Casteel - Gates Of Paradise Part 13

I stared at him. He had his hands out, almost as though he were pleading for me to do what was good for myself. I felt ashamed and shifted my eyes toward the windows.

"I'm sorry. I just . . . I'm in a strange place and--" "Oh please, don't think of this as a strange place. This is your ancestral home, too."

"My ancestral home?"

"Your great-grandmother lived here, your grandmother lived here, and your mother lived here. Very soon you'll feel right at home. I promise."

"I'm sorry," I said again, and dropped my head back to the pillow. "I'll take my nap now. You can turn out the lights."

He came to the side of my bed and fixed the blanket. "Sleep well."

After he left I looked toward the doorway and saw Mrs. Broadfield silhouetted in the light from the hallway. She looked like a sentinel standing guard. I imagined she was waiting to be sure I was going to do what I had been told.

I was tired and defeated and lost, so I closed my eyes and thought about my mother and the first time she had closed her eyes and put her head down on her pillow on this bed. Did she wonder about her own mother in this room and her life at Farthy? Were there just as many mysteries about her mother's past as I felt there were about mine? It was as if I had inherited*my grandmother's and Mommy's fears.

Surely, my grandmother Leigh must have felt strange and alone when she had first been brought to Farthy by her mother, my great-grandmother Jillian. Everything might have been newer and fresher in Farthy, the colors brighter, the rugs and curtains clean and new, the halls shiny and the windows clear. There were many servants about, gardeners, housekeepers, but still, from what I understood, Leigh had been uprooted, taken from her father to live a new life here at Farthinggale with a step-father, Tony Tatterton. She had gone to sleep listening to the same sea breeze push at the windows and thread through the shutters.

And then years and years later, her daughter, my mother, found herself here, going to sleep to the same sounds, perhaps feeling just as alone. In time the great house became home to both of them, as it might now to me. In a real sense Tony was right. I shouldn't feel like a stranger in Farthy. Too much of my past lived here. But all the unanswered questions, the lingering mysteries, the dark shadows that surrounded me and my presence here, made it so confusing.

Perhaps with every pa.s.sing day another shadow and another mystery would disappear, until Farthy was brilliant with light again the way it might have once been for my grandmother Leigh and for Mommy.

Funny, I thought, but it's as if I'm in the middle of the maze outside, trying to find my way back.

But back to where?

Back to what?

I fell asleep counting questions instead of sheep.

ELEVEN.

Drake.

I awoke to the sound of laughter in the hallway and recognized Drake's voice. He would never know how much I welcomed that sound, something familiar, something from home. The laughter stopped and then I heard footsteps. A moment later he appeared carrying my lunch on a solid silver tray. He snapped on the lights and came into the room.

"Oh, Drake!"

"Annie, I've come all the way from Boston to serve you your lunch."

He laughed and brought the tray to the bed table. Then he kissed me and held me firmly for a few seconds. A film of tears formed over my eyes, but they were tears of happiness, and tears of happiness did not burn; they simply clouded my vision and made me sniffle.

"Oh, Drake, I'm so happy to see you."

"You're okay, aren't you?" he asked, backing away and looking at me with concern. Handsome, tall, dark Drake, I thought, with his bronze skin and ebony eyes. How mature he looked, how grown-up, as if I had been asleep for years and years as a little girl, like Rip Van Winkle, and awakened to find everyone had pa.s.sed me in the night. Would Luke look as grown-up and beyond me, too?

Drake wore a double-breasted, light blue silk suit, a suit identical to the suits Tony wore. His hair was cut shorter and brushed back and down on the top like Tony's hair. If I had come upon him on a city street, I thought, I might not have recognized him.

"I'm okay. Drake, you look like a. . a banker." He laughed.

"Just a businessman. You've got to look the part, Annie. People respect that. It's something I've quickly learned. So, tell me all about your arrival here, as you eat, of course." He pushed the table over the bed and helped adjust my pillows so I could sit up.

I glanced at the doorway and he caught my look. "Oh, I gave your nurse time off, told her I would give you lunch."

"Where's Tony?"

"He's in his office, trying to straighten out the mountains of papers strewn about. Says he's got to get it looking decent enough for you to visit someday, so you can watch him work. He says that was something your grandmother used to do."

"Drake," I whispered, pausing between spoonfuls of hot soup, "it's exactly as you described in your letter and phone call . . all of it looks like it hasn't been touched for years and years."

