Castle To Castle Part 15

How much longer will it be? if nothing goes wrong? I figure . . . at this rate at least another two days . . . to Ulm . . . but if they bomb the tracks? . . . and Ulm? . . . suppose they make us get out in Ulm? . . . I wouldn't put it past them . . . if they tell us this train isn't for us! we should hike to Siegmaringen . . . the men on foot! that means us! that the train is only for the kids and pregnant women! and not for us! . . . thirty miles from Ulm to Siegmaringen! . . . I don't see how we could make it . . . especially as it's getting colder . . . not as cold as up there in Prussia, but even so . . . the cold and the snow . . . especially after these kids, these d.a.m.n savages, had torn off practically all our clothes . . . our muslin and carpets! . . . whole layers! . . . and even our thin suits! . . . right off our backs . . . we're not naked, but down to our underwear! that's what the kids had done! the Fraulein couldn't say anything . . . our thin little shoes would never hold out . . . we wouldn't have any feet left! . . . Oh, I was really scared of Ulm! suppose it wasn't there any more? and no station either? . . . wiped out! . . . it wouldn't be the first time! of course there'd always be the S.S.! . . . and the S.A.! . . . the S-cops! . . . those things always grow up again! they grow on the worst ruins! cops! cops! cops! meanwhile we're moving very slowly . . . puff! puff! puff! puff! I can easily see the bulls coming: I can easily see the bulls coming: "Raus!Raus!" "Raus!Raus!"

Ah, I wasn't mistaken, this was it! . . . we were there! . . . we were in the station . . . except there wasn't any station . . . we stop . . . here we are! . . . this is it, a sign . . . but no more Ulm! . . . the sign says ULM . . . and that's all! . . . gutted sheds all around us . . . twisted sc.r.a.p . . . the houses are nothing but grimaces . . . big chunks of wall . . . enormously off balance, waiting for you to pa.s.s underneath . . . the R.A.F. had come back . . . while we were up there . . . they'd wrecked the wreckage . . . okay! are we going to move? . . . is that the stationmaster? . . . big red cap . . . he's coming . . . he looks . . . he looks at us . . . he could tell us to get out . . . no! . . . everybody b.u.t.tons up . . . even the brats . . . there's no more Ulm, no more station, but that's no help . . . if he stops the train . . . makes us get out . . . no, no! . . . a good guy! . . . "All aboard! . . . Siegmaringen! . . . Constance!" we start moving . . . we're b.u.mping again . . . not a kid has escaped! . . . sheer luck! . . . they were afraid of the stationmaster! . . . I congratulate Ursula . . . "good stationmaster!" . . . we've only got two hours more to Siegmaringen . . . she's got three to Constance . . . she'll be in Constance at midnight . . . with her women and kids . . . one good thing anyway, Ulm is completely razed, they won't come back right away! . . . I hope! . . . there's a slight chance that they'll miss us! No more Ulm! . . . there won't be any peace in the world until all the cities are razed! I mean it! it's the cities that infuriate everybody, boiling tempers! no more music halls, no more bistros, no more movies, no more jealousies! no more hysterics! . . . everybody out in the fresh air! with his a.s.s in the ice! hibernation! a cure for mad humanity! . . .

Anyway we're not there yet . . . we and our train! . . . our car jolts, jumps, and plunges back down like we were riding on cobblestones . . . they must have put on square wheels . . . at least it shows that we're still on the rails . . . if we were on the roadbed, we'd stop b.u.mping . . . and anyway, h.e.l.l! it can do as it pleases if only we get there! . . . the Fraulein asks me to come with her, to follow her . . . one of the women is in pain . . .. I look her over . . . yes, labor pains are setting in . . . she's no softy . . . not hysterical, she's not putting anything on . . a primapara . . . I examine her . . . but without gloves! . . . no place to wash my hands . . . I've never been so miserable and humiliated, "examining" without gloves! . . . and already dilated what's more! . . . the size of a fifty-centime piece . . . a primapara . . . she's good for four, five hours . . . right away I suggest that the way thingsare . . . she'd better get off in Siegmaringen . . . I'm equipped for it in Siegmaringen . . . a whole dormitory for maternity cases . . . she's a refugee from Memel . . . she'd join her friends later . . . in Constance . . . after she's had her baby . . . oh, it's all right with Ursula! . . . she'll be alone when we've left . . . all alone with her little h.e.l.lions! now they're asleep, but they'll wake up at daybreak, and this childbirth in addition? "Oh yes! oh yes!" I should take her with us . . . I'd send her back to Constance! fine! the Delegation put in their two cents worth . . . all the ministers . . . we all agree! they all agree! . . . Restif too! . . . you'll say: but you couldn't see in the darkness! . . . not very well, I admit, but well enough . . . thanks to the littie lamps we got from Switzerland, automatic with rollers . . . they ran by palm-power . . . not festive Illumination . . . no . . . but when everything goes, no more current, no more powerhouse, these little lamps come in very handy! they hold up! a little generator right there in your fist! I'm telling you, in case you haven't thought of it . . . if one of these days you find yourself under myriatons of wreckage, an expiring, bellowing troglodyte . . . a mole! . . . "France . . . all France for a match . . . with Aquitaine thrown in!" n.o.body'll give you a match! Don't count on it! . . . my "fist lamp" will save your life!

