Cashed In Part 26

I nodded toward my companion. "This is the guy you should talk to. Jack Smack is a freelance investigative reporter-he's the one who broke the case."

Jack started to shake his head and I whispered in his ear. "This could be your big break. Be focused. Report!"

Stepping away, I nodded in encouragement as the producer shoved the mic into Jack's face. He started talking, only stuttering a time or two before he got a rhythm, and I could tell he was in journalist mode. He'd spoken for about a minute when he was signaled to stop.

"I just got word, the producers are taking the feed live on Good Morning America," the producer shouted as the camera man gave him a three-two-one countdown and cued him to speak. I couldn't have been more proud of my own child. Jack was awesome, rocking with his report-stuttering only twice and sweating in rivulets down his back where the cameras couldn't see. Frank, ultras.e.xy in his Levi's, Luccheses and Ray-Bans, drew up next to me, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear as Jack wrapped it up.

The monitors showed the scene back in the studio in New York City, the anchors all giving a thumbs-up, one saying, "Good work, Jack. It sounds like Jack Smack is on his way to being a household name. Watch out-looks like GMA has their own man in the trenches at the felt tables!"

"A star is born." Diane Sawyer chimed in.

Ben had sidled up beside me, watching the TV monitor. "Are they talking about me again?" He said, meaning it, of course.

I raised my eyebrows. "Not this time. Sorry, I think the mad scientists have eclipsed your tournament win."

"You'll do anything to make sure I don't get all the attention," Ben whined, giving me a noogie. "But you won't be able to steal it away when I go to the WSOP."

"You're not going to fork out ten grand to be on the World Series of Poker," I chided.

"I don't have to. I just won a seat."

"What?"

"When you abandoned your seat, I won the Sea Gambler tournament by default," Ben grinned. "And the first prize money and a seat at the WSOP."

Frank wore his great stone-cop face. I knew what he wanted me to say-that my brief and checkered career as a pro poker player was over.

"I guess I can't let you go alone," I heard myself tell Ben. "Besides, it's time for WSOP's first woman winner."

Ben grabbed my hand and twirled me around. "World Series of Poker, here we come!"

Frank shook his head as he walked away.

Bee's Buzz.

The Softer Secrets of Texas Hold 'Em . . .

What I've found to be the top ten tells.

1. SIZE MATTERS.

By far, the number one most important tell is the bet, not the batting of eyes or the tapping of fingers while dishing it. What? The bet's size? you may be saying. This from a self-proclaimed intuitive player? This from a woman who hates calculating probabilities? Yes! Yet, it still takes intuition to interpret the bet. Let me explain: You have to frame your interpretation of each bet according to the player who makes it. The Mouse sitting next to you who only calls the big blind if she has pocket rockets is scary if she raises on The Turn. On the other hand, the same move by the Maniac to her right is less scary, because he probably has nothing better than a two and eight off-suit, also known as a royal flop. Got it? Don't try to pinhole players at first, just watch and feel. You'll know when their bet means something.

2. GAUGING THE CARAT OF THE DIAMOND.

You know the type . . . the people who keep studying their cards like they've changed since they last touched the felt. Wishful thinking. Nope, those cards are the same sad off-suit couple they were dealt to begin with. Too bad for them. Too good for you.

3. BODYGUARDING THE POCKET.

Watch out for this one. Someone who is keeping a finger on their cards, has a hand inched out a little farther on the table than usual, or maybe even has leaned over the felt a bit more than they had been usually has a hand that is d.a.m.ned good. I even had one gal who scooted her chair up just a fraction closer to the table. Red flag. I folded. She had a royal flush.

4. ANTS IN HIS PANTS.

The player who is bouncing out of their chair, unable to wait for you to fractionalize your probabilities and shove your chips forward, is usually reason enough for you to raise your bet. This guy has a weak hand and is just trying to freak you out. Let him dance for entertainment's sake and get ready to rake in the chips.

5. MAKING WHOOPEE.

No, not that kind of whoopee. The ha-ha kind. This is the guy who can't hide the smile when he hits another set of trips on The Flop. This is the gal who is giggling at every stupid thing the dork next to her says because she is already holding a full house on Fourth Street. This is the luckiest person at the table, and he or she, more likely, is loving it. She can't help it. Who doesn't love finally having it her way? Get out of her way until her smile fades a bit.

