Chaos And Order_ The Gap Into Madness Part 50

He didn't recognize what he was feeling until he looked at Alesha. From this small distance, he could see delicate beads of sweat gathering at her temples. In all the years he'd loved her, he'd only seen her perspire when she was scared.

Then he knew that he, too, was afraid.

DAVIES.

"We're not closing."

Davies was on fire. Hunger, rage, and a strange species of madness were burning him up.

"We're going to lose her, Angus."

Angus didn't bother to answer.

In one sense, Davies had been living this way too long. But in another, he was dependent on it. He needed the pressures of his circ.u.mstances and his metabolism to deflect him, defend him, from the central confusion at the core of his being. He'd been born with the knowledge that he was a woman, despite what his eyes and his nerves and other people told him. He was a woman, he was Morn Morn, in ways which had nothing to do with the shape of his flesh or the nature of his hormones. His bond with his mother was fundamentally false.

But if he allowed himself to dwell on the discrepancy, he would crack. The stress would burst his brain like a rotten fruit.

Unfortunately his defenses left him vulnerable to other forms of craziness.

When he'd learned that Soar Soar had once been known as had once been known as Gutbuster Gutbuster, the oddly fragile balance between his enhanced resources and his acute confusion had failed. He'd begun to burn inside like magnesium under water, devouring bound oxygen until he could reach atmosphere and take true fire.

Gutbuster had hit had hit Intransigent Intransigent with a super-light proton beam. with a super-light proton beam.

His mother's no Morn's no his his G.o.dd.a.m.n it G.o.dd.a.m.n it Bryony Hyland's Bryony Hyland's station in targeting control had lost structural integrity. She'd died because she'd stayed at her board to save station in targeting control had lost structural integrity. She'd died because she'd stayed at her board to save Intransigent. Intransigent.

Davies remembered that. He'd become a cop because of it.

As a young girl, Morn Hyland had sworn in the silence of her heart that someday she would get get that ship; avenge her mother. And she'd known how to hold a grudge. Somewhere in the depths of her aggrieved soul, beneath all the harm which Angus and Nick and the UMCP had done to her, she'd kept that purpose fresh until it was imprinted on Davies. that ship; avenge her mother. And she'd known how to hold a grudge. Somewhere in the depths of her aggrieved soul, beneath all the harm which Angus and Nick and the UMCP had done to her, she'd kept that purpose fresh until it was imprinted on Davies.

Now he'd lost his ability to care about anything except retribution. It seemed to eat at his sanity like vitriol. Morn was able to think about other things, take them into account: he couldn't. Instead he fulminated inwardly because Angus refused to go faster.

Trumpet was moving too slowly, following was moving too slowly, following Soar's Soar's particle trail and Lab Center's departure protocols too cautiously; Angus was worrying too much. Davies wanted to make the ship burn like his heart, but Angus paid no attention. Instead he concentrated on data Davies couldn't interpret, on questions Davies didn't consider worth asking. particle trail and Lab Center's departure protocols too cautiously; Angus was worrying too much. Davies wanted to make the ship burn like his heart, but Angus paid no attention. Instead he concentrated on data Davies couldn't interpret, on questions Davies didn't consider worth asking.

Despite the blood on his back and the shipsuit still rucked down around his waist, Angus had never seemed more like a machine than he did right now: blind, literal, and impervious.

Davies hardly noticed when Vector left the bridge. He ignored Sib's moist anxiety as the former data first drifted around the command stations, explicitly keeping watch on Nick even though Nick could barely move. While Angus worked and Sib sweated-while Nick alternately gasped and chuckled to himself like a man fighting an internal battle which sometimes struck him as funny-Davies ran insistent course projections, feverishly comparing Angus' decisions with Lab Center's operational input and the swarm charts Deaner Beckmann had supplied; calculating and recalculating the lag between Trumpet Trumpet and and Soar. Soar.

"We're going to lose her," he rasped for the ten or even the twentieth time.