In this train, it's a cinch . . . stepping over things in the jolts, disentangling yourself from all the bodies, trying not to squash the women and children . . . we'd have been sunk without those little lamps . . . The train was still moving . . . oh, very hesitantly! . . . puff! puff! puff! puff! but moving . . . we'd be there about midnight . . . we didn't hear any planes . . . we'd make it . . . Restif thought so too! . . . we'd make it . . . so did Fraulein Ursula . . . she'd been pretty nice . . . all things considered . . . she could certainly have had us put out anywhere, thrown us off . . . her first reaction had been pretty cool . . . almost hostile . . . then she'd got friendly, very friendly in fact . , . maybe a little flirtation between her and Restif and Marion? . . . I hadn't seen anything! . . . if we came through it was thanks to the but moving . . . we'd be there about midnight . . . we didn't hear any planes . . . we'd make it . . . Restif thought so too! . . . we'd make it . . . so did Fraulein Ursula . . . she'd been pretty nice . . . all things considered . . . she could certainly have had us put out anywhere, thrown us off . . . her first reaction had been pretty cool . . . almost hostile . . . then she'd got friendly, very friendly in fact . , . maybe a little flirtation between her and Restif and Marion? . . . I hadn't seen anything! . . . if we came through it was thanks to the Red Cross Red Cross with its kids and pregnant women! . . . we had something to begrateful for . . . without the kids and the pregnant women and the crates from Sweden, America, and Cuba we'd have starved! . . . as it was, the whole Delegation was sawing wood, jolts or no jolts, stuffed and intertwined, under the pregnant women, cozy and warm! . . . they had nothing but rags left, the kids had everything! but never mind, what they'd put away since Berlin-Anhalt! . . . at least fifty crates! of everything! . . . and nothing but the best! . . . the kids had taken all their clothes! . . . really plucked them bare! . . . muslins, satins, velvets, and their coats and pants! . . . they'd dolled themselves up the same way! . . . some party! . . . the devastation! . . . a cyclone! . . . fifty kids shut up in that box! if we'd arrived in the daytime, we'd have had to wait for nightfall, we couldn't have shown ourselves like that, especially the ministers! . . . but at midnight it didn't matter, there wouldn't be anybody at the station . . . but they'd have to give me a hand getting this lady to the School of Agriculture . . . I tell Restif, he understands . . . the school isn't a stone's throw . . . especially in the snow . . . this woman, as I've told you, was no weakling, but even so . . . I suggest that we carry her . . . she prefers to walk . . . it's almost a mile from the station to the School . . . she'll give me her arm . . . Restif the other arm . . . my expectant mothers are lodged in the School of Agriculture . . . with its kids and pregnant women! . . . we had something to begrateful for . . . without the kids and the pregnant women and the crates from Sweden, America, and Cuba we'd have starved! . . . as it was, the whole Delegation was sawing wood, jolts or no jolts, stuffed and intertwined, under the pregnant women, cozy and warm! . . . they had nothing but rags left, the kids had everything! but never mind, what they'd put away since Berlin-Anhalt! . . . at least fifty crates! of everything! . . . and nothing but the best! . . . the kids had taken all their clothes! . . . really plucked them bare! . . . muslins, satins, velvets, and their coats and pants! . . . they'd dolled themselves up the same way! . . . some party! . . . the devastation! . . . a cyclone! . . . fifty kids shut up in that box! if we'd arrived in the daytime, we'd have had to wait for nightfall, we couldn't have shown ourselves like that, especially the ministers! . . . but at midnight it didn't matter, there wouldn't be anybody at the station . . . but they'd have to give me a hand getting this lady to the School of Agriculture . . . I tell Restif, he understands . . . the school isn't a stone's throw . . . especially in the snow . . . this woman, as I've told you, was no weakling, but even so . . . I suggest that we carry her . . . she prefers to walk . . . it's almost a mile from the station to the School . . . she'll give me her arm . . . Restif the other arm . . . my expectant mothers are lodged in the School of Agriculture . . .

The train is pulling into Siegmaringen . . . I say to Restif . . . this is all very well, but we've got to wake them up . . . and another thing . . . they've got to make themselves useful before they go back to the Castle . . . they're going to help us from the station to the School . . . through the snow with this woman . . . she's in labor . . . she thinks she'll be able to walk . . . she won't . . . it's pretty near a mile . . . we'll have to carry her . . . they'll help us . . . they can go back to the Castle afterwards . . . plenty of time . . .

The train is moving slower and slower . . . ah, here we are! there's a bit of a moon . . . we won't need our lamps . . . I recognize the station . . . the platform . . . now we've got to get out without the brats starting to yell! and falling out of the train! . . . and my woman of Memel . . . get her downgently . . . the kids aren't in the mood for yelling . . . they're sound asleep . . . let them sleep! . . . don't wake them up! . . . it's cold on the platform and deep snow! . . . it was almost mild when we left a week ago . . . here we are all of us on the platform . . . except the brats who haven't moved . . . oh, but our flag! . . . we'd forgotten it . . . the flag for Petain! . . . h.e.l.l, it's rolled up! it's someplace! Restif goes back to the car, he finds the flag . . . he pulls it out from under the kids . . . it's not too badly torn . . . we roll it up again . . . the ministers out there on the platform feel that they haven't slept long enough . . . they don't know we've arrived . . . luckily it's not very light yet . . . they practically haven't any pants . . . the kids have peeled them! it's no time to stand still! . . . I ask the S.A. man on duty to let us out . . . I tell Restif . . . I remembered . . . that we wouldn't hold the flag up in the air, but horizontal! and everybody on the pole! . . . that'll hold us together climbing up to the Lowen Lowen . . . all the ministers on the pole! and still uphill to the School of Agriculture . . . quite a ways! we told them . . . they're willing . . . they yawn, they stretch, they shiver . . . but let's go! not as cold as Hohenlychen, but even so . . . not the same boreal gale . . . but practically naked like that they've got something to shiver about . . . Luckily Restif leads us . . . he knows the way . . . I know the way too . . . my parturient absolutely refuses to be carried . . . Restif and I give her our arms . . . she complains, but not very much . . . the moon goes behind the clouds . . . we work our palm lamps . . . that's all you can hear . . . the little wheels clicking . . . they've all got one . . . luckily! . . . we look cute . . . like a glowing caterpillar in the snow . . . all those little lamps . . . . . . all the ministers on the pole! and still uphill to the School of Agriculture . . . quite a ways! we told them . . . they're willing . . . they yawn, they stretch, they shiver . . . but let's go! not as cold as Hohenlychen, but even so . . . not the same boreal gale . . . but practically naked like that they've got something to shiver about . . . Luckily Restif leads us . . . he knows the way . . . I know the way too . . . my parturient absolutely refuses to be carried . . . Restif and I give her our arms . . . she complains, but not very much . . . the moon goes behind the clouds . . . we work our palm lamps . . . that's all you can hear . . . the little wheels clicking . . . they've all got one . . . luckily! . . . we look cute . . . like a glowing caterpillar in the snow . . . all those little lamps . . . zzz! zzz! zzz! zzz! . . . in a string . . . . . . in a string . . .