"It hasn't been."

"But Drake, Tony doesn't seem to see it that way. Haven't you noticed?"

He swung his eyes away and thought for a moment. "He can't get himself to see it as it really is right now. I suppose it's too painful for him. He remembers it the way it was . . a magnificent estate."

"But--"

"Give him time, Annie. He's like a man who has been in a coma for years and is just coming out of it."

"He's nice, very considerate and all . . but sometimes he scares me." There, I'd said it out loud.

"Oh, why, Annie? He's a harmless, elderly man who lost everything that had any real meaning in his life: family. If anything, you should pity him."

"I do. It's just . . ."

"What? You'll get whatever you want. The doctors will be coming to you, instead of you going to them. Tony's asked the doctors to order any machine, any therapeutic device, that would speed up your recuperation, no matter what the cost. You'll be attended by a professional nurse and waited on hand and foot by an army of servants. Tony has already hired an additional maid and two more groundskeepers. He's doing so much for you."

"I know." I gazed at the photographs in the silver frames. "I guess it's just that I miss Mommy and Daddy so much."

"Oh, of course." He sat down beside me and took my hand into his. "Poor Annie. I miss them, too. Sometimes, when I get a break for an hour or so, I think maybe I should call Heaven, and then I remember all that's happened."

"I keep hoping this is all just a dream, Drake; and I'll wake up and you'll be coming home from college to see me."

He nodded. Then he leaned over and kissed me warmly on the cheek, but so close to my lips that the corners of our mouths touched. He seemed embarra.s.sed. I noticed that he was wearing a different cologne, a scent I had recognized as Tony's cologne.

"Hey," he said quickly, "if you don't eat, they'll blame me and never let me bring you a meal again."

I spooned some more soup and took a bite of the sandwich.

"Have you seen or spoken to Luke? You heard about his wonderful graduation speech, didn't you?"

"Yes. Mark Downing told me. He was in Boston and caste by to see me. He said everyone was shocked when Luke referred to Logan as his father, even though they all knew it to be true."

"I'm so proud of him. Aren't you?" He nodded. "But Drake, haven't you spoken with him since? You called him to congratulate him, didn't you?"

"Frankly, Annie, I wasn't in the mood to congratulate anyone for anything. I've been keeping myself as busy as I can just so I don't think about things."

I nodded softly, understanding what he meant.

"So you haven't spoken to him at all?"

"I spoke with him briefly yesterday, after he arrived at Harvard."

"He arrived at Harvard! Oh, then he's nearby and he'll come to visit or he'll call Tony. Maybe he's called already."

Drake's eyes darkened and the lines in his mouth tightened.

"You have to give him time to get settled in. It's quite a thing to arrive at college. There's mountains of this to do, forms to fill out, arrangements to make. He was so excited about it all, and he's making so many new friends at his dorm. Dorms are coed now, you know. Some of his new friends will be girls. You should expect that he will find a real girlfriend someday."

My heart sank. A real girlfriend? Someone who would replace me as the person to whom he trusted his most intimate and secret thoughts, someone with whom he would share dreams--and that someone wouldn't be me. In my secret heart I knew this would happen someday, but I wouldn't listen to the voices whispering the warnings, and now Drake was telling me in his usual nonchalant manner that Luke would fall in love with someone else and go on to live happily ever after somewhere else. What's more, perhaps my condition would speed it all since I wouldn't be there for him. I'd be stuck here, crippled and alone.

I shifted my eyes quickly so Drake couldn't read my thoughts.

"Oh, of course, but I'm sure as soon as he gets free . . ."

"You know," Drake said. He was so eager to change the subject, it made me nervous. "Now that you're not going to be able to travel through Europe, you should think about your education, too. I think we should arrange for you to have a tutor so that you could pick up a college credit or two while you're recuperating. As long as the doctors approve, of course." He looked about the room. "You might just be terribly bored otherwise."

"That's a good idea."

"I'll speak to Tony about it."

"Why don't you just take care of it for me, Drake. Talk to people at Harvard. Have me tutored in one of the courses Luke's going to take. That way, when he comes by, we can go over the work together." It would make it less boring for Luke to come here, too, I thought.