Angus keyed commands as if he were oblivious. "What's Morn doing?" he asked without raising his head. "What does she need Vector for?"

Davies' casts and the itch of healing fretted him: another distraction. He ground his teeth. "We're going to lose lose her. You're letting her get away." her. You're letting her get away."

Artificially calm, Angus looked up from his readouts.

"You're wasting my time," he told Davies flatly. "If you can't shut up, say something useful. Explain to me why Lab Center gave us exactly the same course as Soar." Soar."

Apparently that was true. Despite the hot static of the swarm, Soar's Soar's readings matched readings matched Trumpet's Trumpet's a.s.signed departure too closely for the similarity to be coincidental. Every step and turn that Angus had been instructed to take between the rocks aligned itself neatly with a.s.signed departure too closely for the similarity to be coincidental. Every step and turn that Angus had been instructed to take between the rocks aligned itself neatly with Soar's Soar's residual trail. residual trail.

"Who cares?" Davies retorted bitterly. "Maybe they're too lazy to plot us a new way out. What difference does it make?"If we already know Soar's Soar's heading, we can go faster. heading, we can go faster.

Sib didn't wait for Angus to answer. "It isn't normal," he put in uncomfortably. He seemed unable to relax: old anxieties kept him tense, even though Nick was effectively helpless. "Places like the Lab spread out traffic as much as they can. They don't want one ship covering another to disguise an attack. And they don't want trouble between ships. If there's trouble, they lose business, no matter who wins.

"But that's not all." Sib kept his gun in his hand. "The kind of ships that come here don't want to be too close together. They don't know who might turn out to be hostile. And they don't want anyone else to see where they're headed."

Nick let out a clenched laugh, as if he were strangling.

Angus aimed a scowl at Davies. "Sure looks like that f.u.c.ker Beckmann wants us to go after Soar Soar, doesn't it?" When Davies didn't reply, he went on, "The problem is, I can't figure out why. What's he got to gain? What could Chatelaine've told him that would make him want to help us sneak up behind her?

"I'm not going faster," he finished, "until I know whose game we're playing here."

Davies bit his lip so that he wouldn't shout, What difference difference does it make? Who does it make? Who cares! cares!

G.o.d d.a.m.n it, Angus, we're going to lose her!

"It's a setup," Nick croaked unexpectedly. The mention of Sorus Chatelaine's name translated him out of his self-absorption. "Beckmann's on her side. Maybe she's getting old, but I bet she can still tuck. Give her a few hours, and she'd have him eating her s.h.i.t. He's setting us up."

Davies didn't listen. He couldn't. According to Soar's Soar's emissions, her thrust was heavier than emissions, her thrust was heavier than Trumpet's. Trumpet's. And it was working harder. And it was working harder. Gutbuster Gutbuster was pulling away. Angus could have caught her- was pulling away. Angus could have caught her-Trumpet was swift and nimble enough to catch almost anything in this swarm-but he was letting her escape. was swift and nimble enough to catch almost anything in this swarm-but he was letting her escape.

Seething, Davies toggled his intercom, opened a ship-wide channel. He didn't know where Morn was, but he could reach her this way. She'd told Angus that they were going after Soar. Soar. And Angus obeyed her-Davies didn't understand or care why. He meant to call her back to the bridge so that she would make Angus carry out her orders. And Angus obeyed her-Davies didn't understand or care why. He meant to call her back to the bridge so that she would make Angus carry out her orders.

Before he could speak, however, he seemed to feel her behind him as if her presence had a palpable aura which altered and defined the atmosphere around the command stations.

He turned, saw her drifting down the companionway, guiding herself with her hands on the rails.

"Morn-" he began.

The focused outrage on her face stopped him. She looked as angry as he felt: furious enough to kill.

Something had changed since she'd left to check on Mikka and Ciro.