Ah, at last . . . the house, the School! . . . and here's my dormitory for pregnant women! . . . oh, strictly a dormitory, but not at all gloomy, not dark like the Fidelis Fidelis. . . no furniture, just part.i.tions and cots . . . but even so the pregnant women were better off than outdoors or at the station . . . of course they'll keep going to the station, it can't be helped . . . but when we come in, they're present . . . every last one ofthem . . . I'm surprised to find them all there . . . they see me . . . they're surprised, too! . . . they'd been sleeping . . . right away questions . . .

"Who's she? . . . where's she come from?"

"She's a woman just like you! . . . she's going to have her baby . . ."

"Where? where? . . . is she a Boche?"

"She's going to have her baby here . . . she doesn't speak French, be nice to her . . ."

"She's going to have it right now?"

"Yes . . . yes . . . she'll go to Constance afterwards! . . . she's a German from Memel . . . a poor thing . . . a refugee like you! . . ."

I look them in the eye, I tell them what to do.

"Where's Memel?"

"Up there . . ."

Hold her hands . . . very gently . . . say everything nice they know in German . . . not open the windows . . . tuck her in well . . . so she won't catch cold . . . they know . . . they know all about it . . . some of them are multiparas . . . I figure at least another three hours of labor . . . plenty of time to run down to the Lowen Lowen for my equipment . . . especially my gloves! I leave them three little roller lamps . . . they're delighted! what luck! they didn't have any . . . they wouldn't give them back! . . . little jokes! okay . . . I leave with Restif . . . the Delegation is waiting for me . . . "Gentlemen, I thank you . . ." they can go home to the Castle, it's all right with me . . . they know the streets . . . it's easy to find the way . . . Wohlnachtstra.s.se . . . and there's the Danube . . . another turn to the left, the drawbridge . . . oh, but they hold right on to the flag! the Marshal's present . . . in memory of Bichelonne! . . . their mission! . . . okay, okay . . . they know . . . I don't hold them back . . . little boys with bare hairy calves. . . there'll be bronchitis and grogs! . . . they've got everything they need . . . at the Castle! . . . not like me at the for my equipment . . . especially my gloves! I leave them three little roller lamps . . . they're delighted! what luck! they didn't have any . . . they wouldn't give them back! . . . little jokes! okay . . . I leave with Restif . . . the Delegation is waiting for me . . . "Gentlemen, I thank you . . ." they can go home to the Castle, it's all right with me . . . they know the streets . . . it's easy to find the way . . . Wohlnachtstra.s.se . . . and there's the Danube . . . another turn to the left, the drawbridge . . . oh, but they hold right on to the flag! the Marshal's present . . . in memory of Bichelonne! . . . their mission! . . . okay, okay . . . they know . . . I don't hold them back . . . little boys with bare hairy calves. . . there'll be bronchitis and grogs! . . . they've got everything they need . . . at the Castle! . . . not like me at the Lowen Lowen . . . G.o.d knows . . . I take a little shortcut . . . that town had no secrets for me . . . I'm there in half a second . . . the stairs . . . and there I am . . . I cantell you that Lili was brave, but she was worried all the same . . . I'd left without a word . . . mighty worried! . . . didn't know what to think . . . I explain . . . she understands . . . I'd had to go . . . why, of course! . . . and what about her? what had happened? . . . in the last week . . . ten days . . . oh, people had been looking for me from all over . . . everybody wanted to know where I was . . . what had become of me . . . at the . . . G.o.d knows . . . I take a little shortcut . . . that town had no secrets for me . . . I'm there in half a second . . . the stairs . . . and there I am . . . I cantell you that Lili was brave, but she was worried all the same . . . I'd left without a word . . . mighty worried! . . . didn't know what to think . . . I explain . . . she understands . . . I'd had to go . . . why, of course! . . . and what about her? what had happened? . . . in the last week . . . ten days . . . oh, people had been looking for me from all over . . . everybody wanted to know where I was . . . what had become of me . . . at the Fidelis Fidelis . . . at the Castle . . . at the . . . at the Castle . . . at the Milice Milice . . . at the hospital . . . and a lot of other places . . . five . . . ten addresses . . . . . . at the hospital . . . and a lot of other places . . . five . . . ten addresses . . . Sonderga.s.se . . . Bulowstra.s.se Sonderga.s.se . . . Bulowstra.s.se . . . . . . I could imagine . . . I'm no fly-by-night, I don't run out on things . . . if I'd gone up there so suddenly, so far and so fast, it was because I had a serious reason . . . I expected to see Gebhardt up there, to catch him on the spot . . . . . . . . . I could imagine . . . I'm no fly-by-night, I don't run out on things . . . if I'd gone up there so suddenly, so far and so fast, it was because I had a serious reason . . . I expected to see Gebhardt up there, to catch him on the spot . . .

