Casteel - Gates Of Paradise Part 37

"Tony is a problem, Drake. Tony was a big problem. He never wanted me to recuperate."

"What? Now listen--"

"No, you listen, please. Tony wanted me to be there forever. He wanted to imprison me in his dreams, in his twisted fantasies. He was deliberately not letting me do the things I should have been doing so I could get well. He was prolonging my invalid state deliberately so he could keep me in that bed, dependent upon him forever. Why, after I showed him I could get up and out of bed myself, he removed my wheelchair and walker from the room so I couldn't leave!"

"I'm sure he just didn't want you doing too much and hurting your chances for a full recuperation." He sat back smiling. "Sick people are often impatient with their recoveries and--"

"No, Drake, he wasn't thinking about my welfare. He was thinking only of himself."

"Now, Annie," he said, leaning forward, "I know--"

"He's not well!" I raised my voice and widened my eyes, and the abruptness and force with which I came back at him stopped him cold for a moment. "Drake, he . . . he came to me at night thinking I was my grandmother Leigh when Leigh was a young girl."

"What?" An incredulous smile took form in his face.

"Yes, he wanted to . . to make love to me, thinking I was Leigh."

"Oh, Annie, surely your medicine must have created that ridiculous hallucination. Why Tony's . . . just a lonely old man. And that was why I came directly here," he said, taking on a reasonable tone. "You broke his heart when you let f.a.n.n.y and Luke sweep you away from Farthy. He was practically crying to me over the phone. He doesn't understand why you left without saying good-bye to him. 'I did all I could for her,' he told me, 'and I would do more, do whatever she wants. I was rebuilding Farthy.' "

"Oh, Drake, why are you so blind to what's happening?"

"I'm not blind. I see a kindly old man eager to help us, giving me an important position . . . promising me the management of the w.i.l.l.i.e.s Toy factory here, as well as many other projects . . . someone who did all he could for you medically, willing to spend any amount to help you to get better. That's what I see.

"But I also see my s.l.u.t half sister filling you with lies just to get you back here so she can live in this house and enjoy all of what Logan and Heaven had, and my perverted nephew eagerly pretending to be so self-sacrificing just so he can . . . can dominate your time.

He didn't waste any time getting you to the gazebo. Your magic place," he added with a sneer.

"He's not perverted, Drake. And I wanted to go there, to the gazebo. I believe in it."

"Annie, you're so vulnerable now . weak, your emotions naked . . anyone can take advantage of you . f.a.n.n.y filling you with ridiculous lies, Luke hovering over you, touching you . . that's why I want you to return to Farthy where you'll be safe and--"

"Safe? Didn't you hear anything I said?"

Drake stared at me a moment, his dark eyes glowing.

"Luke's turned you against me . . he's filling you with all this gobbledygook about fantasy games. That's why you won't listen to the and--"

"Stop blaming him. You're wrong about him. Luke has been wonderful, caring. He's even dropped out of summer school just to help me."

"You would defend him; you always did. No matter what I said or told you, you found a way to justify him," he accused, like someone who had felt slighted all his life.

"Drake." I reached out for him.

"No!" He backed away from my bed, shaking his head. "Heaven would be on my side. She would. She didn't like to see you with him so much."

"That's not true, Drake," I objected, though I knew it was.

"It is true," he insisted. "She was worried; she knew. Well, I won't remain here and watch this or put up with it. When you come to your senses, call me and I'll drop everything or anything I'm doing, no matter how important, and come down here to fetch you and take you back where you belong. Farthy is yours; it's ours; it will all be ours!"

"But I don't want it! I want what I have here, Drake. Farthy is not what you think. My mother was right. You were the one who didn't listen, not me. It's a . . . a graveyard full of sad memories. Don't go back there. Stay here. Work in the factory here and forget all that, Drake. Please," I begged.

"No. It's going to be mine. . . all mine. Tony promised. He promised. Remember what I told you. When you come to your senses, call me."

He turned and left my room.

"Drake!"

My scream died in an empty doorway. I buried my face in the pillow and sobbed. Drake looked so vicious, so angry. Gone was the kind of look a loving older brother would have. Gone was the softness in his eyes. Now his eyes were burning with jealousy and hate. All the Tatterton money and power and prestige had changed him. It was as if he had sold his soul to the Devil.

Luke didn't come up to see me after Drake ran off in anger, so I didn't know if there had been any more terrible word between them. Mrs. Avery asked me if I wanted to have lunch in the dining room, but I was too upset to be with people, so f.a.n.n.y brought it to me. I asked her where Luke was.

"He said he had ta take a ride by himself ta think things ova. I didn't git in his way. When a Casteel man gits moody like that, it's best ta ignore him, If ya don't, they jist git mean and nasty."

"I never saw Luke mean and nasty, Aunt f.a.n.n.y."

"Well. ya ain't seen him mad like I have. 'Course, I give him reason ta be mad sometimes. When he's with ya, he's different. Yer daddy's blood thinned out the hot Casteel blood, I guess, but ya neva know what kin happen. He'll go off and calm hisself down first."

