Carlyon Sahib Part 13

It is not really that. Only I have never felt sure that you were strong enough. You have grown up in such seclusion, such entire ignorance of the world.

VERA.

I have done men's work at the University.

CARLYON.

Students' work! A student is as ignorant as a woman. I doubt still if the rude facts of life will not be too great a shock for you to face.

VERA.

Not with you, father.

CARLYON.

You know, Vera, a man's conscience and a woman's conscience are different things. A man has greater difficulties to face, and must risk doing greater wrongs, just as he is called upon to make greater sacrifices for his duty--things that a woman knows nothing of.

[_Takes_ VERA _to the seat_ L., _and brings a chair near her_.

VERA.

Don't say a woman, say a child! I know this, and I am ready for the bigger life. It is the lesson you have always taught me.

CARLYON.

Have you learned it?

VERA.

I learned it when I learned to honour you. I always thought of you---- may I say what I thought?

CARLYON.

Go on?

VERA.

Just what I always felt about the sea. It is so deep, so great, so far beyond everything else, that though all the waste things of the world are cast upon it, it takes no stain from them, it is always pure and strong. I thought you were like that.

CARLYON.

You think in poetry, child. But I believe you know me. What I have to say is this: You must prevent young Adene from going to Bhojal.

VERA.

But I was glad he was going! And I thought he had convinced you he would succeed.

CARLYON.

That is why he must not go. I have done things there which will never be forgotten in Bhojal, and which must never be known in England.

VERA.

I don't understand. You can't have done anything bad?

CARLYON.

Nothing that causes me remorse. Nothing that I would not do again. But you know how these things are judged.

VERA.

I know the public might misunderstand; but Mr. Adene, he has travelled so much----

CARLYON.

Adene has the conscience of a child.

VERA.

[_As if involuntarily, with pain._] His eyes are just like a child's eyes.

CARLYON.

[_Rises, walks away, and then turns._] I will not have Adene in his study and the public in their arm chairs judging the desperate things I did when I was face to face with death!

VERA.

Yes, I can see that. But tell me what it was.

CARLYON.

You know how I stand. I have already more influence in India than any living man. And here--well, I am not free to speak of it yet; but if I accept what is offered me, my power here will be very great. If this is once known, good-bye to everything, here or there.

VERA.

It can be nothing that would bring you dishonour.

CARLYON.

Dishonour? Public infamy!

VERA.

I _know_ that what you did was not dishonourable.

CARLYON.

I will tell you the worst at once.