Everybody has his little secret . . . mine was to ask him to send us to Denmark . . . of course he could have! . . . he had hospitals up there, several sanatoria . . . in Jutland and Fyn . . . I knew . . . Gebhardt didn't like me very much, but all the same, he could have . . . a slight chance . . . our chance! . . . I tell Lili . . . hadn't even been able to see him . . . she understands . . . it was worth trying . . . I tell her about our expedition . . . for the laughs . . . we laugh . . . one more hope gone! she has a lot to tell me but I can't stay . . . I've got Memel! . . . my little Memel . . . I tell her about Memel . . . I've got to get back to the School . . . no use getting there after the baby! she was just about due . . . and all shook up! . . .

I've got to admit, it seemed like enough to me . . . seven . . . eight hundred pages . . . I'd reread the whole thing . . . and have it typed . . . and ship it out! . . . to Brottin or Gertrut! . . . which one? . . . who cares? . . . to the highest bidder! . . . birds of a feather! . . . to the one that's least scared of what people are going to say! . . . let him have it! . . . I've turned into a materialist? . . . hmm! . . . possible! . . . but not really! . . . my jealous thieving looters are certainly a lot worse materialists than I am! . . . and in my condition, sick, crippled, old, and broke . . . it would take a great big bank account . . . like Claudel, Th.o.r.ez, Mauriac, Pica.s.so . . .to put a little wind in my sails . . . an account at the Chase National . . . Like all real artists . . . wages or piecework . . . I'll always be miles behind Jimmy Higgins, laborer, not to mention the crummiest bone-setter! . . . and that's why I'm giving my fine work to the highest bidder! . . . eight hundred . . . twelve hundred pages! . . . h.e.l.l! and double h.e.l.l! . . . the grocer doesn't give a s.h.i.t! . . . or the coal man! and they're the only people who count . . . austere and smiling and serious! . . . the price is the price! . . . metronomes of our existence! . . . Publishers? . . . much more to be feared! same mentality, but monsters! . . . plus every known vice! and to think you're totally dependent on them! . . . champion two-timers! their rackets are organized with such precision . . . so expertly tangled it would put you in the bughouse . . . three straitjackets . . . to try and figure it out . . . how they go about it . . . even a faint idea . . . from the distance . . . You ingrate! you who owe them everything! . . . and they never owe you anything! . . . their cars get bigger and bigger . . . maybe they'll let you hang on behind in yourrags, with your tongue hanging out on the street! . . . out of pure kindness of heart maybe they'll deign to throw you a crust! . . . you're dying in the poorhouse? . . . splendid! . . . that's the least of your duties! . . . you won't even get a forget-me-not! . . . the orchids are for Miss Gash! . . . plat.i.tudes, you'll say . . . here's another plat.i.tude! . . . I can see the both of them hanging! and swinging in the breezes! swinging high and swinging low! Brottin and Moray! what a jig! . . . frozen smiles and monocles! I listen to progressive, committed people, Communists, Anarchists, Cryptos, fellow travelers, Rotarians . . . they're all nitwits! . . . "anti-boss" is all you need! . . . you've got him right there in front of you! you know what you're talking about . . . ! Your Commie dialectifies, splutters, and charges windmills! . . . But Morny and Brottin . . . exist! they exist! . . .

I'm not saying anything about my patients . . . I've stopped talking about them . . . I stopped counting on them long ago . . . they cost me money, that's all . . . if I weren't a doctor, I'd stop heating . . . I'd spend the whole winter in bed . . . I can't count on anybody or anything any more . . . lying in bed, I'd think about my stupidity . . . always been a victim . . . crusading for beans! . . . s.h.i.t! . . . while other people cleaned me out of everything . . . including my ma.n.u.scripts . . . and yes, thank you, they're doing fine! all my furniture to the Flea Market! . . . every land of injustice, I can say . . . I haven't missed one! . . . prison, sickness, wounds, scurvy! . . . plus the Medaille Militaire! Medaille Militaire! . . . what about the resistants? you'll say . . . one of them jumped out of the window . . . Between 1914 and 1918 millions of people jumped out of the window! did you make much? no! and Jeanne d'Arc? in my bed I could think about the talents I had . . . that I squandered! for swine! . . . the strings to my bow! . . . I couldn't win! . . . if you're a real artist, it makes too many people jealous! . . . if they murder you, it's only normal! . . . I'm thinking of my apothecary jar on the rue Girardon . . . the purifiers went up, so drunk with patriotic fervor they couldn't help carting everything off to the Auction Rooms! . . . my friends and relatives, uncles, cousins, nieces . . . preferred the Flea Market! . . . they would have impaled me too, that would have been real pleasure! practically everybody has forgotten me . . . not they! not they! . . . the people who've robbed you never forget you! . . . or the ones who copy from you either! . . . h.e.l.l! . . . they owe you their life! . . . Do you expect Tartre to come clean? "I, plagiarist and paid stoolie, I confess! I am his a.s.shole! . . ." Don't count on it! . . . . . . what about the resistants? you'll say . . . one of them jumped out of the window . . . Between 1914 and 1918 millions of people jumped out of the window! did you make much? no! and Jeanne d'Arc? in my bed I could think about the talents I had . . . that I squandered! for swine! . . . the strings to my bow! . . . I couldn't win! . . . if you're a real artist, it makes too many people jealous! . . . if they murder you, it's only normal! . . . I'm thinking of my apothecary jar on the rue Girardon . . . the purifiers went up, so drunk with patriotic fervor they couldn't help carting everything off to the Auction Rooms! . . . my friends and relatives, uncles, cousins, nieces . . . preferred the Flea Market! . . . they would have impaled me too, that would have been real pleasure! practically everybody has forgotten me . . . not they! not they! . . . the people who've robbed you never forget you! . . . or the ones who copy from you either! . . . h.e.l.l! . . . they owe you their life! . . . Do you expect Tartre to come clean? "I, plagiarist and paid stoolie, I confess! I am his a.s.shole! . . ." Don't count on it! . . .