6. THE ICE MAN.

Now, I know they are s.e.xy, those mirror-shaded men who look like they're thinking of all the ways they would like to rip your clothes off. They are really thinking of how much money their three and nine off-suit will lose them if you don't buy their bluff.

7. BETTY BLASe.

Don't confuse her with the ice-in-the-veins player described above. This one isn't cool, she's bored. Or rather, acting that way. This one looks like she could yawn at any moment, that she would rather be changing the oil in her car than playing cards. This one is dangerous. This one has a throne room in front of her with the rest of the court on The Flop.

8. SPLASHING THE POT.

I know some grandstanders and fish who tend to do this all the time. They don't last long at the table and soon learn their lesson. For the most part, when done irregularly, this is an actor's move. Cavalierly flinging your chips into the pot is a cover for a weak hand. Don't get psyched out unless the bet size tells you otherwise (see #1).

9. I WONDER IF SHE'S MARRIED?

The guy who is watching the woman across the table three seats off the bet like he'd like to ask her on a date is trouble for you, and not because you want him to buy you a drink. He can't see her cleavage from over there so this is an obvious hoax. He is taking his eyes away from the action to hide his thrill over his strong hand. Otherwise he might do a backflip or start chortling hysterically at the bettor going all in when the guy we're talking about already has a full house on The Flop.

10. ADVANTAGE DENTISTS.

You really wouldn't think dentists would have a natural advantage, now would you? They do, though, because dentists automatically want to check everyone's teeth. If you can't see a player's mouth (okay, if not teeth, at least the lips), then feel free to raise on her. It's a phenomenon I can't explain-I really don't know why people press their lips together when they're dealt bad cards. Maybe they're afraid the devil on their shoulder will make them give away the trash in their pocket.

Heck, I'm feeling generous. I'll throw in a bonus . . .

11. WHERE'S THE HOURGLa.s.s WHEN YOU NEED IT?

The player who takes forever to make a bet usually has a decent drawing hand, so keep an eye on this one. If, after The Turn, she starts acting like Betty Blase, you probably need to fold unless you've got something amazing. Of course, temper all of this with what you learned in #1. Hey, I never said Hold 'Em was cut and dried. If it were, winning would be easy!

Really, though, who wants to hear from little old me? I found some tips from the real experts . . .

"Women like to play because poker is heavily based on instincts. Women like to follow their gut."-Jennifer Harman "You have to be very patient to win this tournament (WSOP's Main Event) and get really lucky."-Annie Duke "I have a very aggressive style of playing that disturbs people."-Isabelle "No Mercy" Mercier "It's got to be controlled aggression. There's no point in all in, all in, all in. That's not aggression. That's kamikaze."

-Lucy "Golden Ovaries" Rokach.

"I would suggest to most women who play regularly with men to think about how they perceive you and play deceptively." -Kathy Liebert "A pretty young thing can take advantage of getting men to check when ordinarily they would bet. It's OK to play helpless if it saves your money."-Cat Hulbert "When you show a negative att.i.tude, you set yourself up for more defeat. Players who possess a positive att.i.tude play better."-Debbie Burkhead "Money management can be the difference between a winning day and a losing day, or a winning week and a losing week."-Susie Isaacs ". . . men never think women are bluffing, so this makes it easier for us to get away with a bluff once in a while."

-Evelyn Ng.

"I still think there's a lot of men that don't really want women to be at the poker tables. If you open any poker magazine or all the websites, everything is advertised by scantily clad women. So a woman in this business is like, 'Do I join the scantily clad women or do I try to be more like a man?' I think that's sort of the struggle."

-Jennifer "Unabombsh.e.l.l" Tilly.

"Someone once asked me why women don't gamble as much as men do, and I gave the common-sensical reply that we don't have as much money. That was a true but incomplete answer. In fact, women's total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage."-Gloria Steinem "Self-control, skill, and luck are all factors you have to have to win this game. Study, learn, and practice. Play poker. Don't let poker play you. Know why you are playing the game."-Sharla Lehrmann.

The Poker Mysteries by Jackie Chance.

DEATH ON THE FLOP.

CASHED IN.