When Angus glanced toward her, she told him, "It's worse than I thought." Her control showed in the iron lines of her face, the precise delineation of her movements. Nevertheless a tremor she couldn't suppress serrated her voice so that it cut.

Sib Mackern caught a handgrip on the bulkhead beyond the command station and froze, his face pale. Nick rolled his eyes and croaked out another chuckle.

"Meaning what?" Angus asked brusquely.

Morn floated to the back of Davies' g-seat so that she could face Angus more easily. "I don't know if he knew what he was getting Ciro into." She didn't need to say Nick's name: the focus of her anger was obvious. "Whether he did or not doesn't matter now. But it's worse than I thought."

Sib groaned softly. Angus opened his mouth, then shut it again and waited.

"Ciro-" For an instant Morn's restraint faltered. While she fought to regain it, she swung toward Nick and whispered like a lick of flame, "You did this." Then she faced Angus again.

"Sorus Chatelaine gave him a mutagen."

Sib raised a shocked hand to his mouth to keep himself from crying out. Recognition filled his eyes like nausea. Angus sat still; suddenly motionless as if all his internal functions had been suspended.

Forget it, Davies tried to say. That just gives us another reason. We already have plenty. At this rate we're never going to catch Soar. Soar.

But his throat refused to work. He was as crazy as Nick; strangling like Nick. Confusion he didn't want to acknowledge or confront built up against his defenses, stoking the fires. Sorus Chatelaine had killed Bryony Hyland. She'd given Ciro a mutagen. For some reason Davies couldn't make a sound.

"Apparently it's the same one they used on her." Morn sliced out words as if her voice were a blade. "Then she handed him an antidote. That's how they control her. It doesn't stop the mutagen, it postpones it. Puts it on hold. According to her, he can stay human as long as he takes the antidote.

"She promised to keep him supplied. But first he has to sabotage Trumpet." Trumpet."

Manic triumph flashed in Nick's gaze. "It worked," he announced as if everyone on the bridge were waiting to hear what he would say. "I left the bait under her nose, and she took it. Now we can get her."

A small quiver ran through Angus. The threat to his ship seemed to bring his systems back on-line.

Ignoring Nick, he asked Morn, "He told you that?"

With his peripheral vision Davies saw Morn nod as if she were too angry to speak.

"It's perfect," Nick rasped. "She thinks we're going to be sabotaged. So we fake sabotage. Suck her in. Then we burn out her f.u.c.king heart.

"Burn out her f.u.c.king heart at last." at last."

Davies wished that Nick would shut up. Nevertheless he understood how Nick felt.

If Soar Soar intended to come back in for the kill, it was safe to let her pull away at first. intended to come back in for the kill, it was safe to let her pull away at first. At last At last he would have a chance to get the revenge he needed; the revenge which had set him ablaze. he would have a chance to get the revenge he needed; the revenge which had set him ablaze.

"And you believe him?" Angus pursued. "Why should he tell the truth? The only way he can stay human is by doing what she wants. Now that we know, we can stop him. He's doomed."

This time Morn shook her head. "I believe him," she p.r.o.nounced like a woman who was beyond question.

Angus continued facing Morn; held her gaze steadily. They looked like they were testing something between them. He didn't challenge or contradict her, however. Maybe he couldn't.

"At last," last," Nick repeated. His voice sank to a murmur as he retreated into himself. Nick repeated. His voice sank to a murmur as he retreated into himself.

Davies understood that, too. If Nick attended to what went on around him, he would eventually realize that he himself would play no part in the attack on Soar. Soar. And then his heart would surely burst. And then his heart would surely burst.

A twitch lifted Morn's shoulders in a tight shrug. "Vector might be able to help him," she went on. "Nick's antimutagen may work. But he's so scared-" She took a deep breath to ease her distress. "Even if he survives, this could break him.

"And Mikka is doing everything she can just staying with him. I hope you won't need her for a while. If you do, we're out of luck. She isn't available."

Angus turned back to his board. "We'll manage."