More of my rancor! . . . you'll forgive me for being a little soft in the head . . . but not if it gets so bad that I bore you . . . me and my three dots . . . a little discretion! . . . my supposedly original style! . . . all the real writers will tell you what to think of it! . . . and what Brottin thinks of it! . . . and Gertrut! but what does the grocer think of it? . . . that's what counts! . . . that gives me food for meditation! Hamlet of the carrots . . . I meditate up here in my garden . . . a splendid view . . . a really admirable situation if you've got the wherewithal . . . but if you're the nervous jittery type, anxious about everything! . . . everything and all the time! . . . about carrots . . . and taxes . . . and everything else . . . to h.e.l.l with the view! . . . dreaming isn't for you! . . . s.h.i.t on the panorama! . . . delinquent the pauper who dreams! . . .

All the same, Paris catches the eye . . . the whole of Paris down there . . . the loops of the Seine . . . Sacre-Coeur far in the distance . . . up close Billancourt . . . Suresnes with its hill . . . and Puteaux between the two . . . Puteaux, memories . . . the Sentier des Bergeres . . . and Mont-Valerien, more memories . . . the Foch Hospital . . . come to think of it, why don't I put in an application? . . . I'd be all right at Mont-Valerien . . . I can see myself as governor . . . the governor of Mont-Valerien really has peace and quiet to work in! I can see his residence clearly with my spygla.s.s, a really magnificent Greco-Romantic mansion . . . just what I need . . . that severe . . . military sumptuousness . . . with Doric columns . . . he gets the full benefit of the rising sun . . . and he's higher than we are, a good hundred and fifty feet . . . oh, don't feel sorry for the Governor of Mont-Valerien! . . . maybe we could get together . . . make an"exchange"? . . . wherever I go, I hear people talking about "exchanges" . . . "will exchange this for that . . ." maybe my qualifications will be contested . . . maybe they'll say I haven't got Saint Pierre and Miquelon . . . that Laval is dead . . . and Bichelonne left no word, nothing in writing! . . . that there's no record at the Ministry of Colonies, and that my say-so isn't enough! . . . but look how sick and anemic I am, I could certainly use some sun . . . I really need it! . . . seventy-five percent disability! . . . I have rights! . . . Clemenceau said so . . . and wouldn't that be friendly Justice! and the guy that's governor up there is certainly younger than I am . . . up there in his Greek temple, I'd finally have some peace and quiet . . . I could work at my ease, no more in the way, no more cars, no more factories . . . the woods around the house . . . a little prison under my heel, for pests . . . the one Henry committed suicide in . . . they're still arguing whether he really committed suicide . . . or if they didn't help him a little . . . take it from me . . .Mont-Valerienhasn't given up all its secrets! even with binoculars you can tell: all very enigmatic! . . . oh, you wouldn't catch me idle atMont-Valerien. . . I'd make those cells talk! . . . and here, alas! alas! they don't leave me time to meditate! . . . hara.s.sed I am! . . . I wonder which would suit me better . . . Governor ofMont-Valerien? or Governor of Saint-Pierre? meditations . . . fat chance . . . especially these last few days . . . I've been really worried for the last few days . . . oh, nothing very serious . . . but . . . well, presentiments . . . actually a little more than presentiments . . . the postman told me . . . and a kid too . . . that Madame Nicois had come back . . . yes . . . that she's home . . . I didn't really believe it . . . that she's home from the hospital . . . back on the former Place Faidherbe . . . feeling fine . . . completely cured! . . . fine, so much the better! . . . I couldn't quite believe it, but if that's what they're saving . . . of course she might have let me know . . . maybe she doesn't want to see me any more? maybe she's taken another doctor? . . . zounds, she'd be perfectly right! . . . perfectly right! . . . I won't go so far as to say "good riddance" . . . but it would certainly suit me fine! . . . at a certain age,especially after certain hardships, you only want one thing: to be left alone! . . . or better still, you'd like people to think you're dead! in a recent poll on "what the young people think," they all thought I was dead . . . died in Greenland! not bad! . . . anyway, talking about Madame Nicois, I couldn't see myself traipsing down to the former Place Faidherbe, the riverfront, and climbing back home! twice a day!

Instead of hopping myself up imagining I'm Governor of Mont-Valerien . . . or of Saint-Pierre-Langlade over there . . . it would make a little more sense if I really asked the postman if Madame Nicois had really come home . . . he could find out in a second, he'd only have to go up and knock . . . she'd be there . . . or she wouldn't . . . anyway I was going to be alone again . . . Lili had to go to Paris . . . she never left me alone very long . . . of course she had to go now and then . . . errands . . . this and that for her pupils . . . especially her pupils . . . unbelievable the amount of slippers those pupils can wear out! . . . so Lili goes! . . . I stay home with the dogs . . . I can't claim to be really alone . . . the dogs keep me posted . . . they tell me the mailman's coming when he's still three miles away! or Lili's at the station . . . they know when she gets off the train . . . they never go wrong! I've always tried to find out how they knew . . . they know, that's all there is to it! . . . we knock our heads against the wall, we're mathematical idiots . . . Einstein wouldn't know if Lili was coming . . . or Newton either . . . or Pascal . . . all deaf, blind, and knuckleheaded . . . Flute knows too! my cat Flute . . . h.e.l.l go to meet Lili, h.e.l.l go down to the road . . . just like that, he knows . . . as soon as he starts moving, I'll listen . . . for the moment, nothing! . . . first his ears! . . . I'll know in plenty of time . . . a mile from the station at least! . . . it's all a matter of waves . . . dogs have waves, too . . . but not so subtle as Flute's . . . the birds' waves are even subtler than Flute's . . . ten miles away they register . . . they know! the birds are the kings of the waves! . . . especially t.i.tmice! . . . when I see them take flight . . . when Flute starts off . . . Lili will be practically in Bellevue . . . I'll tie up the dogs . . . because it's terrible if you let them gang up . . . your ears! . . . you can hear themin Grenelle! . . . but it's not time yet . . . I can still meditate awhile . . . that's how you know you're old, you never really sleep, but you're never really awake, you're always dozing . . . even when you're on tenterhooks, you doze . . . that's how it was, waiting for Lili . . . I must have been a little better than dozing, I didn't hear the dogs . . . and I didn't see Flute the cat take off . . . or the birds fly away . . . but now I hear something plainly! . . . coming out of my dream . . . a voice! a real voice! . . . it's Lili! . . . I listen hard! . . . yes, it's Lili! . . . oh, but she's not alone . . . two other voices! . . . the cats have come back! . . . there they are! . . . purr! purr! purr! purr! not exactly disinterested, to be sure . . . it's their day for liver! . . . they don't stir an inch from Lili! . . . welcome home! . . . not exactly disinterested, to be sure . . . it's their day for liver! . . . they don't stir an inch from Lili! . . . welcome home! . . . miow! miow! miow! miow! but I heard three women's voices! I wasn't dreaming . . . my eyes aren't so good, but I'm not blind . . . I see Lili at the end of the garden, I recognize her perfectly . . . ah, and another lady! . . . and Madame Nicois! . . . yes, it's Madame Nicois! . . . they come up very slowly! . . . ah, here they are! but I heard three women's voices! I wasn't dreaming . . . my eyes aren't so good, but I'm not blind . . . I see Lili at the end of the garden, I recognize her perfectly . . . ah, and another lady! . . . and Madame Nicois! . . . yes, it's Madame Nicois! . . . they come up very slowly! . . . ah, here they are!