"I'll see what I can do. You must not underestimate the power and influence of a man like Tony. True, he's kept himself out of things for quite a while, permitting managers to run his toy empire, but everywhere I go in Boston," he added, smiling and straightening his back and shoulders with pride, "they have heard of the Tattertons. Just the mention of the name opens doors and sets people scurrying about, treating me as if I were a millionaire myself.

"And there is so much a man like Tony can teach me," he continued, going on like a runaway car downhill. "His wisdom comes from experience and not just books. He knows whom to see, how to handle people, what to say, especially when it comes to negotiations." He laughed. "I bet he's a great poker player."

"That's wonderful, Drake. I'm glad you're happy with him. Tell me, though," I said, putting the remainder of my sandwich aside, "does he ever talk about my mother and about the things that happened between them?"

"Oh no. And I don't ask. If Heaven's name comes up, his face brightens and he mentions only happy, wonderful things. Maybe it's best we just let sleeping dogs lie. Why bring about any more unpleasantness? Think of it this way, Annie," he added quickly, "what good will it do anyone now?"

"I'm not insisting on anything like that right now, Drake; but I can't stay here without knowing these things. Sometimes," I said, shifting my eyes to the bed, "I feel as if I've betrayed Mommy by letting Tony do all that he has done for me."

"Oh, Annie, that's nonsense. If anything, Heaven would have wanted you to have the best possible recovery. She would never resent anything that was good for you. She loved you too much."

"I hope you're right, Drake."

"I know I'm right. Do you think if it had been the other way around, if Tony would have needed Heaven's help, that she would have turned him out?"

"I don't know. She turned him out of her heart for so long. I've got to know why. Don't you see, Mommy--"

"Well now," Tony's voice boomed, "how's the patient doing?"

He came in so quickly, I wondered if he hadn't been standing just outside the room listening to our conversation. Drake didn't seem to be concerned. He stood up immediately and beamed. It was clear how much he truly respected and admired Tony.

"She's doing fine, Tony," he replied quickly. "There couldn't be a better place for her to recuperate."

"That's wonderful. Did you have a good nap, Annie?"

"Yes. Thank you, Tony."

"Please, don't thank me. It is I who should be thanking you. You don't know what your presence at Farthy, even for only a short time, has already done. There's a new brightness about the place. Everything feels fresh and exciting again. Even my old servants-- Curtis, the butler; Ryse Williams, the cook--are moving around as if they were years and years younger, just because they know you're here."

"I'd like to meet Rye Whiskey." I remembered he was one of the few people at Farthy Mommy liked to talk about.

"I'll send him up as soon as I can."

"And I'd like to explore the house. Maybe Drake will wheel me about."

"Oh, I'd like to, Annie, but I have to get back to Boston before the stock market closes today."

"Today's a little soon for explorations anyway," Tony said. "Give yourself a day or two to get strong and then I'll take you around myself and tell you all the history and romance a.s.sociated with each and every nook and cranny."

"But I'm tired of just sitting in bed," I moaned. "Mrs. Broadfield has things planned out for you, Annie. You have physical therapy to do and a hot bath and--"

I pouted.

"If Tony promised he'll take you around, he'll take you," Drake muttered. I kept my head lowered but raised my eyes at him. I saw the smile ripple through his lips just the way it used to when I caught him watching me across a room back in Winnerow. That familiar look warmed my heart.

"I'm behaving badly, I know. Everyone's trying to help me and I'm just being a brat."

"But a beautiful brat," Tony said. "So you're forgiven."

"See what a charming man he is," Drake said.

"I see. Oh, Tony, did Luke call yet? Drake tells me he's been at Harvard since yesterday."

"Not yet. The moment he does, I'll have the message delivered to you."

"Just tell him to come whenever he can."

"Fine." Tony clapped his hands to end that topic of conversation. "Well, we'd better let Mrs. Broadfield get started. Don't want to stand in the way of your progress."

"Excuse me, sir," Millie Thomas said. She stood timidly in the doorway. "But I came to see if Miss Annie was finished with her tray."

"I'm finished." She came in quickly to take it. "Thank you, Millie." She smiled. "Whenever you're free, come up to see me."

"Oh." Her frown came fast but slight, as if such an easygoing and friendly mistress unsettled her, but our servants at Hasbrouck House were always treated like part of the family. Millie looked up at Tony quickly. "Yes, Miss Annie."

"And please, Millie, just call me Annie."