weaknesses which you do not dream of. I do not mean to intimate that I attach a _high value_ to empty compliments, but a word of panegyric has often made me feel a sense of confused pleasure which it required my strongest effort to conceal--and on the other hand, a hasty expression which I could construe into neglect or disapprobation has tortured me till I have lost half a night's rest from its rankling pangs.

'C. BRONTE.

'_P.S._--Don't talk any more of sending for me--when I come I will _send_ myself. All send their love to you. I have no prospect of a situation any more than of going to the moon. Write to me again as soon as you can.'

Here is the only glimpse that we find of her Penzance relatives in these later years. They would seem to have visited Haworth when Charlotte was twenty-four years of age. The impression they left was not a kindly one.

TO MISS ELLEN NUSSEY

'_August_ 14_th_, 1840.

'MY DEAR ELLEN,--As you only sent me a note, I shall only send you one, and that not out of revenge, but because like you I have but little to say. The freshest news in our house is that we had, a fortnight ago, a visit from some of our South of England relations, John Branwell and his wife and daughter. They have been staying above a month with Uncle Fennell at Crosstone. They reckon to be very grand folks indeed, and talk largely--I thought a.s.sumingly. I cannot say I much admired them. To my eyes there seemed to be an attempt to play the great Mogul down in Yorkshire. Mr. Branwell was much less a.s.suming than the womenites; he seemed a frank, sagacious kind of man, very tall and vigorous, with a keen active look. The moment he saw me he exclaimed that I was the very image of my aunt Charlotte. Mrs. Branwell sets up for being a woman of great talent, tact, and accomplishment. I thought there was much more noise than work. My cousin Eliza is a young lady intended by nature to be a bouncing, good-looking girl--art has trained her to be a languishing, affected piece of goods. I would have been friendly with her, but I could get no talk except about the Low Church, Evangelical clergy, the Millennium, Baptist Noel, botany, and her own conversion. A mistaken education has utterly spoiled the la.s.s. Her face tells that she is naturally good-natured, though perhaps indolent. Her affectations were so utterly out of keeping with her round rosy face and tall bouncing figure, I could hardly refrain from laughing as I watched her. Write a long letter next time and I'll write you ditto.

Good-bye.'

We have already read the letters which were written to Miss Nussey during the governess period, and from Brussels. On her final return from Brussels, Charlotte implores a letter.

TO MISS ELLEN NUSSEY

'HAWORTH, _February_ 10_th_, 1844.

'DEAR ELLEN,--I cannot tell what occupies your thoughts and time.

Are you ill? Is some one of your family ill? Are you married? Are you dead? If it be so, you may as well write a word and let me know--for my part, I am again in old England. I shall tell you nothing further till you write to me.

'C. BRONTE.

'Write to me directly, that is a good girl; I feel really anxious, and have felt so for a long time to hear from you.'

She visits Miss Nussey soon afterwards at Brookroyd, and a little later writes as follows:

TO MISS ELLEN NUSSEY

'_April_ 7_th_, 1844.

'DEAR NELL,--I have received your note. It communicated a piece of good news which I certainly did not expect to hear. I want, however, further enlightenment on the subject. Can you tell me what has caused the change in Mary's plans, and brought her so suddenly back to England? Is it on account of Mary Dixon? Is it the wish of her brother, or is it her own determination? I hope, whatever the reason be, it is nothing which can give her uneasiness or do her harm. Do you know how long she is likely to stay in England? or when she arrives at Hunsworth?

'You ask how I am. I really have felt much better the last week--I think my visit to Brookroyd did me good. What delightful weather we have had lately. I wish we had had such while I was with you. Emily and I walk out a good deal on the moors, to the great damage of our shoes, but I hope to the benefit of our health.

'Good-bye, dear Ellen. Send me another of your little notes soon.

Kindest regards to all,

'C. B.'

TO MISS ELLEN NUSSEY

'_June_ 9_th_, 1844.

'MY DEAR ELLEN,--Anne and Branwell are now at home, and they and Emily add their request to mine, that you will join us at the beginning of next week. Write and let us know what day you will come, and how--if by coach, we will meet you at Keighley. Do not let your visit be later than the beginning of next week, or you will see little of Anne and Branwell as their holidays are very short. They will soon have to join the family at Scarborough. Remember me kindly to your mother and sisters. I hope they are all well.

'C. B.'