"See, Madame Nicois is much better . . . she came home two days ago . . . she wants to speak to you!"

"Oh, splendid! splendid! how are you, Madame Nicois?"

She comes closer . . . I can't see that she's so much better . . . it seems to me that she's even thinner . . . she's holding the other lady's arm . . . they've climbed all this way . . . I tell them to sit down on the other bench . . . Madame Nicois doesn't see any better than a month ago . . . she looks up in the air, over my head . . . not a thing! I can shout . . . she doesn't hear me . . . I'm curious to know what they did to her in Versailles? . . . the other one answers, the other lady, not the least bit embarra.s.sed! ah, I can say without exaggeration that she was a talker! I don't know her, never seen her . . . where's she out of ? . . . she tells me . . .

"We met in Versailles . . . in the cancer ward . . . yes, Doctor!"

In case I doubt her word, she tells me again . . . she repeats . . . she and Madame Nicois had got to be very good friends . . .

"I was there for a breast, see, Doctor?"

"Yes, yes, Madame . . ."

They took it off . . . I don't think there was any point . . . no point at all . . . they just took it into their heads . . ."

Ah, how funny they were in Versailles! stupid! it made her laugh! Hee! hee! in st.i.tches!

"If you could only have seen them, Doctor! Hee! Hee!"

She's having a convulsion! so idiotic those people at the hospital! . . . really hilarious . . . they'd thought she had cancerl hee! hee! hee!

"Can you imagine, Doctor? Can you imagine?"

Those people at the hospital! Really too funny! too funny! Hee! Hee!

"Oh, you're perfectly right, Madame! perfectly right!"

With Madame Nicois they'd seen what was what! oh, not a doubt! . . . she had cancer all right! . . . the galloping kind in fact . . . she hadn't long to live, poor woman!

"You think so too, don't you, Doctor?"

"Oh yes, certainly, Madame . . ."

She's hee-hee-heeing again . . . all of a sudden I strike her as just too funny . . . same as the other doctors . . . me too!

"I'm going to call you Dr. Stringbean! . . . it seems you haven't any patients left! hee! hee! hee! not a single patient! . . . Madame Nicois has told me! . . . not a one . . . hee! . . . hee! . . . all about it! . . ."

At the same time she smacks her thighs! . . . real clouts! crack! smack! crack! smack! and me too . . and Madame Nicois! and me too . . and Madame Nicois! crack! smack! crack! smack! with all her might! really the life of the party! with all her might! really the life of the party!

I risk a question: "How old are you, Madame?"

"Same as her . . . seventy-two next month! but look at her, Doctor! the state she's in! . . . you've noticed, haven't you, Dr. Stringbean! hee! hee! hee! . . . and look at me! . . . feel my muscle! I've never felt so peppy! they thought I was the same as her! they wanted to take off both b.r.e.a.s.t.s! . . . see here, Dr. Stringbean! those people have cancer on the brain! all they can see is cancer! maniacs! luckily I stuck up for myself! I was right, wasn't I? Wasn't I right, Dr. Stringbean?"

Ah, how funny they were in that hospital! she gives me some more smacks! biff! bang! biff! bang! . . . and a few to Madame Nicois. . . poor old thing with her cancer! she should have a little fun too! . . . and a few to Madame Nicois. . . poor old thing with her cancer! she should have a little fun too! bang! bang!

"Call me Madame Armandine! You will, Doctor?"

"Where do you live, Madame Armandine?"

"With her naturally! At her house! . . . We live together! . . . she's got a big place! You've been there . . ."

There's a nice little arrangement that promises plenty of good times . . . they're really close friends . . .

"The surgeon insisted: Take somebody with you . . . don't stay alone . . .'I live in Le Vesinet, you see . . . Le Vesinet is far . . . From Sevres . . . with the buses . . . I can go to Paris whenever I feel like it! she doesn't need me the whole time . . ."

She's got her convulsions back . . . her hee-hee-hee's and wiggles! . . . and another clout for Madame Nicois!