"As soon as Luke returns, please tell him to come see me, Aunt f.a.n.n.y."

She nodded and left me. To pa.s.s the time I went back to my last painting of Farthy, making the changes I thought would portray it more realistically. It was important for me to do that now, to put away some of my childhood fantasies. I added a man coming out of the maze. When I was finished and sat back, I saw that I had captured Troy's eyes, nose, and mouth so well, I was even impressed with my work myself. If ever I had been inspired, I was inspired now.

The work restored my strength and calmed me down, so I decided to have dinner in the dining room. Aunt f.a.n.n.y came with Mrs. Avery to take me. I was disappointed to find that Luke had still not returned. Although Roland had prepared roasted Cornish hen with cherry sauce, one of my favorite meals, and had made a sumptuous-looking chocolate cream pie, I had little appet.i.te. I kept looking at the doorway, hoping that Luke would arrive. But he didn't.

I watched a little television with Aunt f.a.n.n.y, still keeping a part of my attention on the front door and listening keenly for the sound of a car driving up to the house, but the hours pa.s.sed without Luke's return. Finally, tired and disappointed, I went to bed.

I fell asleep in short cycles, waking with a start each time and listening to the familiar sounds in the house, longing to hear Luke's footsteps. Sometime after midnight I awoke because I felt Luke's presence, and sure enough, when I opened my eyes and looked up, I found him standing in the pool of moonlight at the side of my bed, staring down at me.

"Luke, where have you been? Why did you stay away so long?" I cried. He stared down at me thoughtfully.

"I went to the cabin in the w.i.l.l.i.e.s, Annie, to do some thinking," he said softly.

"The cabin?" I sat up.

"I used to go there a lot when I was younger," he said quickly. Then he frowned, unable to hide the anger that boiled under the surface. "Is Drake still here?"

"No, he ran out. He's angry with me because I won't go back to Farthy and Tony," I explained.

"I was never so mad at him. I was hoping he would take a swing at me so I could swing back," Luke said, his eyes becoming cold and small with determination. Then he must have realized how hard and hateful he appeared, for his face softened and he relaxed his shoulders. "I suppose it's in my blood, and his blood, too. My mother has often told me about the Casteel temper." He sat down beside me. And then he smiled the smile I knew and loved so: his eyes bright, his lips soft. "I wish I was more like you, Annie. We have the exact same heritage, Stonewall and Casteel, yet you're so different, so tolerant, patient and understanding."

"Oh, Luke . . we don't have the exact same blood. Tony wasn't just babbling nonsense when we left Farthy. Modify wasn't a Casteel after all."

His smile froze for a moment and then evaporated. "How do you know for certain. Tony's so confused . ."

I told him all Aunt f.a.n.n.y had told me. He listened with rapt attention, but nodding slowly as if he had expected to be told something like this someday.

"So you're not my cousin and half brother, too. You're just my half brother," I concluded.

"Annie," Luke said, shaking his head like some tired old man and then sighing, "our lives are so twisted and confused. It seems that you and I have been left to bear all the suffering a never-ending suffering."

"I'll get better Luke. I will," I promised. He looked so defeated, so overwhelmed. He wasn't my old, determined Luke, unafraid of facing the "tallest mountains." If he lost hope and faith, what would I do?

"I don't mean that kind of suffering, Annie." He looked down at his hands in his lap and then looked up. Even in the dim moonlight I could see that his eyes were wet with tears. "I was angry at Drake because he was so nasty to you, but I was even more angry at him because he . . . he said the truth. Annie . . ." Luke took my hand into his. "I can't help myself. I love you, and not like a half brother should love a half sister. I, love you like a man should love a woman."

"Oh, Luke . . ." The walls between us crumbled in dust. My heart rose and fell. I couldn't help it. In my mind when Luke said the words aloud, he challenged the spell. He had done the forbidden and unleashed all the pa.s.sion that had been waiting hopefully for just this moment, waiting for either of us to give in to what we truly felt.

He took on that familiar decisive look, his eyes fixed on me, his jaw tight. "I decided in the cabin that I would come here and say it all. Drake was right. I did look at you with longing, with pa.s.sion all these years. No other girl made me happy. It's why I never really had any girlfriends. I dream about you all the time. It's wrong, I know, but I can't help it. That's why I ran away. It's painful, Annie. It's really very painful."

"Luke, I understand." I pulled myself up so that our faces were inches apart.

"Do you?" he asked, with the look of someone who had always known.

"I've had the same feelings, always had them, and they seem to have grown stronger since you came for me at Farthy," I confessed. For a long moment the air between us seemed more like a window through which we gazed into each other's eyes and against which we pressed our lips.

"I thought so," Luke whispered, his hands moving up my arms to my shoulders. "I came so close to saying these things during the last day or so. I almost did it on the gazebo."

"So did I."

My nightgown slipped over my shoulders and hung precariously against my upper arms. Half my bosom was already exposed, but I didn't feel embarra.s.sed. Luke's fingers, as if they had minds of their own, traced along my collarbone. He sighed.

"Oh, Annie, Nature has played such a dirty trick on us. I hate myself for loving you this way; but I don't know how to stop it, I don't even want to stop it!"