That was fine with Davies. Earlier Angus had picked Mikka to be his second, but Davies yearned to have the second's station himself, ached to run targ. He didn't want to be emasculated like Nick-prevented by tape and distrust from carrying his essential pa.s.sion through to its conclusion.

And yet he couldn't have named that pa.s.sion, even to himself. It flamed in him as if he, too, were driven by zone implants; but somehow its significance eluded him. He called it "revenge" only because he was too confused and frantic to look at it more accurately.

No one could emasculate him: he was already a woman. Everything he knew about himself was founded on that. Therefore everything was false. His entire existence rested on a lie.

Fiercely he scratched at the edges of the cast on his arm. When he didn't ask them to do anything else, his hands hovered instinctively on the targ keys, smearing them with moisture and oil. He called his pa.s.sion "revenge" so that it wouldn't destroy him.

"What does Vector think?" Sib asked tentatively. "Does he know what to do?"

Morn sighed. For a moment an old weariness seemed to well up in her. The cat she took to m.u.f.fle her withdrawal may have been wearing off.

"He knows more about that antimutagen than anybody else. Maybe even Hashi Lebwohl." Slowly she relaxed against the back of Davies' g-seat. Her hand slid down the padding until it rested on her son's shoulder. "He sounded pretty confident.

"Oh, one more thing," she said as an afterthought. "There was a man with her. He helped her inject Ciro. Ciro thinks he was Milos Taverner."

As he worked, Angus' eyes betrayed a smolder of mute fury.

Davies didn't respond to her touch. Unable to contain himself, he ran another course projection, measuring Soar's Soar's emissions against emissions against Trumpet's Trumpet's route and speed. There was no question about it: route and speed. There was no question about it: Soar Soar was still increasing the gap. Soon she would be so far ahead that even was still increasing the gap. Soon she would be so far ahead that even Trumpet Trumpet wouldn't be able to catch her. wouldn't be able to catch her.

He would have to wait until Gutbuster Gutbuster came back to get him. came back to get him.

In an odd way, Ciro's plight eased his frustration. If Trumpet Trumpet was supposed to be sabotaged, he could more easily believe that his mother's killer would return. was supposed to be sabotaged, he could more easily believe that his mother's killer would return.

Twenty minutes had pa.s.sed when the intercom chimed.

Angus keyed his speaker so fast that Davies didn't have time to react.

"Vector," announced the geneticist's calm voice. "I'm in sickbay. Morn? Angus?"

His tone was neutral; hinted at nothing.

"Here," Angus answered at once.

"Angus," Vector acknowledged. "This sickbay of yours is amazing. I didn't know the UMCP built them like this. You've got a.n.a.lytical data available here that makes some of the hospitals I've been in look stupid. And if the equipment were any better, Deaner Beckmann could use it."

With a jerk, Morn pulled herself around Davies' g-seat. As soon as she reached his board, she toggled his intercom with a stab of her thumb.

"Is it going to work?" she asked urgently.

"Oh, sorry, Morn," Vector replied. "I didn't mean to keep you in suspense. Yes, it's going to work. I've already tested a blood sample. I saw it work."

Weakly Sib breathed, "Thank G.o.d." Angus nodded to himself, but didn't betray any other reaction.

Inside his Amnion shipsuit, Davies' skin oozed sweat like heated tallow.

Sudden relief seemed to catch in Morn's throat like a sob. She made a small, choked sound and released the board so that she could cover her face with her hands. The movement sent her drifting away from the second's station, receding from Davies as if she didn't want to be near him.

As if she couldn't bear standing too close to his fury for revenge.

Come and get me, he begged the crackling seethe of the swarm and the deep cold of s.p.a.ce. Come on-do what the Amnion keep you human for. It's me you need. The Amnion want me alive.

Believe we've been sabotaged. Come get me.

Please.

Vector wasn't done. After a moment's silence he spoke again.

"Can I ask what's going on?"