I can see she's a little nervous . . . in fact she's definitely cracked . . . but she's got a land of youthful vigor for seventy-two! cancer and all . . . and even a certain coquetry . . . that plaid skirt, for instance . . . pleated! and the blue on her eyebrows and eyelashes! . . . and her raincoat, more blue! . . . and the color of her eyes . . . china-blue . . . and makeup on her cheeks . . . pastel pink! . . . you get the picture? . . . and smiling like a doll . . . pert and comely . . . she only stops smiling long enough for her little spells of hee-hee! . . . sadness isn't in her line! Madame Nicois has got herself some companion, she won't be bored! though it doesn't seem to make her talk! she doesn't say a word! . . . I ask her how she's feeling . . . better? . . . no answer . . . of course there's the fatigue, the path, the hill . . . I look at her more closely . . . her face . . . one side looks very set . . . the right half . . . one corner of her mouth is down and won't come up . . . like Th.o.r.ez! . . . oh, but Armandine answers for her . . . she knows all about it . . . she was in the next bed . . . they hadn't just treated Madame Nicois for her cancer . . . hee hee! hee! . . . she was there! she knows . . . hee! hee! hee! she had a stroke besides! . . . no kidding! . . . her whole side paralyzed! . . . Yes! hee! hee! . . . that's why she doesn't talk . . . a stroke! . . . Armandine talksenough for two! . . . I don't think Madame Nicois is listening to her . . .

"You see, she makes in her pants! . . . hee! hee! hee!"

She rea.s.sures me . . . sh'ell keep her clean!

"After all, we're living together! . . . cleanliness first! . . . I'm used to old people! . . . You can set your mind at rest, Doctor! . . ."

"Fine! . . . fine! . . . glad to hear it! but what about her dressings?"

"You'll come and do them every day! . . . the surgeon insisted! and the applications! He said you'd know what to do!"

She saw I was a little hesitant . . .

"We made it up here . . . you can certainly come down to see us, can't you, Doctor?"

"Certainly, Madame Armandine!"

"You won't have to do anything for me! . . . not a thing! they couldn't get over it in Versailles the way I mended! quicker than the young chickens! only a week! in one week, I was all healed up! they couldn't get over it! hee! hee! look, you can see for yourself! . . . and Madame can look too! your wife! . . . they say she's a dancer! look!"

She gets up off the bench, she goes out into the middle of the lawn . . . she lifts up her skirts . . . hoopla! . . . and her petticoats! . . . and she bends back! she does a complete backbend! as supple as can be! . . . and up goes one leg, straight as a die! . . . like the Eiffel Tower! . . . actually you can see the Eiffel Tower from our lawn . . . oh, way in the distance . . . and almost always in the mist . . .

"Bravo! . . . bravo!"

We applaud . . . she stayed like that for a while . . . with her leg in the air . . . and then she stands up . . . as supple as can be! . . . and fixes herself . . . her eyelashes, her eyes, beauty! . . . a pencil stroke on her eyelashes . . . she has everything she needs in her schoolbag . . . a mirror, her powder, her rouge . . . and probably a lot of other little things . . . a very big schoolbag! . . . Claudine at School! . . . I wonder what Madame Annandine did in the world . . . I won't ask her . . .she'll certainly tell me . . .

"I'll be down to see you tomorrow, Madame Armandine . . . tomorrow afternoon . . . after my consultation . . ."

"No, no! this evening! she needs it! . . . this evening, Doctor . . . hee! hee! hee! . . . Stringbean!"

She seems a little demanding to me . . .

"All right! all right! . . . I'll be there . . ."

She wasn't the kind of woman you could contradict . . .

GLOSSARY.

ABBREVIATIONS.

C.S.A.R Comite Secret de l'Action Revolutionnaire F.F.I. Forces Francaises de l'Interieur F.T.P. Francs Tireurs Partisans L.V.F. Legion des Volontaires Francais centrele Bolchevisme M.S.R. Mouvement Social Revolutionnaire P.P.F. Parti Populaire Francais R.N.P. Ra.s.semblement National Populaire

2. VRENCHMEN. VRENCHMEN. ( (Vrounzais in original). This coinage expresses Celine's contempt for real or alleged "furriners" who claim to be French although they allegedly can't speak the language properly. in original). This coinage expresses Celine's contempt for real or alleged "furriners" who claim to be French although they allegedly can't speak the language properly.

2. PACHON. PACHON. One of the standard French apparatuses for measuring blood pressure. Named after its inventor, Michel-Victor Pachon. One of the standard French apparatuses for measuring blood pressure. Named after its inventor, Michel-Victor Pachon.

4. GReVIN. GReVIN. Waxworks museum on the Boulevard Montmarte in Paris, founded by Alfred Grevin (1827-1892). Waxworks museum on the Boulevard Montmarte in Paris, founded by Alfred Grevin (1827-1892).

5. ARTICLE 75. ARTICLE 75. Article 75 of the French penal code, Book III, t.i.tle I, Chapter I, Section I, states that the crime of treason is punishable by death and lists the actions coming under this head: bearing arms against France, "intelligence in time of war with a foreign power or its agents, with a view to favoring the undertakings of that power against France," etc. Article 75 of the French penal code, Book III, t.i.tle I, Chapter I, Section I, states that the crime of treason is punishable by death and lists the actions coming under this head: bearing arms against France, "intelligence in time of war with a foreign power or its agents, with a view to favoring the undertakings of that power against France," etc.

6. DREYFUS'S ROCK-PILE. DREYFUS'S ROCK-PILE. Le bagne Renault Le bagne Renault, the Renault penal colony. The Renault factories, of which Pierre Dreyfus (born in 1907) has been the director since 1955. Beforethe second world war, "le bagne Renault" "le bagne Renault" was the standard term used for these factories in Communist propaganda. was the standard term used for these factories in Communist propaganda.