"Luke, don't hate yourself. I can't help it, either, but I don't hate myself."

"Annie . ."

We could no longer keep our lips from touching. We both slipped through the imaginary window, and when his lips touched mine, my nightgown fell below my elbows and bared my b.r.e.a.s.t.s. His fingers traveled down to touch me. I moaned and searched for his lips again, but Luke pulled himself abruptly back.

"No, Annie . . . no, no. We can't do this. Drake was right about me. I don't belong here; I can't stay here. Whatever undercurrent of evil that has run through the Casteels is running through me now, too. If I stay here with you, I won't be able to stop myself and we'll become like some of my hillbilly ancestors . . . incestuous, like animals, ugly."

"Luke, we can't be ugly. This can't be wrong. I don't know why, but I feel it can't be."

"You're too good for someone like me, Annie. You don't deserve to have any evil curses dropped over your head just because I can't control the foul pa.s.sion that runs freely through my Casteel veins. I'm probably no better than my mother used to be. Drake was right about that.

"I must stay away from you for a while, Annie, and let you get better and stronger emotionally as well as physically." He backed away from my bed.

"No, Luke, I need you. Please, don't go." I reached out toward him, but he continued to back away.

"I must. G.o.d bless you, Annie. Get well."

He pivoted quickly and rushed out.

"Luke!" I struggled to get out of the bed. My legs trembled. Even so, I forced them to hold me enough so I could work my way around my bed and grab my walker. Using it, I made my way to the bedroom doorway. I got there just in time to hear the front door open and close.

"Luke!"

"Annie! What's wrong?"

Aunt f.a.n.n.y rushed across the hallway.

"Oh, Aunt f.a.n.n.y, hurry. Luke's run out. Stop him. He blames himself for everything, for what happened between me and Drake. . . for . . . for everything."

She nodded, but I saw she knew more than I thought.

"It was bound ta happen, child. Like Heaven, I could see it comin', but I didn't know how ta stop it." She guided me back to my bed.

"See it coming?" Did everyone know what we thought was kept so deeply secret in our own hearts?

"Saw the way he always looked at ya, saw the way ya were togetha. I saw the light in ya eyes and the light in his'n and I knew what was growin' between ya."

"Oh, Aunt f.a.n.n.y, I didn't do it deliberately. I. . ." I sat on my bed, my hands in my lap, and shook my head.

"I know, honey." She sat beside me and took my hand. "I know ya wouldn't have let anythin' happen if ya could stop it. Love jist gushed outta ya and outta him. Can't blame nurther of ya fer it. Ya were both drawn ta one another at an early age, and like two flowers in the forest, hidden from everyone's shoes and sight, yer love grew free and wild until ya entwined. Yet, it's all wrong, so ya got ta untwine. It's goin' ta be somethin' painful, and fer it ta happen atop'a all the rest, it's goin' ta be doubly hard fer ya, butIll be here ta help ya get through it, Annie."

"But Luke," I cried. He had no one to help and to comfort him.

"Ya got ta let him go his own way, Annie. I told ya. He ain't jist got Luke Casteel's name; he's got his blood. I loved ma pappy, but he was a man with a man's fire burnin' hot and heavy beneath those pretty eyes."

"Aunt f.a.n.n.y, I feel so sick inside, so empty and alone. I just can't stand it," I moaned. She put her arms around me and held me to her for a few moments. Then she kissed my forehead and held me out at arm's length.

"Come on, Annie. I'll help ya back ta bed. Ya gotta think of yer own health now."

I let her help me. After I was under the blanket again, she leaned down and kissed me on the forehead and stroked my hair just like my mother used to.

"Git yerself some sleep, Annie. be here with ya and help ya till ya get yerself on yer feet again."

"Thank you, Aunt f.a.n.n.y."

"Us women gotta stick together now," she said, smiling and straightening her shoulders to indicate we would tough it out together.

She kissed me again and then she left me alone in the darkness with only the echo of Luke's voice beside me. I could still see his eyes close to mine.

"It isn't ugly; it can't be ugly," I chanted, and fell asleep with the memory of his kiss still on my lips.

TWENTY-THREE.

The Secret of the Cottage.

The next week and a half was difficult for me. In some ways it was even harder than the time I had spent at Farthy. Not that anyone was cruel to me; far from it. All of the servants and my aunt f.a.n.n.y couldn't have been more concerned, loving, and considerate. But now, so soon after I had lost my parents, I had lost Luke, the one person in the world who I thought would always be there for me, the one person who made the struggle and the pain worthwhile. He was gone, and I felt as dead and as lost inside as I had when I had lost my parents.

Days were bleak and dark no matter how brightly the sun shone. I was forever cold and tired, wrapping my blankets around me and spending hours and hours simply staring up at the ceiling, not even wanting to put on the lights when twilight came. At times I felt numb, and at times I cried and cried until my chest ached. I cried myself to sleep, only to awaken to the realization that now all the people who had been close to me were gone. I had never felt so alone, not even when I was shut up in Farthy. At least when I was there, I still had my fantasies, my dreams.