6. GASTON'S ROCK-PILE. GASTON'S ROCK-PILE. By extension, the Gallimard publishing house, directed by Gaston Gallimard. Founded in 1911 as the editions de la Nouvelle Revue Francaise, it is one of the leading French publishing houses and has published much of the best modern French literature, including the later works of Celine. Gaston Gallimard may well figure in the present work under a pseudonym. By extension, the Gallimard publishing house, directed by Gaston Gallimard. Founded in 1911 as the editions de la Nouvelle Revue Francaise, it is one of the leading French publishing houses and has published much of the best modern French literature, including the later works of Celine. Gaston Gallimard may well figure in the present work under a pseudonym.

8.PeTIOT. Dr. Petiot (1893-1946). Between 1942 and 1944 he murdered 27 persons, for the most part Jews, whom he lured to his premises by promising to smuggle them out of the occupied zone of France. He was tried, convicted and executed in 1946. Dr. Petiot (1893-1946). Between 1942 and 1944 he murdered 27 persons, for the most part Jews, whom he lured to his premises by promising to smuggle them out of the occupied zone of France. He was tried, convicted and executed in 1946.

8. ABBePIERRE. ABBePIERRE. Pseudonym of Henri Groues, born in 1912. Entered the Church and took the name of Abbe Pierre in 1942. Founded the a.s.sociation d'Emmaus (1951), devoted largely to building emergency housing for the homeless. Pseudonym of Henri Groues, born in 1912. Entered the Church and took the name of Abbe Pierre in 1942. Founded the a.s.sociation d'Emmaus (1951), devoted largely to building emergency housing for the homeless.

8. JUANOVICI. JUANOVICI. Joseph Joinovici or Joanovici, known as Monsieur Joseph. Rumanian Jew, came to France from Bessarabia in 1925. Founded his own sc.r.a.p-metal firm. In 1939 Joinovici Freres was a thriving concern. After the French defeat, transferred nominal ownership of his business but remained effectively in charge and supplied metal to WIFO, a Berlin firm. Obtained forged records proving his Aryan origin. Operated on black market, purchasing metal for the Germans. Later confessed to having made 25 million francs under the Occupation. Member of the Bonny-Laffont police group, working for the Germans. At the same time worked for the Resistance, helped Jews, hid American parachutists, and worked for Honneur et Police, the Resistance group in the French police. Joseph Joinovici or Joanovici, known as Monsieur Joseph. Rumanian Jew, came to France from Bessarabia in 1925. Founded his own sc.r.a.p-metal firm. In 1939 Joinovici Freres was a thriving concern. After the French defeat, transferred nominal ownership of his business but remained effectively in charge and supplied metal to WIFO, a Berlin firm. Obtained forged records proving his Aryan origin. Operated on black market, purchasing metal for the Germans. Later confessed to having made 25 million francs under the Occupation. Member of the Bonny-Laffont police group, working for the Germans. At the same time worked for the Resistance, helped Jews, hid American parachutists, and worked for Honneur et Police, the Resistance group in the French police.

Well-known Resistants later testified in his favor. Responsible for the arrest of Bonny and Laffont after the Liberation. He, too, was arrested but soon released. The authorities decided again to arrest him. Fled to the American zone of Germany but gave himself up in 1947. Tried in 1949, condemned to five years in prison, a fine of600,000 F. and confiscation of his holdings to the amount of 50 million francs. Freed in 1951, placed under house arrest at Mende, whence he escaped to Israel.

After the French government opened proceedings against him for tax fraud in 1957, Israel refused him the status of immigrant and he was expelled in December, 1958. Imprisoned in Ma.r.s.eille. Tried, acquitted of tax fraud but held on two other charges. In 1961, condemned to two prison terms of one year each for issuing bad checks. Released in 1962, he died in Clichy in 1965 at the age of 63.

8. LATZAREF. LATZAREF. Pierre Lazareff, French journalist born in 1907. Directed Pierre Lazareff, French journalist born in 1907. Directed Paris-Soir Paris-Soir from 1937 to 1940. During the war directed the French section of the War Information Office, first in New York, then in London. Now director of from 1937 to 1940. During the war directed the French section of the War Information Office, first in New York, then in London. Now director of France Soir France Soir and other publications. and other publications.

9. BOILEAU, RACINE. BOILEAU, RACINE. One wonders what Boileau and Racine are doing here. The idea is that they were in some measure historians of Louis XIV, their feed bag. One wonders what Boileau and Racine are doing here. The idea is that they were in some measure historians of Louis XIV, their feed bag.

10. GNoME ET RHoNE. GNoME ET RHoNE. This is an allusion to Paul Claudel (1868-1955), amba.s.sador, poet and dramatist. He was a member of the board of the firm ofGnome et Rhone, specialists in the manufacture of armaments. This is an allusion to Paul Claudel (1868-1955), amba.s.sador, poet and dramatist. He was a member of the board of the firm ofGnome et Rhone, specialists in the manufacture of armaments.

10. Denoel. Denoel. Publisher in 1932 of Celine's first important work, Publisher in 1932 of Celine's first important work, Journey to the End of the Night Journey to the End of the Night. a.s.sa.s.sinated in 1945. His body was found during the night of December 3, 1945, at the corner of the Boulevard des Invalides and the rue de Grenelle. He was killed while trying to repair his stalled car.

11. PURGES. PURGES. The measures taken to cleanse the French administration of persons accused of collaborating with the German Occupation. Many professional groups also purged themselves, not always very equitably. The measures taken to cleanse the French administration of persons accused of collaborating with the German Occupation. Many professional groups also purged themselves, not always very equitably.

12. VAILLANT. VAILLANT. Roger Vailland (1907-1965), French writer, author of Roger Vailland (1907-1965), French writer, author of Drole de Jeu Drole de Jeu (1945), (1945), la Loi la Loi (1957), etc. Member of the Communist party, active in the Resistance. (1957), etc. Member of the Communist party, active in the Resistance.

14. "CROSSES." "CROSSES." Possibly an allusion to traffic in Swiss gold coins. Possibly an allusion to traffic in Swiss gold coins.